My sister Tasha messaged Trina and I yesterday in the early morning hours to let us know that her Grandmother-In-Law, affectionately known to family as Big or Big Ma, passed away peacefully on July 11. She lived on this Earth for 107 years which is a wonderful miracle. As my brother-in-law Abe texted, she was living in overtime to continue to impart her love and wisdom to her family.
When I did see Big Ma periodically over the years, she always had a smile on her face and she remembered that I was Tasha's brother. She would always talk about her life and want to be part of family discussions.
During one of my visits at Big Ma's home one Thanksgiving (Big Ma's house is the next door over from Abe and Tasha's), I spied a photo of Big Ma along with a large group of ladies that were part of an Auxiliary group that I can't remember the name of. Big Ma noted that she was the only remaining living person that was in the photo.
It's wild to think she's lived through World War I (born in the tail end of it), World War II, The Civil Rights Movement, the 1967 Race Riots in Detroit, Iran Hostage Crisis, 9-11, and Covid among other major life events. There were 19 different presidents in her lifetime.
I learned from Tasha yesterday that Big Ma moved into her final home on Tasha's actual birthdate. That was definitely a cool fact. Abe has three brothers and one sister but has been the primary one responsible for caring for Big Ma and his Mom who is her late 80's. I can't even imagine the grief that Abe and his Mom are especially feeling. His Mom had her Big Ma for more than 80 years. I'm sure in all that time there's been ups and downs (like with any family) but it truly is a blessing to have that amount of time. The number of memories they had together I do hope does give them a small bit of comfort in their time of grief.
The grief never completely goes away. Even though it's been almost three years since I lost both my parents, there's not a day that goes by that I do not think of one or both of them. They gave my sisters and I life and were present for us through the good and bad.
I like to think that among all of Big Ma's relatives that she lost over the years that my parents are among those in the big crowd that will be there to celebrate heaven's newest angel.
I do not know when the celebration of Big Ma's life will take place but it just so happened that Dom and I were planning to be in Detroit next weekend (after visiting Mackinaw Island and Frankenmuth). It would be good if I was there to pay my last respects. R.I.P. Big Ma.
When I think of home, I think of a place Where's there's love overflowing I wish I was home, I wish I was back there With the things I've been knowing Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning Suddenly the raindrops that fall, they have a meaning Sprinkling the scene Makes it all clean
Verse 2 (When I think of home) Maybe there's a chance for me to go back Now that I have some direction (Maybe there's a chance I'll get home) It sure would be nice to be back at home Where there's love and affection And just maybe I can convince time to slow up Giving me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up Time be my friend And let me start again
Verse 3
Suddenly my world's gone and changed its fate But I still know where I'm going I have had my mind spun around in space And watched it growing And oh, if you're listening, God, please don't make it hard To know if we should believe the things that we see Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away? (Should we run away?) Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh Living here in this brand new world might be a fantasy But it's taught me to love, oh yeah So it's real, it's so real, it's real to me And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts to find A world full of love like yours, like mine
Outro Like home Like, like home (When I think of home) My friends smiling down on me Giving me their energy, oh (When I think of home) I think of a peaceful world and joy all around me, yeah (When I think of home) And love that we share can never, never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah (When I think of home) I just sit down and think And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah (When I think of home) I can hear my friends telling me "Stephanie, please sing my song" I wanna sing, I wanna shout I wanna tell you what it's all about, yeah (When I think of home) Yeah, yeah, yeah
For better or worse I think of the place in Detroit where I grew up as home. The story of my childhood home began when my Dad immigrated to the United States in 1957. He lived with the man I knew primarily as "Uncle" in that home. Home was a duplex with two three-bedroom units downstairs and two three-bedroom units upstairs. I believe our home was built in the 1870s.
Uncle at the time owned the house and was a landlord renting each of the bedrooms in the house to different patrons. My Dad would end up renting the room that at first would later be my first bedroom as a small child and later Trina's bedroom when Tasha wanted independence from sharing a room.
My Dad would say how he got his first job and would save money so that he could paint his bedroom. He spoke with pride how he got his own Encyclopedia set. Papa said Uncle had an Encyclopedia set but became upset if my Dad held on to a specific volume too long. That was when he decided to get his own set that he stored in his room. All of my Dad's possessions were in that room.
I'm a little hazy on the history but at some point my Dad moved out of our home and was living in another home with my "Grandma" in a place that was nicknamed Mt. Elliot. There may have been other people living there as well. That part was not clear. I'm guessing it may have been around the time he got his job working at a Sherwin Williams plant. That job would be a blessing and a curse for Papa.
My Dad with his new wife, my Mom, would come back in 1976 to live in our childhood home once again. Uncle by then was no longer a landlord and was in his last years of living. The story was that Papa purchased the duplex for $6000 from Uncle. With the way home prices are today, it's crazy to think homes used to be that cheap.
One of the few early memories I had as a small child was running with Tasha around the side of the house. I believe both of us may have been excited by the extra space and we did what kids do. My grandma (who was really my Dad's first cousin) would end up living in one of the upstairs units with her husband who I don't have any memories of since he died when I was 6.
Growing up in our childhood home had it's good and bad times like any home. Since it was just the six of us living in the home (Trina would come along two years later in 1978), we all had free range to venture anywhere in the house.
As I mentioned my early years I had the bedroom that Papa used to stay in. I later ended up moving to another bedroom in the back unit of the duplex. I would wind up being by myself in that back area though we all used that space to live in as well and it was the path we took to go into the backyard and then the garage.
We had questionable neighbors that lived around us. Our next door neighbor to our left also had a similar style duplex that was owned by a man I knew as Mr. Wick (changed the last name slightly for privacy purposes...LOL). Mr. Wick also rented out parts of his home as well and some of those patrons were questionable. There was a harmless guy named Hobo who spent his days sitting in the front porch just randomly laughing to himself and drinking alcohol. He clearly had mental issues. He was harmless though compared to Mr Wick's nephew Streek.
Streek was evil incarnate. He along with his cronies broke into our home sometime in 1981 when we were at church one Sunday. We returned home to find the front door wide open and chaos everywhere inside. I remember feeling violated after the fact and I know it upset the rest of the family. After that happened Papa hired a company to install bars on all the lower level windows. It was the beginning of the end for the neighborhood as a whole.
Streek wound up going to jail after numerous other break-ins and spent close to a decade in prison (though I don't know the exact timeframe). He was released from prison in the early 1990s sometime. His next foray was selling drugs on the block. We would be witness to random shootings that would happen between rival gangs.
It seemed the police was in on the drug drama as nothing would be done to get rid of the bad element. Sometime in 1997 there was a shootout on the block with Streek ending up being shot to death right in front of our home.
I had moved out in August 1995 and had just moved to Chicago from living in Washington D.C. for a new job. I remember Mama calling me to give the news and how it traumatized them. I felt so bad for them.
A new gang took over the drug trade after Streek was killed and the neighborhood continued its decline. They even went so far as to loiter in front of our house and hiding drugs under our welcome mat. Many of the neighbors moved out and my parents ended up being one of the last remaining residents until another shooting this time specifically targeted at our house happened in 2013.
For years my sisters and I implored Mama and Papa to move and find somewhere safer to live. My Dad decided to find a place on his own. It was a two bedroom apartment in a senior citizen apartment.
Despite the issues with the neighborhood, it did serve as our home and we had many memories there. For example, I smile as I recall how I used Papa's encyclopedia to do various book reports (even though the data was outdated seeing that the set was from 1960...*LOL*). Various extended family members visited us over the years as well. We had many family dinners in the kitchen and dining room. We celebrated birthdays, holidays, and other life celebrations as well.
Since my parents moved away, the home became abandoned and was destroyed by both human and nature. Papa still paid the taxes on it for a few years but decided he didn't want to deal with that anymore and gave the home to Tasha. Tasha was not able to pay the taxes on it and the home eventually was taken back by the city. Before that happened she tried putting it on the market but there were no takers.
