D.C. Memories

 Dom and I were in Reston, VA a few weeks ago for another one of his doll conventions.   He said it would be his last one but I'm skeptical.    The cost to have a second person attend the conference was a bit too high since it wasn't something I enjoyed.   So instead I had the few days to myself enjoying the D.C. area.

I spent half of Day 2 traveling in the Metro to Washington D.C.   My final destination was the National Museum of African American History and Culture.   Free tickets to the museum could be obtained online by selecting a time and adding some minor personal information.    There was quite a crowd of folks at the museum.   It was a surreal experience seeing the history of slavery and freedom from 1400 onwards.   

There were many interesting stories but one that stood out was the story of an enslaved woman named Belinda.   Of African descent, she petitioned the Massachusetts legislature in 1783 for her freedom.   She shared her harrowing story of being kidnapped in Africa and sold into slavery.   Her story moved the legislative group into granting her a pension, which served as one of the earliest recorded examples of reparations for being enslaved.

It was also cool reading brief snippets of free slaves who managed to make lives for themselves post-slavery, including the purchase of property.

There was also a replica of a segregated train car from the 1940's via Southern Railway Company.   Of course the whites-only sections were more spacious including for any suitcases whereas the colored-only section spaces were cramped and smaller spaces for suitcases.   There were also separate water coolers for whites vs colored.

There were also highlights from the 1960's, 1970's, and beyond that were on display.   There was a dedicated section for Barack Obama, the United States first black president.   Overall it was a good 1 1/2 hours spent.

After the museum, I walked a bit around D.C. before hopping back on the Metro and heading to Pentagon City Fashion Centre mall directly off the Pentagon City Metro Stop.  Being at the mall bought back memories of my time living in D.C. in the mid 90's.   I was pleasantly surprised the mall was still there.   I'm guessing being a direct stop on the Metro no doubt helped its longevity.

I texted Sally a picture of the mall and she quickly remembered it as our old stomping grounds.   Sally and I first met at our alma mater University of Detroit Mercy.    We met during both of our last semester.    I was obtaining a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science while Sally was obtaining Master of Science in Computer Information Science.    We both had a mutual friend which was how we met.    Our meeting in a computer lab was our only meeting.

Little did we know that we both would end up working for the same now defunct consulting company and sat next to each other during our two month long orientation.    We befriended a few folks including a lady named Blanche (her real first name).   She was starting her "second career" as a Programmer Analyst.   She retired after 25 years working at Ma Bell.

She became a "mother figure" to Sally and me.  I have many fond memories with Blanche when we both were contracted at Bell Atlantic in Maryland.   Our old company had the habit of forcing employees to "relocate" since it was cheaper for them than paying for a hotel short-term.   They would tell us that a project was 3 months (the minimum time that relocating was required) only to find out that the contract ended after a week or two.   

Blanche had a harrowing experience where she was told by her project manager that there was a project in New York.    She was not thrilled about going there since NY is pretty expensive.    They told her that the project would be 3 months and she needed to break her lease with the apartment she lived in.   They placed her in a motel with hourly rates.   She was horrified and demanded her project manager place her in a proper hotel.    That was rectified but the experience left her stressed.    What was worse was the project fell through so she had no place to go.    Luckily her apartment in Maryland was still available so she was able to move back in.

I remember during my time at Bell Atlantic, the manager there wanted to offer me a job.   Accepting a job with a client is a no-no and could get you in trouble.   I remember talking about it with Blanche in one of the two smoking areas (she smoked).    While we were discussing the situation, the manager in question decided to come out for his smoke break.    Blanche remarked afterwards that the manager must've been trying to listen in since he normally smoked in the other section...LOL.   I ended up not accepting the job offer as I wasn't sure I necessarily wanted to live in the Maryland/D.C. area.   We soon found another place to have private chats.

When I eventually found a new job (the one I stayed at for 20 years before being laid-off and bitched about in my old blog...LOL), the project manager was very pissed at me since he said he had another assignment for me.    He said that I would not get paid for my time-off that I didn't use.   I actually had  a lot of time-off I didn't use up to that time.   I remember thinking they could fuck off and I didn't need their money.   But Blanche was instrumental in convincing me to fight for that since I earned it.   She suggested I write to the president and chief financial officer of the company and ask for my money, explaining all that I've gone through during my time there.   Writing that letter worked and I got paid for my time-off.

Another funny story was when Blanche, Sally, and I were traveling to Detroit in Blanche's car.   We needed to stop for gas a little more than halfway through our trip.   For some reason I only decided to get $20 worth of gas which only filled the tank about halfway.    When I told her what I did, she snapped and said 'boy, you better fill that tank'.   I was shocked but laughed since I knew she was right.

After Sally and I left that company, I believe Blanche stayed on with the company.   She sadly passed away in 2000.   I still smile though when I think about that time in my life.   Visiting the D.C. area definitely bought back memories.

My third day in the area I decided to check out the MGM National Harbor casino.   It was interesting seeing the area around the casino seemed ghetto.   I saw security bars on a lot of the first floor buildings which was all I needed to know.   But the casino itself was nice.   I enjoyed some lunch at an Asian fusion restaurant called Ginger.   The food was pricey (though what isn't these days) but good.   I donated to the casino of course but it was okay.

Dom meantime enjoyed his time at the convention.   The only bad part seemed to be the food.   Basically a lot of it was dry and flavorless.   I'm glad I had some delicious meals including a lobster roll.   Overall it was a good trip for us.  

My next trip will be to Boston to hang with Eugene.

Where's Dom?

 One thing that happens when you pair off with someone is that if you go somewhere without the other half, inevitably the question you constantly keep hearing is "Where is so and so?"  I've been hearing that question a lot in the last couple years.   Sometime multiple times a day even.   I admit it annoys me at times having to answer the question over and over.

Dom in the last few years has become less and less social.   Ironically he was the bigger social butterfly of the two of us so him stepping back has made things more stressful for me.   I was always used to him being the talkative one while I stayed in the background.   

