Share My World

 Mary J. Blige - Share My World

VERSE 1:

Boy if you stay I'll always make sure

That you look to see a brighter day

Don't let our loving slip away

The things you do, they always make me feel

Like there's no one else but you

Promise you'll be true

Always

REFRAIN:

Share my world

Don't you leave

Promise I'll be here

Whenever you need me near

Share my world

Don't you leave

Promise I'll be here

So baby don't you have no fear

Happy New Year everyone!   I'm blessed to make it through another year.  I spent it hanging out with Trina.   We toasted it with some Rum Chata liqueur mixed with her fave Hennessey.    We almost missed the countdown simultaneously watching a Netflix docuseries called the Tinder Swindler and dozing off (getting old sucks...*LOL*).    But it sure beats how I spent New Year's Eve into New Year's last year.   I'm assuming Tasha will stop by at some point on New Year's Day for us to hang out and do our Christmas Exchange before I head back home.   I plan though to treat myself to a mini-vacation staying overnight in Battle Creek so I can do some gambling at Firekeepers before going home.   It's the little things, right?

So since I didn't go to Detroit for Christmas and the weather somewhat was better on Boxing Day, I along with Dom met an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in quite some time.   It was her first time meeting Dom as well.   She and I befriended each other way back in 2005 or 2006 via our blogs.   She had a relationship blog that she co-wrote with a male counterpart and went by the moniker no_the_game.   I remember we met in person for the first time in downtown Oak Park, IL and had lunch at a Vietnamese place that may or may not still be in business.  

Anyway no_the_game and I had a great time and kept in touch sporadically over the next decade or so.  She's a recent divorcee with an adorable 8-year old trying to navigate through her new normal.

I was so happy we got to hang out.  No_the_game and Dom got along pretty well and they were both talking up a storm which was cool.   So when Dom found out we knew other via blogging, he asked me later on if I would share some of my writing with him.   I admit it threw me off.    My blog in a lot of ways is like a diary (even though it's slightly more public depending on who stumbles upon it).   I don't use real names but anyone who stumbles upon it and reads a few entries would figure out who I was talking about.   Perhaps when I'm older and not as concerned about what folks think I may be more open.   But I'm not ready to give him a link to either of my blogs yet.

I may cut and paste an entry though for him and email it to him.   That way he can get access to some of my writing without getting the whole she-bang.   Fun times.

Holiday Mayhem

 Merry Christmas 2022!   This Christmas will go down in history as the first one in many years  that I'm not spending it in Detroit.   It's the first one that neither of my parents are around to share the holiday season with.    It's also the first one in a long time where the inclement weather that swept across most of America just before the holiday was coined by weather folks as "The Nightmare Before Christmas".   Temperatures plunged into below freezing as a wintry mix descended across the U.S.   Thankfully the actual snowfall was less than 3 inches in my neck of the woods so not the worst I've seen.    But the temps reached as low as -8 and with the threat of burst pipes required us to bleed out our faucets so they don't freeze.

There were two storms that brought much more snow that I was actually remember.   The first was coined the Blizzard of 1996.   It took place between January 6 - 8.  I was a fresh doe-eyed (*LOL*) 23 year old living on my own in the Washington D.C. area.   I was almost a year in my first corporate job.   I was a consultant assigned to work for then Bell Atlantic and had relocated to the D.C. area for the project.   The storm bought almost two feet of snow to where I lived.   I was pretty much trapped in my apartment for a few days.   I do recall walking to the local grocery store a day or so later and seeing people sliding groceries with sleds.   I remember too spending that time calling a few mutual fund companies and starting some retirement investments.   I will say my Dad was good about teaching me the power of saving money.   Going on a slight tangent I do wish that high schools taught financial planning to kids.   I do credit Black Enterprise with teaching me about stocks, bonds, and mutual funds.   But if I wasn't proactive about learning about money, I would not know about it till much later.  

