The Fall Of The River

 I spent last weekend in Fall River, MA visiting my friend Eugene.   Eugene's gone through some life changes since I was last in the area.   He's become a tenured professor at his university sometime in 2021.   Also after living in a number of different apartments, he finally became a homeowner last year.   So I got to see his new place.   He's in a townhome and at one point he had a roommate.   His former roommate Demetri was a student of his whom he befriended once the semester ended.   At one point they even messed around with each other.   But now they've maintained a great friendship.   Demetri moved out earlier in the year and is living back home with his father while in a relationship with another beau.

Eugene filled me in on the latest guy that's tickled his fancy.   It's a guy that works at his local post office that he recently befriended.   Apparently he's been working there a number of years and they've been playing a game of cat and mouse for years.   Things came to a head when the postal guy and he chatted extensively in the main hallway.   I got to meet him while in town since Eugene wanted a chance to chat with him again.   Only thing his he had no reason to be there so he had me buy a book of stamps.   Luckily it just so happen that he was free so I got to briefly chat with him in person.   He kind of reminded me of actor Terrell Tifford.   I forgot to look to see if he had a wedding ring.   But hopefully Eugene figures something out there.

So Eugene finds himself almost in the same situation that I was in when I lived in my old townhome.  He's the only black person in the building.   He's already been a rebel as well.   The association requires each resident to give a copy of their key but he refuses to do so.   He's also had some interesting encounters with some of the neighbors.   I don't miss being in that situation.   Interestingly enough there's a large Portuguese population that lives in Fall River.   He also does not live too far from Providence, Rhode Island, which we went to check out the Eagle leather bar. 

I also got to meet Demetri and his partner Aiden at Legal Sea Foods in Boston.   I've been to Legal Sea Foods once before way back in 2004 when I was in Providence, RI for a co-worker/friend wedding.   So that was actually over 20 years ago.   How time flies.

Demetri was definitely a yummy guy and I laughed how when Eugene went to the bathroom how Demetri and I quickly agreed on Eugene's flaws.   It was the same ones when I talked to his other friend privately.    Anyone who knows him has to take it or leave it when it comes to Eugene.   Basically Eugene always thinks he's right about every situation and thinks he single-handedly turns things around in every situation.   He can be a bit of a know-it-all at times too.   But he does have mostly pure intentions.

Demetri's partner Aiden seems like a cool guy too.  Interestingly enough Aiden also has a Salesforce connection so he knew what I was talking about when I mentioned the product.

Surprisingly Eugene didn't push too many of my buttons this weekend.   Usually he does something that he knows will set me off.    But this trip wound up being a nice one.   We may see each other next week while in Detroit.   This New Year's Eve he'll be in CA instead so I won't get to hang with him in Chicago even though I hadn't in a couple years due to various life circumstances.

Funky, Funky CGMC

 Last Friday Dom and I took the train to downtown Chicago and continued our annual tradition of seeing the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus perform their Christmas show at Harris Theatre.   It was a much colder night than last year so I bundled up.   Dom decided to don a Santa cap and since he has a long white beard already, he was ready to play Santa.    Of course he got the attention of several different folks.   The most touching one was from a lady who approached him during intermission.   She mentioned that her father used to play Santa Claus and seeing Dom bought back memories.    They were enjoying a conversation before she requested taking a selfie with him.   Then there was a young lady with a group of ladies that engaged Dom while we were waiting for the train home.   She seemed a bit "white girl tipsy" but was otherwise nice.   Then there was a little boy on the train that of course noticed Dom and asked for gifts.  The scariest encounter was a random man who sat near Dom and I while we were killing time at the Metra waiting area before going to the theatre.   He seemed to be wanting to ask for money and kept throwing hypothetical questions at Dom which Dom cleverly answered.    He was creepy though but thankfully we were able to get away unscathed.

Dom does seem to have a knack of attracting perfect strangers to chat with him.   I've witnessed it countless times when we hang out together.   Part of it is some of the clothes he wears like his numerous "math" shirts and of course with his white beard, he's Santa all year long.   I find myself staying in the background while folks engage him and seemingly not notice me...LOL.   But it's all good.

In other news if all goes to plan, I will be traveling out to Boston in a few days to hang out with Eugene.   The original plan was to see the movie Joker: Folie a Deux.   But Dom was telling me that the movie hasn't done that well.   The report I've seen confirms that they barely made back their initial investment.    I originally was supposed to fly out to see it on November 6th but Eugene had a last minute conflict that forced me to reschedule.   So it may not be playing anywhere in Boston when I arrive.   But if not I'm sure it'll be streaming somewhere either on Hulu or Peacock.

It'll be good to hang out with Eugene even though I'm sure he'll do something to drive me bonkers.   That seems to be his lot in life.    That's why it's good we'll only see each other for a few days.   I do hope I get to meet his handsome roommate though.   We shall see.

Running On Fumes

 I made it back from Dreamforce safely in one piece.   It was a surreal experience being there and seeing the sea of folks in attendance.   I worked three different shifts during my time there.   They were long but I pushed through each of them.   For the most part they were fun, even though there was one shift if I had to do it over again I would not choose.   My fellow volunteers in that shift were extremely rude and made me feel unwelcome.   The only thing that got me through it were a couple of nice guys from other booths nearby that took pity on me and came to talk to me and made me more comfortable.   To top it off one of those volunteers wanted me to snap a group picture of them.   After I took the photo, a customer expressed how it was terrible that I made to be left out of the photo.   At first I was trying to diffuse him but the customer was right.   He saw what they did was wrong and wanted to speak up on it.   The final kicker was that two of the folks came up and proceeded to stand by me and talk to each other without even acknowledging I was there.   Luckily it was quitting time and I just rolled my eyes and walked away.  I was glad that nightmare was over.