He has never known a stranger.   He's told countless stories of random people wanting to chat with him on different things.  I've witnessed it many times myself when we're out together how folks will gravitate to him, whether it's because of a t-shirt he wears, or his (as of late) long beard.

So I've been frustrated with him when trying to get him to hang out with me for different events and then he backs out.   For example this past week I had a work event that one of the Equality groups was holding that allowed us to bring +1's.   I told him about the event a month back and mentioned that I'd like him to accompany me.  I would already be at work in downtown Chicago that day.   For him to attend it would require him to take the train downtown to meet me and then we'd have to take the CTA to our destination.   He said that was fine.   But the day of the event he called me at work to say he wasn't up to it.

I tried to convince him otherwise but of course he wasn't backing down.  I was pissed as hell.  But being at work I couldn't scream like I wanted to.   I was counting on him being with me since I really didn't know anyone that was attending and he could've acted as my buffer.   Plus like I said before people seemed drawn to him so I'm sure he would've drawn some attention.   So in the end I decided not to go since I didn't want to be by myself.   I decided instead to check out Bally's new downtown casino (which I will never go back to again).    The slots in general seemed tighter, some of the clientele were a bit creepy, and the neighborhood around it even though it's downtown, seemed a bit sketchy.   But I wouldn't have gone there had Dom met me downtown as planned for the other event.

But I do understand Dom's energy is not great.   Even for the events that he wants to go to, like the two plays we saw in May, he does have a harder time getting around.   So I guess if it's for something he has no vested interest in, the motivation to go is not there.   You'd think making me happy once in awhile would be motivation enough, but alas it's not.

So of course when I go to our Church or Church events, I'm forever being asked "Where's Dom?" by multiple people at different times of the day.   Yesterday the Church had their "gay Pride" picnic event.  I tried so hard to get him to go.  But of course he didn't.   I knew I would have to go since I am a board member.   Thankfully it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be.   But of course everyone was like "Where's Dom?".  I just wanted to scream.

Another gay couple that doesn't frequent the Church too often but Dom and I have hung out with a few times came by.   Don and Juan both greeted folks and eventually they gravitated towards where I was to talk about how they were doing.   Don experienced a lot of work drama in his last job and is now officially retired.   Juan had a good gig going for many years at his place of employment but unfortunately owners changed hands and almost his whole team has been dismantled by the new group and they've been plotting to get rid of Juan.   They've written him up twice for trivial things and he has two bosses that he has to report to. Juan was telling his story of how they were able to use the Family Medical Leave Act to get time off work while getting paid to deal with the stress.   He's now on Short-Term Disability and they are working on getting him on Long-Term Disability.   He does not want to go back to work.   He was hoping they would fire him like they did the rest of his team but for whatever reason they've chosen not to, which partly could be because of the FMLA steps that they've taken.   Don went through a lot of drama at his last role so when shit started happening to Juan, he knew what steps to take to help Juan.

Hearing all of Juan's drama reminds me that I need to be vigilant in trying to save and invest as much as I can.   I'm hoping I can hang on to my job for another 8 years and 3 months (that's when I turn 60....can't believe that milestone is just years away...god willing).   Ideally I want to retire at 60 so I can try to enjoy the remainder of my years.   If I could retire at 55, that would be real nice.   But that would require my investments to behave very well to give me enough of a cushion for us to live comfortably on while only withdrawing on interest.   I do feel like 60 would be more realistic for early retirement.  In theory if all goes well, I should have our mortgage paid off before I turn 54.  Then I can take the savings from the mortgage to save and invest even more hopefully for the next 6 years after that.    A lot of it depends on how the culture remains at my present job.   So far it's going good but it was good for Juan too for over 9 years until the new group took over.   It only takes a few toxic elements to make a once great environment not so good.   Plus I have to hope to not get laid off during that time, something that always remains in the back of my mind.

Here I go again making plans.  Bringing it back to topic, where's Dom?  He's hanging in there.  I just have to get used to his new normal.

Latchkey Besties

 Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.   I'm currently in the Detroit area visiting my sisters.   I'm staying with Trina and Donovan.    On the outside they seem to be back to normal after their drama.   We spent Thanksgiving at one of their friend's new home.     But when waking up early due to an unexpected two, I saw that Donovan was sleeping on the couch.   So no doubt they still are working through some issues.

I had originally planned to stay till Sunday but there's supposedly a wintry mess traveling through the area that plans to hit around that time.    So I'll opt to leave for Saturday instead.

I plan to visit Tasha before leaving.   She was expecting us to visit on Thanksgiving along with Abe's family.   But some of Abe's family can be a bit annoying so Trina and I weren't particularly looking forward to it.   I know the annoying elements of his family must've been bugging Tasha and probably were hounding her on why Trina and I weren't there.   The same one that annoyed Trina and I years back by repeatedly asking why our parents didn't attend Tasha and Abe's wedding.   Subsequently Tasha messaged us both separately wondering of our whereabouts.

I told her where I was and that I will see her sometime before I leave Saturday.

So Hemingway the reason for today's entry is related to two new-ish acquaintances that have come in my life.   Both ladies I met while participating in the Pathfinder program.   The first lady Ming is the kindest lady.   But there was a period where she would constantly text me to tell me about mundane things going on.   At the time I was thinking we really don't know each other like that.    She would send rapid fire texts, like four or five at a time.   I would then reply and then receive another round of texts.   I found it to be exhausting and to slow it down I would wait a few days before replying again.

We actually wound up meeting in person in early July when I last visited Detroit and she was there working for Rocket Mortgage as a Salesforce Intern.    She lives in San Francisco and did find a brief role work at Deloitte after completing the program but was let go less than six months into the job and was struggling to find a new role.   I totally get it and have been there.   I was so happy when she announced the internship and since she knew I was from Detroit, she wanted to meet me in person.

She really is a nice person.   She talked a mile a minute initially but we eventually found a groove.   We were going to have breakfast at a newer breakfast spot but the wait was going to be 30 minutes and she needed to be somewhere in another hour so didn't want to wait, which was understandable.   We both found out we love Indian food so opted to eat at a local Indian dive.    We were the only customers for a time until lunch time came and a few other folks (all Indian) came to eat.

