Still Kicking

 Another summer is soon coming to an end.   It's been a crazy one with Dom's health and court issues as well as the inclement weather that came through our region.   I still need to get the solar battery backup, repair the roof, and cut back some of our tree branches.   To top it off I need to get my old car for its annual maintenance, which is overdue.   All of that requires money.   My credit card debt has definitely creeped higher which I hate.   I have to figure out how to prioritize everything.

I did apply for a hardship credit from work last Friday for $800 that I'm hoping they will decide to credit me for.   That cost covers all the food expenses we had during and after the derecho storm.    That was a crazy time especially with the back and forth of visiting Dom in the hospital.     We've gotten some of the bills which actually weren't too bad so far but I'm waiting for the big one for Dom's overall hospital stay.   I'm wondering too if we'll also get individual doctor bills as well.    This will be in addition to the $607 a month we'll have to pay for his previous medical debt as agreed upon from our last court date.

I am getting a small bonus by the end of September, which right now I'm planning to allocate towards my credit card debt.   On the positive the mortgage is inching closer and closer to being paid off.    I'm anticipating paying it off either in Dec 2026 or Jan 2027 which is so exciting.   It's a milestone I've been working towards for a few years now since I started my career's second act.   I had originally targeted June or July of this year to have it paid off but life.    Assuming I make the new goal that would put me completely paying it off around the ten year mark of my thirty year loan.    It's so wild to pay off a 30 year mortgage in about ten years.

I haven't really been feeling like blogging lately but I wanted to post a quick entry since the month of September is almost half over.   Time is really flying and it truly waits for noone.    Till my next entry.

Surviving Some Dark Times

 As previously mentioned, Northwest Indiana (and a portion of Illinois) experienced power outages after a horrific storm crashed through the area on August 11th.   Some areas like Munster (Don and Juan live there) won't see power again until the 25th at the earliest.    I spoke to Juan on August 18th and he's suspecting it may be later than that given all the damage their area has experienced.   I reached out to Don and Juan since then and they mentioned that they got their power back on the 26th but they are still dealing with home damage and the other damages to their neighborhood.

So our first day after power went out, which was Wednesday August 12th,  I debated whether I should go into work or stay home with Dom.   He was having an aftercare nurse come to the house but she wasn't sure she could make it Wednesday since she was dealing with issues brought on by the power outage.   I decided to stay home and told my manager so I could take that day off.

I helped Dom with setting up the equipment needed for him to get his daily antibiotics.   He was confident that he would be able to take his shot on his own.  Dom was a medic when he joined the Navy in his late 20's so he picked up plenty of medical knowledge from his own experiences.    We set up the IV bag holder initially and he had a powdered form of the eraxis antibiotic.    Dom had to extract a saline solution from a small bottle to transfer to the powdered antibiotic.   Extracting it with the thick needle proved to be a challenge.

After he mixed enough of the saline, he then extracted the mixture from the bottle into a second needle.   He used that needle to connect directly to his IV and then he shot the medicine into his system.

I was impressed that Dom was able to figure things out.   But later that night Dom started experiencing chills again.   We were debating if we should go to the ER but decided to wait until the nurse came in the next morning.   

Dom felt better the next morning.   I wasn't sure if I should go to work but both my work and home phone were dangerously low and in need of charging.   I did not have an AV charging station for my car and I used both my personal and work laptop to charge both Dom and my personal phones.   I told Dom that if the nurse says he needs to go to the ER than he should go.

Since we couldn't flush the toilet, we decided to use grocery bags and a sitz bath to catch our poop.  We used a portable urinal for pee and dumped it in the sink drain.   Once the poop was collected in the grocery bag along with the toilet paper and wipes used to clean up, we took that bag and threw it in a tall garbage bag where we continued filling until it got half full and the flies and nats were finding their way to it.   It was disgusting but we didn't want to clog our toilet anymore than they were already or risk a backed up toilet.   

 I wound up doing sink baths to get ready for work.   I used bottled water for wetting the bath rag and getting the soap lathered.    Afterwards I got ready and also took my personal laptop with me so I could charge the phone.

It was really hard to concentrate at work given all that we were dealing with being without power.   I was still getting tossed all kinds of Sev1's on issues I've never had to deal with before.   I was able to charge my personal laptop as well as my phones.

I tried to call Dom around noon.  He picked up the phone but he didn't say anything.  I said hello and then he hung up.   I waited a few minutes and tried to call back but it went to voicemail.   My mind went to the darkest place thinking something was wrong with Dom.

It took everything in me to get through the rest of my workday.   I wound up leaving two hours early so I could get home sooner.    Since I have to take the train to work, it took over an hour to get home.   It also took longer because at several stations, the crew had to manually go and lower the rail stations.

By the time I got off the train, my emotions got the best of me, and I was crying as I quickly ran the 0.5 miles to get home.   I cried out for Dom when I got in the house and he responded.   He sounded fine but I quickly unloaded that I thought something had happened because he had hung up and didn't answer when I called back.    We hugged as he assured me that he was fine.

It ended up that he had just gotten lunch for himself when I initially called.   He said he did not hear me so he hung up.    He then accidentally dropped his phone and decided not to reach for it when I called back.   He also said the nurse was impressed about how Dom was able to get the IV done himself.   But a step was missed where the antibiotic solution needed to be inserted into the IV saline bag that would need to be supported by the IV bag holder which we forgot all about.    She also said he likely experienced the chills because he took the whole solution at once as opposed to diluting it in the IV saline bag and letting it slowly come through.

Our neighbor Sandra was very nice to provide Dom and I dinner on a couple of the nights as well as ice and even some snacks.   I also provided her dinner on Friday evening.    It showed how neighbors can check in on each other during the hardest of times.

Our evenings after dinner were spent conversing and reading.   I caught up on Mariah Carey's autobiography book called The Meaning of Mariah Carey.    I will say it's been interesting reading about her childhood as a bi-racial girl and the rough road she had to travel.    Now you know why Till The End Of Time was the first song I played when we finally got power again.

It would get really dark after 8pm so there wasn't much else to do but to lay down and eventually drift off to sleep.   I would light up a couple candles to provide a little bit of light to the darkness.   It was so hot and poor Dom was not having it.    He opened two of the front windows as wide as he could much to my chagrin.   I understood it was needed but hated the thought of our neighbors getting views of our home.   A lot of it of course is imagined but still didn't like that possibility.   Plus I was concerned about the bugs (who still find their way in our home anyway...uggh).   

When Saturday morning came I decided to venture to Michigan City (which Sandra and I heard had power) to try and get gas and a few house essentials along with ice if possible.   I kept my car outside the garage since it was still nonfunctional and I had the boards on the other side covering the bottom half of the garage that wouldn't close.

Due to the power outage, there were reports of very long lines at the few gas stations where there was power.   I heard a story of one lady whose car had to be pushed into the station because it completely ran out of gas while waiting.   Luckily I still had a little over half a tank of gas in the car.    As I made my way to Michigan City a little after 9am, I saw one gas station that was open on the outskirts of Chesterton, IN.   It didn't look too full even though every station was taken.   I drove up and waited behind one station before another station next to me opened up.  Luckily there was no other cars waiting so I was able to drive around to that station.

The station was requiring cash since their credit card stations weren't working.   Luckily I had some cash so I gave $30 and was able to fill my tank.    I then continued my way to Michigan City but not before my tire pressure light flashed.   With my experiences related to tires in the past, that of course had me freaking out.   I found myself repeatedly saying "no, no, no, no..." like that maid in the Get Out movie.

After I calmed down a little, I realized that the car seemed fine and I didn't notice it driving any different.   That gave me reassurance as I made it to Michigan City.   Seeing all the traffic lights and businesses with power felt like a different world compared to where I was coming from with dead traffic lights and no power.

I first went to Meijers.   I picked up some snacks like Nutty Butters and Entermann's donuts that we could eat in a pinch.   I also got a few canned goods.   I obviously couldn't get anything that required refrigeration.  I searched for ice but they didn't have any.   I then drove to Gordon's and they also didn't ice.   I was wondering if I would have to venture to Michigan to find ice but decided to make a stop at the Walmart's in Michigan City.   Thankfully they did have a few bags of ice left so I bought 3 with my intention on giving Sandra one of the bags.   She wound up not needing it but she gave me a bottle of root beer and a mango drink.   Both of them were advertised as having zero sugar which was something neither Dom or I drink.    But I figured I would drop them at Church as someone would drink them.

