Sisterly Ties

 My visit to Detroit was interesting and wound up having some drama.   I reached out privately to Trina to confirm that I could stay with her while in Detroit.   I had wanted to stay with her on Thanksgiving but she mentioned that Donovan's Mom was staying over and that I could share a bed with her.   I wasn't sure if she was joking or not but I wasn't comfortable with that so I booked a hotel instead.   

So Trina confirmed that I could stay there.   I wound up traveling on Christmas Day.   I was a few hours away when Tasha sent a group text (we have an ongoing sibling thread) asking me to stop by her old place and then we could go to the new home together where she had the presents for our gift exchange.   I replied to the affirmative but didn't think to mention that I was planning to stay with Trina.   This will come into play later.

So I get to Tasha's old place and when going to the door, she didn't answer.   I called a few minutes later and confirmed that she and Abe were at CVS running errands and that they'd be back soon and to go next door to Abe's Mom.   

Abe's Mom and I spent some time together.   She is hard of hearing so it was a struggle chatting with her but that was cool.   I helped her with learning how to use an ear dryer which she needs because she has a condition where her drainage passages are narrow and her ears tend to fill with water.   There is a possible procedure to reverse but with her being almost 90 years old, the doctor's do not want to take the risk.

Tasha and Abe returned twenty minutes later and bought some pizza for dinner.   Abe drove over to their new place and then later I drove Tasha to the new house.   On the way there, Tasha mentioned that I could park my garage in their two car garage (with an individual door for each) and stay overnight.  

When she mentioned staying overnight, I froze.   I had already planned to stay at Trina's but for some reason I didn't say anything.    Also Trina did not send any response when Tasha asked me to stop by the old place.   It looked like Tasha indirectly was thinking Trina and Donovan would also come to the place.    They implied as much to each other when Abe asked if they were coming and Tasha said she didn't think they would.

So Tasha and I toasted the evening on wine coolers and doritos and watched some classic comedies that happened to air their Christmas episodes including Sanford & Son, All In The Family (it was sad seeing Rob Reiner given he recently was shot to death by his own son), and the slightly more recent Hot in Cleveland.   Abe wound up staying at their old house while Tasha and I slept in mattresses in the living room.   She mentioned it was her first night at the new home.   I messaged Trina to let her know that I would stay at Tasha's place since it was first time alone in the new house.   Trina said it was cool but I wasn't sure if she was truly fine with it.

I wound up being a guinea pig for their second upstairs bathroom.   The shower and sink were fine but the toilet leaked out of the tank when flushed.   

Tasha had to work on Friday so she left me Abe's key and the garage opener so I can venture out.   I relaxed a bit and then took a quick shower before heading to a local Wendy's for lunch.   As I was wrapping up lunch, Dom called and was letting me know that he just got done seeing his Mom at the rehab place.    He himself was going to stop at McDonald's to get lunch before heading back home.   While on the phone, I received a message from Eugene.    He also left a text message.  

After I said goodbye to Dom, I checked Eugene's text and saw that he was hanging out at a Starbuck's 20 minutes from me.   I left Wendy's and called him back when I got in the car.   I drove over to the Starbuck's where he was to hang out.   It's our first time seeing each other since last December when I visited him in Fall River, MA.  

We talked about each other's family dramas.  On my end, the last several holidays we all typically gathered at Trina's home since Papa was living there.   It was almost a given that Trina's spot would be where to go.    On the flipside on Thanksgiving Tasha would want Trina and I to stop by for dinner with her and Abe's family.   His family is cool overall but his sister (his only one) is a piece of work.    The times Trina and I went, she would remind us that our parents did not attend Tasha's wedding (which they had at their old place on Thanksgiving).    That proved to be a sore spot that she always would bring up.   It got to the point that we both were tired of hearing about it.   It especially got annoying hearing it after Mama had passed.    So for a few years neither Trina and I would attend which proved to be a sore point for Tasha.

So I wonder if this year that may played into things.   I oddly felt like I was caught in the middle.   In the end Eugene said that it would be up to me to fix things.   I knew Trina had no intentions of going to the new house (she may have felt slighted by us not going there on Christmas) so when Tasha happened to call me, I suggested that the two of us should go over to Trina's.   I then called Trina afterwards to let her know that we would head over in a few more hours.

Eugene then replayed his drama that mostly centers around his Dad.   His Dad is a heavy drinker who apparently spends all his money on liquor and does not help in paying the rent at the apartment his parents reside.  Basically there was an incident where he drove his parents to his sister's home for Christmas dinner.   His sister visited Portugal and apparently picked up some kind of rum that their Dad took a liking to. 

Eugene mentioned that his Mom and himself were in the car and were waiting for his Dad.   It took another ten or fifteen minutes before he came and he emerged with the rum.    Eugene surmised that he must've convinced his sister to part with it.    But Eugene was having none of it.    He basically had a standoff with his Dad saying that he refused to drive them with an open bottle of liquor.    His concern was that if they get pulled over, he could get in trouble with law enforcement and did not want to take the risk.   His Dad argued back against this but Eugene prevailed.

Needless to say he has a strained relationship with his Dad.   He mentioned how his Dad was a heavy drinker all his life and lost his job due to being drunk on the job.    He was verbally abusive to his Mom.   A part of Eugene was mad that his Mom did not leave him many years back.    But now they're in their late 70s and early 80's so pretty much it makes no sense to do so.

We then made parallel comparisons between his Dad spending all his disposable income on liquor while Dom spends most of his disposable income (and well some of my income these days) on his doll hobby.   At least Dom's hobby isn't destructive health wise.

We spent the majority of our time also talking about getting older and health woes.   Eugene recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea and due to years of it being untreated, it affected his blood vessels in his brain.   He has to take a mild blood pressure medication.   Of course it got me thinking about my health and how I'm resigning myself to possibly having to take them myself.    He then mentioned a friend who has to take 300mg of some blood pressure meds.   That's so crazy.

So we parted ways after a few hours and then I got to Tasha's home just before Tasha was dropped off by Abe.   We then made our way to Trina's home where we had the gift exchange.   I had Donovan's name and got his some Lions gear since he loves the Lions.    He especially appreciated the cup holders since he always quick to throw a cup holder whenever we have drinks.

I bought pizza over and Tasha brought some Pepsi.   Overall we had a good evening and then we headed back.   I left on Saturday morning to head back home which I'm glad I did as temperatures plummeted on Sunday and it was rainy and windy.

I will definitely have to remember next year to make it clear where we would be meeting for the holidays and I'll have to use the group siblings chat to verify on where I am staying.   Also as an aside Tasha was asking me about my car on our way to Trina.   Little did I pickup that she was asking because she's interested in getting the car when I decide to update.   She told me as much in a private text after I got back home.   I've traded my older cars twice before for Papa ages back and Papa in turn gave his older cars to Tasha (she always seems to want a car though I'm guessing Abe's family members are in need as we never see the cars again).   I told her I'd let her know but if she wants the car, she'll definitely have to give me a fair value for losing the trade-in.   Fun times.

Type A Drama

 On December 15th Dom and I drove to Fort Wayne, IN to visit his Mom who was in the hospital recovering from a brain bleed.   Dom asked me to drive since the trip was close to three hours and he's not comfortable anymore driving longer than two hours.  I was in the office when he asked so I needed to quickly reach out to my manager to get approval.   Thankfully she said it was fine and I was able to use some of my sick time.

So when we got there, we ran into Dom's sister Marie's husband Mel in a hallway near the room where Dom's Mom was staying.   Immediately afterwards we ran into Marie.   The hospital staff was taking care of his Mom so we waited outside her room until they were done.

We also ran into Dom's niece Lexie who was in the room while the staff was helping his Mom.   Eventually we all were in the room and we were able to spend quality time with her.  She sounded a lot better than she did when Dom talked to her a few days before the visit.   At that time they were running lots of tests and she had a tube in her mouth and throat.

One of the things that drove Dom to wanting to see his Mom in person was Marie expressing wanting to take control over their Mom's care and finances.    Dom and his Mom were upset that Marie insisted on taking his Dad to a rehab facility closer to her without considering what his Dad wanted.   Dom also is worried that Marie will want to sell his Mom's house if something happens to her and then displace Lexie and Ava from the house.   

