I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
Refrain:
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for you men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel
A place where they have everything men can enjoy and you can hang out with other men? A place where there's many ways to have a good time and you can do whatever you feel. Hmm. It sounds like a gay man's paradise...*LOL*. I'm not sure if it wasn't intentional or not but the Village People were definitely homoerotic and songs like YMCA and Macho Man didn't help quell that image. Plus the Leather Man would fit in perfectly at International Men of Leather. I'm just saying.
Speaking of the YMCA, our local YMCA is where Dom and I finally made it to last Saturday. I was briefly lamenting last month that I needed to get myself to the gym. It so happens that YMCA has multiple chapters throughout the United States where members can go workout. Today's YMCA is not just for men either as women are also allowed to join as well. I'm curious if men can work out at a YWCA. According to this YWCA website, the answer is yes, men are invited to come on in and get fit.
So we were able to get memberships at our local Y. The good thing is that I should be able to get reimbursed from my company for the monthly membership fee. And thankfully we were able to waive the $30 joiner fee thanks to a summer promo they were having. Now I just have to motivate myself to go to the gym a few days a week (most likely after work). Dom says he'll go possibly during the early morning hours now that he's out of school. I do hope he does so as well. We definitely need to motivate each other to get moving. We did walk around our local trail a few hours ago for a little over an hour so that was positive.
I weighed myself a few days ago and was shocked that my weight was a few pounds away from 190. I haven't been close to that heavy since the mid-90s. I for sure need to work my way back to 180 and then my ultimate goal of 170. It's a work in progress for sure.
Dom got news a few days ago that the school he works at was ending their contract with him once the school year ends. He mentioned a few months back that the district mentioned having a memorandum on their ballot where they were wanting to increase taxes to raise extra cash for the school district. He was told that if it didn't pass then they would have to cut staff. The memorandum did not pass.
Dom teaches math and from my understanding, math is one of the harder subjects to find teachers. As a result he didn't feel they'd get rid of any of the math teachers. So the announcement came as a surprise to him. He did note that he didn't like the current principal (who came into his role a year after Dom started) and the feeling was mutual. He found the principal to be a bit two-faced and a person who is used to getting things his way. He felt the principal wanted to get rid of him and used the memorandum as an excuse since Dom was doing a great job otherwise and couldn't be fired.
Oddly enough with all of Dom's health issues, he did discuss with me the possibility of taking early retirement and leaving the school for a year and then going back somewhere else the following year. He would use the year to improve his health and fix up things around the house. I was feeling a bit leery about that idea since I just started my gig back in January and wanted to feel a bit more secure in my job and have time to get my financial life back on track. Also Dom said he would have to cut out his discretionary spending on his doll hobby. With his track record I can't imagine him not doing it for a year. It's bad enough that he's started racking up a few over draft fees in our joint account due to his hobby. I remind myself though that the fees are less than the credit card interest I've racked up prior to starting the Amazon life. Thankfully I'm finally making headway to knocking out my debt on one of my credit cards. But still the bank fees can be controlled. So it's bothersome when it happened.
So it's funny that circumstances have given Dom the opportunity to possibly pursue early retirement. He's also talked about possibly becoming a substitute teacher and making his own hours. He's also exploring checking out the school district in Michigan (the Indiana-Michigan border is less than an hour from where we live) due to their later school start and early completion. If he does pursue retirement, he's thought about taking a part-time evening job to supplement his income. If it winds up being a part-time situation, he's going to need health insurance which means we may finally have to stop living in sin and get hitched. I guess it's been almost eight years. Some would say it's about time...*LOL*.
Whatever he decides, we'll work through it together. He stuck with me through my lean years so I will do the same for him.
Incidentally he's heading out to the International Men of Leather weekend in Chicago tomorrow. The last time I went to an IML event was a Sunday church service they had that Dom and I sang at. He plans to participate in the Sunday service but also take part in some other events. So I'll have to figure out how to entertain myself this long Memorial Day weekend. I'm guessing a casino may be involved...*LOL*.
