Where's Dom?

 One thing that happens when you pair off with someone is that if you go somewhere without the other half, inevitably the question you constantly keep hearing is "Where is so and so?"  I've been hearing that question a lot in the last couple years.   Sometime multiple times a day even.   I admit it annoys me at times having to answer the question over and over.

Dom in the last few years has become less and less social.   Ironically he was the bigger social butterfly of the two of us so him stepping back has made things more stressful for me.   I was always used to him being the talkative one while I stayed in the background.   

He has never known a stranger.   He's told countless stories of random people wanting to chat with him on different things.  I've witnessed it many times myself when we're out together how folks will gravitate to him, whether it's because of a t-shirt he wears, or his (as of late) long beard.

So I've been frustrated with him when trying to get him to hang out with me for different events and then he backs out.   For example this past week I had a work event that one of the Equality groups was holding that allowed us to bring +1's.   I told him about the event a month back and mentioned that I'd like him to accompany me.  I would already be at work in downtown Chicago that day.   For him to attend it would require him to take the train downtown to meet me and then we'd have to take the CTA to our destination.   He said that was fine.   But the day of the event he called me at work to say he wasn't up to it.

I tried to convince him otherwise but of course he wasn't backing down.  I was pissed as hell.  But being at work I couldn't scream like I wanted to.   I was counting on him being with me since I really didn't know anyone that was attending and he could've acted as my buffer.   Plus like I said before people seemed drawn to him so I'm sure he would've drawn some attention.   So in the end I decided not to go since I didn't want to be by myself.   I decided instead to check out Bally's new downtown casino (which I will never go back to again).    The slots in general seemed tighter, some of the clientele were a bit creepy, and the neighborhood around it even though it's downtown, seemed a bit sketchy.   But I wouldn't have gone there had Dom met me downtown as planned for the other event.

But I do understand Dom's energy is not great.   Even for the events that he wants to go to, like the two plays we saw in May, he does have a harder time getting around.   So I guess if it's for something he has no vested interest in, the motivation to go is not there.   You'd think making me happy once in awhile would be motivation enough, but alas it's not.

So of course when I go to our Church or Church events, I'm forever being asked "Where's Dom?" by multiple people at different times of the day.   Yesterday the Church had their "gay Pride" picnic event.  I tried so hard to get him to go.  But of course he didn't.   I knew I would have to go since I am a board member.   Thankfully it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be.   But of course everyone was like "Where's Dom?".  I just wanted to scream.

Another gay couple that doesn't frequent the Church too often but Dom and I have hung out with a few times came by.   Don and Juan both greeted folks and eventually they gravitated towards where I was to talk about how they were doing.   Don experienced a lot of work drama in his last job and is now officially retired.   Juan had a good gig going for many years at his place of employment but unfortunately owners changed hands and almost his whole team has been dismantled by the new group and they've been plotting to get rid of Juan.   They've written him up twice for trivial things and he has two bosses that he has to report to. Juan was telling his story of how they were able to use the Family Medical Leave Act to get time off work while getting paid to deal with the stress.   He's now on Short-Term Disability and they are working on getting him on Long-Term Disability.   He does not want to go back to work.   He was hoping they would fire him like they did the rest of his team but for whatever reason they've chosen not to, which partly could be because of the FMLA steps that they've taken.   Don went through a lot of drama at his last role so when shit started happening to Juan, he knew what steps to take to help Juan.

Hearing all of Juan's drama reminds me that I need to be vigilant in trying to save and invest as much as I can.   I'm hoping I can hang on to my job for another 8 years and 3 months (that's when I turn 60....can't believe that milestone is just years away...god willing).   Ideally I want to retire at 60 so I can try to enjoy the remainder of my years.   If I could retire at 55, that would be real nice.   But that would require my investments to behave very well to give me enough of a cushion for us to live comfortably on while only withdrawing on interest.   I do feel like 60 would be more realistic for early retirement.  In theory if all goes well, I should have our mortgage paid off before I turn 54.  Then I can take the savings from the mortgage to save and invest even more hopefully for the next 6 years after that.    A lot of it depends on how the culture remains at my present job.   So far it's going good but it was good for Juan too for over 9 years until the new group took over.   It only takes a few toxic elements to make a once great environment not so good.   Plus I have to hope to not get laid off during that time, something that always remains in the back of my mind.

Here I go again making plans.  Bringing it back to topic, where's Dom?  He's hanging in there.  I just have to get used to his new normal.