Dom thankfully was still doing fine when I got back.  Dom made a discovery a couple nights back that if you soak macaroni noodles in water, it'll still get soft even without cooking it.   So we wound up having that with marinara sauce for dinner.   Sandra happened to give me some Harold's Chicken wings as well as fries so we had that as a side.

I decided on Sunday to go to Church.   Our Church decided to have a service even with the power out.  They also were planning to cook hamburgers and hot dogs afterwards.   I wanted Dom to go to but he needed to get his IV medication ready so opted to stay home.   

I arrived at Church and got to see other members some of which were blessed to not be affected by the outage.   Some had just gotten power back the night before.   The zero sugar drinks I bought in from Sandra were quickly gobbled up by another member just as I expected.   The burgers wound up being some cheap soy by-products that weren't particularly tasty but beggars can't be choosers.

I took Dom's phone with me to the Church in hopes of getting it charged since it was dead.   I talked to Wilma since she seemed to be in the know about different gadgets.   I wanted to see if she could charge it in her car.   I told her about my older car not having a USB port and she mentioned that I could get an AV charger with an attached USB port that could be used to charge it.   She told me where I could find them for the cheap at Menard's and used her's to charge his phone up to 62%.

I debated whether to go to Menard's to try and find one.  Dome was feeling good the last few days so I decided after eating to head to Menard's.   I didn't find what I wanted there but then decided to make a trip to the nearby Meijer's to pick up some more canned goods.

By the time I got home it was a little after 3pm.   Dom was in the bathroom and I didn't think anything further from it until he started crying out.   I asked if he was okay and he said he needed me to help him.   When I opened the door I found that he had pooped all over the toilet seat.   He was feeling unwell and said he needed me to help him wipe his ass.   I quickly ran to grab some wet wipes and proceeded to clean him up.

He was upset obviously because I didn't come back immediately and he was getting chills again.  I felt guilty because he was fine the last few days and seemed to have gotten a good routine going.   He didn't have his phone (which was useless anyway at that time because it had zero charge) to call emergency.  He had hoped he'd hear Sandra outside so he could shout to her.   He mentioned there were some workers that were nearby checking on power lines but they didn't hear him.

Seeing the situation had me flash back to July 30th when I came home from work to find he had pooped and was feeling lethargic.    I knew we had to go back to the hospital.   It took another half hour (needed time to clean the shit from the toilet that thankfully didn't hit the floor) but we finally made our way back to the ER.   This time the ER was busy and I had to wait a bit for an extra wheelchair to become available as Dom was barely able to move.

He eventually got to see the staff though one of the nurses was rude as she told me I had to wait back in the main ER area.    But eventually I had to return so we could register him once more.   They did more tests while we waited for a room.   I was annoyed briefly because a large family came into the ER for one person and it was already feeling tight in the space.   The patient wound up being an older lady which I'm guessing may have been the matriarch but it was ridiculous that they had ten people with her when one or two folks would've been enough with them then communicating with the rest of the family.  But Hemingway.   

It was getting dark again and Dom was telling me I needed to go home since I had to work the next day.  I hated leaving him especially with that large family looming nearby and I'm sure they couldn't wait to grab my seat.   I tried to subtly suggest I move Dom to a different part of the room away from them but he insisted on staying since he had direct view of the TV and his favorite show Big Bang Theory was playing.   I reluctantly left after 8pm and got home just when it was dark.   I believe I may have just snacked on some canned tuna.

I resigned myself to needing to bring my laptop again on Monday so I could get it charged.  I laid on the downstairs sofa and had a thought of what to do with the melted ice water from the two bags of ice.  I decided I would put both in a bucket along with a bit more of a bottle of distilled water and wanted to use it to flush the shit filled toilet downstairs.   I was able to do just that which provided me some small comfort.

I made my way to the sofa and tried to calm myself to sleep.  I prayed that Dom would at least get a temporary room in the back of the ER away from the main area.   I eventually drifted off to sleep.

Around 2:45 AM on Monday morning I was awakened to the sound of fans going and the lights turning on.   I was pleasantly shocked and I briefly shouted with joy.   I ran upstairs to turn off the lights there and then I adjusted the fridge so it would stop making noises that the fridge had a high temperature (that kind of happens when you don't have power for almost 6 days).

I briefly noted that it was quiet in the neighborhood and I could still hear the generator two houses down going.   I was surprised with all the windows we had opened that I didn't hear someone screaming "Alleluia" in the streets.   Granted it was almost 3am but still.   The only other thing missing was having Dom with me to celebrate.

I decided I would stay home and since I was home, I decided at 6:30 AM to make my way back to the hospital so I could let Dom know.     I was directed to the back where he was staying in Triage 14.   A nurse incorrectly directed me to 13 but luckily I knew how to count and went to the right one.   Imagine me walking into the wrong room and freaking out whoever was in there...*LOL*.   Dom was sleeping and I hated waking him.  I only stayed for a couple minutes but I let him know about the power.

At that time there were still tens of thousands of people that didn't have power.  Some Gary residents, in particular, were quite vocal about the situation which bought Gary, IN to the national spotlight.   I started feeling some survivor guilt with us having power while other areas still didn't.   The power went out again briefly after 1pm that Monday afternoon which had me cursing out.   But it came back again 45 minutes later.   We surmised that they may have put it out again so they could connect another section of the city together before turning it back on.    But having a taste of power again only to have it yanked yet again was too much to bear.

So in the aftermath we needed to get our garage repaired.  That happened Friday and it was done by a sexy Indian guy no less.   We still have branches that need to be removed.   I have to call a roofer to repair the section of roof that caused water to leak through our archways and I would like to have our trees trimmed back again.   I also am working on restocking food that was lost to not having power.   All of that requires money.

But on that front we've gotten a bit of a reprieve.  Dom officially received his first social security check deposited in the joint account.   That monthly check which depending on if disability pays more should help give me some breathing room finally so I can focus on paying down our debt.

We also went to court for the other matter and we agreed to a lower amount which we should be able to pay off in 5 monthly installments starting in October.   Will have to see what the damage is from Dom's recent hospital stay.   But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Either way it feels good to have power again.    You never realize how much you depend on it until it's taken away.   I am also looking into getting a solar generator or two so that we can save our food in the event it happens next time.

August Was A Bad Month

 Where do I begin?   Let me start with Tuesday, August 11, 2026, a day that will go in history as one of the wildest.   I decided to work from home since I've been seeing alerts about yet another imminent storm event that had the potential of flooding, high winds, and potential tornadoes.    These last few months have proven to be the craziest weather I've experienced living in Northwest Indiana.    It seemed like every week there was some crazy storm that was gearing up that was planning to wreak havoc on life as we see it.   The last couple storms I saw the damage that it caused to nearby towns.    Well Tuesday, August 11th was my turn to witness this right in my backyard.

So as I said earlier I decided to work from home that day.   Work was crazy as usual.   The Sev1's were "Sev-ing" and management was tossing them my way like candy.   Being at home allowed me to vent openly as opposed to keeping it inside (though at times it's getting harder to do that even in the office...LOL).   A lot of the issues have become more complex than I've been used to handling.  I was diligently working on one of those Sev1's and just came up with a solution.   I was quickly getting an email together (with the help of AI).  

Meanwhile just outside my window, it was getting darker and darker.   It wasn't long before I heard the thunder rumbling outside.   I knew another major event was coming my way.   It was around 10:30 AM when I decided to turn on the TV (well Roku streaming which is how we watch TV today...*LOL*) and turned to local programming.   As predicted the news was all about the inclement weather.   The reporters were talking about storm events taking place in the western burbs of Chicago as it was making it's way to Chicago and eventually Northwest Indiana.

Dom and I were keeping in communication.   He was doing much better after having some scary days where the fever kept coming back.    He was ready to come home and Tuesday was his get out of hospital D-day.    He was telling me that he could feel the hospital building shaking and he was told to move to the hallway to stay away from the windows.

The reporters were saying that Northwest Indiana was now in the eye of the storm.   The winds were definitely picking up and next thing I knew the rain was fiercely pouring.   I raced to close the kitchen windows as the wind was knocking off the condiments that was dustily chilling in the window sills.  It was just after 11 AM.   

The lights began flickering soon after as I was dreading the worst.   To my shock the archways between the dining room and downstairs bedroom and the kitchen and kitchen nook area began leaking water.   This has never happened before in the years we've been living in the house.   I panicked as I raced to find towels to catch the water.

