Feeling The Pain

 

Sade - Feel No Pain

VERSE1:
Mama been laid off 

Papa been laid off 

My brother's been laid off 

For more than two years now 

Ooh can't get a job 

Billy can't get a job 

They gotta listen to the blues 

REFRAIN:

Help them to strive 

Help them to move on 

Help them to have some future 

Help them to live long Help them to live life 

Help them to smile 

Don't let them stay home 

And listen to the blues 

VERSE2:

Papa been laid off  (Oh Papa)

Mama been laid off (Oh Mama)

Billy can't get a job 

For too long, too long 

Don't let them lose 

We gotta give them a chance 

It's gonna come back on everyone 

If you don't make them dance 

Don't let them stay home 

And listen to the blues 

BRIDGE:

There's nothing sacred 

Breathing hatred 

We have to face it 

No one can take it 

And feel no pain

I had forgotten about this song.  Feel no pain was my life for a few years after I got laid off from my long-term job.   It didn't seem like I would ever find another job.   Looking for a job is quite the humbling process.  I've had to bite my pride through it all.  I even had a brief stint as a food delivery driver for a local Chinese restaurant in early 2019.   One night was enough for me though.   I shortly wound up finding temporary work at Amazon that lasted almost three years.   But thankfully someone gave me a chance and I was able to work in corporate America again.  So far I'm hanging in there (some days are crazy but that's with any job) and am able to breath again.

I used to love listening to Sade.  Even though when you think of Sade, you think of the individual lady that graced us with her singing, Sade actually is a band.   In fact there's often a male voice that can be heard singing occasionally in the background, sometimes briefly as lead.   I found out his name is Leroy Osborne.   His voice definitely compliments Sade's.   It's cool to know that they've performed together over the years.

Sade has that unique ability to make you feel her pain in all her songs.   I find myself grooving to the beat when listening to her.   But I listen sparingly so when I recently ran into a video highlighting her hits, I was reminded of some like the aforementioned Feel No Pain.   Her last song was released in 2018 on the Soundtrack of the movie Widows starring Viola Davis.    It's called The Big Unknown.   The melody reminds you of what makes Sade great.   One of the comments on the video best describes Sade's last effort.   "Sade comes out from the shadows. SINGS. Drops the mic. Back into the shadows like a Boss!"

This was six years ago.   LOL come back from the shadows once more Sade and Leroy.

Domestic Unbliss

One of the things Dom used to do was cut our lawn during the summer months.   He would do the lawn while I would clean the snow in the winter months.   He even found an electric lawn mower and snow blower that used ion batteries instead of gas.   He took pride in maintaining the lawn.   With his health issues in the last couple years, he hasn't been able to do the lawn without feeling winded.   Doing the lawn was also not something I wanted to do either.   As far as yard work besides cleaning snow, I periodically cut back the branches from the various bushes that grew around the yard.   But doing so was becoming more of a hassle.

We noticed neighbors around us were paying to have their lawns cut and thought it would be good to find someone to do ours.   It took a bit of effort but Dennis found someone who was cutting another neighbor's lawn and asked if he could cut ours.     This was last July that Dennis found Burt the mower.    Burt started cutting the lawn for us.   We agreed to pay $40 every two weeks to have our lawn maintained.   The arrangement went fine that year and we were able to end it around end of September before the weather started to change.

This year we resumed the service starting in June but of course Burt was starting to hit me with offers to do some additional yard work for an extra fee of course.   I pushed back initially but the yard has been out of control for a while.    Burt made some suggestions and told me that his team could do the work, which included cutting some overgrown tree limbs for between $280 - $300.    We agreed on $300.

It took almost a month before Burt's team got around to doing the work.    They arrived this past Tuesday a few minutes before 10AM.   I was busy working from home and Dom was home off from school.   They were still working till after 3pm.   I had $340 in cash and I did feel like I should give a little something extra.   But I didn't have much more cash but I gave an extra $20.

The next day Dom and I were in Shipshewana enjoying the first of two concerts in the area.   We went to see Il Divo who were performing in their Blue Gate theatre.   Dom and I were enjoying the show when I started getting phone calls from a number I didn't recognize but later saw it was Burt.   I couldn't answer the phone since we were in the concert.

I then got a text message saying "Ok you got me blocked you owe me $140 bucks."   He said a whole bunch of nonsense afterwards.   I was confused and was upset during what was supposed to be a fun evening.   I was able to mostly block it out (after twenty minutes) but I texted Burt as soon as the concert was over and mentioned that we discussed $300 and I gave $320.   

Alas that was where the rub.    He then said I gave him a $20 tip and if we were going there, I should've gave him $150 (which is up from the $140 he spouted earlier).    He said that he spent eight hours at our property (it was actually a little over 5 hours) taking care of it.   It did wind up being a lot more work than anticipated.   So what I thought was a nice gesture with the extra $20 turned out to be an insult.

He then went into a texting tirade before saying "He'll be back, he's not being an asshole".   But he was an asshole.

