My Stockholm Story

 

I saw this random post from a friend on Facebook depicting a story of how a teacher shared a video with the class and asked everyone to take notes.   Then after some time the teacher accused a student who was taking notes of not taking notes.   The student insisted he took notes but the teacher said he didn't.  Other students tried to defend the student but were pushed back by the teacher.   Eventually the teacher sent the student to the office. 

The incident was supposed to be a lesson of not letting others tell you they didn't see what you saw with your own eyes.

The story made me think about an incident that happened to me when I was 8th grade.   It started with me checking out a book about the Olympics.   I don't remember why I checked it out but I noted that the book had lots of damage, including pages being unglued from its frame.   There was a return basket in the library where books could be returned and I placed the book in the basket once my time to check it out was over.

So it was about a week later and the entire class was sent to the library for whatever reason.   While I was sitting at a table with some other students, the librarian and my teacher came up to me and pulled me aside.   They asked me why I damaged the library book.   I told them that I did not damage the book but that it was messed up when I checked it out.   They kept saying I was lying but I was adamant that I did not damage the book.   In fact I was extra careful not wanting to damage it further.

By then other students were listening in on the exchange.  It was back and forth with my teacher threatening to report the incident to my parents and I would have to stay after school.   I remembered thinking I've never been in trouble where I had to stay after school or be reported to my parents.  I didn't want my parents to have to come to the school and I didn't want detention so I relented that I did the damage even though I didn't.   I knew I didn't and even said so to one of my friends at the time who asked afterwards.   But it reminded how someone could bully a person enough to have them change their truth even though they know that's wrong.

Thinking about it years later, I wish I was strong enough to let the teacher tell my parents and stay after school.   I know Papa especially would believe me if I said I didn't do something.   I told myself that if I ever had kids, I would tell them to always stand up for their truth in school and have them reach out to me if they receive pushback.  I would also encourage them to take up boxing or karate so they could defend themselves from bullies.    Alas I never had any kids and it's not likely I'll have any in my remaining time on Earth.   With the way the world is now, I'm actually glad not to have any.    I can't imagine all the shit kids have to deal with today.   Hell you don't even know if your kids will make it home from school without being shot at.

With the 2024 Presidential Election being less than a week away, I can't help but wonder what is the truth between what Kamala Harris and Donald Trump is.    Donald Trump has said and done so many dumb things.   Plus he's a convicted felon.    Yet poll after poll keeps saying that the election is neck and neck.   It's hard to believe that half of the folks who vote support Trump and his wacky sofa fucking running mate Vance.   It makes me wonder if the polls really are true or if they're wanting to rile up both camps to get more votes.   Is the media pulling the wool over everyone's eyes and making us see things that aren't there?

I am praying that Kamala wins.   I just don't know if the country can survive another Trump presidency.  Dom and I plan to early vote this weekend.   I can't wait to see if the polling folks are the same and act like they did last time we went to vote.   Whatever they do I'll be ready to cast my vote for Kamala.   We'll know one way or the other next week.

In other news I ran into a former acquaintance that I wish I didn't see.   I saw Jose standing at the corner of Wabash and Clark waiting to cross Wabash in downtown Chicago.   Jose, henceforth known as Magic Mike, due to how our so-called friendship ended, was in workout clothes either I assume coming or going from the gym.   I was leaving work and crossing from Clark towards his side of Wabash and was planning to cross at Wabash as well.   But I quickly changed my direction when seeing him.    

I have a feeling that Magic Mike saw me as well but he was pretending not to see me and I did the same.   I kept walking down Clark and crossed over at Lake instead while trying not to fall or turn around.

It was more than 12 years ago that things ended between us (by his choice) but the memories of that moment in time came back like it was yesterday.   I actually saw Magic Mike a few times on one of the social networking sites and the GPS had him being about 600 - 700 feet from me.   So I knew he was in the downtown area.   I can't say running into him was a complete shock.   But still with the many streets of the city, I really didn't expect our paths to cross at all.   

I hate to say it but Magic Mike actually looked great for being almost 70.   But I know that brief paragraph in my life is over and won't be resurrected anytime soon.   Here's hoping I don't run into him again.

Defying Sanity

 The sounds of Wicked have been ever present in my ear.   Dom's been excited by the upcoming theatrical release of Wicked this holiday.   A lot of the doll community has been buzzing about this latest incantation.   So of course to prepare for the release I've been hearing the theatrical songs from Wicked over and over.

