Torn Between Two Lovers

Mary McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers 

VERSE 1
There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

PRE-CHORUS
There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
There's this empty place inside of me that he can only fill

REFRAIN
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

I vaguely remember hearing this old classic when I was growing up in the late 80's and early 90's.   I never really gave it much thought back then.   But it seems to mirror almost perfectly the situation I find myself in.

My main love of course is Dom.  He and I as I've mentioned before do not have sex.    But we have a deeper love for each other in other ways.

My main sexual partner these days has been Anthony.  We've seen each other a few times this past year and he's given me sexual healing.   He's a really nice guy who has been very respectful of my relationship with Dom.   The last couple times we've attempted to hook up has been thwarted, once due to his back and another because Dom insisted I go with him to see his Mom.

I've also of course am reconnected with my original lover Midas.   Even though we haven't had sex since 2011 I find myself still longing for him.   We've met a few times midway between our homes for lunch.   We haven't had sex but I'm not opposed if we go there.

So my birthday is on 10/15.   (Happy Birthday to me!)  I'm turning 52 that day.   It's hard to believe how time is flying by.    Anyway I decided to take that day off from work.   Normally I take the whole week off but there's another long weekend trip that I'm going with Dom to.    We're heading to Reston, VA for one of his doll conventions.   He swears it's his last hurrah trip.   I'm not sure I believe that.   But anyway I still wanted to at least take my birthday off since with the exception of my Amazon days, I told myself that I should not be working on that day.

So my plan was to spend most of the day at my favorite casino.   But with my meetings with Anthony being canceled the last couple times, I was thinking I should spend part of my day with him.   He's retired as a school teacher so I believe unless he has another event, he should be free to meet up tomorrow morning.

But Midas reached out to me last Saturday.   At some point in the conversation he wished me a Happy Birthday and he knew it was coming up in a couple days.   Obviously he probably knew my birthday was coming up from an app that keeps track.    But the fact that he said it made me feel good.

He's been struggling trying to get a job and is trying to keep positive but I know it's been hard for him.   He's been living on money he's inherited from his dad and aunt but he's starting to run out so I know that's heavy on his mind.    Yet he still manages to be so sweet.   He paid for our last lunch even though I was planning on doing so.

I've been thinking I should drive up and meet him at his place.   Of course if I do that, it may lead us down the road to having sex.   And once that door is open who knows where things will go.   But I would be a willing participant.   A part of me is nervous about reopening things potentially.

But then I'm thinking I should try and meet with Anthony.   The next couple weekends will be bad because I have a Church meeting Sunday and then the following weekend is my trip to Reston.   Plus we weren't able to meet the last couple times.   

I need to make a decision sometime today on what to do.  Of course it is possible that neither person I choose will be available that day and my thoughts are all for naught.   The casino of course will always be there to take my money...LOL.   What will I do?

Mama, I Love You

 

Spice Girls - Mama

Verse 1

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

Pre-Chorus

Back then I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

Refrain

Mama I love you, Mama, I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You're my friend (You're my friend)

Verse 2

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I've had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

Repeat Pre-Chorus

Repeat Refrain

Tomorrow, October 2nd, would've been my Mama's 79th birthday.   I was listening to the Spice Girls while working and one of the songs I played was Mama.   While listening to the lyrics I couldn't help but think back to my own Mama.  I had the song on repeat but had to stop it because I didn't want to start crying in the office.

I will say Mama had her way of doing things and she was definitely misunderstood at times.    But as I think back through the years I was blessed to have her in my life, everything she did was out of love for her family.   She really was the sweetest woman in life.   She was stubborn when she felt strongly about something.   There were times we did not agree but I never doubted how much she loved me.

There still isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of her and wonder what she would think of all the things I've gone through since she was called home.   I really do believe that she and Papa are watching over my sisters and I.    And I know that they are celebrating Mama's heavenly birthday together.   I do wish Mama a Happy Heavenly Birthday and I do hope I get to see them again whenever my time is up.

Speaking of birthdays, today former U.S. president Jimmy Carter celebrated his 100th birthday.   Reaching that milestone is definitely an accomplishment for Mr. Carter.    Sadly according to his grandson Jason Carter, the former president seems to be limping along and is nearing the end.   He says that he's not able to talk on the phone and is limited in what he can do.   

I do remember when Papa was nearing the end, he stopped calling on the phone as well.   I would have to reach out to Trina in order to speak to him.  

Jason Carter adds though that he is keeping up with the news.   He also is hopeful that he'll get to vote for Kamala Harris as our next president.   Early voting for his location falls on my birthday 10/15.   Here's hoping that Jimmy Carter lives long enough to get his wish.   There have been times when the human will has allowed some to make it to a certain goal and then once it's reached, they pass away.  I can see that for Mr. Carter.   Actually it was more than a year ago when it was announced that Jimmy Carter was going into hospice.   It seemed like back then that it wouldn't be long but he's defied all the odds.   And now he's officially 100 years old.

Happy Birthday Mr. Carter and Happy Heavenly Birthday Mama