Kiss And Tell

Brownstone - Kiss And Tell

Oh oh, tell me


Tell me if you kiss and tell
If you will that just won't do
I got something for you but
It stays between me and you

First off I know my entry is overdue but what a nice surprise to have Karsh and BuddahDesmond make comments on my last entry.    It felt like reuniting with the old blog gang from years back.   It was great seeing you guys virtually and definitely am glad you found my new home.   I need to visit your blog homes as well.

So now to the meat of today's blog.

The few lyrics I listed in the opening pretty much sums up the family drama that went down last weekend.    To tell the complete story I need to go back to a few days before.   I don't believe I mentioned it before but one of my many, many overseas cousins (daughter of my Mom's younger sister....my aunt) came to Detroit for the second time last Tuesday to visit my family.    Crissy previously visited Detroit in the summer of 2010.   She just turned 19 and it was her first trip to the U.S.    She's in school outside of Paris, France studying an undecided major.

So Crissy's previous visit overall made a positive impact on the family and my parents and younger sister Trina especially became smitten with her.   Trina's appeal was that it was nice to interact with a cousin, something that my sisters and I never fully experienced being that we were growing up in the U.S. while the rest of the myriads of cousins were living overseas.    My parents appeal was that they liked her like another child.   They were keeping in touch on and off (mostly via Skype).

So Crissy decided to pay a surprise visit to Detroit (Trina was in on it).   Trina picked Krissy up from the airport and the arrangement was that Krissy would stay with Trina but during the day stay with my parents.

So Monday morning I get a 6am call from my Mom.    She was upset because Trina's husband Donovan (I guess I should give him a name now that he's officially family...*LOL*) came over Saturday night alone basically confronting my parents on their treatment of Trina.   Basically he felt like they were taking advantage of Trina and not utilizing Tasha and myself enough.   He also unloaded some hurt feelings on how the parents prefer Tasha's boyfriend Abe (Tasha unofficially mentioned to my Dad that Abe and her will be getting married next year) over him and said some mean things about Abe in the process.    He also mentioned how they didn't even offer to help in regards to their first child getting married.

I was stunned hearing all this and was no longer sleepy.   I tried to ask my Mom more questions but she kept trying to get off the phone since she said she was tired and needed to take her medication.   She hung up and left me confused.

In my mind I was wondering why Donovan would go over by himself (since previously when he's visited, it's always been with Trina).   I was worried if Donovan was going rouge but at the same time was wondering what could've triggered him.    I assumed Trina may have been expressing some displeasure over some of the situations with my parents.

I felt somewhat bad because I did see that my Mom tried calling me Saturday night.   But I was hanging out with Sally consoling her about some new issues that crept up so I didn't answer and I forgot to call back Sunday.

So I was originally supposed to go into the office for a team meeting but I could barely concentrate at work and had to tell my manager I needed to work from home to deal with some family matters.

Later that morning I get a text from Tasha telling me that she needed to talk to me.   I was thinking she may shed some light on what happened Saturday.   She then asked me if I still had my email address, which I did of course, and then she forwarded me an email she had sent to my Dad regarding the house situation.   Basically on that end my Dad called me a couple weeks ago, upset about the email and thinking that we all were in on it.    He basically said that he didn't want to move, he felt safe in his house, and that he doesn't have the money to do so.   He wanted me to tell Tasha the same.  I didn't comment (which is something that I need to not do) but I knew that if he needed to tell her something, he should do it.

When she sent me the email, I saw that she also forwarded it to Donovan (but not Trina).   So then my mind was racing (with help from my counsel Eugene...*LOL*) wondering if Donovan was overstepping in the sense that he went there to bring up my parent's moving out, which is more something my sisters and I should be doing.   Eugene was saying maybe my sisters turned to him since I wasn't doing anything about it.

I was getting upset though thinking that they were having these conversations with Donovan but not including me.   I really needed to talk to Tasha and Trina to get to the bottom of the mystery since all I could go on was my parent's version and Tasha's email.

During lunch I called home and got my Dad on the phone.   I pretty much got the same information from him as my Mom.   Basically Donovan spoke to my Dad privately and then things got heated when my Mom came in the room.    He added that when Donovan mentioned his feelings on the wedding, he told him in turn that they're not made of money.    I asked him if he felt threatened by Donovan and he said no.    But I still didn't know what triggered Donovan's visit.

So I called Tasha that evening and basically she provided the reason for Donovan's visit.   In a nutshell my Mom confided in my cousin Crissy that she wished that she could have participated in Trina's wedding and that I was her favorite child.