My hotel was about an hour away from the Moscone Convention Center where Dreamforce was being held.   Day 1 I took the shuttle to the airport and then the BART from the airport to a stop near the convention.   Day 2 I actually had a good Samaritan take me there via his Uber free of charge.   Day 3 I got my own Lyft to go to the event.

It took me some time to figure out where my manager and my other teammates were at different points of the conference.   At the end of each conference day we commuted back to our local office.   On the first night there was an afterparty event not far from the convention center.   My co-workers and I danced the evening away.  I hadn't danced like that in years and I felt every bit of body ache the next two days.

The second night there was a concert at the Oracle Park stadium headlined by the artist Pink.   The crowd was insane though so it was hard to really enjoy it but it was nice to see her perform.   We left a little early to try and beat the crowd though a lot of folks opted to do the same.

The third night my manager's boss hosted a dinner at his family's home outside of Oakland, CA.   It was a nice estate that of course I had to look up on Zillow.    It's current net worth was around $3.7 million dollars.   Someone's living large.

Needless to say with all the late nights, I literally was getting about 3 hours of sleep.   By the third day I felt myself getting a cold.   By the time I got home Friday I had a sore throat and spent the weekend trying to recover from it.

In health news I was happy to see that my PSA and A1C numbers were pretty good.   I also visited the dentist in recent weeks and unfortunately they found a huge cavity in my lower right molar which required a crown.   It took a few visits but I had the crown placed earlier this week.   Unfortunately I have extreme sensitivity in that area when drinking something cold.   But I'm hoping it'll get better.  I have to go back to the dentist again mid-October to repair some old fillings in my lower right jaw that have worn out.   It's my first time since 2020 that I've been to the dentist so I was overdue.

Dom and I have plans to go to Reston, VA for a doll convention he wanted to go to late October.   Eugene also wanted me to visit him in October to watch the new Joker movie that's coming out.   I'll have to see if I'm able to or not.

Spraying It On Thick

 I was making my way to work via the Southshore train this past week.   I thankfully am able to get my own row to sit in for at least a few stops.   It then inevitably starts to fill up once the station reaches East Chicago.   As an aside the Southshore has a new project called the West Lake Corridor project that plans to extend the train line further Northwest.    It's rumored to have a completion date of May 2025.   I believe once this is completed there'll be less people at the East Chicago station as more of them will be waiting at the new extension.   The majority of folks that board on East Chicago are likely taking it from locations further west.

So Hemingway (been a while since I said that word...LOL) we're approaching East Chicago and a boatload of folks comes in.   One guy settles in my row.   He stands for a long bit before deciding to sit down.   Thankfully my row is a three seater so there's an extra seat at least that's dividing us.    As he sat down I couldn't help but notice he bought with him a heavy scent of aftershave.   Unfortunately he doused himself in way too much.   The smell permeated the area I sat at and I was feeling like I could sneeze at any moment.   What's worse is that the train continues to be very slow in making its way to downtown Chicago.   So I was stuck for at least another 40 minutes or so dealing with the odor.

I noticed occasional whiffs of funk as well which oddly enough I welcomed as a change of pace from the strong aftershave.   I realized that the gentlemen was likely using the aftershave to cover up his funk.   I guess it almost succeeded.   It's just as horrible when women douse themselves with tons of perfume.   As soon as he got up to exit the stop before mine, I was relieved.   I then made my way to the opposite side of the train to exit at the other end for my next stop and eventually....fresh polluted city air.   Ahhh!

It's so funny.  Actually when I was younger I didn't mind cologne or aftershave as much.   I even dabbed a bit of the stuff on myself.    The experience reminded me of a funny story my friend Eugene and I shared.  (Funny now, not so funny at the time.)   I believe the incident in question must've happened sometime in 2006 or 2007 early in our budding friendship.

Eugene and I hung out briefly when he was in town and I must've noticed the smell of the cologne he was wearing.   I told him that it actually smelled pretty good and I was curious what the name of it was.  Eugene mentioned that it wasn't cologne but rather an aftershave that he uses.   I asked him what it was called and he revealed it without hesitation.

So next thing I know I decide to purchase the said aftershave, which set me back almost $40.   The next time Eugene and I spoke, I told him that I found that same aftershave and purchased it.    I might as well have told him that I voted for Trump in the last election.   He was furious.    He went into a rant on how the scent was something that he had for himself and prided himself on keeping the name a secret.  He didn't want me copying him.   I told him that we lived in different states so it wouldn't matter since our respective friends and acquaintances wouldn't know.   But that didn't matter to him.   He was mad with himself for telling me.   

He eventually got over it.   But it was touch and go for a minute there.   I thought our new friendship wouldn't withstand the "betrayal" and come to an end.   It's funny how crazy things like my recent encounter triggered this old memory of mine.   I actually need to call Eugene and see if he remembers this moment or not.   It's been so many years so hopefully he'll get as much of a chuckle out of it as I did when it came to mind.