Marie was quick to mention that Mom made her "executor" of her estate and the final go-to for what happens next.   That definitely irritated Dom.   He even asked me beforehand if I wanted to be "executor".   But I declined as I do not want to be in the middle of that mess.   Marie is a piece of work and I really don't want to deal with that and have her stressing me out.    Plus it would potentially put a strain on Dom and my relationship which I do not want.

It is crazy how the love of money can cause division in a lot of families.   I do pray that they are able to get through this.   Dom is also hoping to convince his Mom to sell the home to her brother so that his nieces would be able to stay without being forced to move if Marie pursues trying to sell the home.  Originally his parents stated that when they both are gone that the home would be split between Dom and his two sisters.    Dom's sister Marina passed on but her nieces Ava and Lexie are still there.   It makes sense to leave the home to the nieces as neither Dom nor Marie have need of the home.   They could also put the home in a revocable living trust as well and explicitly spell out that the nieces would inherit the home.    Hopefully they'll be able to resolve things before his Mom isn't able to.

Everyone in Dom's family, including Dom, are Type A's.   So it can make for intense moments.

Dom's Mom is at a rehab facility that's closer to her home.   She was feeling depressed at the thought of not being home for Christmas but the facility is allowing her to go home for Christmas.    But like Cinderella, she has to return to the facility before Midnight.

Dom got to see his Mom on Christmas and plans to spend the 26th with her at the facility before he heads back home.    He expressed sadness that his Mom felt hopeless because she wasn't able to get herself up from the loveseat she was sitting at.    She lamented that if she can't get up from the loveseat, she may never come back home.    But the hope is that the physical therapy will help her in recovery.

Merry Christmas 2025

 Another Christmas has arrived.   As it has been since I've grown up, Christmas seems to creep in faster and faster.   It serves as a reminder that the end of the year is almost here.   I wanted to post a quick message before Dom and I take off to visit our respective families.   Dom's Mom is doing better and is currently at a rehab facility.    There's some drama there but I'll save that for another post.

My sisters are doing fine.   Tasha and her family are in the process of moving to a new home in Detroit.   The area they're moving to is around 7 mile and Woodward which has a lot of older, nicer homes in the vicinity.   They've been living in their current home since the mid-2000's and the home next door to them was owned by Abe's grandparents since 1971 and their move-in date Tasha recently found out was on her birthdate.

So anyway I'll be on the road shortly.   I honestly do not like having to drive for such a long distance but since I'm the furthest away, it makes sense.   Plus since it's just Tasha, Trina, and myself left in our family, it is good for us to stay connected.

We're still doing the Secret Santa list.  We've actually done it for over 15 years now.   I drew Trina's husband Donovan this year.   I wasn't sure what to get him but I remembered his love of the Detroit Lions and decided to get him some Lions gear.    He'll hopefully put it to good use.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Lost Stories

 Dom and I had an interesting discussion earlier.   It came out during a discussion of why I always have cold hands and feet.   When the weather changes for the cold, I find my extremities to get cold even when I have socks and gloves on.    Dom is the opposite and always is hot.    So you can guess I find myself seeking Dom's warmth much to his annoyance.   But Dom being my source of heat is in our marriage contract...LOL.

One of the theories Dom shared with me was that since my family is from the "islands", Guadeloupe to be exact, where it's tropical, having cold hands and feet could've been a mechanism of cooling off.   I realized with mentioning my country of origin that I've never ever mentioned it before in any of my blog entries from either this blog or my original one.   Well, except for a story of a cousin that visited the family almost a decade back.    I just said she came from overseas.

Part of why I didn't mention it could be that I was born in Detroit and only visited Guadeloupe two or three times growing up.    So for me Detroit was home.    It was second home of course for my Mom and Dad.

So Dom and I talked about how Papa came into Detroit in 1957 to stay with his Uncle and Aunt.   His Aunt was by blood and was his Mother's (my paternal Grandmother) sister.   I know Papa's uncle as "Uncle".   Dom asked me how Papa's Uncle and Aunt came into Detroit.    It was only then that I realized that I had no idea.    Can you believe I don't recall ever asking Papa about it?

I only remembered the stories Papa told about how "Uncle" was miserly with his money and how he was protective of his possessions.   The most infamous story was how Papa needed to borrow Uncle's encyclopedia set for something he needed to do research on.   He recalled how he didn't return some of the books right away and how upset his Uncle was.   After returning it, one of the first things my Dad did when he got a job was save up to buy his own encyclopedia set from World Book.    The set was from 1960.   I knew this because when we were in school we used that same set for book reports.   And yes this was in the mid to late 80's so a lot of the information was over 20 years old and a lot of it obsolete.

But I remember how proud Papa said he felt when he got his own set.   It was a form of independence from Uncle.   

Papa's Aunt died less than two years after Papa came to Detroit which left him devastated.   It seemed that Uncle and Papa's relationship was a tumultuous one.   I wonder if losing his Aunt played into that.

The only other story I remembered was how Uncle didn't trust banks and kept most of his cash in his mattress.    There was even a story of how Uncle could've bought IBM stock and had he done so, perhaps they could've gained some wealth when the stock really started appreciated.    Speaking of which I never knew that IBM originated from another company called CTR (Computing-Tabulating-Recording Company).   The name was changed to what it's known as today in 1926.   Interestingly enough I've been trading stocks for a number of years now myself (though I'm not really good at it...LOL).

Who I knew as "Grandma" was the daughter of Uncle and Aunt.    I never knew Uncle since he died in 1977 when I was 5 years old.   I only remembered him through the stories.   Grandma also had a husband who passed away in 1978 and they did not have any children.

So I never knew Uncle's story.   Was he even from "the islands" or was he actually American?  What was his family life like?   I feel bad that I never asked Papa about his Uncle's history.   I asked Tasha and Trina and they didn't know either.    Sadly a part of family history is lost forever though perhaps it may be revealed on the other side of life.    Who knows?   If I do I won't be able to tell yall...LOL.

I can only guess there must've been some opportunity that led his Uncle to Detroit.  A lot of times folks move for opportunities.   That's why I moved to Maryland for a brief spell and ultimately Chicagoland.  So it was probably the same for Uncle.

Make It Last Forever

 

Keith Sweat w/ Jacci McGhee - Make It Last Forever

INTRO

Make It Last
Make It Last Forever (Ever)
Darling I Love You (Ooh Ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh, Oh)
Let's Make It Last (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Let's Make It Last Forever And Ever
Don't Let Our Love End (Don't Let Our Love End)
Mmm

VERSE 1:

Let Me Hear You Tell Me You Love Me
Let Me Hear You Say You'll Never Leave Me
Ooh Girl, That Will Make Me Feel So Right
Let Me Hear You Tell Me You Want Me
Let Me Hear You Say You'll Never Leave Me Baby
Until The Morning Light (I)

Let Me Tell You How Much I Love You
Let Me Tell You That I Really Need You
Baby, baby, baby, I Will Make It All Right
No One But You, Baby
Can Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me, Make Me, Make Me Feel

CHORUS:

Woah-Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh-Oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm
Don't Let Our Love End (Don't)
Just Make It Last Forever (Oh, Make It Last) And Ever (Forever)

BRIDGE:

Your Touch Is Wonderful
Your Love Is Marvelous
Joy, That's What I Feel
When I'm With You
Nothing, No One (No One Boy)
Could Compare To What We Have (Oh, My Baby)
Love, It Feels So Good
I'm So Glad You're Mine

I wasn't the biggest fan of Make It Last Forever.   It wound up being the prom song for my high school prom that I never attended.   Wait a minute, I'm lying.   I think Make It Last Forever was my sister Tasha's prom song.   She did go to her prom.   My prom's theme song was Here and Now by Luther Vandross.   That song still hasn't warmed up to me.

But Make It Last Forever actually is the jam.   And in recent years I've found myself playing it more and more.   It actually is a lovely song that is written from the viewpoints of two lovers who want their love to last forever.

Of course nothing is forever.   I was reminded of that when knowing today is the 6th anniversary of my Mom's passing.   It's crazy that so much time has passed.   There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Mom and wishing I could talk to her one more time.

