Who's That Imposter?

 

I'm going on almost month number 3 at my new gig.   Things are ok but it's definitely getting more hectic.   I'm getting assigned more and more cases and more days than not, I'm ending the day overwhelmed and anxious especially when I'm unable to solve an issue.   There's a lot I still don't know yet I'm expected to have the answers by our clients.   I can't help but feel like I don't belong.    They have a term for it called "Imposter Syndrome".  It's defined as the experience of feeling like a phony, as though any minute now, your cover will be blown and you'll be identified as a fraud.

I sometimes don't feel like I belong.   However I mostly keep my feelings to myself.   Well it gets harder to do that when Dom gets home from his job and sees me stressing by my laptop.   I thank goodness that I work from home 95% of the time.   I can't imagine how I would react if I'm around my teammates.   The curse of course is by working at home, it's harder to reach out to folks when I need help.

I do have a mentor that I was assigned who's actually a mentor to many team members.  I feel bad constantly having to ask him questions.   He has repeatedly said that he's not judging or cursing to himself when I ask but would he say if he was.   Needless to say I have a hard time asking for help but have been pushed in the corner where I need to ask.

Then I have newer folks that want to come for me for case shadowing.   I was reluctant to do so since I am of the school that it's better to keep your mouth shut and make them think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.  *LOL*.    So I had to cave in and have a teammate shadow one of my calls this past Tuesday.   Unfortunately the issue the customer had wasn't straightforward to solve and the customer left the call feeling extremely frustrated and I had egg on my face.   Thankfully the teammate and I were able to talk afterwards and both share our struggles with supporting our large customer base and not having the wisdom of experience.

I feel like such a loser but I have to remind myself that I'm not.   It's just that I'm not 100% familiar with a lot of things.  It doesn't help that some people seem more natural at the job even with being new.   There's a teammate that's constantly assisting others with the more challenging cases and he's sort of becoming the "superstar" of the team.   I'm happy for him though I admit having a bit of envy wishing I could pick things up easily.  

But I realize I have to give myself credit for how far I've come since I got laid off back in 2017.   I did what I had to learn about cyber security and later on Salesforce while reporting to a menial job that I hated.   I worked hard to get to where I am now and have to see it through (without getting fired...LOL*).   I will say that I don't believe my current role is where I see myself working till retirement.   However the company is exactly where I want to be.   I just have to hustle again to find a role in the company I'm more suited for.    Hopefully I can get things to click better in the coming weeks and months.

Oh and in the meantime I need to find time to study for at least two more certifications.   Oh boy!  LOL.

Broken Things

Traci Braxton - Broken Things

Verse 1:

It's a cold wind blowing in the air tonight

My heart's frozen in my chest

There's a cold war going on between us now

And we're looking at stalemate at best

Cause neither one of us is strong enough to apologize

Cause neither one of us is wrong

Cause neither one of us has the guts to leave tonight

Cause we don't want be alone

Refrain:

You and me and hearts and strings

Who can fix these broken things

Who can put us back together not that we're undone

Now that we can't remember how

Tell me

Who can fix these broken things

I was so sad to read about Traci Braxton's passing.   As you know I'm a long-time Toni Braxton fan.  I knew of Toni's sisters primarily through the Braxton sisters only album So Many Ways.   Traci wasn't part of that album due to being pregnant at the time.   The whole sad tale is played out in their WeTV series Braxton Family Values.   Traci quickly became a favorite of mine cause she seemed the most real sister who told it like it is.   I was happy when she finally released her own solo album and then a second one four years later.   It was nice seeing her finally get her break.   I did see a photo float around where she did look sick but at the time the sickness was denied and I didn't think further of it.  Then came the announcement.   It was so sad but just like when my Mom passed, I'm glad that Traci is no longer suffering.

I'm currently in the Motor city, AKA Detroit, staying with my younger sister Trina (not Braxton...*LOL*) and her husband Donovan.   Trina texted Tasha and I on Tuesday morning telling us that our Dad was acting erratic and suggested that if we were available then to make some time to visit him.   For the last few weeks she's had to help my Dad change his Depends and he's been confused a lot.     She noted that his urine input was slowing down as well.   She was thinking my Dad may be near death and wanted us to see him.