A Coughing Matter

 Another new year has officially made its way.   It's a reminder of how fast time is flying.   As far as major accomplishments go, I would say my biggest one was paying off my oldest credit card debt.   I am at the point thankfully that I'm able to pay off my credit card balance every month w/o carrying over debt that would quickly snowball into interest.   Workwise I obtained 3 new certifications and received recognition for my work from management.   I'm in the process of renewing my Comptia Sec+ certification that is set to expire 01/11/24.    Thankfully they give an option (for $200) to take a training module and successfully pass five assessments to renew it.   The alternative is to retake the exam for $329.   I am not utilizing my Sec+ knowledge since I'm not in a cybersecurity role but nonetheless I do feel like it's a good one to have on my skillsets.  I so far completed four modules and passed 100% after several dozen attempts (each assessment)...LOL.   I anticipate finishing the last module by this weekend, well before my current cert is set to expire.

Dom and I made it through another year of living together for better or worse.   We're currently experiencing the worse part of it.    As a school teacher he is unfortunately susceptible to catching "bugs" that his students and/or fellow teachers have.    One of his teachers was out of the office and in the hospital for the RSV that seems to be the latest virus plaguing the U.S.   He started feeling stuffy and coughing violently the week before their holiday.   He forced himself to go to work (because he was no more time off) which I think helped me initially not succumb to it.    In fact I left for Detroit while he was at work on his last day.

So I was fine while in Detroit.  I staved off a potential sore throat that was coming my way prior to going.   I came back home on the 26th and the next day I started getting sore throat symptoms again.   I tried gargling with salt water like I did the week prior but it didn't go away.    I woke up on the 28th with a severe sore throat.   I continued to gargle to no avail and drank hot tea with honey and lemon.  Dom in the meantime was still hacking and feeling stuffy.   I didn't feel any cold symptoms.   That changed the morning of the 30th.

I was disappointed because I was planning to hang with Eugene and his friend on NYE but knew I would not be in any condition if I was coughing and sneezing.   Things got worse on NYE and I knew that I would not be making it there, my third year in the row not attending.   2021 I had "stone drama" and in 2022 I was in Detroit.   I am glad we did get together over the summer for a day this year at least.   I was feeling feverish as well and barely ate.    Dom made some tasty beef barley soup that I did manage to eat a bowl and half of it.   I popped some Tylenol and before 9 I decided to head upstairs and spend the rest of the night in bed.   I opted to watch a Netflix movie called "The Noel Diary"   It honestly wasn't that great though I was pleasantly surprised to see cameos by Dexter's Dad actor James Remar and none other than Half & Half actress Essence Atkins who is my age.   The lead actor in the role was pleasing to the eye but the lead actress worked my nerves.    The ending was so stupid too.   But it did help me pass the time.   I went to bed just around midnight (I could tell because our resident idiot[s] was [were] out shooting firecrackers or a gun).   So that's how I rung in the New Year.

I'm not coughing as much today but it's still there.   And my mucus continues to feel very thick even though I'm trying to drink more water.   I'm actually trying different approaches.   I took a zinc pill and also some manuka honey and black seed oil.   I also resumed gargling and did a neti.   Dom and I went to the store on the 30th and I bought some knock off Lysol that was 80% cheaper that I've been spraying periodically hoping to kill the virus we keep spewing when either of us coughs.   I unfortunately go back to work tomorrow though I may opt for a sick day to give me one more day of recovery.   I have days that will go to waste so I may just do that.

Dom says he's almost at the tail end of his cold though he still has the cough.   I am praying this goes away.   It's not the way I wanted to end or start the year.   Not that I welcome this at any time.   Uggh.

Ending It All

 Another Christmas Holiday has come and gone.   I spent my holiday in Detroit and stayed with Trina and Donovan who are continuing to work through their issues.    Things seemed a bit better than my last visit.  Tasha came over on Christmas and Donovan bought his Mom over to spend time as well.   

While there Donovan bought up the question on whether you would still want to be living if you ended up terminally ill and not able to live a normal life.   Basically you are bed ridden and need to rely on other folks.   My sisters and I of course experienced it close hand with our parents needing to rely on us more and more.

Donovan proclaimed that he would rather be put out of his misery.   My sisters and I were of course on the fence.  Tasha and I didn't respond but rather contemplating the situation.   Trina said that if there was a chance for recovery she'd want to fight to live so that would include being bed ridden.    Donovan of course blurted that the three of us would probably want to remain bed ridden.

It's definitely a complex topic.   Our Catholic upbringing taught us that it's a sin to end your own life no matter the circumstances.   It is believed that life belongs to God and it's up to God when it's time for it to be over.   But it's a tough situation to be in where you're no longer able to do things for yourself and have to depend on other folks to take care of you.

I only need to look at Dom who used to enjoy walking and used to walk pretty quickly when navigating through the streets.    In the last year and a half I've witnessed him slowing down considerably.   He is able to walk though he occasionally needs his cane and has to take his time going up and down the stairs.  It makes him feel frustrated.   Thankfully though he can still function so he's not at the point of our discussion.

It does though give a taste of what else may come in the future.   Losing the ability to move around easily is depressing itself.   Imagine not being able to move or even use the bathroom on your own.   Imagine being in constant pain.  That has to be a horrible feeling.