I went back to my laptop to alert work about what was happening but the power went out just around 11:10 AM.   It then came back on briefly.   It went out again and teasingly came back yet again.   Then it went out again and never came back.    Until 5 days and almost 16 hours later.    But I'm jumping ahead of the story.

So the power was out.   I didn't properly charge my personal phone so I was currently only at 44% capacity.   My work phone was thankfully more charged.   I momentarily was in disbelief but didn't have time to really let it sink in yet.   I messaged Dom to let him know about the power outage.    He didn't get back to me immediately but he later let me know that the power was also out at the hospital.   He was still going stir crazy and wanted to come home.    

I wasn't certain being home was a great idea given the power outage.   But Dom insisted and in the back of my mind I thought maybe we'll get power back in another few hours.    That feeling changed when I made the journey to get to the hospital that afternoon (after letting management know of course about the outage via Android).

The first obstacle I faced was our own garage.   The garage has been a bit of an annoyance over the years with constantly battling to keep the door closed without reopening.    This time I manually unhooked the garage so I could open the door.     That went fine.   I backed my car out and then after turning off the car, I went back to close the door.   Only the door stopped short of closing completely and would not budge any further.    I struggled with it for a bit before I desperately (because I would never ask for help) reached out to my neighbor Sandra who happened to be outside near her car.   She and her husband who currently has dementia have lived in their home since 1999 and were one of the first neighbors we met when we moved to our home in 2016.

Hemingway I told Sandra about the situation and she was nice enough to try to help me.   She called her son while in the garage and he tried to guide the situation but it was to no avail.    Since I needed to get to the hospital, Sandra spied a couple of big boards that were against the wall of our garage and suggested I put those there to block the door so at least nothing could come in.    I was still not resigned to not having power and was trying to call the garage folks not realizing the extent of the storm damage.   However I didn't want to waste any more of Sandra's time as she had her own issues to deal with so with her help, I pushed the two boards over to block the door.    I later put a few tools and the garbage container behind the boards to supposedly act as a barrier in case anyone tried to break in.

I realized the gravity of the situation when our mysterious neighbor finally spoke as he was randomly weed whacking the lawn (maybe because Sandra was there).  Oddly enough I learned a little more about him when the post office accidentally delivered a piece of his mail to our box.   I learned that he either is paying or owe child support to a baby Mama.   I also learned his actual name which of course I won't divulge and with that info found out that he works as a welder trainer for a local business.

So MN mentioned that he wound up leaving work early due to the outage and traffic was horrific due to the downed power lines and tree branches.   Another neighbor that lives in the corner home diagonally from us shouted out to Sandra.   I waved too even though I know she wasn't talking to me.   She wanted to get gas but then Sandra pointed out that without power there may not be any gas available.

Thankfully I still had 3/4 of a tank of gas in my car.  Dom was still wanting to come home so I left and what would normally be a 20 minute trip turned into a 2 hour adventure, dodging tree branches and slowly navigating through traffic that was backed up for miles.    It was scary and sad seeing the devastation.   It made my issues look minor seeing folks with trees on their cars and homes.    I realized how blessed we were that the old trees surrounding our home somehow stayed in place.

I got to the hospital and saw that the main lobby only had backup lights on.  I really needed to pee so I went to the restroom even though I knew the toilets wouldn't flush.    There was one elevator that was working so I was able to take it to the top floor and make my way to Dom's room. 

Dom and I were in communication briefly while I traveled so I was telling him about the extent of the storm damage.    One of the nurses was trying to help navigate as well and it was mentioned that the normal route may not be good.   So I wound up going a different way and it was a slow journey to get there.

Dom was happy to see me and was eating the last meal of his stay.    He offered me some of his dessert which I turned down (and shocked him since I tend to be a sweet tooth guy).   But I wanted him to enjoy the lemon cake.    We made our way home eventually and he got to see the extent of the damage.

I have so much more to say but I need to shower (my first shower since last Monday) and hopefully get the garage to close now that power is back and head to the hospital to see if Dom has a room.   Yeah sadly I had to take Dom back to the hospital yesterday afternoon after he experienced severe chills upon completing his daily dosage.    It made the power coming back on this morning around 2:45 AM bittersweet since I couldn't share the moment with him.    More later.

P.S.  Mariah Carey's Till The End of Time was the first song on my mind to play when I logged into my computer.

Unplanned Hospital Stay

 Dom has been in the hospital since July 30th.   He mentioned first feeling an itchy feeling in his urethra when wanting to pee back on July 18th.    At that time we were visiting his Mom and staying in Peru, Indiana for the Peru annual Circus City festival.   Technically we didn't go to the Circus but outside the circus there were displays of different food fare and various other items. 

Dom really wanted a pork tenderloin.   There was a place he wanted to go but it required purchasing tickets.   We purchased the tickets but held off on getting the tenderloins until we did a lap around the festival.    We were also wanting elephant ears and we purchased ice cream.   But by the time we got back, they apparently had no more pork tenderloins, which made Dom angry.   At first they were saying we were out of luck as far as getting our money back but thankfully the owner did give it back to us.   But I'm digressing.

The next time he complained about it was the following weekend.   He started feeling feverish late Friday into Saturday (July 24 - 25).   Then on Sunday he felt better but then the fever came back Monday.   He went back and forth again until finally on the 30th we knew we had to go to the hospital.

I went to work that morning and got busy with cases.   I messaged Dom that morning to let him know I made it to work safely but he didn't respond.   It wasn't unusual since when I left him, he was asleep and he is known to sleep in these days.    But he didn't message me at all during the day.   He would usually message around mid-day.   So when I was able to get a long break finally (which wasn't until 2:15 PM), I found a break area and called Dom.

When he answered he was very lethargic and was saying how he wasn't feeling well at all and that he needed to go to the Emergency Room.   I looked at the time and told him that I could catch the 3:15 PM train and get home before 4:30 PM.   After we hung up, I realized there was no 3:15 train.    The next train after that was 3:40 PM.   There was a 2:45 PM train but I wouldn't make it to the train station in time to catch it.    So I resigned myself to catch the 3:40 train.   Luckily work had slowed down and I was able to leave earlier.

I got home closer to 5PM.  I parked near the front steps of the house since the plan was to take him straight to emergency.   I ran up the stairs, unlocked the door, came into the house, and stopped in my tracks in the hallway.   From where I stood I could see the bathroom toilet.    To my shock there was a huge pile of shit laying on the back of the lower seat and bottom of the upper seat.

I freaked out and went to check on Dom who appeared confused for a bit.   He was not well and expressed needing to go to the hospital.     He was so weak though that he couldn't move.   Dom is a bigger guy too so me trying to move him was impossible.

In the meantime while he was trying to gather his strength, I decided that I needed to clean the toilet.  I took some wipes and was able to remove the majority of the poop from the seat and dumped it in the toilet.   I then cleaned it the best I could though some poop was stuck in the crevices.

It was a good thing I cleaned it up since Dom mentioned needing to go again.   Dom was slow to get up and was barely able to move.   I teared up and expressed remorse for going to the office though in all honestly we should've went to the ER last weekend.

We eventually made our way to the hospital though not before putting a chucks pad in the passenger seat.   Dom smelled of poop since he wasn't able to clean himself very well.    We made it to the ER just before 5:30 and thankfully before there was a larger crowd of folks waiting.    He was able to get seen relatively quickly in less than 30 minutes.

They took a lot of blood to test it with some cultures.   They also took a urine sample.   After some time it was determined that he had a yeast blood infection.   The suspicion was that the Jardiance that he's taking now for diabetes was a likely cause.   Based on the infection it was determined that he would need to check in at the hospital.

His court date was the next morning on July 31st.   But there was no way he would be able to attend.   I wound up going to the court house that morning and letting the clerk know that Dom had a medical emergency.   I also ran into the plaintiff's attorney and explained the situation.   He mentioned that he would let the judge know and put in a request for a continuance.   We will get something in the mail for a future court date which will hopefully be in September or October.

Dom was feeling terrible still on the 31st and August 1st and didn't have any appetite.   They put him on an antibiotic called Eraxis, which is an antifungal medication for fighting infections caused by fungus.  By Sunday he was doing much better and when I visited him, he mentioned being able to wolf down his lunch.   His infectious specialist was cautiously optimistic that he could be released in 48 hours which was Tuesday.    There was some issue with dinner on Sunday and he was hungry so the staff wound up giving him a lot of snacks to tide him over.   Monday he was still feeling great.    