The thing about home ownership that trips me is that even if you pay off the house (which Papa did when he bought it in 1976 for $6000), you truly do not own it free and clear. You can still lose the home if you don't pay property taxes on it. It's even worse when you live in a condo with association fees (like I did for 16 years). If you continue to pay the mortgage and do not pay the association, the association has the right to take the home away from you. That seems so unfair.
So the house was on my mind and I decided to check out Zillow to see what they have listed for it. I was on the train on my way to work last week when I did this. I was surprised to see that the home was no longer standing and now it's a vacant lot. Ironically Mr. Wick's long abandoned duplex is still standing. The lot currently is on sale for $25,000.
It feels surreal seeing that the home I once grew up in through thick and thin is no longer standing. I don't recall Tasha or Trina mentioning that it was torn down. Then again they may not know either. But it truly is an end of an era. Next time I'm in Detroit, I may do a quick drive-by to check the area (if it's safe).
With the new year creeping in, I've been thinking that I'm overdue for doing a detox. There was a time in the mid-2000's where I had done several of them over a few years. I did a popular one called the Master Cleanse at least ten times. The last time I did a Master Cleanse was in 2009 I believe. I've done a couple 3-day juicecleanses in recent years that haven't been as intense as the Master Cleanse.
I'm thinking of doing a detox cleanse by Dr. Bobby Price. I first heard about Dr. Price on Youtube when watching an interview that he part of by an investment guru Anthony O'neal who had him as a guest.
Dr. Bobby came across as very insightful about how unhealthy a lot of foods are. He advocates eating a plant based diet. Even the so-called vegan processed foods are not healthy either. He shared his story on how he was diagnosed with high blood pressure and how plant based foods reversed it. He also has his own Youtube channel where he discusses a lot of topics in relation to improving health.
On his website, he has a link to a 14-day herbal detox that I'm curious to try. The detox consists of drinking two different 32-oz bottles of tea. The first tea is called Tummy TeaTox and it consists of various herbs like dandelion, rhubarb, senna (which was the main ingredient in a tea I drank when I was doing Master Cleanse), and slippery elm. The second tea is called Parasite Candida Cleanse and it contains herbs like neem, burdock, black walnut hull, and oregano.
From what I understand you basically steep the tea overnight and then you alternate drinking 2 oz. of one tea and then the other every 20 minutes. While detoxing it doesn't look like they mention any dietary restrictions so it seems you can eat regular meals as well.
I'm still trying to research others who've gone through the cleanse. I have read that it does help clear up a lot of accumulated waste in the system. Some have said they haven't felt as hungry while on the detox and that it helped eliminate bad eating habits.
I may wind up doing a juice cleanse once more before trying the herbal detox. The rub is since I have to commute to the office more, I would have to take my juices or tea with me to the office. It also means that I would be going to the bathroom more frequently which is not good in my current role. So that'll be something I'll need to navigate. I've had to do the same years back with the Master Cleanse. I will definitely blog about it depending on what I decide.
In other news my Dad's birthday is tomorrow. He would've been 95 years old. An interesting fact is that my Dad told Trina a year or so before he passed that his birthday was actually on January 4th but they mistakenly put the 5th on his birth certificate. I'm trying to remember if he said that before. But regardless of whether it's on the 4th or the 5th, he is still missed. Happy heavenly birthday Papa!
My trip to Detroit thankfully was uneventful. I was Abe's Secret Santa. He made it easy for me by requesting several baseball caps. He's a cap person. Trina wound up being my Secret Santa and she got me a three month subscription to Universal Yums. They send out a monthly box with treats from a different country. Dom discovered the company a few years back and we enjoyed a box or two from various countries. The box actually arrived at my home on the 24th (guess it was good that I stayed home a day) and I decided to take it with me. She also ordered Mariah Carey's 2020 autobiography that I had on my wish list. I started reading a bit about Mariah's early life. She's had it rough but she managed to use adversity to eventually make a name for herself.
Tasha brought over dinner for our Christmas meal that as always was delicious. We spent the evening watching trashy, badly acted Tubi movies.
Eugene and I hung out for a bit grabbing lunch at Sweetgreen restaurant, an organic outfit that serves environmentally sustainable meals. After lunch we went shopping at Nordstrom's (well I did...LOL). I picked up a new jacket for me and some shirts for Dom.
I decided to drive back home on Saturday after stopping by the cemetery to see Mama and Papa. Trina, Tasha, and I shipped in to get a bed of flowers for their tombstone and also a wreath for our "Grandma" and hubby as well as "Grandma's Dad" who we knew as "Uncle". I tried to look for "Uncle" where I thought he would be but had no luck finding him.
My Sunday was spent doing laundry in the morning and then a quick trip to Meijer's in the afternoon and a side trip to Chipolte's for our dinner.
I managed to irritate my nose this morning using the CPAP machine. I wound up going to the office even though I wished I could've stayed home. I found myself blowing my nose and sneezing all day. Fun times.
My New Year's Eve is going to be a quiet one. Dom and I will keep a low profile enjoying some steak and shrimp (well I will enjoy that). The plan is to ring in the New Year watching one of the countdowns and praying the crazy folks don't shoot bullets at our house.
It's so hard to believe 2024 is coming to an end. I will say that I am glad that I continued to blog about various events that have happened throughout the year. With this post I'll have made 50 entries which is 10 more than I made in 2023. The big highlight for me workwise was getting my promotion, which was my first promotion at a job since 2006. Work has been nutty as usual but I'm pushing my way through it best way I know how. I was happy that Dom and I managed to take a couple trips this year, one related to my work and the other related to his hobby. It is nice that we were able to travel together and try to enjoy life.
For 2025 I do hope I continue to work towards paying off our mortgage. At the same time I need to start thinking about getting another car. I hate the thought of a car note (it's been nice not having one for a couple years) but I know Dom has a hard time getting into my Passat. I'm thinking about the mini-SUV's like the Subaru Forester or the Mazda CX-5. There's a few other crossover SUV's that I'm looking at as well. I'm going to have to try to juggle that with getting the mortgage paid off. I hate to replace one bill with another but I know it's about time to think about it. I've been blessed that my Passat has been hanging in there since March 2014. Cars are so expensive these days as well. We shall see.
I was "roped" into driving to see Dom's Mom and family this past weekend. I hoped Dom would drive but his minivan currently is in need of a thermostat replacement and he didn't want to risk the 4 hour round trip drive. To be honest Dom scares me when he drives especially when he starts getting aggressive. I do know it's in defense of the crazy drivers out there but he is constantly yelling and swinging his hands in frustration which gets me riled up. I really wasn't feeling driving but I find it less stressful when I drive.
On the flip side he freaks when I drive because he feels like I don't react quickly enough to cars breaking. I'm aware of the other cars and do react in time but in his mind I cut it close. What it comes down to is that neither of us are in control when the other person is driving and that is scary. As much as I didn't relish driving since I'll be more driving in the near future, I felt it would be better if I did the driving.
I caught a really bad cold last Wednesday as well. Part of the issue could be that I'm not getting enough sleep as Dom reminded me. I have been commuting to the Chicago office three days a week and typically I force myself to get up by 4am (alarm goes off at 3:50 am) and then I'm out the door before 6am so I can catch the Southshore train to get to downtown before 7:30am and in the office before 8am. I then make every effort to leave the office by 3:30pm so I can catch the 4:05pm Southshore train that manages to get me home around 5pm. I need to go to bed before 10pm but typically I go to bed or fall asleep watching TV after 11pm only to have to repeat the cycle (though for the days I work home I get to sleep an extra 2 hours if my bladder doesn't wake me up around 4 to pee...LOL).
My schedule has been rough on my body and of course I'm in my 50's. That and the flip flopping weather has wreaked havoc on me and most likely led to my cold.
So I was recovering from my latest cold and didn't want to spread anything to his Mom who's currently battling cancer. I was starting to feel better last Saturday when we originally was planning to visit but decided to just do a half day trip on Sunday. I also decided to wear a mask while visiting.