I keep replaying the last few months of her life.   I freshly remember when she called me while I was on the road making my way to Amazon one Saturday morning.   I was at that time working at an Amazon Warehouse that was 90 minutes away from home.

She was calling to tell me not to spend any more money on alternative meds to take because she was done fighting to live and was accepting that she was going die.  I had sent her some Essiac liquid as a possible option.  I've seen stories and testimonies on how it helped individuals conquer various forms of cancer.   I thought it would be something that might help.   I wasn't ready to lose my Mom yet.

But in true Mom fashion after dropping that bombshell, she refused to give me a chance to react and talk her out of it.   She instead said that she had to go do something else and promptly hung up.   I was so upset at the news and she told me it while I was driving on the tollway.    I immediately called Dom to vent and he thought I crashed the car.

Mama had the habit of throwing little bombshells when calling and then wanting to excuse herself.  I always hated that and this time it was no exception.

I later had moments when I was mad at Mom for giving up.   But I later realized that my Mom had been fighting for a long time.   She was first diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 1999 and was suffering from it years before without having any idea what was happening.

She went through a few more trials and turbulations over the years and when she was diagnosed with uterine cancer in 2018, it was the beginning of the end.   She had the surgery to remove her uterus but unfortunately the cancer had spread to her spine and caused her pain.   

When the doctors said her form of cancer was aggressive, they also said she only had months to live.   I was there in the hospital room when she was given the news.    I was doing my best to calm Papa who was upset obviously.   Tasha was discussing the diagnosis and options with the doctor.

I wasn't ready to accept the doctor's diagnosis but after processing my anger, I realized that Mama had fought a long time and she was ready for the pain to go away.    We all have an expiration date and there may be a point of time when someone just knows.   She knew her time was running out.   She made sure to let us all know that she loved us all.

The day before she died, I remember I was giving her a warm rag with water that she put on her forehead.   There was a moment where I accidentally had the rag with cooler water.   She squealed when she touched it and we exchanged a brief laugh as I apologized.   She told me that she loved me and I said the same.   

Hours later my Mom went into another world.   She was moaning continuously and wouldn't stop no matter what I did.   Tasha came over that evening to check in on her.    Seeing Mama's state, she couldn't stay and wound up leaving the apartment.   Papa joined her in bed a little bit later.   I wound up settling in for the night in an easy chair they had outside of their bedroom.

I couldn't really sleep that night.  I woke up several times during the night to check in on my parents.   Papa was fast asleep and Mama was continuing to moan.   There was nothing I could do and that was frustrating.  I wrote notes on the journal that our caretaker suggested we have to keep a tally of Mama's condition.

The next morning Mama was still in the same state.   Her caregiver came to help clean Mama.   Mama was still moaning and was not aware that we were in the room.   For the first time I started crying as I helped the caretaker move Mom around.   With one hand I cradled my Mom's neck to position it straight, which was protruding sideways.  

We were done cleaning her up.    The caretaker told me that Mama was actively dying.   The process can take anywhere from days to weeks.   As we were talking, Mom suddenly gasped as she briefly lifted herself up before she fell back down.    We both called out for her but she didn't say anything.   I didn't realize it then but my Mom took her final breath before being called home.

My Mom's eyes were wide open.  I was petrified at the time and couldn't touch her.   I feel ashamed that I froze.  The caretaker wound up passing her fingers on my Mom's eyelids to close them and then she wrapped a towel to close my Mom's open mouth.

We gave the news to Papa who was in the next room.   He was crying.  I was still crying.  I texted Tasha and Trina to let them know.   In my haste I called 911 not realizing that I was supposed to call hospice.   EMS came and of course couldn't take my Mom because she died and had to have hospice and coroner declare it.

It was a crazy day.  I was originally supposed to leave for home that morning but was not going to leave that day.   I stayed the night and left the next day.   Unfortunately Amazon didn't have much in terms of bereavement leave and I knew I would still have to work.

It just so happened that I was starting work at a new facility that I relocated to with a different shift.  So I had to do training and keep my grief at bay.   It was the same thing until I was able to take two more days off to attend the funeral.

I wish I could Make It Last Forever and have my parents still around.   But alas the cycle of life is that nothing lasts forever.   Not the good times or the bad times.  Time just marches on.

As hard as it was, I'm glad I was there to say my goodbyes to Mama.   I do hope I get to see Mama and Papa again one day.   I will light a candle for each of them this weekend for All Souls Day.   It's a tradition that I learned from Mama when she did it for her Dad, my Grandpa.    It's my tradition now that I do until I can do it no more.

R.I.P. Big Ma

 My sister Tasha messaged Trina and I yesterday in the early morning hours to let us know that her Grandmother-In-Law, affectionately known to family as Big or Big Ma, passed away peacefully on July 11.   She lived on this Earth for 107 years which is a wonderful miracle.   As my brother-in-law Abe texted, she was living in overtime to continue to impart her love and wisdom to her family.

When I did see Big Ma periodically over the years, she always had a smile on her face and she remembered that I was Tasha's brother.   She would always talk about her life and want to be part of family discussions.   

During one of my visits at Big Ma's home one Thanksgiving (Big Ma's house is the next door over from Abe and Tasha's), I spied a photo of Big Ma along with a large group of ladies that were part of an Auxiliary group that I can't remember the name of.   Big Ma noted that she was the only remaining living person that was in the photo.   

It's wild to think she's lived through World War I (born in the tail end of it), World War II, The Civil Rights Movement, the 1967 Race Riots in Detroit, Iran Hostage Crisis, 9-11, and Covid among other major life events.   There were 19 different presidents in her lifetime.

I learned from Tasha yesterday that Big Ma moved into her final home on Tasha's actual birthdate.  That was definitely a cool fact.   Abe has three brothers and one sister but has been the primary one responsible for caring for Big Ma and his Mom who is her late 80's.   I can't even imagine the grief that Abe and his Mom are especially feeling.   His Mom had her Big Ma for more than 80 years.   I'm sure in all that time there's been ups and downs (like with any family) but it truly is a blessing to have that amount of time.   The number of memories they had together I do hope does give them a small bit of comfort in their time of grief.

The grief never completely goes away.   Even though it's been almost three years since I lost both my parents, there's not a day that goes by that I do not think of one or both of them.   They gave my sisters and I life and were present for us through the good and bad.

I like to think that among all of Big Ma's relatives that she lost over the years that my parents are among those in the big crowd that will be there to celebrate heaven's newest angel.

I do not know when the celebration of Big Ma's life will take place but it just so happened that Dom and I were planning to be in Detroit next weekend (after visiting Mackinac Island and Frankenmuth).   It would be good if I was there to pay my last respects.   R.I.P. Big Ma.

There's No Place Like Home

Stephanie Mills - Home

Verse 1

When I think of home, I think of a place
Where's there's love overflowing
I wish I was home, I wish I was back there
With the things I've been knowing
Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall, they have a meaning
Sprinkling the scene
Makes it all clean

Verse 2
(When I think of home)
Maybe there's a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
(Maybe there's a chance I'll get home)
It sure would be nice to be back at home
Where there's love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
And let me start again

Verse 3

Suddenly my world's gone and changed its fate
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And watched it growing
And oh, if you're listening, God, please don't make it hard
To know if we should believe the things that we see
Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away?
(Should we run away?)
Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh
Living here in this brand new world might be a fantasy
But it's taught me to love, oh yeah
So it's real, it's so real, it's real to me
And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts to find
A world full of love like yours, like mine

Outro
Like home
Like, like home
(When I think of home)
My friends smiling down on me
Giving me their energy, oh
(When I think of home)
I think of a peaceful world and joy all around me, yeah
(When I think of home)
And love that we share can never, never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah
(When I think of home)
I just sit down and think
And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah
(When I think of home)
I can hear my friends telling me
"Stephanie, please sing my song"
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna tell you what it's all about, yeah
(When I think of home)
Yeah, yeah, yeah

For better or worse I think of the place in Detroit where I grew up as home.   The story of my childhood home began when my Dad immigrated to the United States in 1957.  He lived with the man I knew primarily as "Uncle" in that home.   Home was a duplex with two three-bedroom units downstairs and two three-bedroom units upstairs.   I believe our home was built in the 1870s.