We parted ways after the lunch and walking her back to her apartment which was at the Wayne State University campus.    She's been taking a lot of development classes and I do hope she soon finds a permanent role.    We haven't been texting as much lately which is fine with me.

The second lady Lupita started messaging me after we both participated in Deloitte's consultant program along with a third guy Leo in hopes of landing a role with Deloitte.    Leo got the offer along with a few other folks that included another Pathfinder but Lupita and I didn't which I kinda figured in my case wouldn't happen.   This of course was two months prior to landing my current role.

Lupita and I commiserated over being rejected.   Lupita confessed to being quite shy and not easily befriending people which made her talking to me all the more interesting.   Somehow I must've gotten past her normal defenses.   She too is a very nice person.   Her family originates from Africa and she relocated in Texas where she was working in a real estate job she hated until stumbling onto Pathfinder.

Thankfully she found her new role at a Salesforce Consulting firm as a Business Analyst about two weeks before I started my role.    But it's been a roller coaster ride for her dealing with the various projects going on.   She's been striving at it and was recently promoted to Senior Business Analyst.   But the company has been going through some recent turmoil, much like my job, and a number of folks, including her boss's boss were laid off.   

The one thing that irks me was that she keeps calling me her "bestie".   I'm thinking how could that be and how did she wind up latching onto me...*LOL*.   I don't like the word "bestie".   I do know the intention isn't bad when she uses it though.   Just like Ming, she really is a sweet lady.   She gotten to know me as well.    We continue to message regularly even asking me about Thanksgiving plans.   In fact she'll send a quick message if we haven't chatted in awhile.

It is funny how some folks come into your life when you least expect it.    I wasn't looking specifically for any connections but they found me.   That is refreshing actually since usually I'm the one that has to chase to try and befriend folks.   We shall see if Ming and Lupita continue to be in my life.

Share My World

 Mary J. Blige - Share My World

VERSE 1:

Boy if you stay I'll always make sure

That you look to see a brighter day

Don't let our loving slip away

The things you do, they always make me feel

Like there's no one else but you

Promise you'll be true

Always

REFRAIN:

Share my world

Don't you leave

Promise I'll be here

Whenever you need me near

Share my world

Don't you leave

Promise I'll be here

So baby don't you have no fear

Happy New Year everyone!   I'm blessed to make it through another year.  I spent it hanging out with Trina.   We toasted it with some Rum Chata liqueur mixed with her fave Hennessey.    We almost missed the countdown simultaneously watching a Netflix docuseries called the Tinder Swindler and dozing off (getting old sucks...*LOL*).    But it sure beats how I spent New Year's Eve into New Year's last year.   I'm assuming Tasha will stop by at some point on New Year's Day for us to hang out and do our Christmas Exchange before I head back home.   I plan though to treat myself to a mini-vacation staying overnight in Battle Creek so I can do some gambling at Firekeepers before going home.   It's the little things, right?

So since I didn't go to Detroit for Christmas and the weather somewhat was better on Boxing Day, I along with Dom met an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in quite some time.   It was her first time meeting Dom as well.   She and I befriended each other way back in 2005 or 2006 via our blogs.   She had a relationship blog that she co-wrote with a male counterpart and went by the moniker no_the_game.   I remember we met in person for the first time in downtown Oak Park, IL and had lunch at a Vietnamese place that may or may not still be in business.  

Anyway no_the_game and I had a great time and kept in touch sporadically over the next decade or so.  She's a recent divorcee with an adorable 8-year old trying to navigate through her new normal.

I was so happy we got to hang out.  No_the_game and Dom got along pretty well and they were both talking up a storm which was cool.   So when Dom found out we knew other via blogging, he asked me later on if I would share some of my writing with him.   I admit it threw me off.    My blog in a lot of ways is like a diary (even though it's slightly more public depending on who stumbles upon it).   I don't use real names but anyone who stumbles upon it and reads a few entries would figure out who I was talking about.   Perhaps when I'm older and not as concerned about what folks think I may be more open.   But I'm not ready to give him a link to either of my blogs yet.

I may cut and paste an entry though for him and email it to him.   That way he can get access to some of my writing without getting the whole she-bang.   Fun times.

Live To Tell

 I was not ready for the fall but I wasn't too blind to see the writing on the wall.   If you're seeing this post, it means that I made it through my 50th birthday skydive unscathed.   This time I ended up with a lady instructor.   I admit I was hoping I would see my original skydiver once more but it's likely he's not working there anymore.   I mean, it's been ten years since my last visit.

Hemingway the instructor was nice but most importantly she got me out of the skydive alive.   This time I opted not to take photos or a video since I did all that on my 40th.    I was on a plane with two other customers and their instructors as well as camera and video folks since they both paid for the extra services.   So unlike my first skydive, where I was the first to get out of the plane, this go around, I was the last to get out of the plane.  

I don't know if it's any better being last out of the plane than it was being first.   She tricked me in saying that once the initial divers did their dive, they would close the plane and go a little higher.   I instead found myself in the position once again of being pushed out of a moving plane.   I wasn't really ready but I had no choice but to proceed.   I guess she did say I could give a sign if I didn't want to do it and they would not do the jump but I wasn't going to go out like that.   

I was nervous as hell and screamed to high hell when I started plummeting from the sky but I did much better than my first dive.   When she tapped my shoulders, I did stretch out my hands to wave.    Then moments later when she tapped again, I did try to reach back for the parachute.   But I couldn't quite find it so she wound up opening it.    The freefall again was the scariest part but I was glad that all the harnesses were properly connected and I was still latched to the instructor.

The weather was perfect too.  It was cold but it was sunny and in the mid-50s.

Prior to my jump I even had an old friend call me for my birthday.   I don't remember if I spoke about him before in my blog but Mitch and I first met back in 2009 when I responded to an ad on Craigslist (when that used to be around) for a hookup.   I met him at his place and a one hour romp wound up being an all afternoon and late evening stay.   