Dom's sister Marie and her family including all the grandkids and great-grandkids were already at Dom Mom's house when we arrived. For the most part the visit when well though the addition of the great-grandkids was taxing on Dom's Mom. The great-grandkids were 7, 4, and 2. For the most part they were behaved but they are a lot of energy.
Marie's husband and daughter bought back KFC for a late lunch. After the family did some quick gift exchanges, their brood took off for another house and a "pizza" party leaving Dom and I to be alone with his Mom and Lexie (Dom's younger sister Marina's daughter - R.I.P.). Marina's other daughter, Ava and her partner Ronnie were at work. They both work retail at a small Mom and Pop store so have to work all kinds of hours. I don't miss my retail-like days at Amazon. At least I didn't have to deal with customers...LOL.
Dom's Mom calmed down a lot once the great-grandkids left. She was stressing seeing them moving and hoping about. Basically it was too much stimuli for her to handle. They were well behaved for the most part but kids are kids. It was much quieter once Marie's family left.
We stayed for another 2 hours before Dom and I headed home. Before doing so we made a dinner stop at Chili's where we both ordered various combo meals that were filling. I wanted to get a molten lava cake so ordered that to go.
So now I am prepping myself for the longer drive to Detroit. I was originally planning on going today (12/24) but decided last night that I needed today to relax. I worked from home yesterday but the new process the company is pushing on us in handling customer issues has been stressful. In a nutshell they are turning my role (Tier 2) into a Tier 1 role.
As a Tier 2 engineer, cases that I received are either ones created previously by the customer or it was after they "chatted" with a Tier 1 engineer to get the additional details. Tier 1 engineers typically "chats" live with the customer initially to get details of issues which if the Tier 1 is not able to resolve, gets a case created that gets passed to the Tier 2 engineer (me). Now they are wanting us to "chat" with the customers as well in the hopes of getting issues resolved faster. If I were a Tier 1 engineer, I admit I would be worried about my role. Hell even as a Tier 2 I'm concerned.
As I mentioned previously, they have closed an office which resulted in a number of engineer roles being removed. Plus the company has no plans to hire for additional engineers in 2025. Again that's why I am trying so hard to focus on cutting costs in my home. Then who knows how truly fucked things will get once Trump and his cronies get into office less than a month from now. That's all the more reason to get my personal house (which includes Dom) in order.
So getting back to work, I just needed a day today to relax and recover before venturing out again to Detroit. I now am planning to go on Christmas Day. Thankfully the weather looks like it'll cooperate for the most part, including the typically risky weather locations of New Buffalo and Kalamazoo that I pass through.
I plan on staying till either Saturday or Sunday. It'll likely be Saturday as I'll want to have Sunday to relax and prepare for my work reality next week. I also will be working from Detroit on Friday the 27th. I'm praying that it won't be too busy. We shall see.
She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be Every other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad I never thought you would become the friend I never had
Pre-Chorus
Back then I didn't know why Why you were misunderstood So now I see through your eyes All that you did was love
Refrain
Mama I love you, Mama, I care Mama I love you, Mama my friend You're my friend (You're my friend)
Verse 2
I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now Every little thing you said and did was right for me I've had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be Never had a sense of my responsibility
Repeat Pre-Chorus
Repeat Refrain
Tomorrow, October 2nd, would've been my Mama's 79th birthday. I was listening to the Spice Girls while working and one of the songs I played was Mama. While listening to the lyrics I couldn't help but think back to my own Mama. I had the song on repeat but had to stop it because I didn't want to start crying in the office.
I will say Mama had her way of doing things and she was definitely misunderstood at times. But as I think back through the years I was blessed to have her in my life, everything she did was out of love for her family. She really was the sweetest woman in life. She was stubborn when she felt strongly about something. There were times we did not agree but I never doubted how much she loved me.
There still isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of her and wonder what she would think of all the things I've gone through since she was called home. I really do believe that she and Papa are watching over my sisters and I. And I know that they are celebrating Mama's heavenly birthday together. I do wish Mama a Happy Heavenly Birthday and I do hope I get to see them again whenever my time is up.
Speaking of birthdays, today former U.S. president Jimmy Carter celebrated his 100th birthday. Reaching that milestone is definitely an accomplishment for Mr. Carter. Sadly according to his grandson Jason Carter, the former president seems to be limping along and is nearing the end. He says that he's not able to talk on the phone and is limited in what he can do.
I do remember when Papa was nearing the end, he stopped calling on the phone as well. I would have to reach out to Trina in order to speak to him.
Jason Carter adds though that he is keeping up with the news. He also is hopeful that he'll get to vote for Kamala Harris as our next president. Early voting for his location falls on my birthday 10/15. Here's hoping that Jimmy Carter lives long enough to get his wish. There have been times when the human will has allowed some to make it to a certain goal and then once it's reached, they pass away. I can see that for Mr. Carter. Actually it was more than a year ago when it was announced that Jimmy Carter was going into hospice. It seemed like back then that it wouldn't be long but he's defied all the odds. And now he's officially 100 years old.
Happy Birthday Mr. Carter and Happy Heavenly Birthday Mama
This past Thursday found Dom and I on the road again back to Shipshewana, IN. This time we were going to see a performance by Dom's favorite singer Sandi Patty. The last time we saw her perform was in 2016 at a venue in Evansville, IN. I even got a package at that time where we got to see her backstage and take a quick photo. We had some other plans while in Shipshewana that included stopping at the local grocer there and picking up some frozen goods like their peppered bacon, some boneless chicken breast, and other jellies and jams.
But before heading there we both had errands we needed to do that morning. I had fasted the night before because I was heading to a lab to draw some blood for various tests including a PSA test that I had wanted to do last year. Dom needed to take his minivan to a local repair shop to fix the Air Conditioner. He didn't get paid till Friday so needed me to stay nearby.
The last time I got blood work done at the specific lab I went to, it took almost two hours before I was done. So I anticipated it taking just as long. The plan was for Dom to head over there once I'm close to being done and then I could meet him there. But you know what they say about plans...LOL.
I did wind up finishing earlier than planned. While I was in that part of town, I wanted to run a couple more errands. I needed to get my tires checked to make sure they had enough air before the trip to Shipshewana and my upcoming trip to Detroit (which I'm heading to in another hour after posting this entry). In addition I needed to get a new toilet seat. I had just gotten a new seat two or three months ago and the seat decided to crack under pressure when I sat on it. I've never had a seat crack before. I know I'm heavier these days but that was a shock. Granted Dom is a bigger guy himself and of course had sat on it as well. But it chose to crack when I sat on it...LOL.
Both errands were done and I got home by a little after 9:30am. I got home and Dom made breakfast for us to enjoy. Then around 10:30 he quickly put some clothes to get ready for us to head to the repair shop. The owner of the shop said the repair would take 45 minutes. Two hours later it was finally done. We headed back home and Dom needed 30 minutes to shower and freshen up for the trip to Shipshewana.
So we got there around 3:30 PM their time. I had thought of us doing the grocery stuff first but both of us were hungry by the time we got there so instead ate their famous Blue Gate Restaurant. We thankfully were seated pretty quickly. Dinner lasted about an hour. I decided to check out the restaurant shop while Dom went to use the restroom which takes him a lot longer these days. He wanted to meet me in the restaurant shop afterwards but since I knew he would take a while, I wound up completing my small purchase, which included some zucchini bread and black raspberry jam. Yes apparently black raspberries are a thing. I learned that from Dom a few years back.
So I waited till Dom was finished and then we headed to Yoder's Meat & Cheese. By the time we got there it was close to 5pm. Next door to Yoder's was the Red Barn Shops. I wanted to check out their tea store to see if they had any Avocado Leaf tea (my latest health kick obsession...LOL). I decided to walk to the Red Barn Shops while Dom went to Yoder's. It wasn't long before I found out that the particular tea shop I wanted to go to was closed. So I left and went back to Yoder's. I saw the "Closed" sign on the door and wondered where Dom was. He was waiting inside and directed me to come in. The store manager was nice enough to let us quickly shop for our items. Thank goodness too since we had the freezer packs all ready for our haul. It was a bit of a rush so we didn't have as much time to think about our purchases. But thankfully we did make some selections. After paying for our items the store manager escorted us out before locking up. He asked Dom about the concert we were going to and Dom shared the details. We both couldn't help but notice how handsome the store manager was. We definitely wouldn't have minded some three-way action...LOL.