However, sometime during Monday night things turned for the worse again.    His body temps rose to 103, his heart rate was over 130, and he was extremely feverish and the staff said he even was confused momentarily about his whereabouts.   I didn't realize all this until this afternoon.   I did message Dom this morning but he didn't respond.   I tried calling during the early afternoon but didn't get an answer.  I called again after arriving at the train station.   He didn't answer but he called me moments later and gave me the details.

His nurse aide mentioned that they have him on two new stronger antibiotics - Vancomycin and Cefepime.   Reading all the side effects of these antibiotics have been scary to say the least.   But I'm hoping it does help.  Unfortunately Dom was not doing well during my visit earlier this evening and was still relatively out.   

Since he hasn't been eating again, his blood sugar fell to 80 something.   We tried to get him to eat dinner but he just wasn't hungry at all.    I do pray that he gets some relief by tomorrow and hopefully this infection gets knocked out.   I plan to work from home tomorrow so I should be around if needed.   Prayers needed.

More Court Fun

The weeks have been moving along pretty quick.   Dom and I went to the Courthouse on our appointed date 06/26.    They said our court time was 8:45AM but we didn't get seen by the judge until almost 11AM.   We got there earlier around a little after 8AM.    There's a metal detector that everyone has to go through because you know with the litigious nature of the cases, people could become postal and bring a gun or another weapon.    They weren't letting people through until 8:30AM.    So we waited in the lobby along with other folks that had their own cases to deal with.    

Once we passed the metal detectors, Dom had to go in the court room and register that he arrived.   Then we had to sit in a hard chair and wait till his name was called.    That was a long 2 1/2 hour wait.   I had forgotten to eat anything beforehand so I was starting to get hungry near the 11AM time.

So we saw the lawyer for the plaintiff walking in the hallway and disappearing in the court room for other cases.   I didn't know for sure it was him until I heard him mention the hospital while talking to the staff and then disappearing with other defendants in the court room when it was their time.

Eventually it was Dom's turn.   We were ushered into the courtroom where the judge gave Dom an earful for not showing up on the previous court date.   I was pissed but all we could do was sit there and take it.   The judge accepted the motion to set aside the judgment (that I went to the court to hand off) and basically we went with the plaintiff into a private room to see if we could agree to an amount.

We didn't agree to the amount.  The plaintiff listed all these various amounts from 2020 - 2023 that weren't listed in Dom's bill portal.   They did add up to the nearly $5000 bill the hospital was claiming he owed.   The bill portal had $2400+ that was listed as gone to collections.   I had paid $1400 of it which left $1000.   If nothing else we feel that we paid part of what they think we owe and a reevaluation is needed.

Since we didn't agree, a new court date of July 31st was given.   We showed the plaintiff the bill portal that showed we only owed $1000.   He said that he would share this with the hospital and mail us a copy of the bills they claim we owe.   We still haven't received that yet but I am thinking we may need to log into the portal once more to see if they added anything there.   They may mail it closer to our court date as well.   Who knows?   

 I will be glad when this nightmare is over.   I will have to budget whatever the final expense is.   There is light at the end of the tunnel coming though.  Dom heard back from the Social Security office and they mentioned he will start getting monthly payments in late August.   So he'll finally be getting some income (it won't be a lot but it's something).    We also learned that there isn't a separate payment for disability.   It's apparently rolled into one so if disability payment is higher, that is what he will get.   If social security is higher, that is what he will get.    He needs to provide some additional information to get qualified for disability and then we should know what the amount is.    It sucks but actually that makes sense.   If Dom were still in his working years, the disability would be a separate income stream while he can't work.   But since Social Security is now his income stream, disability if paid separately would be like supplemental income and the government can't have that apparently...LOL.

Stay tuned.

Default Judgment Revisited

As previously mentioned, Dom received a "Notice of Claim" from a collection agency back in mid-April.   We mulled over our options and honestly hoped that it would blow over like some of the other judgments that were received.   Worse case scenario they would have to garnish his wages which currently is non-existent.   There was a court date given that we decided not to attend.

The court date came and went.   Later that week Dom received a letter stating that a $5000 default judgment was filed against him.   I debated whether we should contest it or not.    We were only aware of $2400 that he owed that was stated to have been filed in collections.   

In the end I decided to file a Motion To Set Aside The Default Judgment on Dom's behalf.   As expected we received in the mail a week or so afterwards a new court date to appear.   It's on June 26th at 8:45 AM.   I'm turning to ChatGPT for advice though ultimately Dom will have to speak on the matter.

According to ChatGPT, it says that the first thing to do is to get the default judgment set aside.   They suggest saying something like the following:

"Your Honor, I respectfully ask that the default judgment be set aside.  I acted promptly after learning on the judgment, filed my motion, and served the plaintiff.   I would like the opportunity to respond and address the claim."

It sounds like at that point, the judge may schedule a future date to give Dom the opportunity to do that.    If there is a deadline, we would need to be ready for a response by then.

The answer would need to include what is known to be true, deny what we don't know, and the plaintiff would need to prove the amount they say that is owed.    In a nutshell we would need to know how they arrived at over $5000.

If after doing all that an amount is determined, at that point, a reduced settlement can be asked, a payment plan can be discussed, and a hardship review presented.   I keep wondering if I should appear as I don't want them coming after me directly for the debt though ultimately I'm going to have to pay whatever is settled upon.

I don't know what's going to happen on that day.   I am praying if there is a settlement the amount is greatly reduced.   I will admit again that I am frustrated to be in this situation.   I'm mad at Dom for his lack of financial responsibility and also the hospital for their outrageous expenses.   But for better or for worse when Dom is in trouble, so am I.   Stay tuned.

Streamed Drama

 Dom and I have several streaming channels that we watch.   Our current roster of primary channels are Netflix, Hulu, HBOMax, Prime, Peacock, and Disney with an occasional honorable mention of Tubi and Pluto.   The honorable ones are actually free of charge while I pay monthly or annual in Prime's case fees to be able to watch.   Prime has become annoying because now they force you to watch Ads (unless you pay a higher fee).   I may need to talk to Dom about dropping that one...LOL.

On our paid channels Dom and I have our own accounts.   This is because our TV styles tend to be different.   I gear more towards reality TV/Competition shows, horror, and shows that can be violent.   Dom is more into history, documentaries, and comedy.   

When we eat dinner together, 99% of the time Dom controls what we watch.   Yeah I'm always the one compromising.  In his defense he'll ask me what I want to watch.   But I tend to stick to what I know he'll want to see.   This is good karma anyway as it should be something we both enjoy so a lot of times it'll wind up being a comedy.   I introduced him to my favorite series Half & Half for example which he wound up enjoying as well.

We do have plenty of shows that we watch together.   But one thing that irks me about Dom is that a lot of times we'll start watching a series and then he'll lose interest and eventually we stop watching.   I tend to be a completist so it frustrates me when this happens.   Eventually if I do want to continue a show he no longer likes, I switch it to my account and finish watching it there.  

For example, he was the one that introduced me to Prime's series The Boys.   He was drawn into the series because of the potential of a Marvel-like show with action.    We made it all the way to maybe half of Season 3 before Dom decided to call it quits.   The show became more graphic with the violence (villains entering people through urethras to blow them up, villains that can explode people's heads).  It got to be too much for Dom and he declared that he was done.   

I eventually forgot about the series but almost two years later I wondered how it progressed.   So I wound up adding it to my Prime account.   I will say the show is now a satirical take on our current Administration that hits almost too close to home.   The violence has become quite disgusting and sometimes silly.  I do understand why Dom was turned off but nonetheless it was nice to see the series again.   I'm currently on the last season with 3 more episodes to go.    Hopefully Highlander (who is almost like Agent Orange in personality not physicality...LOL) gets what's coming to him in the series finale.   Then maybe real life can do the same thing.