Mitch and I wound up having a great rapport and he invited me to stay over for a BBQ lunch and later some dinner.   We fooled around again later on before I left for the evening.

We met a few more times over the next few years but I knew nothing more would come of it since he was married with two kids.   He was in an open relationship and his wife knew of me and she was the sweetest person too.   I even met his kids (a son and daughter) twice.

Sadly he fell into some trouble in 2014 when he was accused of soliciting a nude video from a teenager.   He didn't realize the boy was actually a teenager until it was too late.   And apparently the boy had other older men in his web but Mitch took the fall for all of them.    He wound up getting an 11 year prison sentence at a federal facility where he can't have any internet privileges and of course no freedom.   He's also now a registered sex offender so once he gets out of prison, he'll have to be cautious of where he lives.

So it was great to get his call on my birthday.   He timed it good too since I was waiting at the Skydive facility for my time to suit up.   He's missed out on a lot of events that have happened since he began his prison time in 2017.    He's missed five weddings and he couldn't be there when his wife died from cancer.   His daugther also has some health issues and both of his children he said has resentment against him for what happened.   I feel so bad for him.    He's over half way done with his sentence and is scheduled to be released in March 2028.

We've been writing each other letters over the last six years and his emotions are all over the place obviously.   I always feel bad when telling him about my issues because it can never compare to being locked up in prison.   I pray for him and also pray I never find myself in that situation.   He was 54 when he got convicted and sentenced and will be 65 when he gets out.   Crazy.

So life goes on.   It'll be almost three years since my Mom died.   I plan to light candles for both my parents around All Souls Day.   It's just amazing how our lives are just a small blip to the millions of years the world has existed.   That's why I remind myself to try to enjoy life while you can.   It really is too short.

Open Sesame

Almost seven years ago I mentioned meeting a guy I nicknamed Dom.   I had met him around the tail end of some health issues I was dealing with at the time.   So fast forward to present day and wouldn't you know it, we're still together.   He's officially my longest relationship to date.

Sally and I had talked about it and she made the observation that Dom came at the right time.   She was my emergency contact and go-to-person for any issues I needed help with.   We were there for each other for over 20 years at that time.   She met Dom weeks before leaving Chicago permanently mid-November 2014.   She and Dom (and I) had great conversation and later she told me privately that she "approved of this union"...LOL.

With Sally leaving for Alabama I would no longer have her around.   She was hopeful that Dom would fill that void.   Dom of course won't take her place but he has proven himself time and time again.

It's been quite the road getting to where we are today.   If I'm being honest I came to visit him more times than he came to me at the beginning of our relationship..    I remember Eugene pointing that out to me a few times.   He's all about the 50/50 which definitely is the ideal way things should go.   But unfortunately it doesn't always go that way.

I did enjoy visiting him even though within hours of getting to his place, I would get the worst allergy.  I would have fits of sneezing and my nose would become very stuffed.  It would clear up once I got back home.   Despite that I liked the neighborhood that Dom was in.   The best part was that he was only a mile or two away from Lake Michigan.   

In contrast I was not happy where I was living.   I wasn't happy for a long time.   I would've moved years back but the housing market took a turn for the worst in 2008.    I was a double minority in a 99% Caucasian block.   I did have nice neighbors including an elderly couple that lived directly across from me.    But when I participated in a block party a year or two back (2012), I definitely was made to feel unwelcome by some on the block.   Sally actually came out to support me and I remember clearly she tried to introduce herself to one neighbor who proceeded to ignore her.   I was livid.   It reminded me that I needed to get out.    So it felt nice to get away from home temporarily as I was racking up the miles.

I didn't go every weekend though.   I stayed in my neck of the woods one or two weekends a month.   I could count on one hand the number of times Dom visited my place in the almost two years I remained there.   But that really didn't bother me.

As we got to know each other there were issues that tested whether we'd continue or not.   The first issue was kids or no kids.   At the time I had wanted to have a couple kids but I didn't relish the thought of doing it alone.    Dom was (and still is obviously) eight years older than me and stated he had no desire to have children.   He was a school teacher and felt that was the closest he wanted to be to being around kids.   Basically he physically felt too old at 50 years old to be caring for a newborn.   It was fair.    I had to decide whether or not that would be a deal breaker.   

One of the things I felt guilty about was my parents not having any grandchildren from my sisters and I.   Neither of my sisters were able to (or wanted in Trina's case) have kids.   I felt like I was the last hope to keep our line of the family alive.   But I didn't really have a strong desire for kids.   Just thinking of all the crazy things kids had to deal with at that time turned me off.    It was more of a nice to have.    At the end of the day I had to realize that I shouldn't have a kid because I felt guilty (which actually I still do feel guilty about it to this day...but it's not as bad as I felt years back).    So at the end of day I accepted that Dom and I would just be Dom and I.   Incidentally he has a nephew and several nieces by his sisters so at least he got to be the cool gay Uncle (though he lamented that he didn't get to spend as much time with them as he could've since he was in the military and lived overseas during their formative years).

As an aside I remember when I was dating Rock, he and I having that same conversation about kids.    I believe he was 42 at the time and he was adamant about not having kids and that it was too late for him.   I tried to convince him otherwise but he wasn't going for it.    I wanted to tell him just because his Mom had him at 19 doesn't mean that he's late.    But I don't think that would've went well...*LOL*.   I was almost thinking had our relationship survived its other issues and a kid was in the picture, he or she would be at least 10 years old.    But with everything that happened to me jobwise in recent years, it's probably for the best I don't have any extra mouths to feed.

So back to Dom.   Another issue that crept up from time to time was our difference in finances.    At the time I was making over twice as much income as he did.   As an aside it's a shame that teachers are paid so low in this country.    The difference in income made Dom feel insecure.   There were occasions where he would blurt out that I should be dating another friend of his because he makes more money than he does.  I really didn't know how to respond to that one.  He also would tell me that he's not taking advantage of me.   I never felt he did.   In fact he always would push back on going to expensive restaurants.    One interesting thing is the few times we went to pricier places, the wait staff would always present the check to him.    I don't know if it was an age or race thing (yes he's white...*LOL*).   There were even some occasions where I notice the wait staff would address him only and ignore me.  Needless to say those wait staff got reduced tips at the end of the evening.