 Some context into the Trina wedding.   Basically Trina was looking into options as far as halls but the costs were above their budget.   She did speak to my parents before regarding the wedding but my parents were quiet about it.    Trina thinks they were quiet because they thought she was asking for money but she maintains that wasn't the case.   In the end to save costs, they wed at a bed and breakfast on May 20 with just the two of them.

As for me being her favorite child, that's been a running theme in my family for years now, and pretty much Trina and Tasha already knew that.   It's not right but it is what it is.

So Tasha mentioned that Crissy decided to tell Trina about what my Mom said.   Trina got upset and talked about it with Donovan and as a result Donovan came over and had the exchange with my parents.

So she added that on Sunday night Trina and herself went over to the house to discuss about what happened Saturday.   They attempted to clear the air about the wedding, the family dynamics, and the moving.   When they confronted my Mom about calling me her favorite, she denied it.    My Dad then went into it about the email and stated that he didn't want to move.   It was a surreal evening no doubt.

I spoke to Trina on Tuesday evening and she added some final context that bought everything together. She said after my Mom denied calling me her favorite, my Dad told her that he's "her favorite girl".    He did this right in front of Tasha.    I couldn't even believe the insensitivity of that.   Tasha didn't mention that part to me but I can imagine even though sadly our parents made it clear before on our rankings to hear it said in front of her definitely was a sting.   At least when they called me their favorite they did so privately.  Trina was upset by it as well and then went to town telling my Dad if she was his favorite girl, how come he didn't do anything for the wedding, to which again my Dad mentioned the 'not made of money' comment.   Trina stated it was the weirdest moment talking with my parents.   It went from intense to silly back to intense again.

  Trina also stated to them that she didn't tell Donovan to go over to the house but that she wasn't sorry that he did.    He was only reiterating her feelings on the issues that had been brewing.   She did say he felt bad for talking smack about Abe but in the heat of the moment, he said some things he shouldn't have.   They're hoping to make amends with Abe and Tasha by inviting them over for dinner.   They also want to apologize to my folks for the escalation of issues though my Dad said he didn't want an apology.    Will have to see how that goes.

With that said I will actually be visiting Detroit tomorrow until Sunday.   I definitely want to speak my two cents on the issue and actually I need to put my foot down whenever my parents, especially my Mom talks bad about my sisters.   Basically in the past I bit my tongue and in turn I never shared with my sisters the things that were being said since some of them were hurtful.   But from now on whenever my Mom says anything about them, I will tell her 'have you talked to them about it' and when she says 'no', I'll say maybe you should tell them about it instead of me.

I have a feeling saying this will push my Mom to question my new attitude and in that case I'll have to unload my baggage that I've kept inside for years to both my parents.    Basically I feel like when they talk bad about my sisters, that they're trying to divide my sisters and I and get us fighting among ourselves.   Luckily we've have pretty positive relationships and have been able to get past it.   But the scars of those words remain there and even though Trina said she was fine, hearing the comments from my "kiss and tell" cousin Crissy proved that hurt feelings still remain.    I was kinda pissed about Crissy yapping about what my Mom said but realized that my Mom was the one that gave her the ammunition and unlike myself, she didn't have the filter to keep it to herself.    And while it resulted in the confrontations, maybe in the long run some good will come out of it.

I will definitely also have to keep working with my parents on getting them out of the hood.   I told my sisters we have to attack them with finances since that seems to be my Dad's biggest concern.   Basically weigh out the expenses of staying versus moving.   Somehow we have to work towards their other issues to moving too...like their antisocial tendencies...in a lot of ways they like being in their isolated house (even with everything around them falling into chaos).   Even trying to get them to go out to dinner is a challenge.  So many issues...too much to delve in one entry.

I'm going to have an interesting visit tomorrow and this weekend.   And thankfully Eugene's theories from earlier were unfounded.

Someday He'll Come

It's been a very frustrating time for me in the love life department since I broke up with Rock years back.   I admit there are times when I wonder if I should've stuck it out a little longer there.    But when I think back on the things I went through with Rock, both good and bad, I'm pretty sure I made the right decision to end it.  

But it's been so crazy trying to find suitable guys for dating that meet my criteria and at the same time have an interest in me.    Even trying to do the friends with benefits thing has left me unfulfilled.     The bad thing about the FWB thing is that sometimes you catch feelings for the other person.    But when they're not at that same level and will likely never get there, it leads to disappointment.

