One thing that happens when you pair off with someone is that if you go somewhere without the other half, inevitably the question you constantly keep hearing is "Where is so and so?" I've been hearing that question a lot in the last couple years. Sometime multiple times a day even. I admit it annoys me at times having to answer the question over and over.
Dom in the last few years has become less and less social. Ironically he was the bigger social butterfly of the two of us so him stepping back has made things more stressful for me. I was always used to him being the talkative one while I stayed in the background.
He has never known a stranger. He's told countless stories of random people wanting to chat with him on different things. I've witnessed it many times myself when we're out together how folks will gravitate to him, whether it's because of a t-shirt he wears, or his (as of late) long beard.
So I've been frustrated with him when trying to get him to hang out with me for different events and then he backs out. For example this past week I had a work event that one of the Equality groups was holding that allowed us to bring +1's. I told him about the event a month back and mentioned that I'd like him to accompany me. I would already be at work in downtown Chicago that day. For him to attend it would require him to take the train downtown to meet me and then we'd have to take the CTA to our destination. He said that was fine. But the day of the event he called me at work to say he wasn't up to it.
I tried to convince him otherwise but of course he wasn't backing down. I was pissed as hell. But being at work I couldn't scream like I wanted to. I was counting on him being with me since I really didn't know anyone that was attending and he could've acted as my buffer. Plus like I said before people seemed drawn to him so I'm sure he would've drawn some attention. So in the end I decided not to go since I didn't want to be by myself. I decided instead to check out Bally's new downtown casino (which I will never go back to again). The slots in general seemed tighter, some of the clientele were a bit creepy, and the neighborhood around it even though it's downtown, seemed a bit sketchy. But I wouldn't have gone there had Dom met me downtown as planned for the other event.
But I do understand Dom's energy is not great. Even for the events that he wants to go to, like the two plays we saw in May, he does have a harder time getting around. So I guess if it's for something he has no vested interest in, the motivation to go is not there. You'd think making me happy once in awhile would be motivation enough, but alas it's not.
So of course when I go to our Church or Church events, I'm forever being asked "Where's Dom?" by multiple people at different times of the day. Yesterday the Church had their "gay Pride" picnic event. I tried so hard to get him to go. But of course he didn't. I knew I would have to go since I am a board member. Thankfully it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would be. But of course everyone was like "Where's Dom?". I just wanted to scream.
Another gay couple that doesn't frequent the Church too often but Dom and I have hung out with a few times came by. Don and Juan both greeted folks and eventually they gravitated towards where I was to talk about how they were doing. Don experienced a lot of work drama in his last job and is now officially retired. Juan had a good gig going for many years at his place of employment but unfortunately owners changed hands and almost his whole team has been dismantled by the new group and they've been plotting to get rid of Juan. They've written him up twice for trivial things and he has two bosses that he has to report to. Juan was telling his story of how they were able to use the Family Medical Leave Act to get time off work while getting paid to deal with the stress. He's now on Short-Term Disability and they are working on getting him on Long-Term Disability. He does not want to go back to work. He was hoping they would fire him like they did the rest of his team but for whatever reason they've chosen not to, which partly could be because of the FMLA steps that they've taken. Don went through a lot of drama at his last role so when shit started happening to Juan, he knew what steps to take to help Juan.
Hearing all of Juan's drama reminds me that I need to be vigilant in trying to save and invest as much as I can. I'm hoping I can hang on to my job for another 8 years and 3 months (that's when I turn 60....can't believe that milestone is just years away...god willing). Ideally I want to retire at 60 so I can try to enjoy the remainder of my years. If I could retire at 55, that would be real nice. But that would require my investments to behave very well to give me enough of a cushion for us to live comfortably on while only withdrawing on interest. I do feel like 60 would be more realistic for early retirement. In theory if all goes well, I should have our mortgage paid off before I turn 54. Then I can take the savings from the mortgage to save and invest even more hopefully for the next 6 years after that. A lot of it depends on how the culture remains at my present job. So far it's going good but it was good for Juan too for over 9 years until the new group took over. It only takes a few toxic elements to make a once great environment not so good. Plus I have to hope to not get laid off during that time, something that always remains in the back of my mind.
Here I go again making plans. Bringing it back to topic, where's Dom? He's hanging in there. I just have to get used to his new normal.
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