I told Trina that I would head over there Friday.   It just so happens that I also have to travel to Indianapolis for work the following Wednesday.   So my plan is to work from their place Monday through part of Wednesday and then drive the 4 hours and change to Carmel just outside of Indianapolis to stay at a hotel overnight and then drive to work the next day.   I was wondering if I should head there earlier but I had three different meetings happening on Thursday that I felt more comfortable doing at my home.   I checked in with Trina on both Wednesday and Thursday and she said that my Dad was doing better.   I actually spoke to Trina and then my Dad Wednesday as well and he seemed fine.  So I felt better about holding off till Friday.   Thankfully my Dad is doing okay now as well.   Hopefully we still have time with him.

Tasha was radio silent when Trina sent the text.  When I called Trina Wednesday, she asked me if I talked to Tasha and was disappointed that she didn't message back.   I had hoped that perhaps Tasha would've called Trina directly since she didn't reply back via text.   But she didn't.   Unfortunately Tasha still has a lot of unresolved issues with Dad.   Her way of dealing with it has been to avoid him but in doing so it's left Trina and her husband holding the bag when it comes to caring for Dad.   I'm four hours away from Detroit as well so I'm not available a lot either.   I am grateful that Trina and Donovan has been there for him but I know it's definitely a strain (especially on Trina).   

Tasha finally broke her radio silence Thursday when I texted the group chat asking how Dad was.   But it was just one line with 4 smiley emoticons.    And of course Tasha has continued to be a no-show since I've been in town.

It's a sad situation all around.  When I last visited Tasha sometime last year, her husband Abe was trying to spill the tea to me (in front of Tasha) that he wanted the two of them to talk to one another.   I felt secondhand embarrassment for Tasha in the moment but I agreed with Abe.    But she stated that she was not ready.   The thing is that our Dad is 92 years old and he only has so much time left.   Unfortunately my Dad denies any wrongdoing when talking to him about things in the past.   He's not going to change but I would hate for her to have unresolved feelings about him after he's gone and she can't talk to him anymore.   Abe recently lost his Dad a few months ago and I imagine Tasha not talking to our Dad may weigh even heavier with him (as I'm sure even with the issues he had with his Dad that he wishes he had more time with him).

I do hope Tasha will come by the house but I'm not holding out hope.   

As I said, my plan is to work from Trina's house the next three work days.   Work itself is going okay.  I've worked on three customer cases and have thankfully closed two of them.   My manager does want me to pick up more cases which I'm sure will help me in gaining experience.   The good thing in my job as well is that they offer a lot of training to support us.   It's a good company and I'm hoping I can stay there until retirement which is at minimum 15 more years from now.   It doesn't seem like it now but time really does fly.   Hell I started blogging in 2005 and it's over 17 years now.   

I do see myself doing other roles within the company and not necessarily staying in support.   The company has headquarters in other parts of the world and Dom has actually made a good case for perhaps working out of their London office.   If I do that though it won't be for a good while.    I would like to perhaps get back into the Business Analyst realm that I worked in previously.   I also thought about doing something related to my recent Tableau certification.   The sky is definitely the limit.

I have another work related event scheduled at the Indianapolis office on April 14th.  That's why I wanted to stay in Detroit till Wednesday as well to save a little car wear & tear.   I had spoke to Ross and he mentioned being out of commission due to needing crowns on three of his front teeth.   So I won't be meeting him.    But I may actually meet a former classmate from my cybersecurity bootcamp for a quick drink after work if he's interested.    We reconnected because I saw he was in the market for work and the Salesforce Pathfinder program for 2022 was opening their doors and I thought he would be a good fit.   It wound up being the best thing I've done as I feel like I would still be working at Amazon otherwise.    It would be great if he wound up getting a job as a Salesforce Consultant before the end of 2022.

No Fooling

It was seventeen years ago on this date that I posted my first blog entry ever.    I've had various peaks and valleys that happened during that time.   I'm so glad I had and still have an outlet where I can share my thoughts and my life experiences.    I do wonder when my time is up in this world if anyone in the future will come across my blogs and marvel over what's taken place.