Lately I've been running into guys that sound good on paper but when you try to connect with them, the evasion games begin.   Granted about three or four of them lived in other states.   I don't know what it is about me and long distance attempts.   I can never seem to find a guy near me and since I live in the burbs even if I do find one, the challenge is finding one willing to commute to me.

The scenario ends up that I'm the one trying to keep the conversations going and when I stop talking they stop talking.   The worst thing is you can't complain about it because as I blogged about before, if you bitch about it, you're being too dramatic or so sensitive.   Push them to suggest a meeting date and they tell you that you're going too fast (even if you have no intentions of sex).

I'm so sick and tired of being single.   Of course if I ever am in a relationship again, I'll probably then say I wish I were single.   LOL...always pining for what you don't have.

But I guess I can't give up.  Interestingly enough I may have some summer intrigue close to home.    My former neighbor who has had her house in the market for over four years finally found a buyer.    And one of my nosey neighbors across the street made a point to tell me that he's single and drives a Harley Davidson.   Of course in my fantasies I imagine he's a stud and it'll be magical when we finally meet.

But yes I know it's a fantasy.    But sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.    Who knows...maybe my prince will come and live next door to me.    Yeah right.

But in the meantime I close out with En Vogue's rendition of Someday My Prince Will Come.   Cindy tears this song up and gets strong support from the other ladies.    Maybe someday my prince will come.    But if he doesn't it'll have to be okay.

You Say Jello, I Say Gelato

Move over ice cream.   There's a new creamy treat in town that's taken over pleasing my taste buds.   For the last couple months I've been enjoying this tasty treat called gelato.    In particular I'm liking this brand named Talenti Gelato.  

I first introduced myself to Talenti while visiting Jose in San Diego last February.    I went to a local health food store not far from where Jose lived and stumbled on the tasty treat in the desert isle.   Well my eyes stumbled upon it.    I've actually seen the Talenti brand before elsewhere in Chicagoland but never felt the inclination to buy it since a pint of the gelato runs you around $5.19.    But the store was having a sale and the Black Cherry Gelato looked so good that I had to try it.   Plus I was on vacation.   Why not, right?

I wound up not trying it that visit but Jose did and was singing its praises.    I didn't think about it again till my next visit.   I once again got the Black Cherry and finally had my chance to give it a shot.   So creamy and the cherry chunks were simply divine and gave the gelato that one two punch.

Ever since then I've been purchasing their gelato on a weekly basis.   I've tried almost all the flavors that have been available.   My additional faves have included Caribbean Coconut, Caramel Cookie Crunch, Sea Salt Caramel, and Sicilian Pistachio.

Unfortunately though I haven't been able to find my first Talenti love, Black Cherry, anywhere.   It's been disappointing though the other flavors do keep me satiated.    So my quest for Black Cherry continues.   Too bad I can't ship it from San Diego.   I'll have to email the company and ask the stores if they plan on carrying Black Cherry as that's a personal favorite.

I went to Target this afternoon and found a new flavor I haven't tried yet but nonetheless looked intriguing.   Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip.    It's described in their website as a combination of the pleasantly tart, floral flavor of farm fresh black raspberries with flecks of dark chocolate.   Hopefully flecks are similar to chunks...*LOL*.


But it's perfect for tonight.   It'll go great with my viewing of the new season of Pretty Little Liars with its premiere airing this evening.   I haven't been this hooked on a show since my beloved Half & Half went off the air.   It's like appointment TV for me.   If I'm not able to get home in time from work, I'm sure to watch it first thing in the morning at hulu before starting my new workday.   Who knew a show about a bunch of teenage girls being harassed by a mysterious figure only known as 'A' would capture my interest.   So embarrassing but I figure my secret is safe with the blog world.  

That Thing

If that title was in my other blog I probably would've whipped out the verses to Lauryn Hill's single Doo Wop.    But this entry isn't about "that thing"....*LOL*.   Though I need to get "that thing" in order.   It's been a minute since I've talked about "that thing" or anything...*LOL*.    But that's for another post.

So Tasha sent an urgent text to Trina and myself earlier this week concerning our parents.   The fact that Tasha was the one sending this S.O.S. was significant since she hasn't been as involved with caring for my parents until recently.   But she mentioned that she was worried because her boyfriend found two bullet casings near my parent's front porch when he was pulling out the weekly trash.   