Another series Dom lost interest in was another Prime show called Clean Slate.   The series itself was historical in being the first Primetime series to cast a transgender character as the main actor.  Laverne Cox, who got her big break to fame in Netflix's original series Orange is the New Black.   Cox is an executive producer of the show as well.    The series itself is cute though honestly not the best.   It was cool seeing one of my favorite TV Moms from the previously mentioned Half & Half (and also Gimme A Break and Family Matters) Telma Hopkins play as always the Mom character of the closeted preacher who is best friends with Cox's character.    The show while not great definitely is something that is needed in these times.   We made it all the way to Episode 6 before it fell out of Dom's radar.   I just finished the last two episodes earlier this morning on my own.   They tried to make a cliffhanger by bringing Cox's abusive New York boyfriend (who they hilariously hid his face ala Alexis Colby in the Season 1 finale of Dynasty) back to wreck havoc assuming it was renewed for Season 2.  But alas Prime chose to cancel the series, which was Norman Lear's (of All in the Family and The Jefferson's fame) last series before he died at 101 years old.

There are times when I watch something that Dom will listen from the next room (or basement).  For example I was the one that introduced him to Schitt's Creek when it first appeared on Netflix.   Dom kept hearing the flugelhorn in the opening and closing credits and was wondering what the heck I was watching.   Once I showed him the series, he immediately got hooked.   In fact that series along with Big Bang Theory (which Dom introduced to me) are ones that we've both watched on repeat several times.    I believe I watched the series at least five to six times to date.

I also introduced him to a few reality game shows that he now insists on watching on his account.  That's the other annoying thing.   The game shows in particular (The Floor, The Quiz With Balls, and The 1% Club) were originally on my Hulu account.    But since they're on his account I have to remind myself when going to my account not to watch it since I've already seen them on his account.  I know, first world problems.   Nonetheless it shows another interesting dynamic we navigate in our relationship which is going on 12 years together, 4 years married.

This also marks my 250th post.  Woo hoo!

It's A Default

 We received bad news in the mail this past weekend.   Remember I mentioned last month that we (technically Dom but it still affects me) got served last month from the local Sheriff's office for some past hospital debt.    Dom's court date was on May 11 but we opted not to attend.   I probably should've pushed Dom more to file a response but I ultimately didn't.   Dom surprisingly asked if we should go the weekend before.   Since we didn't file a response I didn't think it made any sense to go at that point.    

So the 11th came and went.   We received two pieces of mail declaring that a default judgment was made against Dom and that he owes over $5000.    I surmised that they would look to garnish Dom's wages.   From what I understand they could take up to 15% of his earnings to pay down the debt.   The rub is that Dom is not working so he's not collecting a paycheck.    The most they can do now is freeze his assets which are his personal bank account and our joint account (because his name is on it).    But he's not funding either of those currently.   I fund the joint account because the monthly mortgage is automatically getting withdrawn from it.   Plus sadly Dom is still buying doll crap that I have to cover because it may potentially affect our mortgage payments.

When we found out about the original court date, the first thing I had Dom do was go to his hospital portal to see if he could see anything about what was owed.    We saw there was debt for over $2500 but not the $5000+ that the collectors were claiming.   I paid $1500 of that debt so far (well charged my credit card).

I have to admit I'm extremely frustrated with Dom.   He seems to think that life is for buying dolls and accessories and everything else be damned.   He just has no sense of responsibility.   But this is nothing new.   

I went back to ChatGPT to see if there was anything that could be done.   It was suggested to file a Motion To Set Aside Default Judgment and file it with the court as well as mail a copy to the plaintiff's lawyer.   It came up with a motion that I was able to print out at my job this past Monday.    Then I drove to the court yesterday to drop off the motion and mail out the copy with return receipt.

Assuming the motion is honored, we'll likely get a new court date that we have to attend.   The plaintiff will have to explain how they came up with $5000 when the health portal only shows half of that.  I guess is the difference their finder's fee?   Ultimately whatever the settlement is, I'm going to have to pay it.   What a mess.   For better or worse, right?

Blooming Gay

 Dom and I were discussing once again our experiences when we first explored being gay.    It was interesting how our experiences contrasted.   Dom always reported auditioning a cast of 1000's before we finally crossed paths.    My casting number was much lower.    If I think about it, I may have had a cast of 100's if I was lucky.   I did blog over the years about some of that cast.

Part of it of course has to do with physicality.   Dom was a taller, beefier guy at that time with an incredible body.    He has old pics of himself wearing tight leather clothes with his bare chest and abs open.    When he lived in San Francisco, he talked about walking down Castro and being picked up by other guys.

I was a "skinny-fat" gay guy when I was first exploring my attraction.   I rarely socialized and relied more on social sites like Adam4Adam, Bear411, SilverDaddy, and Craigslist to try and meet guys.   And because of my physicality, I had a more challenging time trying to find guys that were into me.

Race no doubt played a part in it as well.   Even though Dom disagrees with me (which when you never had any challenges with meeting guys, how would you know), his being white made it easier to find other guys when that itch hit.   Being black I feel made it harder for me to find connections.   There are a lot of discussions from other gay black men about their experiences in trying to hook up as well as the racism received from white gays.    

What didn't help me as well was when I started exploring my gay side way back in 2002, I found myself living in a townhouse in the Chicago suburbs.   I moved in the Chicago burb of Des Plaines, IL in 1997 and found myself working in another burb of Chicago.   My former work colleague Stan was very much into real estate.    He was always touting about the importance of home ownership in building equity.   He owned several small apartment buildings and homes that he was collecting rent from.   

He encouraged me to buy a home since I was planning to stay in the area for at least 5 years.   Of course I wanted to live somewhere that was near my job.    What I didn't consider was that Stan himself was married with a young child at the time and another on the way a few years later.     I was single and prior to 2002, never had sex with anyone, man or woman.    I was in my mid-20's when it probably made sense to live in the city proper and in an apartment so I could have the flexibility to move when better opportunities came along.

Instead I wound up buying a townhouse in 2000.  Ironically I wound up living in the same burb that Stan and his family lived at.   I found myself being the only black and later gay guy on the block.   My nearest neighbors were relatively nice but I couldn't help but feel out of place there.   I was never really happy.

So I first decided to explore my gay side in 2002.   I had broken up with the one and only girlfriend I had.   I was getting used to the social sites.   I decided for some reason that my first time would need to be with an escort.   I found a muscular Hungarian guy living in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago.   I believe we agreed on $150 for our sexual liaison.   The plan was to meet on Halloween 2002.

So I found myself leaving my suburban townhome sometime at 11pm and making the 40 minute or so trek to Lakeview.   Along the way I drove down Irving Park street and couldn't help but notice random folks parading the street in various costumes.

I remember having a hard time finding parking (that's anytime driving in Chicago).   I ended up parking in a small lot around Lake Shore Drive and walking the few blocks to HG's apartment.   To say I was nervous was an understatement.   I was also excited as I anticipated finally losing my virginity.

I vaguely remember HG and I conversing and him expressing disbelief that I was using him as my first experience.   I remember he offered me orange juice.   That may not have been wise but thankfully I wasn't drugged...LOL.   Then he led me to his lair.   I remember us making out and him later using his body to pin me on the bed as he inserted his manhood and fucked me proper.   After we got off, he made it a point to say that we weren't done.    We briefly rested before he started fucking me again.

I remember being very satisfied.   We talked for a bit but I could tell that the time to leave was getting near.    But nonetheless that was my introduction to the gay experience.    I knew then and there, I would not be going back to women.   Not that I really was with any women.   

I remember I had a few other escorts over the years that came to my home.    But aside from escorts, trying to meet guys to date was especially challenging.   If they lived in Chicago, you could forget about it.   One thing about being in Chicago, there are a lot more options out there.   The majority of the guys in the burbs I found were married or partnered which given the cookie cutter homes that were designed for families, made sense.

It wouldn't be until 2006 when I would finally have my first boyfriend in Rock.   I've blogged about him a lot in my old blogger.    He lived in Rockford, IL (hence his nickname Rock) and we managed to last almost two years before I called it quits.   It wasn't the perfect relationship (what is) but it was nice to experience having an actual boyfriend.   I definitely appreciate that time in my life looking back.

So I was completely out of place in my suburban townhome.   I can say I was never really comfortable or happy there.   I was happy when I finally moved out of there after living there 16 years.   I barely broke even when I sold the house.   I had refinanced in the mid 2000's and took out about $20000 in cash that I was hoping to make a good investment on.   I wasted it on stupid penny stocks which wound up going south.    Thankfully my selling price was $37000 higher than my purchase price and covered the loan as well as the cost of fixing the home to put on the market.   I will say I felt like I left there just in the nick of time before Orange started his first term in 2017.

But yeah life is so interesting.   There were some crazy as well as good times.   Everything I went through led me to where I am today so I wouldn't trade a thing.