I will likely not be famous.   If it hasn't happened in the first almost 50 years, I can't see that happening.   Since I don't have any children, other than a few friends and acquaintances, there will be nobody that will remember me.   Those memories will be gone once their time is up.    I won't go down in the history books so my name won't be uttered in anyone's mouth 200 years from now on April 1, 2222 (unless of course someone with my name is born in the future).    But how cool would it be to live in the year 2222, if man doesn't fuck up Earth completely and make themselves extinct.

They do say whatever you post on the Internet stays forever.   So my blogs are my own way of keeping my spirit alive for anyone that happens to randomly come across it in 2222 or any other far off year in the future.

In other news I participated in a food pantry volunteer event that my company took part in.    I hated the 2 1/2 hour drive but it was nice doing a project that helped folks in need.   It was sad especially seeing the kids.    Some of the kids needed to translate for their parent(s).   There was one family that I witnessed drove in with a Hummer and was getting groceries.   That kind of gave me pause but then even with that, who knows what the situation is.   They could've bought the Hummer and then lost their source of income.   It reminded me to not judge.    Just seeing all the poor families and folks put a lot of things in perspective.  Despite what life throws at me, I am extremely blessed in having a home, a good job (now), and as Dom likes to say 'food in our belly'.

I wound up driving straight back afterwards.   That was exhausting.   But I didn't want Dom being upset if I stayed overnight again.    Ross wasn't available to meet but I did try to meet up with a menses or two but of course nothing happened.   I did befriend one of those menses though and we've been chatting the last couple days.   If it leads to anything, stay tuned.

In regards to the job, even working at Amazon in their Warehouse was a blessing as a lot of folks would kill to have that.    I'm thankful to not be in a situation like in the Ukraine (or any other nations where it's not in the media because the U.S. has no special interests there) where millions are being evacuated from their homes due to Putin-led Russian forces bombing the area to take over.   I just can't imagine being displaced from your home and country.   I'm thankful not to lose our home due to a natural disaster like a fire, earthquake, or tornado.    Of course life has no guarantees.   Anything can and will happen.

I'm grateful too for my family still keeping it together.   I still miss Mom but am glad my Dad is hanging on.   Sadly he lost his only other living brother (my uncle) due to natural causes a few months ago.   Unfortunately the two brothers never reconciled their differences even though my Dad tried reaching out to him multiple times.   I'm not even sure what the exact issues were between them.   There was also a strain between his oldest brother and himself but they made up years before his oldest brother passed.    Amazingly my Dad and his two brothers all made it to their 90th birthdays.   That's almost unheard of with men, let alone black men and all the shit they've had to go through.

But yes I have a lot to be grateful for.    Who knew my anniversary post would end up being a 'gratitude post'.   LOL.

Whoa Fido!

On March 9th, my manager wanted to have our team come out to the office to meet each other in person.   I wasn't thrilled since the office headquarters are in Indianapolis which is 2 1/2 hours away from home.    But I was curious to check out the office and to a smaller extent some of my colleagues.

Since I was heading out to Indianapolis, I reached out to Ross who Dom and I met in December to see if he wanted to meet.    He invited me to stay the night at Ray and his place.  I was torn on doing so since Dom and Ross pretty much clashed.   If I told Dom that I was staying overnight at Ross's, he would not be happy about it.   But at the same time I felt like Ross and I had some chemistry and it had been at least five months since I was last intimate with a guy.   Plus the thought of driving 150 plus miles back on the same day was a turn off.

I decided that I would take Ross on his offer but I wouldn't tell Dom I was staying overnight until I was out of town.   Also I would tell him I was staying at a hotel.   I hated lying but I thought it was for the best.  Something is going to have to give at some point since Dom and I haven't had sex in over 5 years.   At the end of the day I still love Dom and want to be with him but I still have occasional needs.   And it's getting harder and harder to find decent hookups.   I suppose if I didn't have standards, I could sleep with anyone but I have my own criteria on what I like and a lot of times what I like doesn't like me back..*LOL*.

In talking to Ross regarding his relationship with Ray, he says that they love each other but know that they have outgrown each other sexually.    They even sleep in separate bedrooms in their home.   They've been in a relationship for over 15 years and have been business partners for even longer.   They are both fine with each other meeting and hooking up with other guys.  