We've all been trying unsuccessfully for the last few years to get my parents to move to a smaller place.   It's been a very frustrating process.   It's definitely an emotional thing that's holding them at the house.   Both of them have their health issues and basically our old family home is too much home for them in a nearly dead neighborhood.

Tasha's biggest worry is that my parents are in danger from the neighborhood drug dealers (who have changed ranks yet again due to recent turf wars).   And I totally hate visiting my parents "in the hood" because of that but it would break them if I didn't visit.

Tonight my Dad was complaining about his auto insurance going up and I kept saying location plays a role (a subtle dig to tell him there are other areas besides Detroit to live).   But last round he seemed fine with wanting to move out of Detroit but my Mom still wants to stay in Detroit.   She's only talking about moving a few blocks away to some townhomes near Henry Ford where they go to their doctors.

It's a mess.  I didn't even want to talk to them because I was pissed about the whole situation.   My Dad of course in the course of our conversation asked if I was swinging by for the holiday weekend.   I told him that I wasn't able to...truth is I rather spend my holiday weekend in Chicago.

But I later was talking to my Mom and in the course of our conversation, even with us disagreeing on their living situations, I had to smile because through it all my Mom and I still have "that thing".    What's that thing?   I talked about it before....it's our Libra Connection.   I actually told myself that I would visit Detroit around Father's Day since it would make my Dad really happy.   And lo and behold my Mom tells me that I should come on Father's Day.   I swear even though we don't see eye to eye on some things, we definitely have that...Libra thing...as I like to call it.   We seem to be in tune with our thoughts at times.   Totally wild.

Job Blessings

It's funny.   After I had my own blog therapy session, I just went off and vanished.    But I'm doing fine.  

My friend Sally is doing fine too.   If you remember from my previous blog, Sally had lost her IT job back in late November 2007 and had been looking for an IT job ever since.   It's been a crazy long journey.   She's had so many interviews but no dice.   To make ends meet she was able to get a full time job at retail but it didn't pay nearly as much as she used to get.     So from time to time I assisted her with bills here and there whenever I could.     She got her mortgage refinanced and was able to save her home.

Well God finally answered her prayers and she started a new IT job last Monday.   It's via a consulting firm and the assignment is ten months but it's the boost she needed.    Hopefully she can make connections and land another gig.   But it's just what the doctor ordered.

Thera-E

I'm about to have a deep entry. Or maybe it's just long. I will let you guys decide. Lol.

Jose tells me that I need to speak to a therapist. One morning while I was at his place in San Diego, I was telling him about a recent breakthrough I had on why my attraction to guys gravitated toward bearish bigger men. It'll probably be obvious to the veteran readers of my older blog (I know there's at least 2...LOL). But if you remember my tendency for having a "blonde moment" or two (or three...LOL), you'll forgive me.

So Hemingway I concluded that the reason for my attraction could stem back to my "bully". Basically "bully" was a bigger kid and while he was wrong for violating me, a part of me was turned on. So my breakthrough recently was that I am trying to find "bully" in the big bearish men I seek out. Maybe to close that period in my life. I never really did have closure since I kept quiet on what happened.

I was recounting another childhood incident to him that happened in 7th grade. I borrowed from the library an encyclopedia (specific to the Olympics, not sure exactly what it was called) for some report I needed to do. The glue holding a lot of the book pages together to the frame was loose and a lot of pages were not affixed to the frame. Also some of the pages were written on, others torn up. Knowing what I know now, I would've told the librarian at the time that the book was messed up. Though actually you would've thought that she would notice that. My memories are sketchy when it comes to the checking out part.

But they were very clear upon returning the book. The return of the book actually went without incident. This was because there was a return cart where you could put the book back and later the librarian (or assistant) would check it back to the system.

So a few days later the entire class was in the library studying for something I now don't remember. At some point during this event, the librarian called me up to her desk.

I went and she asked me about the encyclopedia I borrowed and what happened to it. I told her that it was damaged when I checked it out. She basically called me a liar. I argued back that I didn't do anything to the book. We went back and forth and of course the class is now listening in.

My teacher came forward and basically sided with the librarian. So it's two white ladies (I don't know if that detail really matters but I felt like it needed to be said) arguing against me.

They threatened to keep me after school if I didn't admit to damaging the book. All I could think is I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents since I've never was in trouble for anything before (at least that year). So not wanting to involve my parents, I caved in and admitted to damaging the book even though I didn't do so.

I was in tears by that point as they directed me back to my seat. I remember telling my classmates near me afterwards that I didn't do it. Not that any cared.