So because Dom didn't make a lot of money it irked me how Dom would spend his money.   Issue #3.  He's an avid doll collector that is constantly buying dolls and clothes and other accessories for them.   In fact when we first dated, I was introduced to his doll room which literally was filled with wall to wall dolls (with lots more in boxes).   He also had dolls in other parts of the house.   It was scary and honestly I almost decided not to pursue him because of it.   On the flip side, he never really thought about saving money.   He didn't even contribute to a retirement plan at work.    He complained of course that he wasn't making a lot and almost all of it was going to his "hobby".   I was trying to encourage him to save but he blasted me saying it was easy for me to do because I made way more money than him.   But I told him it doesn't matter what you make, it's what you keep.   He is right that it's definitely harder to save when you're not making a lot (I can really relate now...*LOL*) but even if he could save $5 a week in a savings account, in a year that would be $260.   And yes that's not a lot when you think of all the emergencies that could happen but it's better than nothing.    Thankfully he's gotten better over the years and we even have a tiny savings account funded from his paycheck.   Plus he's finally contributing to a retirement account.   Thankfully he got a bit of a raise moving to another school which has helped as well.    The doll thing is still ugggh but even that has been a little less.   Could go down more...*LOL*.

So I mentioned earlier that I could count on my one hand the number of times Dom visited me at my old place.   That's because I officially sold my house in late 2016 and moved to Gary to live with Dom in a bigger house.    There was no way I could live in his old place since there would be no room for my stuff.   Not to mention the allergies that would flair up every time I stayed there.    So we've been living together for over 5 years now.   How time flies.

So another issue came into play less than a year after we moved in together.   Dom was diagnosed with diabetes.   Also he lost his desire to have sex.   It was at this time he decided to mention that his Dad lost interest in sex around the same age as he did.  I admit that I felt a bit resentful as I never imagined being in a sexless relationship.   I figured the sex would diminish over time but didn't expect it to completely stop.   Since I still have desires, we decided to have an open relationship though pretty much it's only open on my end.    If you had told me ten years ago that I'd end up in an open relationship, I would've not believed it.

I do love Dom though and can't imagine my life without him.   In all honesty I don't really need a lot of sex these days myself.    Once or twice a week would do me fine.   Dom and I are still very affectionate with each other which is a good thing.   If that was gone as well I would definitely have to reconsider the relationship.

Unfortunately for me though since I have a desire for sex, I still frequent the social networking sites trying to find compatible people.    It seems even more challenging then it was when I first was exploring my sexual attraction to guys in 2002.   Maybe another time I'll be inclined to share more.

Interestingly enough I still talk to Midas.   We are definitely more friends now.   We periodically text and chat.   He too recently was laid off from his job and has been trying to figure out his next move. The last time we had sex was in 2011 so yeah it's been nearly ten years.   I'm not going to lie though.   I've thought of hooking up with him again but I don't necessarily want to go back down that road again.    Midas of course is a bit older but it doesn't seem like his horndog ways have slowed down.   Well at least he talks a good game.

This COV-ID mess has definitely put a damper on things sexually though I have still had some meetups.   But it would be great to find one or two guys I can have a regular thing with that understands that I'm not leaving Dom.   Hemingway, that's all I have for now.

No Way Jose

This is gonna be a long entry.   But hey I haven't blogged in over a month so I'm due.

I go from family drama in my last entry to friend, well it's former friend now, drama.    My friendship (if I  could really call it that) was put to the test during a routine movie night.   Jose, fresh back from his seven month stint in San Diego, called me late July wanting to catch a movie.    The first movie he mentioned wanting to see was Magic Mike.

It was actually the second time that movie was suggested to me.  Believe it or not I didn't even have it on my radar prior.   Sally asked me if I wanted to see it with her and after she told me what it was about, I told her that it wasn't my cup of tea.   It sounded like one of those movies that I would rather wait till it came out on DVD (which actually I'm guessing it should be coming out in October sometime just in time for my 40th).   So I had suggested seeing Avengers instead.   That went without incident.

I can't say the same for my movie night with Jose.   I told Jose that I wasn't feeling the movie but I sensed that he really wanted to see it and when he made other suggestions, none of the other choices interested me. That night would be the first time I would've hung out with Jose since my last visit to San Diego.   I decided against my better judgment to go see Magic Mike with him.

Not really wanting to deal with an ignorant usher, I chose to get my ticket at the kiosk when I reached the theater.   As I was in the process of figuring out the kiosk, Jose came up behind me.    We greeted each other and then he went to the kiosk next to mine to attempt and purchase a ticket as well.    He was having trouble with using that kiosk and also using the one I did so he wound up going to an usher to purchase.   That actually went fine.

So then after getting snacks (I only got water since I had eaten a heavy lunch earlier) we give our tickets to the usher.   He gave us a snide look as he directed us to the theater way in the back on the lower level.   The majority of folks were ushered upstairs for other shows and the only folks going down the lower level were women so Jose and I really stood out.

The show was in a room way down the end of the long hallway.    It was like the longest walk ever (longer than when I came out to my parents...lol).   I made some small talk with Jose as we walked down to try and ease my mind a bit.

Once we entered the room where it was playing though, whatever little ease I got from the small talk, went away.   The theater was semi-packed and all I could see was women.   As far as I could tell, Jose and I were the only two men in the room.   I totally was out of my comfort zone as Jose and I made our way for some seats.    I heard Jose tell a lady in a seat behind ours that 'it wasn't assigned seating'.   I didn't even hear the lady but I guess she must've said something about saving the seats for somebody.

So we sat down and I was a bit stone-faced.   Jose was cool as a cucumber.   I admit that I shouldn't care what folks think about me watching a movie that is catered to women but I did.   After a minute Jose wanted to move (I'm assuming the same lady he had the exchange with was doing annoying stuff behind him) so we wound up moving to a different section.