We got to the concert hall about 30 minutes before the show. There were two other acts that would also be performing. The opening act was a gospel group called High Road. Dom and I had seats near the front row since I know he is a big Sandi Patty fan. So we had a great view of the concert though really there aren't any bad seats. Overall we both enjoyed High Road. Of course Sandi Patty was a hit as well. We got to listen to the other group called The Hoppers that would be coming out to perform after Sandi Patty. One of the singers looked like a cross between Brendan Fraser and Tom Arnold. But we opted to leave after Sandi Patty since we had a two hour trip back and I wasn't sure if I was going to the office or not. Dom had thought about going back to work Friday himself but quickly decided to take that day off. I also decided to work from home. Our time-off apparently doesn't count as an office day so I'll have to work 4 days in the office either next week or the week after that. Fun...LOL.
So after I post this I'll be getting ready to head to Detroit. My last time visiting my sisters was during Christmas. It'll be good to see them once more. The suckiest part is the drive which takes a little over 4 hours (though it takes me slightly longer since I usually make a pitstop at Firekeepers..LOL). It used to take longer though when I lived in the northwest burbs of Illinois so I am saving a little time.
55 years ago today, my parents got married and officially started their lives as husband and wife. It's so crazy thinking how quickly time is flying. There's a cute photo of them at the reception following their wedding. My Dad looks to be whispering something in my Mom's ears and she is giggling. I have that photo as my primary photo on my Facebook page and haven't taken it down since my Mom passed.
I wonder what my Dad was telling my Mom in that moment. Perhaps he was telling her a joke to put a smile on her face. She made the decision 55 years ago to leave her family life in the Caribbean and make a life with my Dad in the United States. That had to be a huge decision. I remember my Mom telling me years later that she saw the move as an opportunity to change her life for the better.
Growing up I visited the Caribbean a few times along with my sisters. I have a host of cousins on my Mama's side that I only had brief interactions with. I never did meet any cousins on Papa's side though in later years I was a pen pal with a second cousin of his (she was the granddaughter of one of my uncles - my Papa's brother).
There was a bit of a language barrier as well between the extended family and myself. It was interesting because our Caribbean family often thought because we lived in the United States that we were rich and we knew all the celebrities.
Over the years during my formative years, I used to help Mama in mailing various clothing items to her family in the islands. I remember both my parents being reluctant to take in different family members who may have been looking to leech from the family (though some may have been trying to find their own way to becoming American citizens).
Speaking of which Papa became an American citizen sometime in the late 60's before he married Mama. Mama became a citizen many years later sometime in the late 90's, early 2000's. I remember that she was taking citizenship classes and I was living in Chicago at the time and made a special trip to Detroit and rented a van to take the family to Mama's ceremony where she became a citizen. They both maintained their French citizenship as well.
In later years though, both of my parents longed to return to their Caribbean roots. They weren't able to return fully though and remained in Detroit.
Papa in later years kept saying how he regretted moving to the United States. He definitely had a rough existence dealing with racism at the plant he had to take a job at. He was a meteorologist in the islands but because he didn't have a degree from a U.S. College (and discrimination as well), he was unable to get a job doing what he loved. To make ends meet, he ended up working at a local plant where he dealt with a lot of racism and bullying as well.
I didn't realize the extent of what he went through until I became an adult. I remember Papa as being very mean and he was the one to give corporal punishment whenever one of us acted up. I know now that he was dealing with a lot of stress on the job and he was taking out his frustrations on the family. Even when he got a different job working as the Building Manager of our family church, that bought on a different kind of stress, some of which I saw first hand since I spent my summers working with him.
He started taking blood pressure medication in his 30's as a result of the stress and took some form of blood pressure medication for the rest of his life. I alluded to his experiences in my farewell letter I wrote to him.
Mama herself had a different kind of stress dealing with being in a new country without her family. My grandparents and two of my Aunts were there for the wedding but of course they all had to go back to their lives.
Mama at times felt alone since Papa had to work to support the family. She had few friends and experienced betrayals with some she thought were her friends which resulted in her distrusting people. I always felt sad for her because she never fully trusted anyone again.
They both did their best to make marriage and family work. There were a lot of times they didn't agree. But through it all they were there for each other. They really were the glue that kept our family together. And their journey together all began on this day, June 7, 1969. Thank you Mama and Papa for everything you did to shape our lives. I love and miss you both.
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. I'm currently in the Detroit area visiting my sisters. I'm staying with Trina and Donovan. On the outside they seem to be back to normal after their drama. We spent Thanksgiving at one of their friend's new home. But when waking up early due to an unexpected two, I saw that Donovan was sleeping on the couch. So no doubt they still are working through some issues.
I had originally planned to stay till Sunday but there's supposedly a wintry mess traveling through the area that plans to hit around that time. So I'll opt to leave for Saturday instead.
I plan to visit Tasha before leaving. She was expecting us to visit on Thanksgiving along with Abe's family. But some of Abe's family can be a bit annoying so Trina and I weren't particularly looking forward to it. I know the annoying elements of his family must've been bugging Tasha and probably were hounding her on why Trina and I weren't there. The same one that annoyed Trina and I years back by repeatedly asking why our parents didn't attend Tasha and Abe's wedding. Subsequently Tasha messaged us both separately wondering of our whereabouts.
I told her where I was and that I will see her sometime before I leave Saturday.
So Hemingway the reason for today's entry is related to two new-ish acquaintances that have come in my life. Both ladies I met while participating in the Pathfinder program. The first lady Ming is the kindest lady. But there was a period where she would constantly text me to tell me about mundane things going on. At the time I was thinking we really don't know each other like that. She would send rapid fire texts, like four or five at a time. I would then reply and then receive another round of texts. I found it to be exhausting and to slow it down I would wait a few days before replying again.
We actually wound up meeting in person in early July when I last visited Detroit and she was there working for Rocket Mortgage as a Salesforce Intern. She lives in San Francisco and did find a brief role work at Deloitte after completing the program but was let go less than six months into the job and was struggling to find a new role. I totally get it and have been there. I was so happy when she announced the internship and since she knew I was from Detroit, she wanted to meet me in person.
She really is a nice person. She talked a mile a minute initially but we eventually found a groove. We were going to have breakfast at a newer breakfast spot but the wait was going to be 30 minutes and she needed to be somewhere in another hour so didn't want to wait, which was understandable. We both found out we love Indian food so opted to eat at a local Indian dive. We were the only customers for a time until lunch time came and a few other folks (all Indian) came to eat.
We parted ways after the lunch and walking her back to her apartment which was at the Wayne State University campus. She's been taking a lot of development classes and I do hope she soon finds a permanent role. We haven't been texting as much lately which is fine with me.
The second lady Lupita started messaging me after we both participated in Deloitte's consultant program along with a third guy Leo in hopes of landing a role with Deloitte. Leo got the offer along with a few other folks that included another Pathfinder but Lupita and I didn't which I kinda figured in my case wouldn't happen. This of course was two months prior to landing my current role.
Lupita and I commiserated over being rejected. Lupita confessed to being quite shy and not easily befriending people which made her talking to me all the more interesting. Somehow I must've gotten past her normal defenses. She too is a very nice person. Her family originates from Africa and she relocated in Texas where she was working in a real estate job she hated until stumbling onto Pathfinder.
Thankfully she found her new role at a Salesforce Consulting firm as a Business Analyst about two weeks before I started my role. But it's been a roller coaster ride for her dealing with the various projects going on. She's been striving at it and was recently promoted to Senior Business Analyst. But the company has been going through some recent turmoil, much like my job, and a number of folks, including her boss's boss were laid off.