I remember Mama feeling horrible during the initial parts of her hospice when she needed us to clean her porta potty.   To try and appease her I told her that she did it for my sisters and I when we were little so we were returning the favor.    She also resisted having a home care assistant come over but had to relent to that as well.   It is sad how we start out dependent on our parents to take care of us, then we become independent able to do things ourselves, only to have our lives end as we started.

I imagine I would feel the same way that Mama felt.   The question is just would I accept my fate and let nature take its course until I die or do I choose to end things sooner.   Whatever the answer is, it's a personal choice that all of us if we live long enough will have to make.   

It's a sad thought to end the year in.  It reminds me that I do need to appreciate the good and even the bad things that happen in life.   With each breath we have the chance to change the course of our lives hopefully for the better.   I do hope with the New Year soon coming that I continue to work on my personal goals of paying off our mortgage and becoming more financially independent.   I also hope that I continue to hang on to my job which has helped me in paying off my credit card debt and also making some investments that I pray will yield fruit.

I'll probably end the year hanging out with Eugene and his friend in downtown Chicago.   I wasn't able to do so the last couple years.   I will say that I would rather spend my New Year's Eve at home and not dealing with people.   I especially didn't feel up to it the year Mama died.    But in the end I'm glad Eugene convinced me to head out and it'll probably do me some good.   Actually his friend wound up moving to downtown Chicago so I need to make more of an effort to hang with him.    He and I bonded over discussing some of Eugene's less than stellar characteristics like his not wanting to admit being wrong about anything.   

The only thing stopping me is that I'm starting to get the same cold that Dom's been suffering with for a couple weeks.   I managed to fight it off before going to Detroit by gargling with salt water but since I've been back it's been coming full force.   I think the house is full of germs in the air.   I need to pick up a can of Lysol to spray around the house and try to kill some of these germs.   Fun times...LOL.

November Fun

 The holidays are quickly creeping up.   We had our first taste of winter a few days ago.   It wasn't enough snow thankfully to stick too much but it along with the cold reminded me of what's to come.   Dom had a scary moment going to work narrowly avoiding being hit by a spun out semi-truck.   People definitely don't know how to drive when the elements first hit.

Dom and I are planning to do a bit of traveling next week for the Thanksgiving Holiday.   The plan is for him to drive us to visit his family the Day before Thanksgiving and stay till Thanksgiving.   Then come back home and I drive us to Detroit to see my sisters.   I really want him to go to Detroit since he hasn't been since my Mom's funeral.   He couldn't make my Dad's funeral because he started week one of the new school year at the same time and needed to be there.

Dom's already reneging on doing any traveling next week.   It doesn't help that the weather may be crappy as well.   But I really think we need to visit.   His sister is on the tail end of receiving chemo for cancer and it would great if his parents got to see all three siblings together at the same time.   Also like I said he hasn't been to Detroit in a while and he needs to make an appearance.   I'm praying the weather cooperates next week though since even I am not keen on driving if the weather is messy.

I capped off a great week at work (even through some annoying customers and account executive managers - but that's every week...*LOL*).  I closed a record 19 cases this week.   I'm usually lucky to close 10 cases.   But the stars seemed to align this week.   I have another certification exam that I'm attempting to take tomorrow as well that I hope I can pass on.    This time it's for Business Analyst, which used to be my past life.   I'm hopeful that I can add yet another Salesforce certification to my coffer which will make 6 certifications.    (Yes I also managed to finally get the Sales Cloud Consultant  Certification after my 3rd try on October 4th).    I'm hoping the questions for the BA cert will be intuitive based on the ones I've studied on.

Eugene called me the other day as well which was nice.   We don't talk as much these days like we used to years back.   He wanted me to help him verify access to download a recommendation letter he wrote for a former student (a greek hottie) who he kinda messed around with.   Greek hottie was a college student (now assistant professor) to clarify and it didn't happen till after he was done taking Eugene's class.   So anyway Eugene has been tight lipped on pics of him.   But he gave me enough information that I was able to do a Google search on the sly and finally lay eyes on a photo of him.   And wooh...boyfriend is fine!  Of course I had to tell Eugene what I did and we both shared a nice laugh.   

This weekend will be busy at our Church as well.   I'm part of the Church board and as clerk I have to take minutes for our yearly congregational meeting and also present accomplishments for the year which includes donations of school supplies and Christmas presents for children of parents impacted by the HIV virus, participating in local Pride fests, as well as hosting game nights and karaoke.   It's a bit of work being on the board but thankfully it's been manageable.

That's been my life in a nutshell.  I'm keeping it moving forward.

When Will It Be Me?

 There have been quite a few of my former classmates who have successfully landed jobs in the Salesforce ecosystem.   It's been great seeing all this and it gives me hope that maybe I too can finally get a corporate job again.    But part of it has been frustrating.   I hate the interviewing process and it seems I have yet to find that right person who wants to give me a chance.

I had a decent Zoom interview with some folks at a local university.   Actually it sounded like a great opportunity to learn some new things and quickly make an impact.     And best of all I wouldn't have to drive on the days I go in the office.   I would be able to hop on the Southshore line and only walk a few feet to the office building.   So no driving...yay!    The other good thing is that all the team seems to be long-termers (meaning they've worked there for at least ten years or more).   For me that's a win since theoretically I have about 10 - 15 working years left in me before retirement and it would be nice to find a stable place to get through those years.    I'm waiting to see if I'll get extended an offer or get another rejection.   The whole process is frustrating.