Ready For The Kink

 

Nothing much major is happening.   I told Dom about his being served.   It ended up he had received other notices as well so it wasn't much of a surprise.    We went to his health portal billing section and saw that he had some bills that were listed as being sent to the debt collectors.   The total amount was less than half of what the debt collector said he owed and traced back to 2024.   A part of me was wondering if the debt collection is older debt maybe from 2023 and earlier.   Who knows?

We decided to pay (well I used my charge card) a portion of the debt.  I will pay another portion next month.   My card debt is depressing me again but I am remaining a cycle ahead for now so as long as I pay the statement balance at least I will avoid paying interest.

We're also deciding to chance not going to court.   As I alluded to before Dom is not working anymore and doesn't plan to.   So odds are they won't be able to garnish any wages since there are none.   Also Indiana is not a community property state so they can't sue me for it.   The worse they can do is freeze our joint account and his personal account.  But he barely has any money in that account and I only keep it afloat to avoid overdraft on the mortgage. Since our mortgage is tied to the same bank, I will go with the plan to open a separate savings account in my name only so I can continue to pay the mortgage easily.

On the bright side, my long suffering stock Blackberry has finally started making some strides.   The price started rising from $3.50 to well over $5 starting on April 9th.   I sold 10% of my retirement shares at $5.68.   The price has cooled back for a bit and is hovering in the $5.20 - $5.40 range but I'm hoping it'll reach another leg up by the time Q1 2027 closes which should be by end of May.   I'm holding my non-retirement shares for a higher price, ideally $10 or higher.  I've been in BB stock since May 2020 so it's gonna be six years.   So may that'll help me pay off some more of the debt.

As if I need more debt but I purchased theatre tickets for us to see the show Kinky Boots during their Saturday matinee show on June 20th.   Dom's birthday is on the 23rd.   So the show is sort of his birthday present.   We recently watched the movie again and it looks like it'll be a fun show.   So that'll be our first summer activity.    I still want to get him a popcorn maker that he'll hopefully use instead of cooking it in my steel pot.   

We were also talking about going to Dollywood this summer but I feel like that may have to wait since we're also wanting to remodeling our bedroom and get a new bed this year.    The bed will be between one to two thousand and the remodel may cost just as much.    The bedroom has ceiling panels that are falling off so it definitely needs the remodel.   I've started removing some of the panels but Dom and I need to clear out the million or so dolls that are stationed all over the room.

I'm grateful our cars are hanging on even though Tasha was hinting on wanting my car last Christmas.    But I really don't want or need another car note and I don't have enough saved for a down payment just yet.   Of course Blackberry may surprise me in 2026 which would help me greatly.    We shall see.

We've Been Served

I was working from home this past Wednesday.   It was a normal day dealing with crazy customer cases and Dom was slowly waking up to get his quiet day at home started.   He had some doll orders that he was expecting from the Disneystore that was set to arrive that day.    Those arrived mid-morning just when he was downstairs in the basement taking pictures of more of his dolls.    His latest craze he was photographing were characters from Netflix K-Pop Demon Hunters.   These days any cartoon can quickly become Dom's next latest obsession.   Hemingway UPS rang the doorbell and since he was occupied downstairs, I went to pick up his packages.   

When I opened the main door, I saw there were some folded papers that were stapled and wrapped in a rubber band that was wedged between the screen door.    I first bought in his packages (two big boxes) since it was slightly drizzling outside and didn't want them to get wet further.   I then went back and grabbed the papers.

The first thing I saw was "Notice Of Claim" written in big capital letters on the very top of the page.  As I looked further I saw that Dom was served from the local Sheriff's office regarding a claim from his hospital that was sent to collections saying that the collector filed a motion with the Sheriff's office and Dom's court date is scheduled for 05/11 at 1pm.   

As I looked through the pages I was wondering if this was something we needed to worry about.  I saw what looked like a docket number and then a mention of interest owed for the debt in the amount of over $1100 dollars which along with the $115 filing fee and the principal balance of $4300 totaled approximately $5600.   I verified on the court website using the docket number that it was indeed filed with the court.

I haven't told Dom about it yet but he has received plenty of letters in the past from debt collectors which he's brushed aside.   I'm not sure he can ignore this one though.   I used ChatGPT to get some advice on what should be done.

The suggestion was to send a reply to "deny what debt that is uncertain" which they say forces the plaintiff to present proof.   The reply should include such phrases as “I lack sufficient knowledge to admit the amount” and/or “Plaintiff must prove the debt and amount”.    Doing this they say prevents a default judgment from occurring though that assumes that a court appearance is still made.

According to the advice, it is suggested that the defendant appear in court on that day where things may lead to payment discussions, future court dates, and the burden of the plaintiff to prove that the amount owed is correct.

It's also suggested to try and negotiate a lower payment amount.   It's also advised when filing to send it in person and have it stamped.

The scary thing is that I didn't even hear the person when they left the papers.   I had to check my security doorbell and it showed clearly a black sheriff's car parked in front of our house with a female police officer walking and placing the papers.

I've spoken about it before but I find myself frustrated with Dom's priorities.   His focus always is on what next doll he has to own.   When he was working his small paycheck was usually always spent on doll related things.   The only other thing he would think about getting is groceries.    It left me responsible for covering all the household expenses and other miscellaneous expenses like car insurance, car repair, our entertainment like dinners, plays, concerts, road trips, and other random life expenses that come along.

Now that he's not working, I'm responsible for paying for all of his orders.   You would think not having a job would stop him but I guess as long as I'm around he doesn't care.   He's had several visits and procedures over the years so the total amount could be for everything over that time period.    It never occurred to him to maybe set aside some of his doll money to pay his medical bills.   I've tried to pay for some stuff here and there but I can't be responsible for it all.  It's very upsetting to say the least and his expenses have been slowing down my progress on trying to be more financially independent.

He still hasn't completed filing for disability which he was supposed to do in January.  I wish I could strike from paying his bills but unfortunately he's using my credit cards so I'm stuck having to cover.   I mentioned not being able to pay off the full balance every month.   The upside is right now I am a cycle ahead but if some emergency comes where I have to pay extra, it won't take long before I find myself owing interest again.

I wish there was a way I can hammer home to him the importance of being financially responsible.   But he's about to be 62 and if he hasn't gotten that lesson in his younger years, he won't get it now.  I implore single people to choose their future partner wisely.   I suppose better yet don't get married...LOL.  Your spouse can either be an ally or adversary in your financial goals.    Dom is definitely in the latter category.   I am doing okay but I know I could be doing much better.   

I am trying to brace myself for telling Dom the news and trying to convince him to take it seriously.   But Dom is so lackadaisical about anything that isn't doll related.   He will probably brush this aside too.

The one upside is Dom is not working anymore so if they try to garnish his wages, there won't be able to get anything there.    Also they can't garnish social security or disability (if he ever gets it).   They can freeze his accounts and our joint account which is why I am looking to open an account in my name with Centier so I can continue to use that to pay the mortgage.    Speaking of the mortgage, the lien is in my name only so they won't be able to add a judgment to the house.

Another bright side, he actually sold one of his dolls and got over $300 for it.    If he could sell a dozen more, maybe he can pay some of this debt.

So maybe he should ignore it?   Lord know he's ignored everything else.   I don't know.   What a mess to be in.

Dom Pop

 I just saw something on my Facebook feed that looks like a good gift idea for Dom's birthday (which isn't until June).    It's a popcorn maker from this company called PopSmith.  PopSmith says they are popcorn perfected.   They promise a one-of-a-kind popcorn experience that is easy to use and ready in under 5 minutes.

Dom loves making popcorn on the stove but I hate when he uses my stainless steel pot to make it in.   It stains the pan and makes it hard to clean the excess oil.    I may be a little petty about it.

When we were in Shipshewana about eighteen months back, we stopped at Yoder's Meat & Cheese where they were selling a Nordic Ware popcorn maker for about $14.   I was hoping Dom would use that to make his popcorn but he didn't like the popcorn because it didn't have any of the oily flavor that he got with cooking it in oil over the fire and it was dry.   When using the Nordic Ware, you don't need to add any extra oil to it.   I did try adding a tablespoon of butter to it but he still didn't care for it.