The one thing that irks me was that she keeps calling me her "bestie". I'm thinking how could that be and how did she wind up latching onto me...*LOL*. I don't like the word "bestie". I do know the intention isn't bad when she uses it though. Just like Ming, she really is a sweet lady. She gotten to know me as well. We continue to message regularly even asking me about Thanksgiving plans. In fact she'll send a quick message if we haven't chatted in awhile.
It is funny how some folks come into your life when you least expect it. I wasn't looking specifically for any connections but they found me. That is refreshing actually since usually I'm the one that has to chase to try and befriend folks. We shall see if Ming and Lupita continue to be in my life.
My current company makes it a point to talk about equality and encouraging different opinions. In fact equality is one of my company's core values. They're not perfect on it but they do make sure to bring discussions up periodically. As part of supporting equality, there are multiple "equality groups" where individuals with similar backgrounds, be they latino, asian, african-american, gay, or disabled can meet and hold various events throughout the year.
I will say that I've wanted to participate in some of the events, especially the african-american and gay events since I identify as both. But I tend to be a wallflower and working mostly remote has encouraged those tendencies. The groups do give the ability to attend meetings virtually but I haven't participated in any of them.
I think as I get older I do find myself getting deeper in my shell. I know though that I need to break out of it if I want to grow. It's been something that's plagued me since growing up. Mama told me once that I used to talk so much when I was a little kid. I talked so much in fact that she used to sing a sweet little song to me called "You Talk Too Much"
I had to look up the song as I've never heard it other than when Mama sang it to me. It's giving me goosebumps hearing it.
But then the pre-teen years came along and the former talkative kid went into a shell. Being teased and harassed by bullies will change a person. I shouldn't have let outside forces change me but there you go. I've discussed the effects of that in various blog entries over the years. I will say I'm glad that bullying and the effects of it are being talked about more these days instead of being brushed aside as "part of growing up" like it was when I was coming up. I wonder how my life would've been had it been talked about back then.
Those experiences pretty much shaped my life. My preference is to stay in the background even as my manager keeps forcing me to put myself out there. I don't like attention being brought to myself even if it's positive.
My manager was talking with me today on strategies on how to be up for a promotion in 2024. It seems like too much butt kissing but we'll see where that goes. As part of my growing responsibilities, I was part of a panel that interviewed perspective new employees. It was something that I hated but I pushed through it. I now am acting as a "mentor" to 4 of those new employees. It's not something I enjoy but I guess it's part of pushing me out of my shell.
Getting back to the Equality groups, the African-American group is having a "Friendsgiving" type event next Thursday after work to provide fellowship and networking opportunities. Every fiber of my being is not wanting to go but a small part of me is pushing me to at least try. It just so happens that one of the four mentees is an African-American guy that I believe will be in the Chicago area for his orientation that week. It may be a great opportunity for me to have him participate and then have a person I can pair up with. We'll see how that goes.
I think I will participate. I'll force myself to stay at least for thirty minutes. Fingers crossed.
My time-off at work ended just as fast as it began. I barely got through my first day back but I pushed through it.
As far as my time off, I unfortunately wound up catching a bad cold right on my birthday. I was still slated to go with Dom to see his Mom and his niece Ava. We went back and forth on whether I should go or not. Dom wasn't keen on driving alone and while I didn't feel like going, I did wind up going in the end.
I kept a mask on for most of Sunday while visiting. We bought some Wendy's and later on Ava cooked a beef manhattan. As the evening wore on I was feeling more congested. I barely was able to sleep that night from being so stuffy. Luckily I was able to find some original flavor Listerine and some small disposable cups and I mixed some Listerine with water and gargled. That helped me to breathe better and I was able to sleep.
Unfortunately a few hours later I woke up with a bad sore throat. I helped Dom go down his parent's basement to clear out some items that his Mom was looking to get rid of. It was lunchtime afterwards and Ava made a chili for lunch.
As I sat down to eat I started to feel nauseous. I went to the bathroom and stayed for a minute but it went away. So I went back and took another bite and felt nauseous again. This time I began to feel the motion of throwing up. I ran towards the bathroom but I could not stop the sea of vomit that was coming out.
I felt embarrassed as Ava came with wipes and paper towel to help me in cleaning up the mess, which fell all over the bathroom floor and sink. I tried to get to the toilet but the lid was closed. After about ten minutes I was able to clean off most of the vomit. I ate some saltines and pretzels later that day, not feeling hungry at all.
After a few more hours we left his Mom's and headed home, not before Dom assisted on stopping somewhere to eat. I was worried about having a repeat vomit performance especially since I still wasn't feeling hungry but I did manage to eat some turkey chili of all things at Panera. Dom wound up having some kind of asian broccoli dish. He drank what he thought was lemonade but learned today that it was actually an energy drink with more caffeine that coffee. He shared an article about a young lady who had a cardiac event hours after drinking the same drink and dying. The family is suing Panera. Scary stuff especially since Dom is not a fan of Panera though he was the one that suggested it due to them possibly having some soups.
He also was thinking I should probably not go to Milwaukee. I slept on it and decided to go. I felt better that morning and didn't have a sore throat. Plus I didn't want to lose the money I spent on the hotel. But it reminded me that I should occasionally consider paying for insurance in case I am not able to go so I don't have to worry about it.
I had a good time at Potawatomi. The casino actually let me play for a bit. At a couple points I was up almost $300. But of course it was easy come, easy go. That's the life of a gambler. Thankfully I only lost $160. Though that doesn't include the money I spent on breakfast/lunch or dinner.
As expected the guy I was supposed to meet was not able to meet me. He was nice enough to chat a bit at least and I think he was telling the truth. Knowing that we would likely not meet at all, I tried to hedge my bets while there and find another hookup. That was no dice though. The ones I wanted ignored me or took too long to respond. There were a few that reached out that I wasn't interested in. Murphy's Law as usual. I tell you it's almost impossible these days to have a decent hook-up. These guys play way too many games. It doesn't matter the location, it's the same bullshit.
But I still had a good time overall. It was just nice getting away from work for a bit.
I learned when I was heading back that Dom's Mom wound up catching my cold. Of course I didn't want her to be sick though a part of me wondered if it was payback for obit-gate...LOL. I did talk to her this past weekend and thankfully she's starting to feel better. I do love his Mom despite everything and do not want anything bad to happen to her especially of my doing.
I am looking forward to Karaoke this Friday at our church. I already have a few songs in mind, namely Madonna's Live To Tell, Pussycat Dolls Hush, Hush, and Ralph Tresvant's Do What I Gotta Do. Maybe I'll do a few more if time permits.
Youtube can take you on quite a few rabbit holes when wandering from video to video. I'm usually listening to 80's and 90's music. One of the variations that I enjoy is the slowed down version of songs. It brings new life to older songs and sometimes I prefer the slowed version over the original. There's slow versions of songs from various artists like En Vogue, Brownstone, Toni Braxton, TLC, Joe, and even Whitney. All the videos I linked were created by user Slowed Down RNB. You should check out their videos and open yourself up to a new take on music.
Every so often I subscribe to random individuals who have post videos on different topics. A few months back I started watching videos by a gentleman from the ATL area named Walter Lee Hampton. He's actually been posting various videos for more than a decade. He's a handsome older body builder type gay brother that I actually think of as my imaginary "gay uncle". A gay uncle I'd like to fuck and fuck me. Would that be a Unc-ILF? LOL. He's only a couple years older than me though.
But besides his physique I'm drawn to his no-nonsense approach that he has to various issues in life. As I mentioned before he's based out of Atlanta and he speaks on the various aspects of living there. Some of my favorite segments are his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts. A lot of what he says is the truth. In one of his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts, he talks about how single black women with kids are responsible for the destruction of the black race. Obviously it takes two to tango (a man and woman) but he points out how many of the single mothers have multiple baby daddies'. A lot of the baby daddies' don't take care of their kids so the single moms have to juggle working to bring home the bacon along with caring for their multiple kids. In the end the kids are raising themselves and there's no consequences if they get in trouble.