However I believe I may have a tentative offer for a 12 week internship.   It won't happen until mid-February though so I'm still trying to find other options.    But if nothing pans out, it'll be good to have this to fall back on.   The caveat is I have no idea what company the internship would be with.    But if it goes well, they get the option to hire me full-time.

I have another potential interview next week before Christmas as well.   So I'm still searching for that next gig.   I hope one day it'll be my turn to say I found a job in the Salesforce ecosystem and I can say bye, bye, bye to the Amazon Warehouse.

In other news it's holiday time and I have a full driving schedule.    On Saturday Dom and I head outside of Indianapolis to see Ross's Christmas show.   Dom's starting to ask more questions about Ross which is fine.   I haven't gone as far as saying we had an interest in each other but I feel like Dom can read between the lines.   He's asked two or three separate times in the last week how we've met which I've explained several times.   I had to check myself not to snap at him when he asked the third time.  *LOL*.    We've had some crazy winds in our area and Amazon hit the news when a small warehouse in Edwardsville, IL had their roof get torn off and six employees lost their lives.    Thankfully the weather should be decent for our road trip.

Then I have to gear myself for traveling to Detroit before Christmas.    Eugene's actually traveling to Detroit tomorrow and for some reason he thought I was going at same time.   Hopefully we'll get to hang out but I'm not sure if it'll happen.    Also I don't know if he and his friend plan to hang out in Chicago for New Year's Eve.   I've hung out with them in the past but this year New Year's Day falls on my workday and I'm not sure if I get that off or not.     But if I do have to work, it's holiday pay....yay!

So my car will be put to the test once more.   Here's hoping everything goes well.   Stay tuned!

P.S. Jamie never did reach out to me as far as hanging out.   I have a whole different rant on that but I'll spare the details...for now.

All The E's Menses

 Eugene and I used to talk a lot about the various men that were or attempted to enter our lives.    He termed them as "menses".   We definitely had our share of craziness over the years.   We used to talk a lot more frequently but not so much since I've been with Dom.   Plus with everything going on with me jobwise I haven't really felt like talking much since every other conversation related to my situation.  I do miss our daily calls.    We have been hanging out once a year at least during New Year's Eve with another long-term friend of his who happens to be straight.   We'll see if we hang out again this New Year's Eve.

So in terms of men, Dom of course is my main man.    But since I still have that itch to scratch, I've tried to find other men for that area.   To absolutely nobody's shock I have not found that one guy that works out perfectly.

There's Tony, a mid-50's married guy about 5'11, 275 lbs. that I met for the first time one snowy Saturday evening in February 2018 when Dom was in Palm Springs.    Tony's wife, a registered nurse, was working that evening so he invited me over.   He lives out in Valpo in a nice mid-price subdivision.  There was a bit of snow on the ground and Tony was paranoid that his wife would find out so he made sure to tell me to not make too many tracks in the driveway and walk on the far edge.

So when Tony and I kissed it was very passionate.   We tongued each other down in the main hallway as our hands rubbed all over each other's bodies.    His little chihuahua was yapping in the nearby kitchen and Tony directed me to head upstairs to his bedroom where we made out some more and we sucked each other's dick.   We also tossed each other's salads before he eventually sucked me off and I jacked him off.   I'm not much of a swallower.

It was a very hot session but it would be almost two years later before we would meet again.   Prior to that he had deleted his A4A account and later recreated it again which was how we chatted.   He mentioned that one of his hookups told his wife about their encounter which of course got her upset and he deleted his account.    We met sporadically a couple more times in 2019 and maybe once or twice in COVID 2020.    But it's since petered out.    At least it was fun while it lasted.

I met Mallard one summer day in 2017 in the back lot of a restaurant.    Mallard and I initially met on Manhunt but his preferred mode of chatting was on Skype.   He best describes himself as an old, crabby, fat man.    When I met him there was a definite attraction.   I didn't find him to be as fat as he made himself out to be.   Yes he had a belly but he also seemed pretty athletic.

 Our encounter consisted of walking down a deserted street and basically stealing touches.   He'd discreetly put his hand underneath my shirt to rub my stomach.  I'd put my hand and rub his stomach and back.   We'd cop quick feels of our growing manhoods here and there.    Our walk eventually led us to a forest preserve.   When I thought it was relatively private, I tried to steal a quick kiss but Mallard wasn't feeling it.    We eventually walked back to our cars where Mallard gave me a present of several pairs of Fruit of the Loom underwear.    Oddly enough he's not the first man to give me underwear.   That distinction would go to my friend/past hookup Midas who gave me designer underwear and a speedo.

So that would be the only time we met.  Oddly enough we chat periodically on Skype where I keep falling into the cat and mouse game of trying to get him to meet up again.    But he keeps playing the "I'm old, cranky, and fat" card.    Apparently he admitted to have a lot of self esteem issues (he said that guys keep insulting him and calling him fat when he posts shirtless photos on his A4A account) and not having a lot of experiences with guys.   He's too afraid to invite anyone over as well.  I admit the game is getting old and I find myself wondering why I continue to waste my time chatting.    Was it really him I met that one time?   It was so long ago I really can't remember.   *LOL*.