A lot of dog owners don't realize that when they have a dog not only do they have to deal with it, so do their neighbors. Dom and I have the unfortunate pleasure of having next door neighbors that have a canine. The Joneses, as I've come to nickname them, had a small terror when we first moved into our home back in 2016. Terror #1 would yip and yap whenever one or both of us stepped out into the backyard. Sadly it is in their nature. Terror #1 died sometime in 2021 and for awhile I thought we were finally done with the nightmare. It was crazy because for a period I was thinking something was up when I wasn't hearing Terror #1. We got confirmation when Mrs. Jones told Dom about Terror 1's demise. She said they were done with dogs but then came Terror #2 a few months later. I notice he'll (I assume it's a he though it could be a she) start yapping even if I'm in the kitchen making dinner.
Mind you that there's a fence separating our yard. Terror #2 don't give a crap. He'll just yap, yap, yap. I'm tempted to buy a dog whistle to play to see if it'll shut him up. He annoys me especially during the day when I'm working from home. I wish we had central air but since we don't Dom insists on cracking all the old windows (bad screens and all) open. That irritates me too but not much I can do about it. Mr. Jones is literally outside almost the entire day in his yard during the spring and summer months. So of course when he's outside, so is Terror #2. I get to hear it all thanks to the windows being open.
As bad as Terror #2 is, we have an even worse dog living across the street from us. I mostly blame the owner in this case. This stupid lady has her dog walking all across everyone's lawns in the immediate vicinity and then lets it pee or poop where ever w/o a care in the world. And don't be outside when they are walking, the stupid beast will be yelping and ready to attack. There's an empty field area literally across the street from her that she can take her beast to relieve itself but she chooses to let it do its business in a random neighbor's grass. If Dom and I didn't hate dogs so much, we'd get our own dog and have it come in front of their house and pee on their lawn and see how they like it.
I guess things can always be worse. It becomes more apparent when the weather gets warmer. Also the Joneses like to entertain in their backyard. Some of their invitees become annoying especially when they decide to park on our lawn, which is apparently a Gary, Indiana thing. I'm so tempted to throw some nails in the lawn to see how they like a flat tire or two. I'm so over the neighbors sometimes. I was cracking up one year when Mrs. Jones told me that it's nice that we're in a quiet neighborhood. I wanted to tell her 'quiet for whom, with all your noisy family and friends and Terrors'. It's not limited to them either. When Dom and I walk along the block, no less than a dozen dogs in the neighborhood start their familiar chorus of yelps. Uggh!
Don't even get me started on Fourth of July which apparently is not limited to the day in question. I already told you about the drama last year with kids and fireworks. Dom and I talk about moving to the country just to get away from the crazy folks. I can't believe I lived 16 years in a townhome when I think of the nightmare that was my asshole closeted gay neighbor. He was a chain smoker with two little yappers that would proceed to want to attack whenever I ran into them outside. I was so glad to get the hell out of there to get away from him and some of the racist neighbors. I guess the Joneses and crazy lady across the street are tame in comparison. At least I'm a single minority as opposed to a double...*LOL*.
One of the side effects of getting older is that I'm getting more set in my ways. I admit I'm becoming less social (not that I was all that social to begin with...*LOL*) But I did used to do "thangs". I will say my late 20's and 30's was when I was at my peak. It was at age 29 when I had my first "oral transaction" (thanks Trina Braxton...*LOL*) with a man. I was freshly 30 on Halloween 2002 (almost 20 years ago...wow) when I lost my virginity to a hot Hungarian man. Yes I was a late bloomer.
I laugh now when I think how naïve I was way back in eighth grade when I was teased and called a "virgin" (which was the tamest thing I was called). The only virgin I heard of was the "Virgin Mary" and I associated being a virgin with being a girl. I may have liked boys but I identified as a boy and wasn't looking to change that. So I would adamantly argue back that I wasn't a virgin. It was years later (I'm embarrassed to say it was in my late 20's...maybe close to the time of my transaction...*LOL*) when I realized 'yes I am a virgin'.