The other big storm I remember took place late January 2011.    I was living in the west burbs of Chicago at the time.   Again almost two feet of snow fell between several days.  I still remember having to use a bucket to clear snow by the door to even be able to open it.   I had to do a little bit at a time and then take multiple breaks.   It took several days before the homeowner association cleared out the roads around me. The snow fell so fast and hard, drivers were stranded for miles in the northbound lanes of Lake Shore Drive.   Many were trapped for hours by crashes in front of them, traffic behind them, and snow falling all around them.   So glad I wasn't in that mess.  Crazy times.

My Dad for as long as I could remember would recall the blizzard of 1978 that took place in Detroit.   I was 5 at the time and have no recollection of it.    But my Dad shared the story of how his car was trapped in all the snow and the roads weren't plowed since the focus was on the main streets.   He mentioned needing to walk to the main street in our area and catch a bus so he could get baby formula for my younger sister Trina who was at the time a few months old.   I imagine too that he had to clean quite a bit of snow as well around the house.

While this year's "Nightmare Before Christmas" storm pales in comparison to the three big storms I mentioned, my sisters and I decided that it would be better if we met closer to New Year's Day.   The weather will be warmer by then in the upper 40s and 50s.   So that's what we decided to do.   Maybe it'll be the start of a new tradition.   On the flipside it'll be the second New Year's Eve that I don't spend hanging out with Eugene and another friend of his who visit Chicagoland every year.   Last year I couldn't attend because I had to work at Amazon though that got circumvented by my stone drama.   His friend actually moved to Chicago this year so it'll be interesting to see what they do this year.

It'll be the first Christmas that Dom and I get to spend together as well.   Usually I'm in Detroit and typically he visits his family before Christmas and is home alone for Christmas.  So it'll be good to spend time together.   We'll even be able to attend Christmas mass at our local church, a first there too.

Happy Holidays to you!

Was He The One?

Shanice - You Were The One 

VERSE 1:
I know things don't last forever
But I thought that you were true
I guess I've been mistaken
Cause our love is done and through
It hurts me
Cause I know I was true to you
And I'm sorry for whatever I've done to you

REFRAIN:
Oo-oo-oo baby
You were the one for me
Baby can't you see
You shouldn't have set me free
And oh why did you let me go
I thought our love could grow
You know I loved you so
You were the one

My friend Midas and I have had quite the ride since he's first came into my life in 2008.   He's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met and in all honesty was the best sex I've had.   I still remember fondly the first time we met on a random 4th of July weekend night.   I drove over to his apartment and I was pleasantly surprised how handsome he was in person.   Once inside his apartment I reached out to shake his hand but he pulled me towards him and we had the most passionate kiss.    When I say that I felt electricity spark, just typing these words and reliving the moment in my head, I'm feeling that spark.   Very appropriate feeling those inside fireworks on the 4th of July weekend.  LOL

At the time my ex-Rock and I were in the tail end of our relationship.   Midas was the first guy I met since being with Rock for almost two years.   I remember being so nervous too and Midas being a calming influence.   We talked for a bit and then he led me to his lair where we had our first sexual encounter.   

I quickly caught feelings for Midas which proved to be dangerous since he was not looking to commit to anyone.   Wanting to still be with him, I hid my true feelings and we continued to meet periodically to hook up.   Midas even had me doing some 3-ways with him.   He's the only guy I've ever done that with.   I remember after the first 3-way and the third left the apartment he sat down with me and asked how I felt about it.   I remember us talking about it for a few more minutes before eventually I left his apartment as well.  It felt good knowing that he wanted to hear my feelings.

In time though my feelings got deeper for Midas and he was not on the same page.   So after a few years of fun, I told him that I couldn't hook up with him anymore.   I confessed how I felt about him and he told me he wasn't looking to be in a relationship.   In fact I remember the date that we last hooked up.   That's how much I was into Midas.   It was New Year's Day 2011.