So back to the pan he went.    But I saw the one from PopSmith and it promises that the experience would be just like enjoying theatre popcorn.   The only thing that's giving me pause is the $200 price tag.   But I can see that Target has some stove-top popcorn makers between $40 - $80.   That may be the happy medium we need.    So I'm posting this so I can remember this as a possible gift idea for Dom this year.  Either that or maybe a new rice cooker.

Sisterly Ties

 My visit to Detroit was interesting and wound up having some drama.   I reached out privately to Trina to confirm that I could stay with her while in Detroit.   I had wanted to stay with her on Thanksgiving but she mentioned that Donovan's Mom was staying over and that I could share a bed with her.   I wasn't sure if she was joking or not but I wasn't comfortable with that so I booked a hotel instead.   

So Trina confirmed that I could stay there.   I wound up traveling on Christmas Day.   I was a few hours away when Tasha sent a group text (we have an ongoing sibling thread) asking me to stop by her old place and then we could go to the new home together where she had the presents for our gift exchange.   I replied to the affirmative but didn't think to mention that I was planning to stay with Trina.   This will come into play later.

So I get to Tasha's old place and when going to the door, she didn't answer.   I called a few minutes later and confirmed that she and Abe were at CVS running errands and that they'd be back soon and to go next door to Abe's Mom.   

Abe's Mom and I spent some time together.   She is hard of hearing so it was a struggle chatting with her but that was cool.   I helped her with learning how to use an ear dryer which she needs because she has a condition where her drainage passages are narrow and her ears tend to fill with water.   There is a possible procedure to reverse but with her being almost 90 years old, the doctor's do not want to take the risk.

Tasha and Abe returned twenty minutes later and bought some pizza for dinner.   Abe drove over to their new place and then later I drove Tasha to the new house.   On the way there, Tasha mentioned that I could park my garage in their two car garage (with an individual door for each) and stay overnight.  

When she mentioned staying overnight, I froze.   I had already planned to stay at Trina's but for some reason I didn't say anything.    Also Trina did not send any response when Tasha asked me to stop by the old place.   It looked like Tasha indirectly was thinking Trina and Donovan would also come to the place.    They implied as much to each other when Abe asked if they were coming and Tasha said she didn't think they would.

So Tasha and I toasted the evening on wine coolers and doritos and watched some classic comedies that happened to air their Christmas episodes including Sanford & Son, All In The Family (it was sad seeing Rob Reiner given he recently was shot to death by his own son), and the slightly more recent Hot in Cleveland.   Abe wound up staying at their old house while Tasha and I slept in mattresses in the living room.   She mentioned it was her first night at the new home.   I messaged Trina to let her know that I would stay at Tasha's place since it was first time alone in the new house.   Trina said it was cool but I wasn't sure if she was truly fine with it.

I wound up being a guinea pig for their second upstairs bathroom.   The shower and sink were fine but the toilet leaked out of the tank when flushed.   

Tasha had to work on Friday so she left me Abe's key and the garage opener so I can venture out.   I relaxed a bit and then took a quick shower before heading to a local Wendy's for lunch.   As I was wrapping up lunch, Dom called and was letting me know that he just got done seeing his Mom at the rehab place.    He himself was going to stop at McDonald's to get lunch before heading back home.   While on the phone, I received a message from Eugene.    He also left a text message.  

After I said goodbye to Dom, I checked Eugene's text and saw that he was hanging out at a Starbuck's 20 minutes from me.   I left Wendy's and called him back when I got in the car.   I drove over to the Starbuck's where he was to hang out.   It's our first time seeing each other since last December when I visited him in Fall River, MA.  

We talked about each other's family dramas.  On my end, the last several holidays we all typically gathered at Trina's home since Papa was living there.   It was almost a given that Trina's spot would be where to go.    On the flipside on Thanksgiving Tasha would want Trina and I to stop by for dinner with her and Abe's family.   His family is cool overall but his sister (his only one) is a piece of work.    The times Trina and I went, she would remind us that our parents did not attend Tasha's wedding (which they had at their old place on Thanksgiving).    That proved to be a sore spot that she always would bring up.   It got to the point that we both were tired of hearing about it.   It especially got annoying hearing it after Mama had passed.    So for a few years neither Trina and I would attend which proved to be a sore point for Tasha.

So I wonder if this year that may played into things.   I oddly felt like I was caught in the middle.   In the end Eugene said that it would be up to me to fix things.   I knew Trina had no intentions of going to the new house (she may have felt slighted by us not going there on Christmas) so when Tasha happened to call me, I suggested that the two of us should go over to Trina's.   I then called Trina afterwards to let her know that we would head over in a few more hours.

Eugene then replayed his drama that mostly centers around his Dad.   His Dad is a heavy drinker who apparently spends all his money on liquor and does not help in paying the rent at the apartment his parents reside.  Basically there was an incident where he drove his parents to his sister's home for Christmas dinner.   His sister visited Portugal and apparently picked up some kind of rum that their Dad took a liking to. 

Eugene mentioned that his Mom and himself were in the car and were waiting for his Dad.   It took another ten or fifteen minutes before he came and he emerged with the rum.    Eugene surmised that he must've convinced his sister to part with it.    But Eugene was having none of it.    He basically had a standoff with his Dad saying that he refused to drive them with an open bottle of liquor.    His concern was that if they get pulled over, he could get in trouble with law enforcement and did not want to take the risk.   His Dad argued back against this but Eugene prevailed.

Needless to say he has a strained relationship with his Dad.   He mentioned how his Dad was a heavy drinker all his life and lost his job due to being drunk on the job.    He was verbally abusive to his Mom.   A part of Eugene was mad that his Mom did not leave him many years back.    But now they're in their late 70s and early 80's so pretty much it makes no sense to do so.

We then made parallel comparisons between his Dad spending all his disposable income on liquor while Dom spends most of his disposable income (and well some of my income these days) on his doll hobby.   At least Dom's hobby isn't destructive health wise.

We spent the majority of our time also talking about getting older and health woes.   Eugene recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea and due to years of it being untreated, it affected his blood vessels in his brain.   He has to take a mild blood pressure medication.   Of course it got me thinking about my health and how I'm resigning myself to possibly having to take them myself.    He then mentioned a friend who has to take 300mg of some blood pressure meds.   That's so crazy.

So we parted ways after a few hours and then I got to Tasha's home just before Tasha was dropped off by Abe.   We then made our way to Trina's home where we had the gift exchange.   I had Donovan's name and got his some Lions gear since he loves the Lions.    He especially appreciated the cup holders since he always quick to throw a cup holder whenever we have drinks.

I bought pizza over and Tasha brought some Pepsi.   Overall we had a good evening and then we headed back.   I left on Saturday morning to head back home which I'm glad I did as temperatures plummeted on Sunday and it was rainy and windy.

I will definitely have to remember next year to make it clear where we would be meeting for the holidays and I'll have to use the group siblings chat to verify on where I am staying.   Also as an aside Tasha was asking me about my car on our way to Trina.   Little did I pickup that she was asking because she's interested in getting the car when I decide to update.   She told me as much in a private text after I got back home.   I've traded my older cars twice before for Papa ages back and Papa in turn gave his older cars to Tasha (she always seems to want a car though I'm guessing Abe's family members are in need as we never see the cars again).   I told her I'd let her know but if she wants the car, she'll definitely have to give me a fair value for losing the trade-in.   Fun times.

Type A Drama

 On December 15th Dom and I drove to Fort Wayne, IN to visit his Mom who was in the hospital recovering from a brain bleed.   Dom asked me to drive since the trip was close to three hours and he's not comfortable anymore driving longer than two hours.  I was in the office when he asked so I needed to quickly reach out to my manager to get approval.   Thankfully she said it was fine and I was able to use some of my sick time.

So when we got there, we ran into Dom's sister Marie's husband Mel in a hallway near the room where Dom's Mom was staying.   Immediately afterwards we ran into Marie.   The hospital staff was taking care of his Mom so we waited outside her room until they were done.

We also ran into Dom's niece Lexie who was in the room while the staff was helping his Mom.   Eventually we all were in the room and we were able to spend quality time with her.  She sounded a lot better than she did when Dom talked to her a few days before the visit.   At that time they were running lots of tests and she had a tube in her mouth and throat.

One of the things that drove Dom to wanting to see his Mom in person was Marie expressing wanting to take control over their Mom's care and finances.    Dom and his Mom were upset that Marie insisted on taking his Dad to a rehab facility closer to her without considering what his Dad wanted.   Dom also is worried that Marie will want to sell his Mom's house if something happens to her and then displace Lexie and Ava from the house.   