Uncle at the time owned the house and was a landlord renting each of the bedrooms in the house to different patrons.   My Dad would end up renting the room that at first would later be my first bedroom as a small child and later Trina's bedroom when Tasha wanted independence from sharing a room.

My Dad would say how he got his first job and would save money so that he could paint his bedroom.   He spoke with pride how he got his own Encyclopedia set.   Papa said Uncle had an Encyclopedia set but became upset if my Dad held on to a specific volume too long.    That was when he decided to get his own set that he stored in his room.    All of my Dad's possessions were in that room.  

I'm a little hazy on the history but at some point my Dad moved out of our home and was living in another home with my "Grandma" in a place that was nicknamed Mt. Elliot.  There may have been other people living there as well.   That part was not clear.    I'm guessing it may have been around the time he got his job working at a Sherwin Williams plant.   That job would be a blessing and a curse for Papa. 

My Dad with his new wife, my Mom, would come back in 1976 to live in our childhood home once again.   Uncle by then was no longer a landlord and was in his last years of living.    The story was that Papa purchased the duplex for $6000 from Uncle.   With the way home prices are today, it's crazy to think homes used to be that cheap.

One of the few early memories I had as a small child was running with Tasha around the side of the house.   I believe both of us may have been excited by the extra space and we did what kids do.   My grandma (who was really my Dad's first cousin) would end up living in one of the upstairs units with her husband who I don't have any memories of since he died when I was 6.

Growing up in our childhood home had it's good and bad times like any home.   Since it was just the six of us living in the home (Trina would come along two years later in 1978), we all had free range to venture anywhere in the house.

As I mentioned my early years I had the bedroom that Papa used to stay in.   I later ended up moving to another bedroom in the back unit of the duplex.    I would wind up being by myself in that back area though we all used that space to live in as well and it was the path we took to go into the backyard and then the garage.

We had questionable neighbors that lived around us.   Our next door neighbor to our left also had a similar style duplex that was owned by a man I knew as Mr. Wick (changed the last name slightly for privacy purposes...LOL).   Mr. Wick also rented out parts of his home as well and some of those patrons were questionable.   There was a harmless guy named Hobo who spent his days sitting in the front porch just randomly laughing to himself and drinking alcohol.   He clearly had mental issues.   He was harmless though compared to Mr Wick's nephew Streek.

Streek was evil incarnate.   He along with his cronies broke into our home sometime in 1981 when we were at church one Sunday.   We returned home to find the front door wide open and chaos everywhere inside.   I remember feeling violated after the fact and I know it upset the rest of the family.   After that happened Papa hired a company to install bars on all the lower level windows.   It was the beginning of the end for the neighborhood as a whole.

Streek wound up going to jail after numerous other break-ins and spent close to a decade in prison (though I don't know the exact timeframe).   He was released from prison in the early 1990s sometime.   His next foray was selling drugs on the block.   We would be witness to random shootings that would happen between rival gangs.

It seemed the police was in on the drug drama as nothing would be done to get rid of the bad element.  Sometime in 1997 there was a shootout on the block with Streek ending up being shot to death right in front of our home.

I had moved out in August 1995 and had just moved to Chicago from living in Washington D.C. for a  new job.   I remember Mama calling me to give the news and how it traumatized them.   I felt so bad for them.

A new gang took over the drug trade after Streek was killed and the neighborhood continued its decline.   They even went so far as to loiter in front of our house and hiding drugs under our welcome mat.   Many of the neighbors moved out and my parents ended up being one of the last remaining residents until another shooting this time specifically targeted at our house happened in 2013.   

For years my sisters and I implored Mama and Papa to move and find somewhere safer to live.   My Dad decided to find a place on his own.   It was a two bedroom apartment in a senior citizen apartment.

Despite the issues with the neighborhood, it did serve as our home and we had many memories there.  For example, I smile as I recall how I used Papa's encyclopedia to do various book reports (even though the data was outdated seeing that the set was from 1960...*LOL*).    Various extended family members visited us over the years as well.    We had many family dinners in the kitchen and dining room.    We celebrated birthdays, holidays, and other life celebrations as well.

Since my parents moved away, the home became abandoned and was destroyed by both human and nature.   Papa still paid the taxes on it for a few years but decided he didn't want to deal with that anymore and gave the home to Tasha.   Tasha was not able to pay the taxes on it and the home eventually was taken back by the city.   Before that happened she tried putting it on the market but there were no takers.

The thing about home ownership that trips me is that even if you pay off the house (which Papa did when he bought it in 1976 for $6000), you truly do not own it free and clear.   You can still lose the home if you don't pay property taxes on it.   It's even worse when you live in a condo with association fees (like I did for 16 years).   If you continue to pay the mortgage and do not pay the association, the association has the right to take the home away from you.    That seems so unfair.

So the house was on my mind and I decided to check out Zillow to see what they have listed for it.  I was on the train on my way to work last week when I did this.   I was surprised to see that the home was no longer standing and now it's a vacant lot.   Ironically Mr. Wick's long abandoned duplex is still standing.   The lot currently is on sale for $25,000.

It feels surreal seeing that the home I once grew up in through thick and thin is no longer standing.   I don't recall Tasha or Trina mentioning that it was torn down.    Then again they may not know either.   But it truly is an end of an era.   Next time I'm in Detroit, I may do a quick drive-by to check the area (if it's safe).

In A Detox Mood

 With the new year creeping in, I've been thinking that I'm overdue for doing a detox.   There was a time in the mid-2000's where I had done several of them over a few years.   I did a popular one called the Master Cleanse at least ten times.   The last time I did a Master Cleanse was in 2009 I believe.   I've done a couple 3-day juice cleanses in recent years that haven't been as intense as the Master Cleanse.

I'm thinking of doing a detox cleanse by Dr. Bobby Price.   I first heard about Dr. Price on Youtube when watching an interview that he part of by an investment guru Anthony O'neal who had him as a guest.

Dr. Bobby came across as very insightful about how unhealthy a lot of foods are.   He advocates eating a plant based diet.   Even the so-called vegan processed foods are not healthy either.    He shared his story on how he was diagnosed with high blood pressure and how plant based foods reversed it.   He also has his own Youtube channel where he discusses a lot of topics in relation to improving health.

On his website, he has a link to a 14-day herbal detox that I'm curious to try.   The detox consists of drinking two different 32-oz bottles of tea.   The first tea is called Tummy TeaTox and it consists of various herbs like dandelion, rhubarb, senna (which was the main ingredient in a tea I drank when I was doing Master Cleanse), and slippery elm.   The second tea is called Parasite Candida Cleanse and it contains herbs like neem, burdock, black walnut hull, and oregano.

From what I understand you basically steep the tea overnight and then you alternate drinking 2 oz. of one tea and then the other every 20 minutes.   While detoxing it doesn't look like they mention any dietary restrictions so it seems you can eat regular meals as well.

I'm still trying to research others who've gone through the cleanse.   I have read that it does help clear up a lot of accumulated waste in the system.   Some have said they haven't felt as hungry while on the detox and that it helped eliminate bad eating habits.

I may wind up doing a juice cleanse once more before trying the herbal detox.   The rub is since I have to commute to the office more, I would have to take my juices or tea with me to the office.   It also means that I would be going to the bathroom more frequently which is not good in my current role.   So that'll be something I'll need to navigate.   I've had to do the same years back with the Master Cleanse.  I will definitely blog about it depending on what I decide.

In other news my Dad's birthday is tomorrow.   He would've been 95 years old.   An interesting fact is that my Dad told Trina a year or so before he passed that his birthday was actually on January 4th but they mistakenly put the 5th on his birth certificate.   I'm trying to remember if he said that before.  But regardless of whether it's on the 4th or the 5th, he is still missed.   Happy heavenly birthday Papa!

Almost A Wrap

 My trip to Detroit thankfully was uneventful.   I was Abe's Secret Santa.   He made it easy for me by requesting several baseball caps.   He's a cap person.    Trina wound up being my Secret Santa and she got me a three month subscription to Universal Yums.   They send out a monthly box with treats from a different country.   Dom discovered the company a few years back and we enjoyed a box or two from various countries.   The box actually arrived at my home on the 24th (guess it was good that I stayed home a day) and I decided to take it with me.   She also ordered Mariah Carey's 2020 autobiography that I had on my wish list.  I started reading a bit about Mariah's early life.   She's had it rough but she managed to use adversity to eventually make a name for herself.