Then there's Subby.   I don't remember when we met but it had to be sometime in the summer of 2018.   I didn't think we were much of a match since he's into being humiliated and tortured by a dominant guy.   Also he did not like kissing and mostly bottomed.    Nonetheless we did meet and he pretty much sucked me.   I noticed that it took me a lot longer to get hard.    Eventually he convinced me to fuck him.    He wanted me to do it without a condom but I insisted on putting on one.    And it was a good thing I did since he had a little bit of shit come out.    Needless to say that turned me off.    I quickly pulled out and threw the condom out.    He then went back to sucking me and I eventually came and thankfully he left.   I had to spray the living room afterwards since his odor still lingered.

Subby kept contacting me periodically afterwards to see if we could meet again.  I told him that I didn't think we were a match.    He reiterated how much he enjoyed himself but I told him no.    A little over two years later though I decided to give him another shot.   I was in the middle of a long man drought and was desperate when he reached out yet again.    We agreed that he would only suck me off.     So he came over one late evening after Dom went to bed.   It took me a long time to get hard.    It was a little over an hour before I finally came and then he threw up on my carpet narrowly missing my feet and socks.    Needless to say that was disgusting and it reminded me why I didn't want to see him again in the first place.   

He still tries to reach out to me.   But I know there won't be a third time no matter how desperate I am.

Maxwell was a younger black gentleman that caught my eye on A4A.   He was 29 (gulp 20 years younger than me) and a successful restaurant manager that was relocating to Northwest Indiana from Chicago.   He seemed quite mature for his age (then again I was mature in my 20's as well).   He said he was looking for someone to settle down with.   I told him about Dom and let him know that Dom was my ride or die.

We first met sometime in the summer of 2020 late evening.  I had just started taking my cybersecurity bootcamp classes.   We talked for a bit (he also had to take a call from an assistant at the restaurant) and then we started making out before eventually jacking off.

We met a couple more times and even went out to grab brunch at a local diner.   We learned a lot about each other.    It was cool learning that he also enjoyed dabbling in the stock market.    We even exchanged some stock tips.   (As an aside if anyone is still reading my blog, I implore you to check out BB.   Blackberry used to be a big player on cell phones but has since switched gears and has become a major cybersecurity firm.   They have a stake in providing security to autonomous vehicles via their proprietary software QNX.    I am convinced that they are going to be trading over $100 by 2023.)   

But back to Maxwell.   He's a pretty cool guy though I was realizing I liked him more as a friend than anything else.    His job was stressing him out big time.   He told me how he started out working as a waiter and over the next seven years worked his way to becoming a manager.    He was on the fast track to becoming overall manager of several restaurant chains.   But to save his sanity he decided to cut ties with his employer earlier this year.    We sporadically keep in touch and I hope we can develop more of a friendship.   Lord knows I don't have a lot of gay friends.

There's Doug.   He's a bald mid 40s salesman in decent shape living near the Illinois/Indiana border in Lansing.    We chatted on the infamous A4A site.    We talked about our wants and needs.   I remember telling him about loving to kiss but how COVID was putting a damper on that.   We reassured each other that everything would be fine.    He had a "roommate" that was living with him so would have to meet at my place.

We decided to meet during the day at an unusual location.     He suggested meeting up in my garage.   It would be the first time since Rock (so that's going way back) that I made love in a garage.    And it would be a first in my garage.     So he drove up to my driveway.   Of course my neighbor from across the street happened to be outside his garage.    The neighbor was busy doing his own thing though.  Doug came into the garage and I closed the main door.    

Things got hot and steamy as Doug and I made out.   He was a very good kisser and we really were getting at it.    I opened my car's rear door and we made our way inside while still making out.   He eventually went for my dick and sucked me off.    Then to my surprise I returned the favor.   I admit that I am not a fan of swallowing but for some reason it felt right.   Thankfully he wasn't a big cummer so I didn't feel nauseous.    

We had a great time and met at least a half dozen more times (mostly in my basement).   We pretty much do the same thing which is fine.    But he claims to be so busy all the time so we haven't met in a while.    Such is the life for E.    *LOL*.

I've chatted with a few other guys here and there.   One is a blast from my past that never really took off.  Jamie's a short (about 5'6) stocky daddy bear that I went out with twice in the early 2010's.   He even picked me up to get my new used car (that I still drive today) in March 2014.     We lost touch after that and recently reconnected after I saw his profile on bear411.    I was interested in him but he didn't think I was.    We text here and there but haven't met up yet.    He was talking about possibly meeting up for dinner at a Middle Eastern spot the weekend after Thanksgiving.    We'll see if that happens.

Another guy that I recently chatted with was one I met on yet another social networking site called biggercity.     Ross complimented me on a photo I had where I had a yogurt moustache with a smile.   He had a great torso shot that caught my eye as well.    We've been emailing back and forth and wants to meet me.    Of course he lives outside of Indianapolis which is about two and a half hours from me.

I found out that Ross is a lifetime entertainer having owned several theatres and restaurants.  His heart belongs to New York and he sees himself moving back in the next year or so.   He had bit roles in the mid-80s in a couple of movies that starred big hitters of the time like Cheryl Ladd (of Charlie's Angels fame), Jane Seymour, and Christopher Plummer.    He owned those businesses with his long term partner (both business and personal) Ray.