I learned a few years into my relationship with Dom that he actually prefers being on the bottom bunk.   But guys he's met have wanted him to be the 'top'.   I suppose I fell into that expectation as well.   I mean Dom's around 5'11 280 lbs.   Though yes there are a lot of big bottoms too.    It could explain his losing interest in sex as well.    As far as I know he hasn't hooked up with anyone, though in the last two years he has been visiting the Northside of Chicago's gay bar Touche more frequently.   Plus he made a comment in a random Facebook post that 'he has a desire to be dominated in the bedroom'.    Gotta love Facebook for pointing to "friends" comments that the person may not have wanted you to see.  *LOL*. Honestly if he's hooked up with folks at Touche, I can't be mad at him since I've had my own hookups.   I just wish we could talk to each other about it.

So I asked my manager if it would be okay if I left mid-morning and got to the office before 1:30.   Our company required COVID tests be performed prior to being allowed in the work area.   She was fine with my proposal.  But then she pissed me off in our next 1-on-1 when she said that she wanted me to come earlier so I could've met the team longer.   I do have to get used to Injera's style.   She tends to be more on the quiet side (which I don't mind since I tend to be introverted).   Even in our team meetings, she isn't as active in moving things along.   Plus everyone on the team is extremely quiet and a lot of folks have their cameras off.   I suppose being remote hasn't helped so it was good to meet.

I honestly hoped I would have the manager that interviewed me initially for the role.   He and I seemed to have some good chemistry and I liked his laidback attitude.    But for now I'm under Injera and we'll just have to adjust to each other.

So I loved the corporate office.  I hated the parking situation but I did find an affordable garage to park in.    It was my first time in a corporate office in over 3 years.   It was so funny seeing a sign for their  'Clear Desk Policy' on one of the floors I visited, which reminded me of my latter years at my previous long term gig.    I was glad to be able to score a free lunch from a group that had leftover sandwiches and cookies.   I just wish the office was closer.    They do have a smaller office in Chicago but it's not considered a main hub.    Interestingly enough the company is planning on expanding in the Chicago market by 2023.   I'm hoping that once that happens, I can transfer there.

Before heading to Ross and Ray's place, I called Dom and told him that I would be having dinner somewhere downtown.    That unfortunately was not true but I didn't want to say where I was having dinner.   I didn't mention that I was staying overnight but I sent Dom a Facebook message later in the evening stating I would be staying at a local hotel.

I made my way to Ross and Ray's place.   Almost immediately as I entered, I found myself being assaulted by their dog Fido.    He's a big dog and he literally was wanting to jump all over me.   I'm not a dog fan and Fido's "attacks" reminded me of my brush in with our overseas family's mean dog that took a chunk off my face when I was a mere nine years old.   I made the mistake way back then of touching Dick (the dog's actual real name...but I love the irony considering what I like...*LOL*) in the back while he was eating.   I guess he thought I was stealing his food.   Since that day way back in 1981, I feared and hated dogs.   I was just glad Dom and I didn't encounter Fido while we stayed with them last December.    He was in doggie day care while the R's were preparing their Christmas show.

So once Ross was able to reign him in, we greeted each other.   It was after 7pm and both the R's were actually beat.   They cooked dinner beforehand and Ross and I ate at the dining room table while Ray excused himself and took a plate to his bedroom.   Of course Fido kept coming after me throughout and he kept wanting to lick my face which I guess is nice but considering where his tongue has been was not the most sanitary.

The assault continued while Ross and I watched a couple bad horror movies.    Thankfully sometime during the second movie Fido fell asleep somewhere and Ross and I were finally alone.    We both started touching each other, with Ross squeezing my thighs and later my throbbing dick while I rubbed his belly and inched my hands towards his dick.   This petting continued until the end of the second movie.