Marking Us Safe From Our Trip To New Orleans

 Dom and I made it back safely from our half week in New Orleans.   Overall it was a great trip.   My conference was fine.   I met a couple folks which was cool.   I learned a bit more about some of the different Salesforce products like Mulesoft.   Mulesoft is a platform that's used to connect completely different data and system sources where information is required to be passed between areas.   The food provided by the convention could've been better though I wound up missing the opening outing at a restaurant called The Court Of Two Sisters.  It was a lovely space from what I saw and when I checked it out from those who attended as well as their website.   I liked it so much I told Dom that we had to try it for ourselves.   

Getting there itself was an adventure.   The hotel we stayed at decided to have a fire alarm set off just as we were getting ready to leave.    That meant the elevators were out of commission and we had to walk 8 flights of stairs down.   

For Dom it was extra challenging since he's not able to move as fast.   There were a crowd of folks behind us as we slowly made our way down.   To top it off we had to walk to the restaurant which was a little over half a mile from the restaurant.   Dom and I slowly trudged down the street and he had to stop a couple times since his hips were getting sore.    Just when he was wanting to give up we saw the sign.

Once there he needed to sit for a bit in the waiting area to catch his breath.  There was a group that took all the front area to sit.   They finally were seated and Dom was able to sit.   We made reservations for 8PM but there was still a small wait.   Finally the host (who was a sexy MF - he almost reminded me of singer Kenny Lattimore) called my name and directed us to our seating area.   

The food was good but very expensive and tiny appetizer portions.   Par the course these days.  Dom even made another friend in our waitress.  It's so funny how folks seem naturally drawn to him.   Our first night in New Orleans a random lady came over to compliment him on his shirt and tell him he could play Santa Claus which of course Dom told her he has...LOL.   It was hilarious and it took her a few minutes before noticing I was there.   Too funny.   

There was no way Dom was going to make it walking back to the hotel so I tried to do a Lyft.  The first Lyft driver drove right past us and eventually Lyft tried to send a second driver.   After fifteen minutes of foolishness from Lyft, Dom wanted us to look for a taxi instead.   As luck would have it, a taxi happened to drive by and we were able to direct it to stop for us.   I cancelled the Lyft and we made the short via taxi drive back to the hotel.

The rest of the conference was okay but I will admit I was feeling a bit out of place at times.   Thankfully I was able to use my hotel room for refuge.   And oh my gosh, I saw a fat mouse scamper against the wall in the great hall where the conference was hosting an awards dinner.  At the time I was sitting by my lonesome at the table so I was the only one that saw it but that was quite a shock.

I also got to enjoy my casino hobby a little bit with the Harrah's not being too far from the hotel.  They shook me out of $90 which wasn't that bad.

We also got to try beignets at two different spots, the infamous Cafe Du Monde and also Cafe Beignet.  I will say I think I liked Cafe Beignet's beignets a little better.   They don't drown them in as much powdered sugar as Cafe Du Monde does.   They are a little more dense than Cafe Du Monde as well but they were great.

We managed to walk a bit around the French Quarter after taking a scenic trolley ride around town.  Eventually we had to find another taxi to take us back to the hotel as Dom was not going to make it.  Ironically we wound up finding The Court Of Two Sisters and half a block away, the same waitress that served us was heading to her shift there.   Dom and she chatted for a bit which was cool.   We eventually found another taxi a block away who was able to take us back to the hotel.

Overall it was an enjoyable trip.   I'm glad we managed to get through it unscathed.   Even the house was safely found after I forgot to set the timers for the lights.   Next adventure for us is the first of two concerts in Shipshewana, IN.  

Beignet Time

Dom and I are just days away from our trip to New Orleans.   I'm nervous about attending a work conference mostly solo.   I do know one or two people that will be attending, including one from my company.   But I anticipate spending the majority of my time alone.   It'll be a time to try and force myself to be social.

Not only am I nervous about the conference, I'm also nervous about the flight.   There have been a lot of mishaps being reported on the news regarding planes.   In 2024 alone, there have been nearly a dozen reported cases.   Our flight going to NOLA has been changed several times.   The latest change has our flight leaving almost 4 hours later than I planned.    The positive though is that the flight they put us on is now a direct flight.   So at least we don't have to worry about rushing to hop on another plane.

I looked ahead at the weather and it looks like it's pretty much going to be raining all four days that we're in town.   And it's still going to be in the 90's.   I guess as long as there's no tornadoes or hurricanes in the forecast, we'll be good.    I am excited though to read that we'll be in NOLA during their Restaurant Week.   I'm hoping Dom and I will be able to try out a couple of the spots and hopefully for a discount.