It's possible Jose may have been joking but he said that there was a lady attempting to take a picture of us.   That made me even more mortified.

It felt like an eternity before the movie started.   It finally kicked off.   The movie had it ups and downs but it mostly left me feeling like I could've waited for the DVD.   Unfortunately almost throughout the second half of the movie, the lady that was sitting behind me decided to use the back of my chair as a leg rest.   I was too uncomfortable to do anything but push back against my chair to compete with her pushing on the back of mine.   When it was finally over I immediately got up and turned around and I saw the bitch run off upstairs.

I told Jose I never again was going to put myself in a situation like that.   I sheepishly tried to smile as we walked out of the theater with the throngs of women that were leaving.   When we reached near the exit, Jose wanted to find a restroom.   The same usher who gave the snide look asked us how it was.   Afterwards he made a snide comment that the movie probably made us want to go to the strip bar and jack off.

I rolled my eyes as I followed Jose to the restroom (to jack off...NOT!).   I could see that my reaction throughout the evening was affecting Jose and he kind of gave me a rushed goodbye.

I felt guilty about my behavior and called him later.   He acted like nothing was amiss and even said he was looking to 'order in' (code for having a booty call come over).  I still felt like things weren't right between us as we hung up.

I got that confirmation a month ago (August 9).   Two weeks or so before that date I called Jose and got his voicemail.   I chalked it up to his being busy.    He mentioned prior to that fateful night that he was going to several different interviews for a new consulting position.

A week went by and I didn't hear from him so I called again.   Got his voicemail again.   I dismissed my fears about him being mad at me with assuming that maybe he was traveling (he does travel quite a bit for different vacation just recently coming back from his own trip to Spain) somewhere and didn't get a chance to check in.

I called again on August 6th and got the voicemail again.   I waited till the 9th and called again.   Voicemail.  I  realized that he definitely must be avoiding me.    I wondered if Jose was done with whatever we had but I felt like Jose being the person he is, would've been man enough to tell me to my face (or at least over the phone).    He's never been one to shy away from saying how he feels.   That's just how he rolls.

I was calling his cellphone the entire time but decided to call once more but this time his home phone.   Do I even need to say that v-word again?   I decided that I wanted to pay a visit to him that day to find out what was going on.   I was working from home that day and it was near my lunch break anyway.   I had my suspicions but a part of me just wondered if he was okay.

So Jose lives in a high-rise and has a doorman.   I went up to the doorman and not knowing whether Jose was home or not, I told him that I was there to see Jose.   He proceeds to call and gets an answer.   My heart literally sank as I got the confirmation that Jose was avoiding me.

I wasn't even sure he was going to let me come up and I was preparing in my mind some excuse to tell the doorman so I could quickly leave but the doorman said to go ahead and he buzzed me in.   It was the longest elevator ride up to Jose's floor (sensing a theme yet...*LOL*).

So I get to his entryway and he already has the door open.   Jose's place is in disarray since he's in the midst of doing some remodeling.   So he's all fake cheery as he runs to his home office and tells me to sit down.   He didn't even give me a chance to ask him what was going on.   He runs back and hands me a paper.   I was still standing at this point but he said I needed to sit down for what he was going to tell me.

Basically the paper was an email that he sent to me as I was making my way to his place.   The funny thing is I didn't even look at my phone otherwise I would've gotten it mid-way before arriving.    In his own words he said that he saw a whole other side of me when we were at the movies and that he didn't like it.   He said that I don't listen to anything he says and that I'm always playing the victim when it comes to dealing with situations.   He said that my friends (particularly Eugene and Sally) take advantage of me and I let them.   He then said that he has his own issues (yes he does but I won't list them...*LOL*) he's dealing with and he felt like if we continued to hang out, he would be enabling me and saying it's okay to 'play the victim' so he wanted to end whatever it was that we had.   He said friendship of course but in my mind if after one bad situation you're ready to call it quits then we really weren't friends to begin with.

I sat there dumbfounded as he was saying all this and I was reading his email.   I was racking my brain trying to recall any other times where Jose and I had a bad experience and couldn't recall one.   I do realize that I shouldn't give a damn if everyone knew the moment we walked in that we were two gay guys (who might even be sleeping with each other...even though that was almost two years back since that happened) and there were plenty of times when I didn't give a damn.   I can't even count the number of times we went out for dinner and I know some people assumed we were dating (or planning to fuck afterwards) and I didn't give a damn.   Especially at Italian restaurants...*LOL*.

I think too he was referring to how I handle situations that happen.   In general I don't like confrontation and will usually look for non confrontational ways to deal with those situations.   I know of course you do have to confront things head on at times and eventually I find a way to do so even if I don't always get the desired results.

One thing he kept harping on was how I would tell him 'that's just the way I am'.    And while it's definitely a good thing to change bad habits, anyone who has those habits know that it's something that won't change overnight.

In his mind I should've been calling a therapist to deal with my issues.    He mentioned that before while I was recounting my childhood in San Diego and he's said it a couple times before that.   Since I was taking no steps to get help and not listening to him on other matters (like changing my job...he's a career coach), he felt he shouldn't be around me.

As for my friends I definitely felt he was out of line there.   But he did acknowledge that he came 'late to the party' (I've known Eugene and Sally longer) and knows I don't agree with his viewpoint.   He met Eugene once and I will admit Eugene didn't exactly make a good first impression.    Basically Eugene was preoccupied playing backgammon on his phone instead of our conversation.   I tried non verbally to tell Eugene to put his phone away but of course he wasn't having it.

I shared with Jose in the past some of the difficulties Eugene was having at his last job with certain folks.   He did wind up finding another gig with another university and thankfully other than moving halfway across the state he doesn't have to relocate.   Jose basically told me that Eugene is rude and arrogant and that he could see why he's having problems with his job.

He never even met Sally but I did confide to him about her losing her job and how I've been helping her financially over the years whenever she asks.   It's not like I'm rich or anything but if she needs extra to pay her phone bill or gas or need groceries and I have a little bit extra, I've given it to her.