There have also been dolls made just in time for promoting the upcoming movie.   Of course Dom's been on top of ordering those and even had me trolling for one at our local Walmart.   They did not have the specific one he wanted so I was off the hook.   But I imagine when the movie comes out, Dom will see it multiple times like he did when the Barbie movie came out.

So Dom and I are currently in Reston, VA for the doll convention that he won a lottery for the right to pay for.   I still don't understand that.   I'm basically on my own in the area while he goes to the conference since it would've cost just as much for me to attend and there's nothing I would enjoy.   There's no doubt Wicked will be the talk of the convention.   Dom did say he's not planning on buying anything since he's already pre-ordered the main items that the conference is promoting.   Hopefully he sticks to that plan.

Since I'm not far the Metro system, which serves Maryland, D.C., and Virginia, I plan on spending the next couple days hanging out in D.C.   I believe there's a casino somewhere in the vicinity that I went to before when we were last in D.C.   So I may check that out again.

I will say our trip to the airport (which we left the house at 4:15 AM) and ultimately getting to the gate proved to be one of the smoothest experiences at an airport I've ever had.   Ironically it was because of Dom's current state with needing a cane.   The security line was miles long but when we got to the first leg, an employee took pity on Dom and moved us through the line.   Then TSA was so fast as we passed through guards with canines verifying that we weren't carrying drugs.   Then there was no having to take out our laptops or our shoes.   I even went through the regular scanner which was a good thing since the t-shirt I wore was a bit snug and I didn't want to bare my belly when lifting up my hands.    But alas it went off because of my belt.   But it was no big deal.   The agent just had me hand her the belt and had me walk again.   To top it off once we were past the security checkpoint, the gate we needed to go to was right in front of us.   We couldn't ask for a more smoother transition through.   Dom thankfully was able to pre-board since he needed more time.   All-in-all it was a great journey.    We'll see how it is going back.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Mary McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers 

VERSE 1
There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

PRE-CHORUS
There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
There's this empty place inside of me that he can only fill

REFRAIN
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

I vaguely remember hearing this old classic when I was growing up in the late 80's and early 90's.   I never really gave it much thought back then.   But it seems to mirror almost perfectly the situation I find myself in.

My main love of course is Dom.  He and I as I've mentioned before do not have sex.    But we have a deeper love for each other in other ways.

My main sexual partner these days has been Anthony.  We've seen each other a few times this past year and he's given me sexual healing.   He's a really nice guy who has been very respectful of my relationship with Dom.   The last couple times we've attempted to hook up has been thwarted, once due to his back and another because Dom insisted I go with him to see his Mom.

I've also of course am reconnected with my original lover Midas.   Even though we haven't had sex since 2011 I find myself still longing for him.   We've met a few times midway between our homes for lunch.   We haven't had sex but I'm not opposed if we go there.

So my birthday is on 10/15.   (Happy Birthday to me!)  I'm turning 52 that day.   It's hard to believe how time is flying by.    Anyway I decided to take that day off from work.   Normally I take the whole week off but there's another long weekend trip that I'm going with Dom to.    We're heading to Reston, VA for one of his doll conventions.   He swears it's his last hurrah trip.   I'm not sure I believe that.   But anyway I still wanted to at least take my birthday off since with the exception of my Amazon days, I told myself that I should not be working on that day.

So my plan was to spend most of the day at my favorite casino.   But with my meetings with Anthony being canceled the last couple times, I was thinking I should spend part of my day with him.   He's retired as a school teacher so I believe unless he has another event, he should be free to meet up tomorrow morning.

But Midas reached out to me last Saturday.   At some point in the conversation he wished me a Happy Birthday and he knew it was coming up in a couple days.   Obviously he probably knew my birthday was coming up from an app that keeps track.    But the fact that he said it made me feel good.

He's been struggling trying to get a job and is trying to keep positive but I know it's been hard for him.   He's been living on money he's inherited from his dad and aunt but he's starting to run out so I know that's heavy on his mind.    Yet he still manages to be so sweet.   He paid for our last lunch even though I was planning on doing so.

I've been thinking I should drive up and meet him at his place.   Of course if I do that, it may lead us down the road to having sex.   And once that door is open who knows where things will go.   But I would be a willing participant.   A part of me is nervous about reopening things potentially.

But then I'm thinking I should try and meet with Anthony.   The next couple weekends will be bad because I have a Church meeting Sunday and then the following weekend is my trip to Reston.   Plus we weren't able to meet the last couple times.   

I need to make a decision sometime today on what to do.  Of course it is possible that neither person I choose will be available that day and my thoughts are all for naught.   The casino of course will always be there to take my money...LOL.   What will I do?