Tasha brought over dinner for our Christmas meal that as always was delicious.   We spent the evening watching trashy, badly acted Tubi movies.   

Eugene and I hung out for a bit grabbing lunch at Sweetgreen restaurant, an organic outfit that serves environmentally sustainable meals.   After lunch we went shopping at Nordstrom's (well I did...LOL).  I picked up a new jacket for me and some shirts for Dom.

I decided to drive back home on Saturday after stopping by the cemetery to see Mama and Papa.   Trina, Tasha, and I shipped in to get a bed of flowers for their tombstone and also a wreath for our "Grandma" and hubby as well as "Grandma's Dad" who we knew as "Uncle".  I tried to look for "Uncle" where I thought he would be but had no luck finding him.

My Sunday was spent doing laundry in the morning and then a quick trip to Meijer's in the afternoon and a side trip to Chipolte's for our dinner.

I managed to irritate my nose this morning using the CPAP machine.   I wound up going to the office even though I wished I could've stayed home.  I found myself blowing my nose and sneezing all day.  Fun times.

My New Year's Eve is going to be a quiet one.  Dom and I will keep a low profile enjoying some steak and shrimp (well I will enjoy that).   The plan is to ring in the New Year watching one of the countdowns and praying the crazy folks don't shoot bullets at our house.

It's so hard to believe 2024 is coming to an end.   I will say that I am glad that I continued to blog about various events that have happened throughout the year.   With this post I'll have made 50 entries which is 10 more than I made in 2023.   The big highlight for me workwise was getting my promotion, which was my first promotion at a job since 2006.   Work has been nutty as usual but I'm pushing my way through it best way I know how.    I was happy that Dom and I managed to take a couple trips this year, one related to my work and the other related to his hobby.   It is nice that we were able to travel together and try to enjoy life.

For 2025 I do hope I continue to work towards paying off our mortgage.   At the same time I need to start thinking about getting another car.   I hate the thought of a car note (it's been nice not having one for a couple years) but I know Dom has a hard time getting into my Passat.   I'm thinking about the mini-SUV's like the Subaru Forester or the Mazda CX-5.    There's a few other crossover SUV's that I'm looking at as well.    I'm going to have to try to juggle that with getting the mortgage paid off.   I hate to replace one bill with another but I know it's about time to think about it.   I've been blessed that my Passat has been hanging in there since March 2014.    Cars are so expensive these days as well.   We shall see.

Perhaps my stock Blackberry may help me in achieving one or both of the financial goals.   They've had some good news in recent weeks that seems to have helped the stock recover some.    Their product QNX may finally be ready to start making the stock profitable again in 2025.    They plan on featuring QNX heavily at the upcoming Las Vegas held Consumer Electronic Show on January 7, 2025.   I'm very hopeful that things will be looking up there.

Here's to a happy, healthy 2025 for us even with the uncertainty of America's future.   

The Holiday Shuffle

 I was "roped" into driving to see Dom's Mom and family this past weekend.   I hoped Dom would drive but his minivan currently is in need of a thermostat replacement and he didn't want to risk the 4 hour round trip drive.   To be honest Dom scares me when he drives especially when he starts getting aggressive.  I do know it's in defense of the crazy drivers out there but he is constantly yelling and swinging his hands in frustration which gets me riled up.   I really wasn't feeling driving but I find it less stressful when I drive.    

On the flip side he freaks when I drive because he feels like I don't react quickly enough to cars breaking.   I'm aware of the other cars and do react in time but in his mind I cut it close.    What it comes down to is that neither of us are in control when the other person is driving and that is scary.   As much as I didn't relish driving since I'll be more driving in the near future, I felt it would be better if I did the driving.   

I caught a really bad cold last Wednesday as well.   Part of the issue could be that I'm not getting enough sleep as Dom reminded me.  I have been commuting to the Chicago office three days a week and typically I force myself to get up by 4am (alarm goes off at 3:50 am) and then I'm out the door before 6am so I can catch the Southshore train to get to downtown before 7:30am and in the office before 8am.   I then make every effort to leave the office by 3:30pm so I can catch the 4:05pm Southshore train that manages to get me home around 5pm.   I need to go to bed before 10pm but typically I go to bed or fall asleep watching TV after 11pm only to have to repeat the cycle (though for the days I work home I get to sleep an extra 2 hours if my bladder doesn't wake me up around 4 to pee...LOL).

My schedule has been rough on my body and of course I'm in my 50's.   That and the flip flopping weather has wreaked havoc on me and most likely led to my cold.

So I was recovering from my latest cold and didn't want to spread anything to his Mom who's currently battling cancer.   I was starting to feel better last Saturday when we originally was planning to visit but decided to just do a half day trip on Sunday.   I also decided to wear a mask while visiting.

Dom's sister Marie and her family including all the grandkids and great-grandkids were already at Dom Mom's house when we arrived.   For the most part the visit when well though the addition of the great-grandkids was taxing on Dom's Mom.   The great-grandkids were 7, 4, and 2.   For the most part they were behaved but they are a lot of energy.

Marie's husband and daughter bought back KFC for a late lunch.   After the family did some quick gift exchanges, their brood took off for another house and a "pizza" party leaving Dom and I to be alone with his Mom and Lexie (Dom's younger sister Marina's daughter - R.I.P.).  Marina's other daughter, Ava and her partner Ronnie were at work.   They both work retail at a small Mom and Pop store so have to work all kinds of hours.   I don't miss my retail-like days at Amazon.   At least I didn't have to deal with customers...LOL.

Dom's Mom calmed down a lot once the great-grandkids left.  She was stressing seeing them moving and hoping about.   Basically it was too much stimuli for her to handle.   They were well behaved for the most part but kids are kids.   It was much quieter once Marie's family left.

We stayed for another 2 hours before Dom and I headed home.   Before doing so we made a dinner stop at Chili's where we both ordered various combo meals that were filling.   I wanted to get a molten lava cake so ordered that to go.

So now I am prepping myself for the longer drive to Detroit.   I was originally planning on going today (12/24) but decided last night that I needed today to relax.   I worked from home yesterday but the new process the company is pushing on us in handling customer issues has been stressful.    In a nutshell they are turning my role (Tier 2) into a Tier 1 role.

As a Tier 2 engineer, cases that I received are either ones created previously by the customer or it was after they "chatted" with a Tier 1 engineer to get the additional details.   Tier 1 engineers typically "chats" live with the customer initially to get details of issues which if the Tier 1 is not able to resolve, gets a case created that gets passed to the Tier 2 engineer (me).    Now they are wanting us to "chat" with the customers as well in the hopes of getting issues resolved faster.   If I were a Tier 1 engineer, I admit I would be worried about my role.   Hell even as a Tier 2 I'm concerned.

As I mentioned previously, they have closed an office which resulted in a number of engineer roles being removed.   Plus the company has no plans to hire for additional engineers in 2025.   Again that's why I am trying so hard to focus on cutting costs in my home.   Then who knows how truly fucked things will get once Trump and his cronies get into office less than a month from now.   That's all the more reason to get my personal house (which includes Dom) in order.

So getting back to work, I just needed a day today to relax and recover before venturing out again to Detroit.   I now am planning to go on Christmas Day.   Thankfully the weather looks like it'll cooperate for the most part, including the typically risky weather locations of New Buffalo and Kalamazoo that I pass through.

I plan on staying till either Saturday or Sunday.   It'll likely be Saturday as I'll want to have Sunday to relax and prepare for my work reality next week.  I also will be working from Detroit on Friday the 27th.   I'm praying that it won't be too busy.   We shall see.   

Mama, I Love You

 

Spice Girls - Mama

Verse 1

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

Pre-Chorus

Back then I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

Refrain

Mama I love you, Mama, I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You're my friend (You're my friend)

Verse 2

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I've had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

Repeat Pre-Chorus

Repeat Refrain

Tomorrow, October 2nd, would've been my Mama's 79th birthday.   I was listening to the Spice Girls while working and one of the songs I played was Mama.   While listening to the lyrics I couldn't help but think back to my own Mama.  I had the song on repeat but had to stop it because I didn't want to start crying in the office.