After we both showered (separately) he invited me to stay the night in his bedroom.   It was chilly in his room but he wanted me to hop in the bed nude.   He did have a few layers of covers so I stripped though I left my briefs on.   We pretty much just kept touching each other for the next hour.   I finally attempted to kiss Ross but I didn't feel like he was that into it.   Maybe it was my breath...*LOL*.   We eventually both fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning to use the restroom in their guest room.   I looked at my phone and saw Dom had sent some messages.   By the time I woke up he was at his job.   I was hoping he would've slept the night but he told me that he woke up after midnight and was worried since I hadn't come home.   Unfortunately he doesn't keep his cell phone near him so he didn't go check his message that I left about "staying at a hotel".   I apologized for having him worried and told him I'd be home before he got home from school.   I decided to use a floating holiday that day so didn't have to worry about logging in to work.

Ross and I played under the covers some more for a bit afterwards.   A little bit later we walked Fido around the block.    They live in a nice subdivision and within a few blocks was a dog park.   Ross said that Fido doesn't play nice with other dogs.   Thankfully there were no dogs that we encountered.   One thing I noted was that Ross didn't bring some bags or a shovel for picking up poop.   Just before heading back to their house, Fido finally found a spot in the middle of the field to make his deposit.   I felt sorry for whoever had to cut the grass.   It's stuff like this that turns me off about people with their dogs.

Later on Ross and Ray took me to see their old Cabaret theatre in the middle of a small town that they are working on recovering for reopening.   They have some rooms upstairs that Ray was talking about converting to Escape rooms which actually sounds cool.   I was impressed with the work they were doing.    They definitely have a gift and it gave me insight into why their relationship works for them.

I told Ross that I wanted to leave by 11 (which actually seemed to annoy him).  At different points during the morning he kept sarcastically saying 'you got to leave by 11'.    We got back from the Cabaret a few minutes after 11 and I went to get my stuff and then said my goodbyes to the guys.

I got back to my neck of the woods just before 1 and I stopped to get something to eat since I had skipped breakfast.   We both exchanged quick messages after I let him I made it back.   I had fun but I'm honestly not sure if Ross would want to see me again.   I got the feeling he wanted someone more dominant like I wanted someone dominant and neither one of us is that person.   Plus I really didn't care for Fido and I know how much he loves Fido.   But I'm glad at least I gave it a shot.   At least I had a little action after my drought.

Officially AARP

 Well since I am about to turn the big 5-0 later this year, I might as well go all out for it.   Dom sent me a text message this morning saying that he decided to sign up for AARP.    It's a rite of passage to get those notifications once you hit 50 (or even a few years before like I have).   He'll be 58 this year and had been talking about AARP for years.   He was able to add a "spouse" (that's me) to the program as well.   Even though we're not legally married, we have been together for over seven years and people do consider us "married" since we're living together.   

But damn now I really feel old (as if I haven't already).   The funny thing is the acronym AARP stands for American Association of Retired People and neither Dom or I are retired.    Though Dom is looking to retire from his teaching job in another 4 years.   We're thinking of legally tying the knot after he retires.   He's not comfortable being out at his school.   He refers to me as 'his wife'.  

In contrast my current employer is a huge advocate of "bringing your true authentic self to work".   Though I'm sure if you truly are a major asswipe they won't encourage bringing that...*LOL*.   But I'm able to say I'm gay and I've mentioned Dom a few times already to my manager and team members.   It's a different feeling from my first employer I started with in the late 90's where I didn't feel comfortable being out at work and my employer didn't advocate for equality for gays.    So I completely get where Dom is coming from.   Even in 2022 there's a lot of employers that some gay folks working there would rather keep their sexuality "in the closet".   Obviously at the end of the day, who you prefer sleeping with has no bearing on if you can perform on the job (unless you're a porn star...*LOL*).    But I do remember how uncomfortable I felt during company social outings when someone would inevitably mention something a wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, or kids did.   Then I would just laugh and nod and not have anything to add.    Also at the time I was figuring my sexuality out and couldn't really say 'hey I'm gonna try and get laid with a hot guy tonight'.   It definitely is better when you're in a relationship as opposed to being single.   Though the key for single folks would be to find other single gays folks that may relate.    Which is another plus at my current job.    They basically encourage employees of any distinction to find like minded co-workers.

So now I can add AARP to my list.   Bring on the 'life insurance' and 'burial insurance' offers....*LOL*.