Mama, I Love You

 

Spice Girls - Mama

Verse 1

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

Pre-Chorus

Back then I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

Refrain

Mama I love you, Mama, I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You're my friend (You're my friend)

Verse 2

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I've had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

Repeat Pre-Chorus

Repeat Refrain

Tomorrow, October 2nd, would've been my Mama's 79th birthday.   I was listening to the Spice Girls while working and one of the songs I played was Mama.   While listening to the lyrics I couldn't help but think back to my own Mama.  I had the song on repeat but had to stop it because I didn't want to start crying in the office.

I will say Mama had her way of doing things and she was definitely misunderstood at times.    But as I think back through the years I was blessed to have her in my life, everything she did was out of love for her family.   She really was the sweetest woman in life.   She was stubborn when she felt strongly about something.   There were times we did not agree but I never doubted how much she loved me.

There still isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of her and wonder what she would think of all the things I've gone through since she was called home.   I really do believe that she and Papa are watching over my sisters and I.    And I know that they are celebrating Mama's heavenly birthday together.   I do wish Mama a Happy Heavenly Birthday and I do hope I get to see them again whenever my time is up.

Speaking of birthdays, today former U.S. president Jimmy Carter celebrated his 100th birthday.   Reaching that milestone is definitely an accomplishment for Mr. Carter.    Sadly according to his grandson Jason Carter, the former president seems to be limping along and is nearing the end.   He says that he's not able to talk on the phone and is limited in what he can do.   

I do remember when Papa was nearing the end, he stopped calling on the phone as well.   I would have to reach out to Trina in order to speak to him.  

Jason Carter adds though that he is keeping up with the news.   He also is hopeful that he'll get to vote for Kamala Harris as our next president.   Early voting for his location falls on my birthday 10/15.   Here's hoping that Jimmy Carter lives long enough to get his wish.   There have been times when the human will has allowed some to make it to a certain goal and then once it's reached, they pass away.  I can see that for Mr. Carter.   Actually it was more than a year ago when it was announced that Jimmy Carter was going into hospice.   It seemed like back then that it wouldn't be long but he's defied all the odds.   And now he's officially 100 years old.

Happy Birthday Mr. Carter and Happy Heavenly Birthday Mama  

Layoffs Again

 The company I worked at recently announced that they were closing one of our corporate offices.   A lot of folks from my department worked at this location.   They were told that if they wanted to keep their jobs they would have to agree to relocate to one of three other offices or lose their job and get a severance.   They have until end of October to decide and the office will close by end of November.

I found out about it last Thursday from a former teammate in Indianapolis whose boss works at the affected office.   Financially it makes no sense for a lot of folks to relocate and there's no indication that the company is assisting in paying for relocation expenses.   Actually I'm not sure on the last part since I'm not one of the impacted.    But so far everyone I know that is impacted is not relocating which means they are out of a job.

I was shocked that the affected folks were not given the option to work remotely full-time.   But maybe I shouldn't be surprised since the company has been pushing for everyone to return to the office.    I also found out that some of the impacted that weren't in our department were offered the option to work remote.   I definitely do not understand why some roles were given the option while others weren't.   It's created some hard feelings no doubt among those affected.

This latest layoff news has left me feeling scared and confused.  The last time my company did a layoff I didn't quite reach a year into my employment.   I do know there's no such thing as job security.   I just wonder how much time I have until I get laid off again.   Of course I'm hoping that I have enough time to execute my plan to try and pay off my remaining debt and maybe have something leftover to take care of some things around the house and of course retirement.

It would be nice if I could choose to leave on my terms as opposed to being told I'm no longer needed.   But I know that's not how it works.   I just have to keep the faith that things will work out.   A small price to pay for living the American dream, right?

Running On Fumes

 I made it back from Dreamforce safely in one piece.   It was a surreal experience being there and seeing the sea of folks in attendance.   I worked three different shifts during my time there.   They were long but I pushed through each of them.   For the most part they were fun, even though there was one shift if I had to do it over again I would not choose.   My fellow volunteers in that shift were extremely rude and made me feel unwelcome.   The only thing that got me through it were a couple of nice guys from other booths nearby that took pity on me and came to talk to me and made me more comfortable.   To top it off one of those volunteers wanted me to snap a group picture of them.   After I took the photo, a customer expressed how it was terrible that I made to be left out of the photo.   At first I was trying to diffuse him but the customer was right.   He saw what they did was wrong and wanted to speak up on it.   The final kicker was that two of the folks came up and proceeded to stand by me and talk to each other without even acknowledging I was there.   Luckily it was quitting time and I just rolled my eyes and walked away.  I was glad that nightmare was over.