He invited Dom and I (I still have to tell Dom about it) to a Christmas show he's starring in as Elvis in mid-December.    He's offered up his place to stay at which we would have our own guest room with private bath.   Of course if we meet I would be taking all the risk in seeing him.  If for whatever reason there isn't a connection, it would be a wasted trip aside from the show.    We're not planning on hooking up during that time though.

So those are the main guys that I've interacted with over the last six years.   Of course I met a few one offs and major assholes as usual.    There's this other guy Harry I recently met that is nice but I'm not 100% attracted to him.    He's not the greatest kisser either.   But he is a top which is so rare for me to find so for now I'll keep him.    But ideally I would like to find one or two guys I can meet regularly to scratch that itch while I still have it.    I know my sexual years will decline eventually so have to enjoy it while I can.

Kiss And Tell

Brownstone - Kiss And Tell

Oh oh, tell me


Tell me if you kiss and tell
If you will that just won't do
I got something for you but
It stays between me and you

First off I know my entry is overdue but what a nice surprise to have Karsh and BuddahDesmond make comments on my last entry.    It felt like reuniting with the old blog gang from years back.   It was great seeing you guys virtually and definitely am glad you found my new home.   I need to visit your blog homes as well.

So now to the meat of today's blog.

The few lyrics I listed in the opening pretty much sums up the family drama that went down last weekend.    To tell the complete story I need to go back to a few days before.   I don't believe I mentioned it before but one of my many, many overseas cousins (daughter of my Mom's younger sister....my aunt) came to Detroit for the second time last Tuesday to visit my family.    Crissy previously visited Detroit in the summer of 2010.   She just turned 19 and it was her first trip to the U.S.    She's in school outside of Paris, France studying an undecided major.

So Crissy's previous visit overall made a positive impact on the family and my parents and younger sister Trina especially became smitten with her.   Trina's appeal was that it was nice to interact with a cousin, something that my sisters and I never fully experienced being that we were growing up in the U.S. while the rest of the myriads of cousins were living overseas.    My parents appeal was that they liked her like another child.   They were keeping in touch on and off (mostly via Skype).

So Crissy decided to pay a surprise visit to Detroit (Trina was in on it).   Trina picked Krissy up from the airport and the arrangement was that Krissy would stay with Trina but during the day stay with my parents.

So Monday morning I get a 6am call from my Mom.    She was upset because Trina's husband Donovan (I guess I should give him a name now that he's officially family...*LOL*) came over Saturday night alone basically confronting my parents on their treatment of Trina.   Basically he felt like they were taking advantage of Trina and not utilizing Tasha and myself enough.   He also unloaded some hurt feelings on how the parents prefer Tasha's boyfriend Abe (Tasha unofficially mentioned to my Dad that Abe and her will be getting married next year) over him and said some mean things about Abe in the process.    He also mentioned how they didn't even offer to help in regards to their first child getting married.

I was stunned hearing all this and was no longer sleepy.   I tried to ask my Mom more questions but she kept trying to get off the phone since she said she was tired and needed to take her medication.   She hung up and left me confused.

In my mind I was wondering why Donovan would go over by himself (since previously when he's visited, it's always been with Trina).   I was worried if Donovan was going rouge but at the same time was wondering what could've triggered him.    I assumed Trina may have been expressing some displeasure over some of the situations with my parents.

I felt somewhat bad because I did see that my Mom tried calling me Saturday night.   But I was hanging out with Sally consoling her about some new issues that crept up so I didn't answer and I forgot to call back Sunday.

So I was originally supposed to go into the office for a team meeting but I could barely concentrate at work and had to tell my manager I needed to work from home to deal with some family matters.

Later that morning I get a text from Tasha telling me that she needed to talk to me.   I was thinking she may shed some light on what happened Saturday.   She then asked me if I still had my email address, which I did of course, and then she forwarded me an email she had sent to my Dad regarding the house situation.   Basically on that end my Dad called me a couple weeks ago, upset about the email and thinking that we all were in on it.    He basically said that he didn't want to move, he felt safe in his house, and that he doesn't have the money to do so.   He wanted me to tell Tasha the same.  I didn't comment (which is something that I need to not do) but I knew that if he needed to tell her something, he should do it.

When she sent me the email, I saw that she also forwarded it to Donovan (but not Trina).   So then my mind was racing (with help from my counsel Eugene...*LOL*) wondering if Donovan was overstepping in the sense that he went there to bring up my parent's moving out, which is more something my sisters and I should be doing.   Eugene was saying maybe my sisters turned to him since I wasn't doing anything about it.

I was getting upset though thinking that they were having these conversations with Donovan but not including me.   I really needed to talk to Tasha and Trina to get to the bottom of the mystery since all I could go on was my parent's version and Tasha's email.

During lunch I called home and got my Dad on the phone.   I pretty much got the same information from him as my Mom.   Basically Donovan spoke to my Dad privately and then things got heated when my Mom came in the room.    He added that when Donovan mentioned his feelings on the wedding, he told him in turn that they're not made of money.    I asked him if he felt threatened by Donovan and he said no.    But I still didn't know what triggered Donovan's visit.

So I called Tasha that evening and basically she provided the reason for Donovan's visit.   In a nutshell my Mom confided in my cousin Crissy that she wished that she could have participated in Trina's wedding and that I was her favorite child.

 Some context into the Trina wedding.   Basically Trina was looking into options as far as halls but the costs were above their budget.   She did speak to my parents before regarding the wedding but my parents were quiet about it.    Trina thinks they were quiet because they thought she was asking for money but she maintains that wasn't the case.   In the end to save costs, they wed at a bed and breakfast on May 20 with just the two of them.