It's My Preference

 LOL just a few weeks back I noted that I had a record number of entries in a month.    And now it looks like I'm only at post #2 for the month of February.    But it's not a record as I've had many years that I haven't been blogging at all.  So with this entry I won't be breaking any records.

So since I've been working in corporate America again, I've been having my weekends back.   Well somewhat.   Weekends now are pretty much the only time I can run errands and not have to rush back to work.   The Rev at our small church though has been asking me to come help him clean the church for the last two Saturdays (basically my first free weekends).   I was irritated and pushed back last Saturday but decided to come out this past Saturday.   Thankfully I was only there for about an hour and a half.   But I came after spending half the day running errands with Dom.

So needless to say when Dom decided to be lazy and not go to service today, I didn't argue back.   Since the whole pandemic started, they have the service also on Facebook Live.   When Dom and I did attend service two weeks back, I hated that the camera was filming and of course the Rev had me do the Call to Worship.   I hated seeing and hearing myself on screen.    But the stream doesn't get a lot of views so whatever.  

Today I decided to watch the service online since we stayed home.   Things were going as normal.   Then we got to the "Celebration portion" of the service.  One of our members Katherine was celebrating on what a wonderful ladies book club meeting they had last Saturday and how time went so fast.   Another member Wilma who happens to be a trans lady asked why trans ladies weren't allowed in the book club.   I was shocked to hear the question as I was sure trans ladies in the past did participate.  Wilma acknowledged that there was a trans member (Mimi) who no longer attends our church and was a disturbance in many ways.   This member definitely rubbed a lot of folks (myself included) the wrong way.   It was hilarious because Mimi really loved Dom but seemed annoyed by me (maybe even jealous of our relationship).   She's even driven several people away from coming back to the church for being pushy.   She was basically a hot mess.

So I know that Mimi was a member of the ladies book club.   But perhaps she was a disturbance there as well.    Apparently so much so that the ladies decided to ban all trans ladies from participating.   Wilma pointed out that she felt it was unwelcoming but one of the more vocal ladies Jenna stated that the decision was made a long while back and that was that.   She added that the trans ladies could start their own book club.

That reminded me that even with all the discrimination that gays and lesbians faced, given the chance, a lot of gays and lesbians can be just as discriminatory towards others.    As a gay black male I've experienced that first hand when dealing with some white gay men (and occasionally from other races including other gay black men).    Just looking at hook up sites, you see the ads from gay men saying some form of "no fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians".   The saddest ones are from gay black men who say they prefer white guys and don't want a black guy.   That self-hate is a real thing.

The most blatant direct experience I remember is years back replying to a hookup ad from a gay white male and upon finding out I was black,  he replied back that "there are plenty of black guys in your area".   I laughed it off and didn't engage further but it hurt to know that the only reason I was being rejected was because of something I couldn't control.    But at the end of the day would I want to hook up with a racist, hell to the no!

On the flipside I briefly dated a white guy who I found out only wanted me because I was black.   The few times we went out, he was always pointing out 'this hot black guy' and 'that hot black guy'.   That got old real fast and I remember knowing it was over when I found out he was friends with one of my ex Rock's closest friends.   The way he revealed that was totally annoying as well.   Instead of straight up telling me that he found out the connection, he wanted to do a guessing game.    Knowing that he was a college professor narrowed my guess since Rock's closest friend was also a professor.

But back to the original topic, whenever racist white gay men are called out on their racist behavior, the typical response is "It's my preference" and basically people need to "get over it".   I remember this one gay fitness site that used to have a message board and every now and then, someone would post on why some white guys don't like black guys.    And it was hilarious seeing how riled up white guys especially would get.   

And boy do those "preference" guys get mad when people call them out on their racism.   They're always so quick to point out that they have black friends so they can't be racist.   It makes me think of those ads you see every once in a while for retirement homes where it'll be an elderly white couple and then the black lady standing next to them.    Whenever I see those ads I always crack up and can hear the white couple saying, 'see I got a black friend'.    Just because you supposedly have black friends doesn't make the "no blacks" behavior any less repulsive. 