He tried for awhile to still connect with me but I kept my distance.   He eventually stopped asking me to hook up.   We reconnected again a few years ago and we've maintained a friendly banter.    He would always check up on me periodically to see how I was doing.   He always had an encouraging word to say especially when I went through the trails of unemployment and losing both my parents.   I've been there for him too with a kind word as he's currently dealing with unemployment and health issues (his heart).   We even met for lunch midway between our homes in 2021.   It was our first time seeing each other in person since 2016.   Just lunch, yes...LOL.

But in recent months we've added some sexual banter to our chats.  I confided in him last year that Dom and I aren't having sex anymore.   I admit our sex texts have got me thinking about meeting up with Midas for real.  It would be nice to have a regular reliable sex partner.   Of course I would have to tell Dom about him as well if it went there.    But I'm afraid to open that door again.   My biggest fear is what if the sex isn't as magical as it was back then.  Would we lose our friendship?   I would hate to not have him in my life anymore.

A part of me over the years wondered what would've happened if Midas was open to having more with me.   Would we still be together today?   I know the odds of that being the case is nil.   I definitely am happy though that Midas and I still keep in touch to this day.   Had we decided to pursue a relationship it's possible that we wouldn't still be in touch in the event the relationship went south.

Life is so crazy.   I do feel like Midas could've been the one.  I wish he could've seen it back then.   But like I said I'm grateful that we still keep in touch.   Hard to believe it's going on 14 years.   We'll see where things go next.

Doll Mania

Dom is getting on my nerves again with his doll obsession.    He's wanting to renege on the initial Thanksgiving plans he initially suggested and I agreed with.    In my last post I mentioned how the plan he discussed was him driving us visit his parents Wednesday morning and stay there until Thanksgiving.   Then we would drive back home and then early Friday morning I would drive to Detroit and stay until Saturday morning.

I thought it was a good idea and I told my sisters about our plans.   So now Dom is saying he doesn't feel like going anywhere and just wants to stay home.   I told him that I thought the plans were solid and actually fair as I thought I would have to do all the driving.   So now he's suggesting only visiting his family on Thanksgiving and then he wants me to drive to Detroit and back the same day.   Mind you Detroit is about 3 1/2 to 4 hours (depending on how fast you drive) each way.

I'm of course objecting to the idea.   I was planning to have us stay in a hotel overnight since I thought it would be easier for the both of us instead of staying with Trina.    So then he says it's a waste of money to stay at a hotel for one night.    He has the nerve talking about wasting money considering all the money he wastes on his hobby.

Then I find out the real reason he wants to stay home.   Apparently there are some dolls that are going on sale Saturday morning and he wants to be home so he can buy them.    He gets paid this Friday and he's already talking about spending all his money.   Then he has the gall to complain about me paying for a hotel.   I told him that I was paying for it anyway so I didn't understand his concern.   Then he said "I don't care".   Considering how he chooses to waste his money, it annoys me that he's harping on a hotel expense for one night.   It's beneficial for me mostly because I don't want to have to spend 8 hours on the road in 24 hours.   If I was in my 20's or 30's, I wouldn't have a problem.   But I just don't have the energy or desire to want to do that.

He then suggested he stay home so I can stay longer with sisters.   But I already told my sisters he was coming as well and he'll leave me with the bag of explaining why he's not there.   Of course he'll come off being the bad guy in my sisters' eyes but I'm not trying to go there.

His laptop currently has an issue where it can't fold up properly without breaking the laptop.   So he won't be able to bring his laptop to spend all his money on dolls.   I believe that's the underlying issue.  I swear some days I wonder if I could turn back the clock and not have met Dom.   But I know that's not possible and at the end of the day, I do love him and despite a few annoyances, I can't imagine my life without him.

I'm hoping we can come to some kind of agreement.   We have another day or so to discuss.  Fun times.

November Fun

 The holidays are quickly creeping up.   We had our first taste of winter a few days ago.   It wasn't enough snow thankfully to stick too much but it along with the cold reminded me of what's to come.   Dom had a scary moment going to work narrowly avoiding being hit by a spun out semi-truck.   People definitely don't know how to drive when the elements first hit.