I've known Sally for over 17 years and for him to come along and say that she's taking advantage of me is an insult to me.   I have told Sally a few times that I couldn't help her at certain times but just gave when I could. It's not like I've been giving money to her left and right.

I was dismayed that he had to drag my friends into his fight with me when I'm the one he had an issue with.   I could've easily said some things about his "so-called" friends who are more like acquaintances.   Honestly other than this one nice lesbian couple who I think are genuine from my brief interactions with them, I feel like   the rest of his posse are only there for what they can do for each other.

Jose's forever telling me about all these weddings (he's goes to at least 5-6 weddings a year...so at least 12 in the two years I've known him) he goes to and how he's always buying gifts for them and how they're always having gatherings at these swanky mansions and locations.   I feel like if any of them were to ever fall into hard times (like Sally did), that they would slowly drift themselves out of his life and he would drift from them as well.   Basically not take the calls or call back when they know that person won't answer and say 'I'm sorry.'    But of course I don't really know his so-called friends like that.   Though I can infer that would happen from how he treated me.    But I would never say anything like that to him because that's rude and disrespectful and I don't have any history with his "business acquaintances".    But yet he chose to do that to me.

So basically he told me to have a nice life as I left his place.  When I got back home I read his email on the computer and decided to write my response to him.

I expressed how disappointed I was that he chose to end whatever it was we had.   I told him that I wished I had stuck with my first instinct and not chose 'Magic Mike'.   However I added that maybe it was meant to happen like it did.   I truly believe that some things are meant to happen and if it wasn't 'Magic Mike', he would've found some other reason to end it.   Clearly he was looking to get out.

Whatever it was we had I did appreciate having him in my life.  Like I said before he offered me an additional perspective on things and even if I didn't follow his advice or do things as he wanted, I ultimately appreciated having him in my life.

I was sad at that time but I didn't cry.   The funny thing is that I kinda went through several phases to get over him.   First phase I was in denial.   Pretty much I was in denial the entire time he was giving his reasons for ending whatever it was we had.    Then I was sad for my loss, which I expressed in my email.    Then I had the angry phase (which I kinda am having again as I write this) like who the fuck does he think he is.   What a selfish prick he is.   But now I've come to the acceptance part.

I'm reminded of this quote.   I don't even know where it comes from.

"People always come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME."

I'll choose to remember the positive SEASONs that Jose and I had.   Even though I think ultimately he made a mistake, he has to live with it, not me.

Something Old

So hope you guys enjoyed reading that last entry.   I unfortunately had the pleasure of visiting a dud restroom at a banquet hall last night that if this atrocity was at a casino would've been rated quite lowly by the "Straightflush" experts.    The urinals were three tiny units all close together for maximum penis viewing, which in my case might've been pleasurable depending on the guy behind the penis.  Rimshot.  (HA!)    To access the urinals you had to get around the giant sinks.   I wish going to the urinal was all I had to do.   I sadly was shooting for a different number and there was only one toilet in the bathroom.   It wasn't occupied but it had some lovely drop deposits from previous visitors.   I grimaced as I spent ten minutes wiping and putting at least 10 layers of toilet paper on the seat.    In the meantime I heard guys coming in some wanting to hit the toilet.   To make things less pleasant, I was courtesy flushing away, which of course meant my ass was exposed to the nasty water.   The dryer for the hands was next to the door for the stall which made for more awkward moments for me as I was bombing away.   It wasn't a pleasant experience at all.   I shouldn't have drank that 7-Up or partake in all the tasty desserts.  

E final ratings:
Number #1 overall  - 3 stars
Number #2 overall  - 2 stars (only cause at least there wasn't crap in the toilet)

Okay...now that I got that out of the way.

Sally invited me as a guest to her holiday party at the earlier mentioned banquet hall.   It was interesting seeing her co-workers in various states of dress.   A lot of the women really dolled it up and the guys for the most part were appreciative.   The men in the meantime ranged from wearing pimp wear to business casual.

There were a few pieces of eye candy for me but this one bearish type guy sitting in the next table caught my eye.   He didn't know I was alive of course.   Sally caught me staring at him and told me he was a loser.   I told her I would only be interested in a quick romp Hemingway.   Turns out he's a manager that works in her department that also moonlights as a bouncer at some straight bar and is actually straight.    I noticed how he walked by where Sally and I were sitting three different times without saying anything to Sally.    In my dreams he was checking me out on the side.    Hopefully he didn't follow me in the bathroom since he would've heard more than he was bargained for.   *LOL*....sorry I went there again.

Hemingway they say that if you don't learn from history that you're doomed to repeat it.    They also say that life is too short and to live each day like it's your last.    I always wonder who the elusive 'they' is.    Also is the same 'theys' that coined each phrase.    Guess we'll never know.    But that doesn't stop the things that happen in our lives.

So I'm logging onto one of my "social networking sites" last Friday night.    No date for me par the course and unfortunately Ryan turned out to be yet another dud.    I guess he wasn't comfortable outside the virtual confines of texting.    So I'm just half looking at profiles when I get an email from a blast from the past.   Winifred who I first chatted with in 2005 saw me and shot me an email.  

He remembered my face but not quite my name.   I remembered his (of course).   I had to recall what happened back then.   Aside from my entries where I was juggling him with another a-hole, we did meet three separate times.   The last one I recalled went nowhere when I wanted to get to know him more but he was looking for more of a quick hit.   Which actually we never did (amazingingly...*LOL*).   To clarify we didn't go all the way.

So of course he doesn't remember why we lost contact but he told me that we should keep in touch.   I told him sure.   I'm sure it'll go the way of all my other encounters with guys.   But one can never tell.

Virtual Comfort

Eugene was telling me about a guy that he has been emailing back and forth with from one of his social networking sites.   They seemed to be getting along well.   So they exchanged numbers.    Then they began texting.    After a few days of texting back and forth, Eugene sent a message saying that they should actually talk on the phone sometime.    He didn't get a text response to that suggestion.

The next day Eugene decides to call anyway.   The guy doesn't answer.