I will say Mama had her way of doing things and she was definitely misunderstood at times.    But as I think back through the years I was blessed to have her in my life, everything she did was out of love for her family.   She really was the sweetest woman in life.   She was stubborn when she felt strongly about something.   There were times we did not agree but I never doubted how much she loved me.

There still isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of her and wonder what she would think of all the things I've gone through since she was called home.   I really do believe that she and Papa are watching over my sisters and I.    And I know that they are celebrating Mama's heavenly birthday together.   I do wish Mama a Happy Heavenly Birthday and I do hope I get to see them again whenever my time is up.

Speaking of birthdays, today former U.S. president Jimmy Carter celebrated his 100th birthday.   Reaching that milestone is definitely an accomplishment for Mr. Carter.    Sadly according to his grandson Jason Carter, the former president seems to be limping along and is nearing the end.   He says that he's not able to talk on the phone and is limited in what he can do.   

I do remember when Papa was nearing the end, he stopped calling on the phone as well.   I would have to reach out to Trina in order to speak to him.  

Jason Carter adds though that he is keeping up with the news.   He also is hopeful that he'll get to vote for Kamala Harris as our next president.   Early voting for his location falls on my birthday 10/15.   Here's hoping that Jimmy Carter lives long enough to get his wish.   There have been times when the human will has allowed some to make it to a certain goal and then once it's reached, they pass away.  I can see that for Mr. Carter.   Actually it was more than a year ago when it was announced that Jimmy Carter was going into hospice.   It seemed like back then that it wouldn't be long but he's defied all the odds.   And now he's officially 100 years old.

Happy Birthday Mr. Carter and Happy Heavenly Birthday Mama  

Busy Thursday

 This past Thursday found Dom and I on the road again back to Shipshewana, IN.   This time we were going to see a performance by Dom's favorite singer Sandi Patty.   The last time we saw her perform was in 2016 at a venue in Evansville, IN.   I even got a package at that time where we got to see her backstage and take a quick photo.    We had some other plans while in Shipshewana that included stopping at the local grocer there and picking up some frozen goods like their peppered bacon, some boneless chicken breast, and other jellies and jams.

But before heading there we both had errands we needed to do that morning.   I had fasted the night before because I was heading to a lab to draw some blood for various tests including a PSA test that I had wanted to do last year.   Dom needed to take his minivan to a local repair shop to fix the Air Conditioner.   He didn't get paid till Friday so needed me to stay nearby.   

The last time I got blood work done at the specific lab I went to, it took almost two hours before I was done.   So I anticipated it taking just as long.   The plan was for Dom to head over there once I'm close to being done and then I could meet him there.    But you know what they say about plans...LOL.

I did wind up finishing earlier than planned.  While I was in that part of town, I wanted to run a couple more errands.    I needed to get my tires checked to make sure they had enough air before the trip to Shipshewana and my upcoming trip to Detroit (which I'm heading to in another hour after posting this entry).   In addition I needed to get a new toilet seat.   I had just gotten a new seat two or three months ago and the seat decided to crack under pressure when I sat on it.   I've never had a seat crack before.   I know I'm heavier these days but that was a shock.   Granted Dom is a bigger guy himself and of course had sat on it as well.   But it chose to crack when I sat on it...LOL.

Both errands were done and I got home by a little after 9:30am.   I got home and Dom made breakfast for us to enjoy.   Then around 10:30 he quickly put some clothes to get ready for us to head to the repair shop.   The owner of the shop said the repair would take 45 minutes.  Two hours later it was finally done.   We headed back home and Dom needed 30 minutes to shower and freshen up for the trip to Shipshewana.

So we got there around 3:30 PM their time.   I had thought of us doing the grocery stuff first but both of us were hungry by the time we got there so instead ate their famous Blue Gate Restaurant.  We thankfully were seated pretty quickly.   Dinner lasted about an hour.   I decided to check out the restaurant shop while Dom went to use the restroom which takes him a lot longer these days.   He wanted to meet me in the restaurant shop afterwards but since I knew he would take a while, I wound up completing my small purchase, which included some zucchini bread and black raspberry jam.   Yes apparently black raspberries are a thing.   I learned that from Dom a few years back. 

So I waited till Dom was finished and then we headed to Yoder's Meat & Cheese.   By the time we got there it was close to 5pm.   Next door to Yoder's was the Red Barn Shops.   I wanted to check out their tea store to see if they had any Avocado Leaf tea (my latest health kick obsession...LOL).   I decided to walk to the Red Barn Shops while Dom went to Yoder's.    It wasn't long before I found out that the particular tea shop I wanted to go to was closed.   So I left and went back to Yoder's.   I saw the "Closed" sign on the door and wondered where Dom was.   He was waiting inside and directed me to come in.   The store manager was nice enough to let us quickly shop for our items.   Thank goodness too since we had the freezer packs all ready for our haul.   It was a bit of a rush so we didn't have as much time to think about our purchases.   But thankfully we did make some selections.   After paying for our items the store manager escorted us out before locking up.   He asked Dom about the concert we were going to and Dom shared the details.   We both couldn't help but notice how handsome the store manager was.   We definitely wouldn't have minded some three-way action...LOL.

We got to the concert hall about 30 minutes before the show.   There were two other acts that would also be performing.   The opening act was a gospel group called High Road.   Dom and I had seats near the front row since I know he is a big Sandi Patty fan.    So we had a great view of the concert though really there aren't any bad seats.   Overall we both enjoyed High Road.   Of course Sandi Patty was a hit as well.   We got to listen to the other group called The Hoppers that would be coming out to perform after Sandi Patty.   One of the singers looked like a cross between Brendan Fraser and Tom Arnold.   But we opted to leave after Sandi Patty since we had a two hour trip back and I wasn't sure if I was going to the office or not.   Dom had thought about going back to work Friday himself but quickly decided to take that day off.   I also decided to work from home.    Our time-off apparently doesn't count as an office day so I'll have to work 4 days in the office either next week or the week after that.   Fun...LOL.

So after I post this I'll be getting ready to head to Detroit.  My last time visiting my sisters was during Christmas.   It'll be good to see them once more.   The suckiest part is the drive which takes a little over 4 hours (though it takes me slightly longer since I usually make a pitstop at Firekeepers..LOL).   It used to take longer though when I lived in the northwest burbs of Illinois so I am saving a little time.

Fifty Five

55 years ago today, my parents got married and officially started their lives as husband and wife.   It's so crazy thinking how quickly time is flying.   There's a cute photo of them at the reception following their wedding.   My Dad looks to be whispering something in my Mom's ears and she is giggling.   I have that photo as my primary photo on my Facebook page and haven't taken it down since my Mom passed.

I wonder what my Dad was telling my Mom in that moment.   Perhaps he was telling her a joke to put a smile on her face.   She made the decision 55 years ago to leave her family life in the Caribbean and make a life with my Dad in the United States.   That had to be a huge decision.   I remember my Mom telling me years later that she saw the move as an opportunity to change her life for the better.

Growing up I visited the Caribbean a few times along with my sisters.   I have a host of cousins on my Mama's side that I only had brief interactions with.   I never did meet any cousins on Papa's side though in later years I was a pen pal with a second cousin of his (she was the granddaughter of one of my uncles - my Papa's brother).   

There was a bit of a language barrier as well between the extended family and myself.   It was interesting because our Caribbean family often thought because we lived in the United States that we were rich and we knew all the celebrities.

Over the years during my formative years, I used to help Mama in mailing various clothing items to her family in the islands.   I remember both my parents being reluctant to take in different family members who may have been looking to leech from the family (though some may have been trying to find their own way to becoming American citizens).

Speaking of which Papa became an American citizen sometime in the late 60's before he married Mama.   Mama became a citizen many years later sometime in the late 90's, early 2000's.   I remember that she was taking citizenship classes and I was living in Chicago at the time and made a special trip to Detroit and rented a van to take the family to Mama's ceremony where she became a citizen.   They both maintained their French citizenship as well.

In later years though, both of my parents longed to return to their Caribbean roots.   They weren't able to return fully though and remained in Detroit.