Thinking about it today, it makes sense that I reacted the way I did. As I blogged in the past, I am guilty of being a people pleaser. By admitting to something I didn't do, I pleased the librarian and teacher and let them bully me into thinking they were right. I indirectly pleased my parents since I didn't involve them in a situation that would require them to come to the school.

A part of me thinks I also did it because on some level I didn't want further embarrassment with my parents coming in the classroom. My sisters and I are first generation US citizens and I think I didn't want my parents to come in the school and perhaps cause me more grief than what couldve been solved by the lie.


I also think I may have been protecting them too. I kept a lot of stuff that I went through to myself. That's why I'm my own worst critic. I beat myself a lot on the 'coulda woulda shoulda's instead of acting out in the moment.

So many possibilities exists but perhaps that's why I need the therapy. But in a lot of ways, that's what I've been doing with my blog. At least I usually feel better after a particularly moving entry.

But perhaps I'm not taking into account what actions I can do to grow from my experiences. So I get caught in the vicious cycle of making the same mistakes over and over again.

Besides black people "don't do no therapy". That's for crazy white folks. At least that's what I've always learned.

It has always been about appearances, especially with my Mama. She was the one to say 'wear clean underwear in case of an accident' , 'don't tell people your business', and other little phrases.

Mind you, I'm not blaming my parents for what happened to me. I ultimately made the choices I did. But if there was one lesson I could've gotten, it would be to stand up for yourself and never let anyone force you to accept their truth if you know it's not your truth. It's a lesson I will teach my future son or daughter. (Yeah I'm still holding on to that dream. LOL). Also it probably would be good to know that if a situation ever came up like that, that I would let my kid know that it's okay if they make you stay afterschool that I would have their back (as long as they tell the truth).


I'm not saying that my parents never taught me that. But I didn't learn the birds and bees from them either. Had to get my experiences in sex from the streets. But I don't know if I would've been receptive to that talk either....*LOL*.

I don't know if things wouldve been different had I gotten that lesson. I might've even made the same mistakes. Jose feels I should talk to my parents about those moments but I don't feel like that would really accomplish anything. This is especially so since both my parents are not in the best of health.


It's just amazing how much your adult life is shaped by the experiences of your childhood. I'm not saying I was a perfect child either. I've definitely done things in my past I'm not proud of. As bad as I had it, there were kids even lower on the totem pole than I that also had it bad. I would never stand up for them either. I was just glad for a few moments that the focus wasn't on me. That doesn't make it right though. If I could I would make amends to those kids as well.


I shudder to think what would've happened if the internet was around during my time growing up. At least once I was home, I was able to get away from the school madness. But it's scary and sad hearing about the cyber bulling that's taking place.


When I think about it, I question if I even want to bring a child into the world. Would I want him or her to go through what I went through. I'd like to think that I would be able to apply my experiences to help them get through the challenges (if any). I would definitely teach my kids to defend themselves and it wouldn't hurt to have them take up a sport or two to encourage socialization and healthy competition so that would give them that extra drive. I would've liked to have done more of those activities growing up but I know stuff like that cost money and my parents didn't have a lot of discretionary income to spread around.


It sounds like I'm making excuses and perhaps I am. But I do know my parents did the best they could under the circumstances and they would have no way of helping me if I didn't open up. So I definitely made my bed there.


We all carry our own baggage I suppose. It's just learning how not to let that baggage dictate your future. I could try to apply that in a way I do with different potential boyfriends. I try to judge them on their own merit and not compare them to past guys. At the same time though I use that past experience to gauge how to handle the present. I think I need to apply that same thing to the bad experiences in life.


It's not like I think about certain bad childhood moments every minute of my life. I would go crazy if I did. But I have to know when I do to accept that I can't change the past but I should learn from it. And hopefully not repeat those same mistakes.


Stand up for myself! If I don't, nobody else will.


So ends my blog therapy for today.

Careless Fun

Hey Ladynay.   It was so cool seeing your comment on my last entry which seemed so long ago.    How you know those were my legs?    Ok fine...they were.     My legs are meaty but the angle of my camera made them look smaller....*LOL*.   That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Hemingway I got back from San Diego last week and overall enjoyed myself.   I stayed in Jose's condo in a comfortable aerobed that he bought for guests.    I got to see the town, visit a few casinos, and some bars, including the Redwing Bar & Grill I mentioned.   I tore the house down with my rendition of Careless Whisper.    It was really sad having to go back home.   I definitely want to go back again.

Here are a few pic highlights.