As for me being her favorite child, that's been a running theme in my family for years now, and pretty much Trina and Tasha already knew that.   It's not right but it is what it is.

So Tasha mentioned that Crissy decided to tell Trina about what my Mom said.   Trina got upset and talked about it with Donovan and as a result Donovan came over and had the exchange with my parents.

So she added that on Sunday night Trina and herself went over to the house to discuss about what happened Saturday.   They attempted to clear the air about the wedding, the family dynamics, and the moving.   When they confronted my Mom about calling me her favorite, she denied it.    My Dad then went into it about the email and stated that he didn't want to move.   It was a surreal evening no doubt.

I spoke to Trina on Tuesday evening and she added some final context that bought everything together. She said after my Mom denied calling me her favorite, my Dad told her that he's "her favorite girl".    He did this right in front of Tasha.    I couldn't even believe the insensitivity of that.   Tasha didn't mention that part to me but I can imagine even though sadly our parents made it clear before on our rankings to hear it said in front of her definitely was a sting.   At least when they called me their favorite they did so privately.  Trina was upset by it as well and then went to town telling my Dad if she was his favorite girl, how come he didn't do anything for the wedding, to which again my Dad mentioned the 'not made of money' comment.   Trina stated it was the weirdest moment talking with my parents.   It went from intense to silly back to intense again.

  Trina also stated to them that she didn't tell Donovan to go over to the house but that she wasn't sorry that he did.    He was only reiterating her feelings on the issues that had been brewing.   She did say he felt bad for talking smack about Abe but in the heat of the moment, he said some things he shouldn't have.   They're hoping to make amends with Abe and Tasha by inviting them over for dinner.   They also want to apologize to my folks for the escalation of issues though my Dad said he didn't want an apology.    Will have to see how that goes.

With that said I will actually be visiting Detroit tomorrow until Sunday.   I definitely want to speak my two cents on the issue and actually I need to put my foot down whenever my parents, especially my Mom talks bad about my sisters.   Basically in the past I bit my tongue and in turn I never shared with my sisters the things that were being said since some of them were hurtful.   But from now on whenever my Mom says anything about them, I will tell her 'have you talked to them about it' and when she says 'no', I'll say maybe you should tell them about it instead of me.

I have a feeling saying this will push my Mom to question my new attitude and in that case I'll have to unload my baggage that I've kept inside for years to both my parents.    Basically I feel like when they talk bad about my sisters, that they're trying to divide my sisters and I and get us fighting among ourselves.   Luckily we've have pretty positive relationships and have been able to get past it.   But the scars of those words remain there and even though Trina said she was fine, hearing the comments from my "kiss and tell" cousin Crissy proved that hurt feelings still remain.    I was kinda pissed about Crissy yapping about what my Mom said but realized that my Mom was the one that gave her the ammunition and unlike myself, she didn't have the filter to keep it to herself.    And while it resulted in the confrontations, maybe in the long run some good will come out of it.

I will definitely also have to keep working with my parents on getting them out of the hood.   I told my sisters we have to attack them with finances since that seems to be my Dad's biggest concern.   Basically weigh out the expenses of staying versus moving.   Somehow we have to work towards their other issues to moving too...like their antisocial tendencies...in a lot of ways they like being in their isolated house (even with everything around them falling into chaos).   Even trying to get them to go out to dinner is a challenge.  So many issues...too much to delve in one entry.

I'm going to have an interesting visit tomorrow and this weekend.   And thankfully Eugene's theories from earlier were unfounded.

Virtual Comfort

Eugene was telling me about a guy that he has been emailing back and forth with from one of his social networking sites.   They seemed to be getting along well.   So they exchanged numbers.    Then they began texting.    After a few days of texting back and forth, Eugene sent a message saying that they should actually talk on the phone sometime.    He didn't get a text response to that suggestion.

The next day Eugene decides to call anyway.   The guy doesn't answer.

I admit there is a comfort level in using technology as a buffer in communication.   I'm guilty of doing that as well, especially if I'm not sure I want to take things further with a particular guy.    Also there is the fear that an actual conversation may not last as long talking as it does texting.     And then the other guy would lose interest completely.

Eugene raised the possibility that maybe the guy didn't want to talk on the phone because he wasn't truthful about some aspect of his life.    Maybe he's seeing someone and can't talk.    Maybe he's a she.   *LOL*

Ryan and I are at a similar virtual impasse.   We've been texting for close to a week though I've noticed he's been slowing down his responses to my texts.   I suppose there's only so much texting one can do.  I realize too that realistically since we're not at the commitment level, I can't expect us to keep texting at the rate we were texting.    We both had our separate lives before the text fest began and of course we still do.

With that said I'm ready to take our "budding acquaintanceship" (I guess that's a word...*LOL*) to the voice level.    I'm not sure if he is ready for that but someone has to make the move.    It might as well be me.   I am nervous though due to the reasons previously mentioned.    But hopefully my fears will be unfounded and we will have a decent phone conversation, assuming he answers.   Ahhh that's the rub.   At least I hope he has voicemail set up so I can hear what he sounds like.

As for Eugene he sent a text to his perspective guy the next day and of course he texted back later.   I guess some folks are more comfortable living in the virtual world.