He or someone from his team is supposed to be back on Friday to cut the grass.   Even though I was upset about the tirade, from his perspective I do understand where he's coming from.  Dom says I don't owe him anything else since we agreed to the $300 but if they plan to continue cutting the grass, I don't want any bad blood.   So I plan to give him $150 in addition to the $40 for the lawn.    Hell maybe I'll make it an even $200.    But after that experience I don't want him or his team doing anything else extra for us.    He was doing all this talk last Tuesday on getting grass feed to try and get the grass in the yard area growing again that was overtaken by weeds.   But I don't want them to do anything else for me.   I really don't want them cutting our grass anymore.   But I feel like I may have to broach this situation carefully.   I was scared he was going to come to our house and try something.   I feel like a level of trust was broken with how he reacted.   

Turn Around

 Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart

VERSE1:
(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes 

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart 

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart

VERSE2:

 (Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry 

(Turn around) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes 

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart 

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart 

REFRAIN:

And I need you now tonight 

And I need you more than ever 

And if you only hold me tight 

We'll be holding on forever 

And we'll only be making it right

 'Cause we'll never be wrong 

Together we can take it to the end of the line 

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time) 

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark 

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight 

Forever's gonna start tonight (Forever's gonna start tonight)

Once upon a time I was falling in love But now I'm only falling apart 

There's nothing I can do 

A total eclipse of the heart 

Once upon a time there was light in my life 

But now there's only love in the dark Nothing I can say 

A total eclipse of the heart

Midas and I met halfway for lunch at a tasty Italian eatery last Saturday.   He called me two weeks back and was having a moment thinking about life and how we only have so much time left and he wanted to see me.  I definitely have those life moments in my head as well.   They become more so since my parents are gone.   So I completely understood.

We had a great lunch, a quite filling lunch.   He was thirty minutes late so I had a small order of hot wings that had a crunchy dry rub.   It had a subtle heat to it.   Once he arrived I then ordered a chicken habanero sandwich with coleslaw dressing and included mushrooms and giardiniera.   It also came with a side of fries.   I've had better fries but the sandwich was pure perfection.    Then Midas and I shared a tasty tiramisu.

During the tail end of our lunch, Midas noticed an attractive guy coming into the restaurant and he wanted me to, you guessed it, turn around to look at him.   I've had this happen to me several times over the years on different occasions.    That always annoyed me because I don't want to make it obvious that I'm staring.   Midas kept insisting but I held my ground and didn't do so.   I did catch a glimpse of who I thought it was when we left and he seemed okay.   But I guess I had to see him standing up since I didn't feel he was all that.

Midas and I definitely have a different relationship now.  The sexual part of it is gone.   I'm not sure if that will ever come back.  And I'm fine with that.     Ironically the hanging out for lunch part of the relationship was what we missed so long ago.   We were only doing the benefits without the friendship.   I wanted to hang out with Midas outside of sex not just for lunch but maybe to catch a movie or concert but he had no interest.   I wanted to ultimately have a relationship but he had no interest in that either.   So it's kind of funny that it's happening now when I'm starting to want to rekindle the old days.

But I've said it before.   Things were meant to happen the way they happened.   Ironically Midas worked very hard to keep the line of communication open between us even when I tried to forget him.  In doing so I feel our relationship has grown to where it is now.   In getting to know him over the years I've gotten to see other sides of him that makes me continue to appreciate having him in my life.   Here's hoping our next meeting will happen sooner rather than later.

Warped Work Logic

 In my current role our team typically receives case assignments from folks who are having issues with items related to Salesforce.   Part of our productivity is based on how quickly you can solve issues and get the cases closed out.   When I first started there were plenty of cases in the backlog that you could count on to meet those numbers.   But in the last six months the number of cases have dwindled and it's gotten to the point that I have to log into the system at all hours of the evening and weekend just to quickly snap up cases before other engineers do just to try to keep up with productivity.

In the midst of all this, the company has been trying to do more hiring.   In my mind and some of my co-workers, the question becomes why are we hiring all these folks if there isn't the amount of work that justifies doing so.   Management is saying that the plan is to start transferring some folks to other areas of the company and that should free up resources.   

But in the meantime it's been a bit frustrating having to always be online to try and find random cases.   I of course start wondering if there'll be another round of layoffs in the future to contend with.   I gotta get that backup plan going.   I can't count on my job always being there.

I'm also trying to do things to make myself stand out so that hopefully I'll be in the back of the line of folks they consider.   That's no guarantee of course.   I figure it can't hurt though.

I have to gear up for another Indianapolis trip next Monday.   I hate doing that commute but I'm so grateful that I only have to do it once a month or less.   Things can always be worse.

Otherwise work has been okay.  I continue to be grateful to have a good paying job and that I have a lower than national average mortgage that allows me to continue to pay extra on it.   I admit that I'm thinking about retirement more and more especially with Dom eyeing retirement after two more school years.   I'm definitely hoping he can make it with all the issues he's been dealing with.   We just have to continue to take it one day at a time.