My hotel was about an hour away from the Moscone Convention Center where Dreamforce was being held.   Day 1 I took the shuttle to the airport and then the BART from the airport to a stop near the convention.   Day 2 I actually had a good Samaritan take me there via his Uber free of charge.   Day 3 I got my own Lyft to go to the event.

It took me some time to figure out where my manager and my other teammates were at different points of the conference.   At the end of each conference day we commuted back to our local office.   On the first night there was an afterparty event not far from the convention center.   My co-workers and I danced the evening away.  I hadn't danced like that in years and I felt every bit of body ache the next two days.

The second night there was a concert at the Oracle Park stadium headlined by the artist Pink.   The crowd was insane though so it was hard to really enjoy it but it was nice to see her perform.   We left a little early to try and beat the crowd though a lot of folks opted to do the same.

The third night my manager's boss hosted a dinner at his family's home outside of Oakland, CA.   It was a nice estate that of course I had to look up on Zillow.    It's current net worth was around $3.7 million dollars.   Someone's living large.

Needless to say with all the late nights, I literally was getting about 3 hours of sleep.   By the third day I felt myself getting a cold.   By the time I got home Friday I had a sore throat and spent the weekend trying to recover from it.

In health news I was happy to see that my PSA and A1C numbers were pretty good.   I also visited the dentist in recent weeks and unfortunately they found a huge cavity in my lower right molar which required a crown.   It took a few visits but I had the crown placed earlier this week.   Unfortunately I have extreme sensitivity in that area when drinking something cold.   But I'm hoping it'll get better.  I have to go back to the dentist again mid-October to repair some old fillings in my lower right jaw that have worn out.   It's my first time since 2020 that I've been to the dentist so I was overdue.

Dom and I have plans to go to Reston, VA for a doll convention he wanted to go to late October.   Eugene also wanted me to visit him in October to watch the new Joker movie that's coming out.   I'll have to see if I'm able to or not.

Dreamforce 24 Bound

 Remember my upcoming work trip in San Francisco I briefly mentioned?   The time is quickly approaching for my flight and I need to pack still.   I will be attending none other than Salesforce's annual Dreamforce conference.    The conference promises to be the largest AI event in the world.   

At my company there's been a push to learn more about AI since some of our customers may have cases related to it.    In relation to the conference my manager mentioned that a few folks may be nominated to attend the conference (all expenses paid).    Imagine my shock when she told me that I would be attending.

But since I would be attending free of charge (well after paying and getting reimbursed), it was expected that I would be volunteering at a few stations and interacting with users of Salesforce.   I will admit the thought of having to do facetime with users is a bit intimidating.   But attending the conference is a once in a lifetime event so I'm ready to take it all in.

So the last time I was in San Francisco was in 2018 when I traveled there for a project at the aviation firm I consulted for.   I wondered why I attended that since my contract was ending less than two weeks afterwards but I went with it.    Like I had a choice...LOL.

San Francisco as a whole seems to be on a huge decline.   It's become more expensive to live there and there's stories of people that have jobs but they're living in their cars because housing prices are outrageous.   The news stories paint San Francisco as a crime-ridden, homeless, and drug addicted oasis.   I will admit the thought of visiting the city is a bit intimidating.

I don't remember feeling that way when I visited in 2014 and twice in 2018 (Dom and I were there together during my first visit staying at one of his friend's home).   I actually do remember my favorite show Half & Half being based in San Francisco and there was an episode where a guy Mona dated was living in his car even though he supposedly had a good job.  That was back in 2003 or 2004.   So San Francisco woes is nothing new.    There was even talk at one point of Salesforce moving their annual Dreamforce conference to a different city due to the huge homeless and drug problem the city has.   Part of the concern was attendees feeling unsafe while in the city.   But in the end Salesforce decided to continue to have their annual event in San Francisco.

So it'll be interesting to see how the city has changed since my last visit.   The plan for me is to work downtown Chicago for most of the day with my luggage in-tact and then take the CTA to O'hare airport so I don't have to pay for parking.   My flight leaves Monday evening and I return to Chicago on Friday afternoon.

Speaking of paying for items, I got my first ever official corporate credit card.   I never had a corporate card at any of my other jobs.    But it was felt to better track expenses associated with my travel and stay in San Francisco that it would make sense to have a card.    I'm glad I have it too since the hotel cost alone is over $1500.   I wasn't relishing putting that on my personal credit card.    Once I head back the plan is to reimburse all expenses associated with the trip so I can pay off the corporate card.

I'm nervous of course but I am looking forward to this next adventure.