Dom and I are planning to do a bit of traveling next week for the Thanksgiving Holiday.   The plan is for him to drive us to visit his family the Day before Thanksgiving and stay till Thanksgiving.   Then come back home and I drive us to Detroit to see my sisters.   I really want him to go to Detroit since he hasn't been since my Mom's funeral.   He couldn't make my Dad's funeral because he started week one of the new school year at the same time and needed to be there.

Dom's already reneging on doing any traveling next week.   It doesn't help that the weather may be crappy as well.   But I really think we need to visit.   His sister is on the tail end of receiving chemo for cancer and it would great if his parents got to see all three siblings together at the same time.   Also like I said he hasn't been to Detroit in a while and he needs to make an appearance.   I'm praying the weather cooperates next week though since even I am not keen on driving if the weather is messy.

I capped off a great week at work (even through some annoying customers and account executive managers - but that's every week...*LOL*).  I closed a record 19 cases this week.   I'm usually lucky to close 10 cases.   But the stars seemed to align this week.   I have another certification exam that I'm attempting to take tomorrow as well that I hope I can pass on.    This time it's for Business Analyst, which used to be my past life.   I'm hopeful that I can add yet another Salesforce certification to my coffer which will make 6 certifications.    (Yes I also managed to finally get the Sales Cloud Consultant  Certification after my 3rd try on October 4th).    I'm hoping the questions for the BA cert will be intuitive based on the ones I've studied on.

Eugene called me the other day as well which was nice.   We don't talk as much these days like we used to years back.   He wanted me to help him verify access to download a recommendation letter he wrote for a former student (a greek hottie) who he kinda messed around with.   Greek hottie was a college student (now assistant professor) to clarify and it didn't happen till after he was done taking Eugene's class.   So anyway Eugene has been tight lipped on pics of him.   But he gave me enough information that I was able to do a Google search on the sly and finally lay eyes on a photo of him.   And wooh...boyfriend is fine!  Of course I had to tell Eugene what I did and we both shared a nice laugh.   

This weekend will be busy at our Church as well.   I'm part of the Church board and as clerk I have to take minutes for our yearly congregational meeting and also present accomplishments for the year which includes donations of school supplies and Christmas presents for children of parents impacted by the HIV virus, participating in local Pride fests, as well as hosting game nights and karaoke.   It's a bit of work being on the board but thankfully it's been manageable.

That's been my life in a nutshell.  I'm keeping it moving forward.

Live To Tell

 I was not ready for the fall but I wasn't too blind to see the writing on the wall.   If you're seeing this post, it means that I made it through my 50th birthday skydive unscathed.   This time I ended up with a lady instructor.   I admit I was hoping I would see my original skydiver once more but it's likely he's not working there anymore.   I mean, it's been ten years since my last visit.

Hemingway the instructor was nice but most importantly she got me out of the skydive alive.   This time I opted not to take photos or a video since I did all that on my 40th.    I was on a plane with two other customers and their instructors as well as camera and video folks since they both paid for the extra services.   So unlike my first skydive, where I was the first to get out of the plane, this go around, I was the last to get out of the plane.  

I don't know if it's any better being last out of the plane than it was being first.   She tricked me in saying that once the initial divers did their dive, they would close the plane and go a little higher.   I instead found myself in the position once again of being pushed out of a moving plane.   I wasn't really ready but I had no choice but to proceed.   I guess she did say I could give a sign if I didn't want to do it and they would not do the jump but I wasn't going to go out like that.   

I was nervous as hell and screamed to high hell when I started plummeting from the sky but I did much better than my first dive.   When she tapped my shoulders, I did stretch out my hands to wave.    Then moments later when she tapped again, I did try to reach back for the parachute.   But I couldn't quite find it so she wound up opening it.    The freefall again was the scariest part but I was glad that all the harnesses were properly connected and I was still latched to the instructor.

The weather was perfect too.  It was cold but it was sunny and in the mid-50s.