We both definitely want to go to Cafe Du Monde and get some beignets.   The last time I was there and had a beignet, I believe was in 2010 (or it may have been 2009).  Nope looks like I went to Toronto in 2009 so definitely 2010 because 2011 was when I went to Spain.   Sadly it doesn't look like I blogged about my NOLA experience.   It was around the time my interest in blogging waned.   

Thinking back to my last trip, the highlight of the trip was my solo dinner some place I've since forgotten and winding up getting a free ticket to House of Blues to see The Neville Brothers perform.  The story there was that I was sitting at the bar (because the restaurant was packed).   There were two ladies sitting nearby and separated from me by a seat.   That seat later got filled by this other guy who spent the majority of his time chatting it up with the ladies next to him and then trying to have me be his wingman.   Of course he didn't know I batted for the other team...LOL.  It ended up apparently he had extra tickets to House of Blues and it just so happened that The Neville Brothers were performing.   He wound up inviting the ladies and myself to House of Blues.   Talk about being in the right place at the right time.   I remember one of the ladies whispering to me that they were glad I came along as well.   We all eventually separated once we were at the venue.    But I was elated to see a free show.

I already know the lines to Cafe Du Monde are going to be insane but it'll be worth it to get those fluffy, sugary pastries to enjoy.   I am looking forward to making new memories with Dom.

Fifty Five

55 years ago today, my parents got married and officially started their lives as husband and wife.   It's so crazy thinking how quickly time is flying.   There's a cute photo of them at the reception following their wedding.   My Dad looks to be whispering something in my Mom's ears and she is giggling.   I have that photo as my primary photo on my Facebook page and haven't taken it down since my Mom passed.

I wonder what my Dad was telling my Mom in that moment.   Perhaps he was telling her a joke to put a smile on her face.   She made the decision 55 years ago to leave her family life in the Caribbean and make a life with my Dad in the United States.   That had to be a huge decision.   I remember my Mom telling me years later that she saw the move as an opportunity to change her life for the better.

Growing up I visited the Caribbean a few times along with my sisters.   I have a host of cousins on my Mama's side that I only had brief interactions with.   I never did meet any cousins on Papa's side though in later years I was a pen pal with a second cousin of his (she was the granddaughter of one of my uncles - my Papa's brother).   

There was a bit of a language barrier as well between the extended family and myself.   It was interesting because our Caribbean family often thought because we lived in the United States that we were rich and we knew all the celebrities.

Over the years during my formative years, I used to help Mama in mailing various clothing items to her family in the islands.   I remember both my parents being reluctant to take in different family members who may have been looking to leech from the family (though some may have been trying to find their own way to becoming American citizens).

Speaking of which Papa became an American citizen sometime in the late 60's before he married Mama.   Mama became a citizen many years later sometime in the late 90's, early 2000's.   I remember that she was taking citizenship classes and I was living in Chicago at the time and made a special trip to Detroit and rented a van to take the family to Mama's ceremony where she became a citizen.   They both maintained their French citizenship as well.

In later years though, both of my parents longed to return to their Caribbean roots.   They weren't able to return fully though and remained in Detroit.

Papa in later years kept saying how he regretted moving to the United States.   He definitely had a rough existence dealing with racism at the plant he had to take a job at.   He was a meteorologist in the islands but because he didn't have a degree from a U.S. College (and discrimination as well), he was unable to get a job doing what he loved.  To make ends meet, he ended up working at a local plant where he dealt with a lot of racism and bullying as well.

I didn't realize the extent of what he went through until I became an adult.   I remember Papa as being very mean and he was the one to give corporal punishment whenever one of us acted up.   I know now that he was dealing with a lot of stress on the job and he was taking out his frustrations on the family.   Even when he got a different job working as the Building Manager of our family church, that bought on a different kind of stress, some of which I saw first hand since I spent my summers working with him.

He started taking blood pressure medication in his 30's as a result of the stress and took some form of blood pressure medication for the rest of his life.   I alluded to his experiences in my farewell letter I wrote to him.

Mama herself had a different kind of stress dealing with being in a new country without her family.  My grandparents and two of my Aunts were there for the wedding but of course they all had to go back to their lives.

Mama at times felt alone since Papa had to work to support the family.   She had few friends and experienced betrayals with some she thought were her friends which resulted in her distrusting people.  I always felt sad for her because she never fully trusted anyone again.

They both did their best to make marriage and family work.   There were a lot of times they didn't agree.   But through it all they were there for each other.   They really were the glue that kept our family together.   And their journey together all began on this day, June 7, 1969.   Thank you Mama and Papa for everything you did to shape our lives.  I love and miss you both.