I admit there is a comfort level in using technology as a buffer in communication.   I'm guilty of doing that as well, especially if I'm not sure I want to take things further with a particular guy.    Also there is the fear that an actual conversation may not last as long talking as it does texting.     And then the other guy would lose interest completely.

Eugene raised the possibility that maybe the guy didn't want to talk on the phone because he wasn't truthful about some aspect of his life.    Maybe he's seeing someone and can't talk.    Maybe he's a she.   *LOL*

Ryan and I are at a similar virtual impasse.   We've been texting for close to a week though I've noticed he's been slowing down his responses to my texts.   I suppose there's only so much texting one can do.  I realize too that realistically since we're not at the commitment level, I can't expect us to keep texting at the rate we were texting.    We both had our separate lives before the text fest began and of course we still do.

With that said I'm ready to take our "budding acquaintanceship" (I guess that's a word...*LOL*) to the voice level.    I'm not sure if he is ready for that but someone has to make the move.    It might as well be me.   I am nervous though due to the reasons previously mentioned.    But hopefully my fears will be unfounded and we will have a decent phone conversation, assuming he answers.   Ahhh that's the rub.   At least I hope he has voicemail set up so I can hear what he sounds like.

As for Eugene he sent a text to his perspective guy the next day and of course he texted back later.   I guess some folks are more comfortable living in the virtual world.

Another Year In The Life

I'm starting a brand new life here in Barcelona. I've had to make lots of adjustments to my attitude due to the change of culture, language, people, and locale. Since I made the dramatic change to my life, I thought I'd start anew (yeah again, again...*LOL*) with another blogspot. Different blogspot, different location, same ol' E.

One other change that I've had to adjust to is the change in umm, change. The Euro which actually as of this writing has gotten weaker still wound up costing me a pretty penny to convert my U.S. dollars. Pop quiz: Can you spot the two American coins that are in my picture above?

I don't think there's a 2 cent U.S. coin but there is one in the Euro. Another uncommon one is the 20 cent euro. Also instead of dollar bills, you have 1 euro coins. And the two dollar bills also has a two euro cousin. It makes the task of giving change slightly harder to navigate, lest someone gives you a 50 cent euro instead of a 2 euro.

There are times I question myself for leaving Chicago. Actually that's a lie. I've never really questioned it only because I'm also lying about relocating to Barcelona. Yeah some things never change. I had to do something big to introduce myself back to what's left of the blogging community.

But as of this writing I am vacationing in Barcelona. It's my first ever European trip. I gotten all kinds of advice on the trip from my new friend Jose. Jose and I met over a year ago initially as a hook-up. It was good enough for another followup hook-up. But after the second one, we actually began to get to know each other outside of the bedroom. He's a few years more than half a century old but looks much younger and definitely has a healthy appetite for sex. He's become quite invaluable in my life, offering me career, personal, and of course trip advice. It's been nice having another constant gay friend in my life besides Eugene. He offers me an additional perspective on situations. Plus he lives not far from me so we've been hanging out quite a bit together around the town.

So yeah this year's birthday trip starts off in Barcelona and ends in Madrid, with possible side trips to Sitges and Toledo (not Ohio). The hardest part about this trip is adjusting to the language. Barcelona has the added distinction of having Catalin as its primary language with Spanish being secondary, so it's been a bit of a struggle for me. But thankfully for the most part, Barcelonians (I guess that's the right term.) have been generally nice to me despite my messed up Spanish.

Traveling alone is nice mostly because I control the when, where, and how long aspects of my day. But the hard part for me sometimes is eating alone, especially when everyone else that's there seems to have a date, family, or friends with them. It reminds me once again that I still haven't found boyfriend #2 since my time with Rock ended almost three years ago in December 2008. So clearly "Date and Dash" didn't quite work out for me. One of the best moments of my relationship with Rock was our traveling together to New York (despite the rocky road to get to that point....*LOL*). Eating alone reminds of how much I miss those times.

To add fuel to the fire, I inch closer to the inevitable big 4-0 on October 15th, hitting 39. I can't believe how fast time is flying. On the bright side, I'm reluctantly grateful to still have a job (yeah at that place still....LOL*). It'll be fifteen years there April 2012, assuming I make it. The company I'm at has been a lot of layoffs in the last couple years. Somehow I've managed to hold on for the time being and thank goodness, with the stock market (and effectively my 401-K), taking a nose dive. And of course my crappy penny stocks are barely holding on to their pennies.

It's a wonder I've contemplated having kids this past year. How the hell can I afford them? Taking care of them alone at that. My hat is off to all those doing it alone. Even with a partner, how did my parents afford my sisters and I? Hmm.

On the kid front, the two options I've been looking at primarily at are surrogacy and co-parenting. The main advantage of surrogacy is more control over raising your child (especially since I'm alone...*LOL*) but that same advantage is also a disadvantage. In addition there's the whole cost factor. There's actually a surrogacy clinic I've contacted that is in the Chicago area that has the concept of overseas surrogacy, which is cheaper than having a US surrogate. But even that runs almost 50K for one child. Co-parenting main advantage is having another person sharing responsibility for raising a child. Again that main advantage can also be a disadvantage, especially if you both don't see eye-to-eye on certain issues. There's also the need to split time between the co-parents over who has the child. That could also be good when you have a good set-up as there would be a break (though you never really are on break as a parent, I hear...*LOL*) in when you can have 'me time'. And of course finding the right lady (or ladies assuming a lesbian couple) to co-parent with can be tough. A hookup and occasional chat buddy I have shares co-parenting duties with a lady for their two children and he's constantly bitching about how she handles certain situations. Surprisingly though he wants more kids but the thing holding him back is the thought of having them with his current co-parent since his preference is for the siblings to have the same DNA.

Yeah so that's pretty much in a nutshell my life. Ironically I feel like my 1st blog pretty much ending once my parents found out officially I was 'gay' seemed to be a nice segway since my old blog was my life as a closeted gay man in my 30's whereas this one is about my life as a somewhat old (I mean out...*LOL*) gay man about to enter my 40's. Time for me to rest up before enjoying some Barcelona night life.