Papa in later years kept saying how he regretted moving to the United States.   He definitely had a rough existence dealing with racism at the plant he had to take a job at.   He was a meteorologist in the islands but because he didn't have a degree from a U.S. College (and discrimination as well), he was unable to get a job doing what he loved.  To make ends meet, he ended up working at a local plant where he dealt with a lot of racism and bullying as well.

I didn't realize the extent of what he went through until I became an adult.   I remember Papa as being very mean and he was the one to give corporal punishment whenever one of us acted up.   I know now that he was dealing with a lot of stress on the job and he was taking out his frustrations on the family.   Even when he got a different job working as the Building Manager of our family church, that bought on a different kind of stress, some of which I saw first hand since I spent my summers working with him.

He started taking blood pressure medication in his 30's as a result of the stress and took some form of blood pressure medication for the rest of his life.   I alluded to his experiences in my farewell letter I wrote to him.

Mama herself had a different kind of stress dealing with being in a new country without her family.  My grandparents and two of my Aunts were there for the wedding but of course they all had to go back to their lives.

Mama at times felt alone since Papa had to work to support the family.   She had few friends and experienced betrayals with some she thought were her friends which resulted in her distrusting people.  I always felt sad for her because she never fully trusted anyone again.

They both did their best to make marriage and family work.   There were a lot of times they didn't agree.   But through it all they were there for each other.   They really were the glue that kept our family together.   And their journey together all began on this day, June 7, 1969.   Thank you Mama and Papa for everything you did to shape our lives.  I love and miss you both.

Latchkey Besties

 Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.   I'm currently in the Detroit area visiting my sisters.   I'm staying with Trina and Donovan.    On the outside they seem to be back to normal after their drama.   We spent Thanksgiving at one of their friend's new home.     But when waking up early due to an unexpected two, I saw that Donovan was sleeping on the couch.   So no doubt they still are working through some issues.

I had originally planned to stay till Sunday but there's supposedly a wintry mess traveling through the area that plans to hit around that time.    So I'll opt to leave for Saturday instead.

I plan to visit Tasha before leaving.   She was expecting us to visit on Thanksgiving along with Abe's family.   But some of Abe's family can be a bit annoying so Trina and I weren't particularly looking forward to it.   I know the annoying elements of his family must've been bugging Tasha and probably were hounding her on why Trina and I weren't there.   The same one that annoyed Trina and I years back by repeatedly asking why our parents didn't attend Tasha and Abe's wedding.   Subsequently Tasha messaged us both separately wondering of our whereabouts.

I told her where I was and that I will see her sometime before I leave Saturday.

So Hemingway the reason for today's entry is related to two new-ish acquaintances that have come in my life.   Both ladies I met while participating in the Pathfinder program.   The first lady Ming is the kindest lady.   But there was a period where she would constantly text me to tell me about mundane things going on.   At the time I was thinking we really don't know each other like that.    She would send rapid fire texts, like four or five at a time.   I would then reply and then receive another round of texts.   I found it to be exhausting and to slow it down I would wait a few days before replying again.

We actually wound up meeting in person in early July when I last visited Detroit and she was there working for Rocket Mortgage as a Salesforce Intern.    She lives in San Francisco and did find a brief role work at Deloitte after completing the program but was let go less than six months into the job and was struggling to find a new role.   I totally get it and have been there.   I was so happy when she announced the internship and since she knew I was from Detroit, she wanted to meet me in person.

She really is a nice person.   She talked a mile a minute initially but we eventually found a groove.   We were going to have breakfast at a newer breakfast spot but the wait was going to be 30 minutes and she needed to be somewhere in another hour so didn't want to wait, which was understandable.   We both found out we love Indian food so opted to eat at a local Indian dive.    We were the only customers for a time until lunch time came and a few other folks (all Indian) came to eat.

We parted ways after the lunch and walking her back to her apartment which was at the Wayne State University campus.    She's been taking a lot of development classes and I do hope she soon finds a permanent role.    We haven't been texting as much lately which is fine with me.

The second lady Lupita started messaging me after we both participated in Deloitte's consultant program along with a third guy Leo in hopes of landing a role with Deloitte.    Leo got the offer along with a few other folks that included another Pathfinder but Lupita and I didn't which I kinda figured in my case wouldn't happen.   This of course was two months prior to landing my current role.

Lupita and I commiserated over being rejected.   Lupita confessed to being quite shy and not easily befriending people which made her talking to me all the more interesting.   Somehow I must've gotten past her normal defenses.   She too is a very nice person.   Her family originates from Africa and she relocated in Texas where she was working in a real estate job she hated until stumbling onto Pathfinder.

Thankfully she found her new role at a Salesforce Consulting firm as a Business Analyst about two weeks before I started my role.    But it's been a roller coaster ride for her dealing with the various projects going on.   She's been striving at it and was recently promoted to Senior Business Analyst.   But the company has been going through some recent turmoil, much like my job, and a number of folks, including her boss's boss were laid off.   

The one thing that irks me was that she keeps calling me her "bestie".   I'm thinking how could that be and how did she wind up latching onto me...*LOL*.   I don't like the word "bestie".   I do know the intention isn't bad when she uses it though.   Just like Ming, she really is a sweet lady.   She gotten to know me as well.    We continue to message regularly even asking me about Thanksgiving plans.   In fact she'll send a quick message if we haven't chatted in awhile.

It is funny how some folks come into your life when you least expect it.    I wasn't looking specifically for any connections but they found me.   That is refreshing actually since usually I'm the one that has to chase to try and befriend folks.   We shall see if Ming and Lupita continue to be in my life.

The Shell Game

 My current company makes it a point to talk about equality and encouraging different opinions.   In fact equality is one of my company's core values.    They're not perfect on it but they do make sure to bring discussions up periodically.   As part of supporting equality, there are multiple "equality groups" where individuals with similar backgrounds, be they latino, asian, african-american, gay, or disabled can meet and hold various events throughout the year.

I will say that I've wanted to participate in some of the events, especially the african-american and gay events since I identify as both.    But I tend to be a wallflower and working mostly remote has encouraged those tendencies.   The groups do give the ability to attend meetings virtually but I haven't participated in any of them.   

I think as I get older I do find myself getting deeper in my shell.  I know though that I need to break out of it if I want to grow.   It's been something that's plagued me since growing up.   Mama told me once that I used to talk so much when I was a little kid.   I talked so much in fact that she used to sing a sweet little song to me called "You Talk Too Much"

I had to look up the song as I've never heard it other than when Mama sang it to me.   It's giving me goosebumps hearing it.

But then the pre-teen years came along and the former talkative kid went into a shell.   Being teased and harassed by bullies will change a person.   I shouldn't have let outside forces change me but there you go.   I've discussed the effects of that in various blog entries over the years.  I will say I'm glad that bullying and the effects of it are being talked about more these days instead of being brushed aside as "part of growing up" like it was when I was coming up.   I wonder how my life would've been had it been talked about back then.

Those experiences pretty much shaped my life.  My preference is to stay in the background even as my manager keeps forcing me to put myself out there.   I don't like attention being brought to myself even if it's positive.   

My manager was talking with me today on strategies on how to be up for a promotion in 2024.   It seems like too much butt kissing but we'll see where that goes.   As part of my growing responsibilities, I was part of a panel that interviewed perspective new employees.   It was something that I hated but I pushed through it.   I now am acting as a "mentor" to 4 of those new employees.   It's not something I enjoy but I guess it's part of pushing me out of my shell.

Getting back to the Equality groups, the African-American group is having a "Friendsgiving" type event next Thursday after work to provide fellowship and networking opportunities.   Every fiber of my being is not wanting to go but a small part of me is pushing me to at least try.   It just so happens that one of the four mentees is an African-American guy that I believe will be in the Chicago area for his orientation that week.   It may be a great opportunity for me to have him participate and then have a person I can pair up with.    We'll see how that goes.

I think I will participate.  I'll force myself to stay at least for thirty minutes.   Fingers crossed.

Back To Reality Yet Again

 My time-off at work ended just as fast as it began.  I barely got through my first day back but I pushed through it.

As far as my time off, I unfortunately wound up catching a bad cold right on my birthday.   I was still slated to go with Dom to see his Mom and his niece Ava.   We went back and forth on whether I should go or not.   Dom wasn't keen on driving alone and while I didn't feel like going, I did wind up going in the end.