In another video from that same series, he talks about how his former brother-in-law plotted to rob him when he was in his early 20's. It was only because his sister warned him about it and implored him to move to another apartment that he wasn't completely robbed. He points out how jealous so-called friends get when they see that you're successful. They smile in your face but all the time they're wanting to knock you down a peg. It's so sad but true. It's why I usually keep any successes to myself as well.
In my case there were times I would keep my success even from my sisters. I was always afraid of them being jealous of what I accomplished. It didn't help that my parents were vocal with how they favored me over Tasha and Trina. The issues stemmed from that nearly tore us apart. It wasn't until recent years that we've addressed it. I do acknowledge that my parents did favor me (mostly because I was the only son). So part of me didn't want to throw in my sisters faces that I went on this trip or that trip when they weren't able to afford doing so at the time.
I've also had so-called friends that I trusted that I found out talked about me behind my back. It's why I don't really have a lot of friends. I definitely could relate to Uncle Walter's story.
In a more recent video, Uncle Walter talks about an Atlanta man who was charged with knowingly infecting his wife with HIV. Sadly she died of complications from AIDS. She suffered for years with cancer and was even briefly in remission. The doctors though didn't realize that she had the HIV virus until it had advanced. It truly is a sad story and I agreed with Walter that the hospital should share some liability for not testing her a lot sooner where medicines may have prevented her death.
But in that same thread, I also disagreed with Walter on his point that we should always take our medicines and trust the doctors. While doctors do have more knowledge (generally), it's important that we as patients do our own research as well when it comes to medications. He doesn't understand why black folks are so against taking medication. But you only have to go back in history to look at how the medical establishment mistreated black folks. There's the Tuskegee Syphilis Study where black men were not given treatment for syphilis when it was learned that penicillin cured it. In addition there's studies that show that black women are not believed by doctors when they try to describe symptoms. Black folks in general aren't treated as well as their white counterparts. Plus a lot of the medicines today have so many side effects. Is it a wonder that blacks as a whole may not be as trusting?
One of Uncle Walter's first videos that I saw related to Tyler Perry and if he is a self-hating homosexual. I didn't realize that Tyler and Walter ran in the same social circles back in the day before Tyler blew up. And he became famous with some of the stupidest shows that truly reduce brain cells anytime you watch it. As Uncle Walter pointed out, part of the reason Tyler has blown up is that there wasn't a lot of programming at the time that depicted black folks. Unfortunately everything that Tyler presents depicts the worst stereotypes in our community. Uncle Walter also couldn't believe how Tyler bragged about having no writers involved in all his scripts. Wouldn't he want to hire other black folks or any writers really that could offer additional perspectives and perhaps improve the scripts? But then again maybe he doesn't trust anyone and wants to keep it to himself. But why brag about it?
I am definitely a fan of Uncle Walter. He has a lot of wisdom that he shares on almost the daily. He did mention at one point discontinuing the channel and focusing on health related videos. But I'm hoping that he doesn't. He has a lot of wisdom to offer and if nothing else he should leave his older videos so that future subscribers can appreciate him as well. I look forward to watching more of his videos in the future and definitely wish him well in all his endeavors.
So excited. I officially paid off my main credit card today. It was due Saturday but I decided to just send it today. It feels a bit surreal seeing the $0 balance on my statement. I will take this win since it is a goal that I've been wanting to achieve since 2017. I know that balance won't last since I will still need to use my card but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to pay off the balance every month assuming no emergencies shoot it higher than I can afford. I already know that our car insurance bills are due next month and I will be getting some hospital bills from my colonoscopy procedure that I completed earlier today. I am hoping my insurance covers most of it though. But my plan now is to aggressively pay down our mortgage as well as slowly rebuild my savings with the difference left from next month's payment.
Dom's been dealing with some tough health issues lately that may affect his employment and also affect me financially but I'm hoping to push through whatever happens. He unfortunately has an enlarged prostate and for the last week has to wear a catheter in his penis. It's very uncomfortable for him no matter whether he's standing or sitting. So he likely won't be able to teach until he's able to remove the prostate.
My colonoscopy went okay. We arrived an hour early thinking we could get the prep done sooner but other than sign a couple documents, I wound up having to wait a little over an hour before I was called. They found two polyps, one of which was in my rectum, that they removed. I was a little freaked out to hear I have diverticulosis of the large intestine though they say it's without perforation or abscess without bleeding. I hope that means that it's not an immediate concern. They also found I had non-bleeding hemorrhoids that were rated Grade 1, meaning internal hemorrhoids that do not prolapse. I'll have to wait for the biopsy results to see what happens next.
Trina is dealing with some drama unfortunately. When visiting Detroit over the 4th of July holiday, I found out that her husband Donovan was cheating on her for the last six years with a personal trainer that they both had used in the past. At the time the affair begin, this person was 19 years old. So freaking crazy. Trina suspected his infidelity but only found out because Donovan was hysterically crying after finding out that he got the girl pregnant. I feel bad for Trina especially when she mentioned confronting the lady at a local Walgreens and almost getting herself arrested. I'm definitely disappointed but not surprised by Donovan's actions. She wants to try and work things out though and thankfully they were able to make the girl get an abortion.
But homegirl is straight up stalking Donovan now. Trina said that the girl drives by their home several times a day and keeps calling via burner phones. It's a very scary situation. I'm definitely keeping Trina in my prayers as she deals with this.
In happy news, today is Dom and my 1st wedding anniversary. We overall are happy with each other. We have our issues like every other marriage but we both sincerely care for each other and are there for one another. As Dom would say, he's there until a "natural" death do us part...LOL.
So as I've mentioned before Midas and I periodically keep in contact with each other to see how things are going. Hemingway I confided in Midas about how hurt I was regarding the recent passing of Dom's father and how his sister Marie likely was the person who didn't want me included in the obituary.
Well it turned out that I was wrong. It was actually Dom's Mom who didn't want me added. I felt horrible about thinking it was his sister but thankfully I didn't have the conversation with his sister so no foul, no harm. Oddly enough I'm not as bothered by his Mom being behind the request. She's been nothing but nice to me over the years. Apparently she's of the school of "love the sinner not the sin"...LOL. Of course I don't agree that being gay is a sin but there isn't a way we'll be able to change her mind, just like she wouldn't be able to change my mind.
Nonetheless the omission did cause Dom to be hurt. I do feel his pain and at the end of the day he had to balance not hurting his Mom any worse than she was feeling about losing her husband, which was why he didn't push it further. Thankfully I was able to sign the guestbook after all as well.
So I shared this update with Midas as well. He made the comment that if something happened to Dom, the family may treat me horribly. I pointed out to Midas that I would call the shots since Dom and I legally wed last July.
Midas was stunned by the news. I realized that I didn't mention my plans to him. There was a small part of me that held out hope that Midas and I may have married (assuming we actually were in a relationship). But marriage was not anything he ever had any interest in. Plus Dom and I have been together for almost a decade before deciding to marry. Sure I fantasized about Midas running to me and declaring that he was wrong for letting me walk away all those years ago and that he realized the errors of his ways. Then he would sweep me off my feet and we'd make passionate love. But in reality I didn't imagine Midas would make some grand gesture like that to try and "win" me. If he did, I ultimately would still have chosen Dom since I love Dom despite all the issues we have. Midas and I would have our own set of issues if I went to him. The grass always seems greener on the other side until you get to the other side.
A part of me will always wonder, what if. I truly do feel like Midas was the one that got away. But I can't live my life on what if's. I love both Dom and Midas and I am grateful to have both in my life.
Dom's Dad took a turn for the worse over the weekend. He started vomiting Sunday night and the next day, hospice noted that his organs were beginning to shut down and the end was near. Dom's sister Marie stopped by the family house to be their Dad in his last moments. Dom opted not to go since he felt torn up seeing him on Saturday in his weakened state.