Delving deeper into the issue, I will say that we all have our preferences.  I tend to prefer muscular, beefy, bearish type guys and typically guys my size or smaller do nothing for me sexually.   Of course those are the guys that come after me...*LOL*.   But things like size and style guys can somewhat control.   You can't control what race or nationality you're born with.    It's sad that if two guys were exactly the same in every way except race, that they wouldn't be open to the guy of a different race.   Or if a guy meets every other preference except race that it would be a hard pass.   But again at the end of the day I would not want to be with a racist.    So it is better to know that upfront so you're not wasting your time.   So sadly those ads are doing those of us affected a favor.   It would certainly suck to find out they had racist behaviors during a date.

So I was dismayed to hear the exchange going on at our church.   You would think gay and lesbian folks wouldn't have some hang-ups in regards to other folks on the LGBTQ terrain.    But sadly we're all human I suppose so that feeling is not realistic.    Trans men and ladies are at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to equal rights.   Trans folks are more likely to be unemployed and victims of crime.    We're reminded of all the trans folks who have been murdered during the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.   Various TDoR ceremonies are held around the world, including at our church.

Assuming Mimi was the cause of the ladies book club not allowing trans ladies to join, it was sad that Mimi's actions affected other trans ladies.    Mimi's actions were a reflection on her.   They don't represent the actions of every transgender lady.    Just like when a black person commits a crime, it doesn't mean that every black person is a criminal.    

Anyway the problem's not going away anytime soon.    But I just wanted to rant...haven't had a 'rant' only post in a while either.    This post might be a new record after all.  *LOL*

Do Not Pass Go And Do Not Collect $200

Chicagoland is currently in the midst of a major winter storm.    The fun started Tuesday evening and left our area with on average over 10 inches of the white stuff.   It was nice being able to work from home at the new job and thankfully Dom's school made it an E-Learning day and he doesn't have to go to school on Thursday as well.

I didn't clean any of the snow today so I'll have the joy of cleaning it tomorrow morning before I officially start Day 4.   Part of the deal Dom and I made when living together was that I would be responsible for cleaning the snow and Dom would be responsible for taking care of the lawn.    As it is Dom is still recovering from his toe surgery so he's not in any condition to be cleaning snow.   He has helped me here and there in the past when the snow's been heavy.

My new job is going good so far.   It's pretty hectic and I'll need to be back in study mode to obtain some additional certifications.    There's so many tasks that I have to work on but thankfully my shadow buddy has made it somewhat easier to track our tasks by putting them all on a shared document.   I put updates and he's able to see how I'm progressing in the tasks.   It's a win-win.    

One thing I will say about my company is that my team is a lot more diverse than the ones I've been on at my previous jobs (Amazon excluded).    In the team I'm on, there's four other black members, two guys and two ladies.    I represent the gay black male segment as well.    My manager is an Indian lady and there's also a Vietnamese guy on the team.    In my previous jobs, I was always the token black person on the team with everyone else being either Caucasian or Indian.    It's a nice change. 

They seem to practice what they preach in terms of equality.  I look forward to seeing how things progress.   Hopefully I will be up to the task.

Getting back to Amazon, my plans to wait it out for their "Pay To Quit" program just fell to the wayside.    According to an article I found online today, Amazon basically decided to scrap the program this year for most of their employees, only keeping it for those who are taking part in their Career Choice program.    In retrospect it actually makes sense for them to reduce the scope of the program.   It seems that a lot of retail companies are having a hard time finding new employees.   So I can't imagine them wanting to pay the few they have that want to leave any kind of money.   So basically my plan now is to pretty much give a week's notice.    My last unofficial packing day will be this Saturday and I plan to take my last official packing day off the following Saturday and basically turn in my ID.    At least I don't have to worry about Amazon buying out my new company and risking losing my job.    The one bad thing is that I will lose the Amazon matching amount that was added to my 401-K since I won't be completely vested by the time I leave.   But that's fine as well since my new company has a lot more benefits that I can take advantage of.    So I'll lose some but potentially gain more.

Oh and I guess the groundhog saw his own shadow so there'll be only six more weeks of winter.   Not sure where they found a willing groundhog with the mess this weather is being.   But Hemingway...whatever!