Marie was quick to mention that Mom made her "executor" of her estate and the final go-to for what happens next.   That definitely irritated Dom.   He even asked me beforehand if I wanted to be "executor".   But I declined as I do not want to be in the middle of that mess.   Marie is a piece of work and I really don't want to deal with that and have her stressing me out.    Plus it would potentially put a strain on Dom and my relationship which I do not want.

It is crazy how the love of money can cause division in a lot of families.   I do pray that they are able to get through this.   Dom is also hoping to convince his Mom to sell the home to her brother so that his nieces would be able to stay without being forced to move if Marie pursues trying to sell the home.  Originally his parents stated that when they both are gone that the home would be split between Dom and his two sisters.    Dom's sister Marina passed on but her nieces Ava and Lexie are still there.   It makes sense to leave the home to the nieces as neither Dom nor Marie have need of the home.   They could also put the home in a revocable living trust as well and explicitly spell out that the nieces would inherit the home.    Hopefully they'll be able to resolve things before his Mom isn't able to.

Everyone in Dom's family, including Dom, are Type A's.   So it can make for intense moments.

Dom's Mom is at a rehab facility that's closer to her home.   She was feeling depressed at the thought of not being home for Christmas but the facility is allowing her to go home for Christmas.    But like Cinderella, she has to return to the facility before Midnight.

Dom got to see his Mom on Christmas and plans to spend the 26th with her at the facility before he heads back home.    He expressed sadness that his Mom felt hopeless because she wasn't able to get herself up from the loveseat she was sitting at.    She lamented that if she can't get up from the loveseat, she may never come back home.    But the hope is that the physical therapy will help her in recovery.

Traveling Dom

 Dom and his hobby finds himself traveling to Orlando for a one-day pop-up event for a doll that he collects called Poppy Parker.   He was able to attend by another one of those "lottery" plays where you win the right to pay for a seat.   

Dom has a crazy, long day ahead of him.  The event starts sometime after 9AM on the 6th.  So Dom's flight leaves out of Midway airport at 5:05 AM that morning and arrives in Orlando sometime around 8:30 AM.    From what he said, the hotel he's going to should be near-ish the airport so he won't have to travel far.   But pretty much it's a full day event which concludes around 6 or 7 in the evening.   Then he has to get ready for a flight that leaves just before 9PM and arrives back at Midway close to 11pm.

So I get the pleasure of driving him to and from the airport.   It's about an hour drive which includes dealing with crazy folks on the road.   We've had inclement weather this last week as well.    I did a quick trip to Detroit on Thanksgiving for the holiday, driving back home the next day to avoid a messy storm that was brewing in Indiana on Saturday.   There were so many accidents reported, including a 50+ car pile-up in Terre Haute, IN on Dec 2nd.    

My biggest worry was having potential snowstorms happening when I drop off and pick up Dom.   There was a mention of a potential storm Friday night into Saturday morning but thankfully the system is delayed till Sunday.

Dom has a lot of travel ahead of him.   I do worry about him having to navigate his way around the airport especially since he's a lot slower than he used to be.   

So I'll have this Saturday to myself.   I plan to use some of that time to go shopping for Christmas gifts for 3 local area kids for the holiday that need holiday cheer.   I also need to go to the bank and find out why we haven't gotten credited for the hack that happened on September 5th.   When I went back after our initial trip to the bank, the teller claimed that the fraud team would need to investigate and it would take up to 90 days for us to get credited.   90 days is on the 5th and we still didn't get our $600 back (which would've been useful for Dom's upcoming trip since I deposited that very amount into the joint).  It's a good thing I was able to recover from that hit.   What if I was living paycheck to paycheck (which actually I kind of am since I need a job) and had some bills that I couldn't pay because of the money lost?   It is crazy that it's taking this long to get credited.

 I also reached out to Anthony and we plan to meet up for some more fun.   I am glad that we reconnected.  I've always seem to have a hard time meeting guys for hookups but in recent years it's gotten harder.  The gameplaying has increased immensely.   There's just so many fake people online.   So I'm grateful that Anthony and I crossed paths again and he's been a reliable hookup.

Why I Love Dom So Much

 Monica - Why I Love You So Much

VERSE1:
You mean the world, ooh, and everything that I want for
Since I've been your girl, ooh, my whole life has been much better than ever before
You got a tender sweet love, yes, you do
That weakens me and takes over me whenever we touch

REFRAIN:
Baby, that's just why I love you so much
Baby, that's why I just can't get enough
Baby, that's just why I love you so much
I love only you

VERSE2:
Now you say that you're down, oh you said you won't play around
No, no not with my heart, and when your boys come around, no you're not disrespecting me, and not trying to be Mr. Wanna-Be-Hard
You let them know that I'm yours, yes, you do
By holdin' me and kissin' me , let's them know that for sure

REPEAT REFRAIN

Dom and I have been together for over 11 years, married for over 3 years.   If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that we've had our ups and downs.    That is the same for every relationship I suppose.   I'm constantly lamenting about Dom's lack of financial accountability.    He's the spender in the relationship and has a habit of wanting to spend without knowing if funds are there to cover.   It's been frustrating dealing with that and always having to be the one to cover.

I'm not saying that I'm this great money savant.   I've made my fair share of mistakes with money.    Over the years I did save up money to invest but instead of picking solid stocks from big name companies, I played the penny stock game.   I stupidly held on to a lot of those stocks too long before they either reverse split to oblivion or delist and become totally worthless.  I've lost tens of thousands of dollars over the years over that.   

One big name stock that I wish was in my radar 25 years ago was O'Reilly Auto Parts (ORLY).   The monthly adjusted price (post-split) for November 2000 was 0.89 cents which adjusts to around $16 pre-split.   The price of O'Reilly before it did a 15-for-1 forward split on June 9, 2025 was around $1365.   Can you imagine if I had bought 100 shares of ORLY in November 2000 for $1600 instead of chasing whatever stupid penny stock I was chasing at that time?    Assuming I held those same shares for 25 years (which I may or may not have), they would be worth on June 9, 2025 a jaw-dropping $136,500.   So yeah I made some more costly mistakes.

Thankfully though I did save money (still do) via 401-K and mutual funds over the years and that has helped me as well to slowly build a nest.   Even when I was working at Amazon, I still tried to save $10 a paycheck in the 401-K there.   Papa expressed to me early on about the importance of saving some of your coins for a rainy day.

From what I was told, Dom's parents taught those same things to Dom.   But the lessons went to death ears...LOL.

But I'm deviating from the intentions of this post.   I truly do love Dom.   I wouldn't be with him otherwise.   One of the things I love about Dom is that he's shown me time after time again how much he loves me.   He's my biggest defender whenever I'm in a jam and being attacked by others.   

He always asks me how my day is going.   He'll make sure that I eat something when I work myself to death and not thinking about food.    He will get random items for me to try and relieve some symptoms that I suffer such as my cold hands and feet.   He's purchased electric gloves, slippers, back scratchers, whatever will help me for whatever ailment.   He pushes me to go to bed when he sees me dozing off in the easy chair and tells me I need to sleep more.

I love his intelligence and common sense.   But what I love most of all is his empathy for those that are suffering.   He and I attended a Transgender Day Of Remembrance memorial that our Church was having to honor the memory of transgender men and women who lost their lives in various acts of violence.   Part of that memorial is reading off the various names of the victims.   Dom was one of the readers of the names.    As he was reading the names and the various ways the victims were killed, I felt Dom's voice cracking.

We talked afterwards and he told me that it broke his heart to read about the deaths.   He couldn't believe some of the murderers who had relationships with the victims.   He wondered why they couldn't just break up with a person if they don't like a person anymore, why kill someone.    He doesn't get all the violence that is going on and abhors it.    That's why he never wants to watch anything that has the potential hint of violence.

Dom really is the sweetest most caring man I've been with.  I do want him to enjoy his hobby.  I do feel sad that his diabetes is taking the feelings out of his hands and feet.    His neuropathy is getting worse and it's harder for him to enjoy his hobby.   The smaller jewelry and shoe pieces on his dolls are especially hard for him to take on and off since he can't feel his hands.

Part of why I am shooting for financial independence is so Dom can get things to his heart content and I don't have to worry that we are on the verge of getting broke.

At the end of the day, I do love Dom and appreciate having him in my life and look forward to our continuing adventures