His Dad took his last breath this past Tuesday. Dom headed over to the family home Wednesday afternoon. I made plans to see my sisters this weekend and in my mind, the funeral would be after the holiday weekend. But to my surprise they made all the arrangements and the funeral is taking place on July 3rd. That was fine though. I told myself that I would cut my weekend trip short and return Sunday so that I could drive myself to the funeral on Monday.
So the obit was completed and placed on the funeral home's website mid-afternoon on the 29th. When looking at the obituary I couldn't help but notice there was a name missing among those that Dom's dad left behind - me. I definitely was feeling a certain way and had a feeling my name not being included was mostly Marie's doing. Dom told me he fought to have it in there but was overruled. But it was "nothing against me"...LOL.
Trina asked me earlier in the day for details on his Dad's funeral so she could send flowers. But I'm guessing she's not going to send any now. I had to tell both Trina and Tasha about the slight since I knew they would be looking for the obit. Plus both my sisters made sure to include Dom in both my parents obits and also fought to put him in my Dad's obit from his overseas family. So for me to not be mentioned in his Dad's obit was a slap in the face. I'll get to relive the trauma this weekend when visiting them.
I was planning to go to the funeral but with the slight I question if I should even go. As it stands when speaking to Dom tonight, he was not even under the impression I was going since I was planning to visit my sisters. But of course I would go since I thought I was part of their family. But I guess I'm not.
I do know it wasn't Dom's doing to not include me, so it is what it is. But it was a definite sting not being mentioned and to a lesser degree, Dom thinking I wouldn't go.
In other "their family" news, they opted to keep his Dad's death from Marina who is battling Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The fear was that the news would devastate her and cause her to give up as well. And now I'm realizing I'll be left out of her obit as well if something happens to her. Of course I'm praying that she recovers (even though the odds are against it) but I hate that it's now in the back of my mind. Uggh.
Well I did it. I successfully obtained the Salesforce Business Analyst cert on my 3rd attempt last weekend. I was nervous as hell taking it but I felt more at ease as I answered the questions, feeling very confident in my choices. Still when it came time to submit the test I was a twinge of nerves. I pushed the button, closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I saw the four letters I longed to see. PASS! I was so elated and screamed for joy when I got inside my car. The minimum passing percentage was 72%. I got 85%. Woo hoo!
So now that I have the certification I can begin my search for a Salesforce business analyst role. I know it won't be easy as I hate interviewing and it took me 40 months to get my current role. But whatever happens I'll take it in stride. Interestingly enough my manager spoke to me briefly Friday about a potential new opportunity to specialize in a particular role within Support. I don't know much about the details but will have to see what it entails. It would be nice if it means I can reduce my case load but I'm sure that won't be the case. I'm also in line to get a merit increase of 5% - 6% which will definitely be put to good use.
In other news, I received sad news from Tasha a few days ago. Our family Pastor who served over 60 years in the Archdiocese of Detroit and was the principal priest at our Church for over 50 years, died on 02/26. He was 92 years old, the same age my Dad was when he passed.
Our Pastor wed my parents, baptized my sisters and I, and presided over the funeral services of both of my parents. He's done the same for many others in the community and no doubt his passing will leave a great void within the Church.
I have my own memories of him during my formative years when I worked with my Dad at our Church. I remember there was one time when he and I went to deliver supplies to a local food bank. This random kid around my age came up to me and asked if my Pastor was my father. I was taken aback and I remember looking at our Pastor who gave me a smile. I told the kid no but I felt guilty about it afterwards. Technically he wasn't but he was our spiritual father.
I have other memories of helping him and his secretary write up some basic code to print out some letters. Of course I remember him preaching every Sunday when the family went to Church and my time serving on the altar, first as an altar boy and then as a Minister of Service up until my mid-20's.
The funniest memory I have of him was when there was a group of us including him went up to Mackinac Island for the weekend. I was 12 or 13 at the time and traveled by bus with my Grandma (who was really my Dad's cousin) and around 30-40 other folks. So when it came time to decide where to sleep, it was decided that my Grandma along with another group of ladies would stay in one building. There were several small cabins where we stayed and it was decided that I would room with our Pastor.
So there was only one small bed in the room. He offered up the bed to me and slept on the floor. That was how selfless he was. So we had to share one blanket and at some point during the night, he pulled the majority of the blanket towards him. Later that night I must've been dreaming of home and being awaken to get ready for school. I yelled out to Mama that I was getting up and coming to the kitchen. I quickly woke up and didn't know if I said it out loud or not.
Later that morning I told the Pastor that he was hogging all the covers that night. Without missing a beat he countered back that he was awaken by me talking in my sleep. I was so mortified at the time but it made for a funny memory soon afterwards.
Since our Pastor had such a huge impact on the community, they are allowing three days for folks to view his body before the final service on 03/10. I was thinking of going to the service but then Tasha pointed out that there would likely be a huge crowd (including media). So instead my sisters and I will go Friday to view his body. As it is they plan to livestream the viewing for all three days.
I couldn't help but notice that it was just a little over six months after my Dad passed that our Pastor died. They were born almost 12 months apart with my Dad being the older of the two. With the passing of our Pastor, two influential men that shaped my formative years growing up are now on the other side. It truly is an end of an era.
It'll be interesting to see what happens with the Church in the coming weeks and months. The Church always had been controversial in the Catholic community since our Pastor allowed women to serve on the altar which at the time was a big no-no. Also within the Church, the board of the Church tended to clash at times. So I am curious to see who will attempt to fill our Pastor shoes. Time will tell.
Merry Christmas 2022! This Christmas will go down in history as the first one in many years that I'm not spending it in Detroit. It's the first one that neither of my parents are around to share the holiday season with. It's also the first one in a long time where the inclement weather that swept across most of America just before the holiday was coined by weather folks as "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Temperatures plunged into below freezing as a wintry mix descended across the U.S. Thankfully the actual snowfall was less than 3 inches in my neck of the woods so not the worst I've seen. But the temps reached as low as -8 and with the threat of burst pipes required us to bleed out our faucets so they don't freeze.
There were two storms that brought much more snow that I was actually remember. The first was coined the Blizzard of 1996. It took place between January 6 - 8. I was a fresh doe-eyed (*LOL*) 23 year old living on my own in the Washington D.C. area. I was almost a year in my first corporate job. I was a consultant assigned to work for then Bell Atlantic and had relocated to the D.C. area for the project. The storm bought almost two feet of snow to where I lived. I was pretty much trapped in my apartment for a few days. I do recall walking to the local grocery store a day or so later and seeing people sliding groceries with sleds. I remember too spending that time calling a few mutual fund companies and starting some retirement investments. I will say my Dad was good about teaching me the power of saving money. Going on a slight tangent I do wish that high schools taught financial planning to kids. I do credit Black Enterprise with teaching me about stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. But if I wasn't proactive about learning about money, I would not know about it till much later.
The other big storm I remember took place late January 2011. I was living in the west burbs of Chicago at the time. Again almost two feet of snow fell between several days. I still remember having to use a bucket to clear snow by the door to even be able to open it. I had to do a little bit at a time and then take multiple breaks. It took several days before the homeowner association cleared out the roads around me. The snow fell so fast and hard, drivers were stranded for miles in the northbound lanes of Lake Shore Drive. Many were trapped for hours by crashes in front of them, traffic behind them, and snow falling all around them. So glad I wasn't in that mess. Crazy times.
My Dad for as long as I could remember would recall the blizzard of 1978 that took place in Detroit. I was 5 at the time and have no recollection of it. But my Dad shared the story of how his car was trapped in all the snow and the roads weren't plowed since the focus was on the main streets. He mentioned needing to walk to the main street in our area and catch a bus so he could get baby formula for my younger sister Trina who was at the time a few months old. I imagine too that he had to clean quite a bit of snow as well around the house.
While this year's "Nightmare Before Christmas" storm pales in comparison to the three big storms I mentioned, my sisters and I decided that it would be better if we met closer to New Year's Day. The weather will be warmer by then in the upper 40s and 50s. So that's what we decided to do. Maybe it'll be the start of a new tradition. On the flipside it'll be the second New Year's Eve that I don't spend hanging out with Eugene and another friend of his who visit Chicagoland every year. Last year I couldn't attend because I had to work at Amazon though that got circumvented by my stone drama. His friend actually moved to Chicago this year so it'll be interesting to see what they do this year.