Prior to my jump I even had an old friend call me for my birthday.   I don't remember if I spoke about him before in my blog but Mitch and I first met back in 2009 when I responded to an ad on Craigslist (when that used to be around) for a hookup.   I met him at his place and a one hour romp wound up being an all afternoon and late evening stay.   

Mitch and I wound up having a great rapport and he invited me to stay over for a BBQ lunch and later some dinner.   We fooled around again later on before I left for the evening.

We met a few more times over the next few years but I knew nothing more would come of it since he was married with two kids.   He was in an open relationship and his wife knew of me and she was the sweetest person too.   I even met his kids (a son and daughter) twice.

Sadly he fell into some trouble in 2014 when he was accused of soliciting a nude video from a teenager.   He didn't realize the boy was actually a teenager until it was too late.   And apparently the boy had other older men in his web but Mitch took the fall for all of them.    He wound up getting an 11 year prison sentence at a federal facility where he can't have any internet privileges and of course no freedom.   He's also now a registered sex offender so once he gets out of prison, he'll have to be cautious of where he lives.

So it was great to get his call on my birthday.   He timed it good too since I was waiting at the Skydive facility for my time to suit up.   He's missed out on a lot of events that have happened since he began his prison time in 2017.    He's missed five weddings and he couldn't be there when his wife died from cancer.   His daugther also has some health issues and both of his children he said has resentment against him for what happened.   I feel so bad for him.    He's over half way done with his sentence and is scheduled to be released in March 2028.

We've been writing each other letters over the last six years and his emotions are all over the place obviously.   I always feel bad when telling him about my issues because it can never compare to being locked up in prison.   I pray for him and also pray I never find myself in that situation.   He was 54 when he got convicted and sentenced and will be 65 when he gets out.   Crazy.

So life goes on.   It'll be almost three years since my Mom died.   I plan to light candles for both my parents around All Souls Day.   It's just amazing how our lives are just a small blip to the millions of years the world has existed.   That's why I remind myself to try to enjoy life while you can.   It really is too short.

50 Eve

 I got back from my trip to San Diego on Tuesday.   It was an enjoyable time even though I didn't make any profit at the casinos I visited.   Also unfortunately David and I did not meet.    He had a close family pet die the day before my trip and he basically said that he wasn't in the best frame of mind to meet.   You never know if people are telling the truth when they make last minute cancellations.   Life does happen of course even if it happens at funny times.    I know if I told Eugene about it, he'd say that David is lying.   I  know too that the window of opportunity to meet again is unlikely.    Also he will have to make the next move if that is to happen.   And if it's like all my past experiences with guys, that means that it won't happen.  

But besides the casinos I also checked out Old Town and attempted to visit Julian, CA which has a place called Julian Pie Company famous for their apple pies.    I drove to Julian mid-Saturday and there was such a large crowd in the town and there were no places to park so I wound up turning back around.   But thanks to the Internet, I was able to order a pie online that'll be delivered to my home just in time for my 50th birthday.   It's an almost $50 apple pie too with half of that going towards shipping.    Hope the pie is worth the hype.

I lucked out getting a four day rental at a decent price.   I was able to use a corporate discount which made quite the difference in price.   The best thing too is that I just had to pick up the car w/o having to deal with the rental agent.    It was smooth and seamless.   

I didn't miss the airport one bit.   On the plane trip going I was surrounded by a lounging person in front of me and some young idiots behind me that kept pulling on my seat and pushing against the lower part.   And I didn't get a row to myself either time.    I fucking hate people.  Economy Parking was not so much an economic choice, costing me $75 by the time I returned.   

But I'm so blessed that I was able to do the trip.

I'm also planning to do another Skydive on my actual birthday.   The last time I did one was on my 40th birthday.   How time flies.    I admit I'm feeling nervous about it but I'm hopeful that it'll be fine like the last one was.  Thanks to Covid, they now gave me the option to sign my life away online.   I'm still deciding if I want to jump out of a perfectly good plane or not.    If I don't I'll only be out $50.