I kept a mask on for most of Sunday while visiting.  We bought some Wendy's and later on Ava cooked a beef manhattan.   As the evening wore on I was feeling more congested.   I barely was able to sleep that night from being so stuffy.  Luckily I was able to find some original flavor Listerine and some small disposable cups and I mixed some Listerine with water and gargled.   That helped me to breathe better and I was able to sleep.

Unfortunately a few hours later I woke up with a bad sore throat.  I helped Dom go down his parent's basement to clear out some items that his Mom was looking to get rid of.    It was lunchtime afterwards and Ava made a chili for lunch.

As I sat down to eat I started to feel nauseous.  I went to the bathroom and stayed for a minute but it went away.   So I went back and took another bite and felt nauseous again.   This time I began to feel the motion of throwing up.   I ran towards the bathroom but I could not stop the sea of vomit that was coming out.

I felt embarrassed as Ava came with wipes and paper towel to help me in cleaning up the mess, which fell all over the bathroom floor and sink.   I tried to get to the toilet but the lid was closed.   After about ten minutes I was able to clean off most of the vomit.  I ate some saltines and pretzels later that day, not feeling hungry at all.

After a few more hours we left his Mom's and headed home, not before Dom assisted on stopping somewhere to eat.   I was worried about having a repeat vomit performance especially since I still wasn't feeling hungry but I did manage to eat some turkey chili of all things at Panera.   Dom wound up having some kind of asian broccoli dish.   He drank what he thought was lemonade but learned today that it was actually an energy drink with more caffeine that coffee.   He shared an article about a young lady who had a cardiac event hours after drinking the same drink and dying.   The family is suing Panera.   Scary stuff especially since Dom is not a fan of Panera though he was the one that suggested it due to them possibly having some soups.

He also was thinking I should probably not go to Milwaukee.   I slept on it and decided to go.  I felt better that morning and didn't have a sore throat.    Plus I didn't want to lose the money I spent on the hotel.   But it reminded me that I should occasionally consider paying for insurance in case I am not able to go so I don't have to worry about it.

I had a good time at Potawatomi.   The casino actually let me play for a bit.   At a couple points I was up almost $300.   But of course it was easy come, easy go.   That's the life of a gambler.   Thankfully I only lost $160.    Though that doesn't include the money I spent on breakfast/lunch or dinner.

As expected the guy I was supposed to meet was not able to meet me.   He was nice enough to chat a bit at least and I think he was telling the truth.   Knowing that we would likely not meet at all, I tried to hedge my bets while there and find another hookup.   That was no dice though.   The ones I wanted ignored me or took too long to respond.   There were a few that reached out that I wasn't interested in.  Murphy's Law as usual.  I tell you it's almost impossible these days to have a decent hook-up.   These guys play way too many games.    It doesn't matter the location, it's the same bullshit.

But I still had a good time overall.   It was just nice getting away from work for a bit.

I learned when I was heading back that Dom's Mom wound up catching my cold.   Of course I didn't want her to be sick though a part of me wondered if it was payback for obit-gate...LOL.    I did talk to her this past weekend and thankfully she's starting to feel better.   I do love his Mom despite everything and do not want anything bad to happen to her especially of my doing.

I am looking forward to Karaoke this Friday at our church.   I already have a few songs in mind, namely Madonna's Live To Tell, Pussycat Dolls Hush, Hush, and Ralph Tresvant's Do What I Gotta Do.   Maybe I'll do a few more if time permits.   

Speak On It Uncle Walter

Youtube can take you on quite a few rabbit holes when wandering from video to video.  I'm usually listening to 80's and 90's music.   One of the variations that I enjoy is the slowed down version of songs.   It brings new life to older songs and sometimes I prefer the slowed version over the original.   There's slow versions of songs from various artists like En Vogue, Brownstone, Toni Braxton, TLC, Joe, and even Whitney.   All the videos I linked were created by user Slowed Down RNB.   You should check out their videos and open yourself up to a new take on music.

Every so often I subscribe to random individuals who have post videos on different topics.   A few months back I started watching videos by a gentleman from the ATL area named Walter Lee Hampton.   He's actually been posting various videos for more than a decade.   He's a handsome older body builder type gay brother that I actually think of as my imaginary "gay uncle".   A gay uncle I'd like to fuck and fuck me.   Would that be a Unc-ILF?   LOL.    He's only a couple years older than me though.

But besides his physique I'm drawn to his no-nonsense approach that he has to various issues in life.  As I mentioned before he's based out of Atlanta and he speaks on the various aspects of living there.  Some of my favorite segments are his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts.   A lot of what he says is the truth.   In one of his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts, he talks about how single black women with kids are responsible for the destruction of the black race.    Obviously it takes two to tango (a man and woman) but he points out how many of the single mothers have multiple baby daddies'.   A lot of the baby daddies' don't take care of their kids so the single moms have to juggle working to bring home the bacon along with caring for their multiple kids.   In the end the kids are raising themselves and there's no consequences if they get in trouble.

In another video from that same series, he talks about how his former brother-in-law plotted to rob him when he was in his early 20's.   It was only because his sister warned him about it and implored him to move to another apartment that he wasn't completely robbed.    He points out how jealous so-called friends get when they see that you're successful.    They smile in your face but all the time they're wanting to knock you down a peg.    It's so sad but true.  It's why I usually keep any successes to myself as well.

In my case there were times I would keep my success even from my sisters.   I was always afraid of them being jealous of what I accomplished.   It didn't help that my parents were vocal with how they favored me over Tasha and Trina.   The issues stemmed from that nearly tore us apart.   It wasn't until recent years that we've addressed it.   I do acknowledge that my parents did favor me (mostly because I was the only son).   So part of me didn't want to throw in my sisters faces that I went on this trip or that trip when they weren't able to afford doing so at the time.   

I've also had so-called friends that I trusted that I found out talked about me behind my back.   It's why I don't really have a lot of friends.   I definitely could relate to Uncle Walter's story.

In a more recent video, Uncle Walter talks about an Atlanta man who was charged with knowingly infecting his wife with HIV.    Sadly she died of complications from AIDS.   She suffered for years with cancer and was even briefly in remission.   The doctors though didn't realize that she had the HIV virus until it had advanced.   It truly is a sad story and I agreed with Walter that the hospital should share some liability for not testing her a lot sooner where medicines may have prevented her death.   

But in that same thread, I also disagreed with Walter on his point that we should always take our medicines and trust the doctors.   While doctors do have more knowledge (generally), it's important that we as patients do our own research as well when it comes to medications.    He doesn't understand why black folks are so against taking medication.   But you only have to go back in history to look at how the medical establishment mistreated black folks.    There's the Tuskegee Syphilis Study where black men were not given treatment for syphilis when it was learned that penicillin cured it.    In addition there's studies that show that black women are not believed by doctors when they try to describe symptoms.    Black folks in general aren't treated as well as their white counterparts.    Plus a lot of the medicines today have so many side effects.   Is it a wonder that blacks as a whole may not be as trusting?

One of Uncle Walter's first videos that I saw related to Tyler Perry and if he is a self-hating homosexual.   I didn't realize that Tyler and Walter ran in the same social circles back in the day before Tyler blew up.    And he became famous with some of the stupidest shows that truly reduce brain cells anytime you watch it.   As Uncle Walter pointed out, part of the reason Tyler has blown up is that there wasn't a lot of programming at the time that depicted black folks.   Unfortunately everything that Tyler presents depicts the worst stereotypes in our community.   Uncle Walter also couldn't believe how Tyler bragged about having no writers involved in all his scripts.   Wouldn't he want to hire other black folks or any writers really that could offer additional perspectives and perhaps improve the scripts?   But then again maybe he doesn't trust anyone and wants to keep it to himself.    But why brag about it?

I am definitely a fan of Uncle Walter.   He has a lot of wisdom that he shares on almost the daily.   He did mention at one point discontinuing the channel and focusing on health related videos.   But I'm hoping that he doesn't.    He has a lot of wisdom to offer and if nothing else he should leave his older videos so that future subscribers can appreciate him as well.   I look forward to watching more of his videos in the future and definitely wish him well in all his endeavors.