It'll be the first Christmas that Dom and I get to spend together as well. Usually I'm in Detroit and typically he visits his family before Christmas and is home alone for Christmas. So it'll be good to spend time together. We'll even be able to attend Christmas mass at our local church, a first there too.
The holidays are quickly creeping up. We had our first taste of winter a few days ago. It wasn't enough snow thankfully to stick too much but it along with the cold reminded me of what's to come. Dom had a scary moment going to work narrowly avoiding being hit by a spun out semi-truck. People definitely don't know how to drive when the elements first hit.
Dom and I are planning to do a bit of traveling next week for the Thanksgiving Holiday. The plan is for him to drive us to visit his family the Day before Thanksgiving and stay till Thanksgiving. Then come back home and I drive us to Detroit to see my sisters. I really want him to go to Detroit since he hasn't been since my Mom's funeral. He couldn't make my Dad's funeral because he started week one of the new school year at the same time and needed to be there.
Dom's already reneging on doing any traveling next week. It doesn't help that the weather may be crappy as well. But I really think we need to visit. His sister is on the tail end of receiving chemo for cancer and it would great if his parents got to see all three siblings together at the same time. Also like I said he hasn't been to Detroit in a while and he needs to make an appearance. I'm praying the weather cooperates next week though since even I am not keen on driving if the weather is messy.
I capped off a great week at work (even through some annoying customers and account executive managers - but that's every week...*LOL*). I closed a record 19 cases this week. I'm usually lucky to close 10 cases. But the stars seemed to align this week. I have another certification exam that I'm attempting to take tomorrow as well that I hope I can pass on. This time it's for Business Analyst, which used to be my past life. I'm hopeful that I can add yet another Salesforce certification to my coffer which will make 6 certifications. (Yes I also managed to finally get the Sales Cloud Consultant Certification after my 3rd try on October 4th). I'm hoping the questions for the BA cert will be intuitive based on the ones I've studied on.
Eugene called me the other day as well which was nice. We don't talk as much these days like we used to years back. He wanted me to help him verify access to download a recommendation letter he wrote for a former student (a greek hottie) who he kinda messed around with. Greek hottie was a college student (now assistant professor) to clarify and it didn't happen till after he was done taking Eugene's class. So anyway Eugene has been tight lipped on pics of him. But he gave me enough information that I was able to do a Google search on the sly and finally lay eyes on a photo of him. And wooh...boyfriend is fine! Of course I had to tell Eugene what I did and we both shared a nice laugh.
This weekend will be busy at our Church as well. I'm part of the Church board and as clerk I have to take minutes for our yearly congregational meeting and also present accomplishments for the year which includes donations of school supplies and Christmas presents for children of parents impacted by the HIV virus, participating in local Pride fests, as well as hosting game nights and karaoke. It's a bit of work being on the board but thankfully it's been manageable.
That's been my life in a nutshell. I'm keeping it moving forward.
I've been watching a YouTube couple with a channel called WealthNation for about a month now. A lot of the tips they share about saving and investing is not really new. But I enjoy their back and forth banter in their videos and they seem to really enjoy themselves. The husband is actually a hottie too. At least I assume they're married. It's great when a couple is able to agree on things financially (like obviously WealthNation do) which is sadly not always the case. Usually one half of the couple is a saver while the other half is a spender. I think everyone that's read my blog(s) know which half of the equation I fall under in my current coupling.
They do say finances are one of the most important things that couples need to agree on. It's more important than sex. In our case the sex obviously went out the window. So finances is really all we got to work with...*LOL*. Things were getting a little better as Dom wasn't spending as much on his hobby and at one point, I managed to get the joint savings account to have close to $1000. But then he started spending again and his multiple doll pre-orders starting withdrawing money from the joint account all at once and our bank (for the joint accounts anyway) started taking money from our savings to cover the overages. In a matter of months the savings account has dwindled to under $100 and our stupid bank did the most offensive thing to cover Dom's overages. It took the money that was paid for June's mortgage to cover the overages as well as tack on three separate $35 overdrawn fees. To add a little more insult to injury, they then tacked a $10 late fee for the mortgage that was paid on time. Centier is the name of the fucking bank and yes Dom ultimately has accountability in why things got the way it did. But fuck Centier!
Now we did try to resolve things two years back by having Dom have his own separate account where he could do his hobby and transfer a portion of his paycheck to his personal account so that whatever was left in the joint could be primarily for bills which is what it should've been in the first place. But then Centier decided to require multi-factor authentication to log into the account which fucked Dom over because he had no clue how to log into the account. So instead of transferring some money from the joint, he started doing all his hobby stuff on the joint which led to the situation I'm ranting about today.
And of course I'm the one that's left to bail him out. I guess I made that choice when we got together but sometimes I feel so frustrated. He just doesn't seem to care. And then he still talks about spending money on things even in the midst of this happening and it's enough to make me scream. That's why I'm not feeling great about him doing early retirement potentially. He claims that he would cut his spending but I don't believe him.
His hobby has gotten in the way of him paying for other things, like his medical bills and car maintenance. I'm still pissed about my own medical bills that I had to pay because I didn't have health insurance prior to getting my job (which is another rant for another time...*LOL*).
He has the nerve to get on my case whenever I decide to go to the casino. I know 99% of the time I wind up "donating" money for them to keep the lights on. But at least I'm not spending almost my whole paycheck at the casino which is doing for his hobby.
One positive financial thing happened at least this month. I knocked out one of my two credit card debts. So now I can focus on knocking the other one down. It'll be a little harder since I'm using that card to pay my medical debt as well as making various purchases but I'm hoping putting more money into it (basically taking the money I spent to knock down credit card #1 in addition to what I currently pay on my other card) will knock my debt out or at least put a huge dent in it by this time next year at the earliest.
I really wanted to replace a few of the windows this year. But the thought of getting more debt has delayed that. Plus it would pretty much fall on me to get it paid for. I will do it eventually (along with a few other house repairs) but I think I'll table it until next year when hopefully by then I put a nice dent on card #2. Maybe Blackberry may finally pay off by then too and help me out...*LOL*. (A brother can dream, right?)
My planned trip to San Diego in October sadly won't help the debt cause either. But I haven't been on a plane since September 2018. It'll be nice to take a trip again even with this crazy COVID mess we have to deal with. So maybe September or October 2023 on the remaining credit card debt being paid off...*LOL*.
I received more sad news last Saturday when Trina texted Tasha and I to let us know that our Dad fell down in the hallway and was being taken to the hospital. It took almost two days for him to get a room. Trina and thankfully Tasha have been taking turns visiting him in the hospital. I was planning to go to Detroit that weekend but wound up not going.
Dad wound up breaking two ribs in the fall. Unfortunately his dementia has gotten worse and may have played a role in the fall. Trina was in her bedroom when it happened so she didn't see the cause. He's going to unfortunately have to go to what they coin a "rehab center" which in reality is a nursing home to heal up. There's no telling how long he will have to stay there or if he'll even come home. It may get to the point that Trina and Donovan won't be equipped to take care of him. It's just sad all around.
I hate to know that Dad is slowly slipping away from us. I guess it's the cycle of life and one day it'll happen to all of us. He's lucky that he has three kids that he can fall on. Who will have my back when my time come?
One of the things my Dad lamented about from time to time over the last decade or so is not believing that's he at the age now where he's considered an old man. I mean when I think about it, he was 42 when I was born. That means that when my Dad was my current age, I was only 7 years old. It's just crazy how life goes by so quickly.
That's why I guess it is good that Dom has his hobby that he enjoys. I just wish he thought a little more about the future as well (however bleak it may be). Dom's already said that he wants to die first. Life of course has no guarantees that it'll work out that way. So perhaps that's why he's not really that concerned about saving. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize in my head. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