I came into my own in my 30's. I had a great job, a few close friends that I was keeping my gay secret from (though most knew), I occasionally socialized outside work, I traveled a lot, and I was a home owner (at 27 actually). I kept up with the latest TV shows, artists, and fashions. I blogged! I worked out consistently and had a few Master Cleanses under my belt.
One of my fondest memories happened on one of my numerous trips back to Detroit. My parents were still living in our old family home and I remember going with my Dad to Sam's Club (it must've been summer 2007 or 2008, I don't remember the exact year). We arrived back home after shopping and I remember carrying in one hand a big box with two or three Clorox bottles and in the other hand a big box of some other products that were placed in it. Both boxes were heavy but I carried them with such ease. My Dad over the years growing up always seemed critical of me, finding fault in how I did things. But this particular visit when I was carrying groceries back into the house, my Dad came up to me, put his right hand on my shoulder and said, "(E...), you're so strong!" At that time it was the first time in a long while I recalled my Dad giving me a compliment. When I say I felt like I was on cloud nine, I can't even describe how happy I felt. Even with everything I've accomplished at that time, I never felt like I measured up in my Dad's eye. It's not to say that he wasn't supportive. He worked hard at a menial job to take care of my Mom and his three children. He did want what was best for us. But he was from the old school and not one to give affirmations. So when he gave me that compliment, it was validation that I was on the right track and was a bit of an ego boost.
I will say now that I haven't been to a gym since just before the pandemic started. I did get some good exercise my first six months working at Amazon when I worked in the smaller warehouse. But once I moved to the larger warehouse, I had a more stationary job (even with standing on my feet all day). I did move around my little station but it wasn't like before where I physically have to move around the warehouse to transport totes to delivery drivers.
I'm definitely not in the same shape I was in my mid 2000's. I even gained some weight though thankfully I'm not obese. But I don't have the strength or energy I had back then. I know I need to get my butt in the gym but it's harder to get myself there and it doesn't help that Dom isn't that energetic either. So I don't have that person motivating me to do so. I guess some would call it "happy weight".
I find myself having to drag myself to even go run errands at times. When I was working weekends it was fine if I was lazy because at least I could go during the week. Of course I wasn't making a lot of cash so I was limited in what I could do. But now that I'm working weekdays, I'm back to only having two days and if I blow one day, it leaves only one more day (which I usually spend at least two hours in Church) before it's back to the work week. The honeymoon is pretty much over as well so it's a bit more challenging getting out of the house.
One of the other things that became stagnant was giving new artists a chance. Now that I'm older, I find myself more comfortable listening to familiar artists from the 80's, 90's, 00's, and a little of the 10's. I tend though to gravitate towards the 90's and 00's which I feel were the greatest musically. I pretty much just listen to CDs in the car and usually I'll have the same one on rotation for several months. I have the habit too of having a song on repeat which annoys Dom the few times he drives in my car.
So Hemingway I was listening to this Youtube show called Tea G-I-F from channel Fox Soul. They are having a 'listening party' on May 9th for a new artist who's releasing an album soon after. The whole music game has definitely changed in the age of the Internet. Why did I find myself mesmerized by this new artist? Her name is Ella Mai and her sound is reminiscent of the late 90's and gives of an Aaliyah/Brandy vibe. Perhaps that's why I like her songs. I've had her one song titled Didn't Say on repeat.
It's rare that any newer artists get my attention. The last one that caught my ear was Lizzo. Needless to say I'll have to listen to more of Ella Mai. I may even have to do something I haven't done in years...buy a CD. *LOL*. See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I just need to get my ass back in the gym as well. My company does encourage employees to take care of their health and help cover some of the costs associated with it. Come on, E! You can do it! Do it. Do it. Just do it...*LOL*.
I'm going on almost month number 3 at my new gig. Things are ok but it's definitely getting more hectic. I'm getting assigned more and more cases and more days than not, I'm ending the day overwhelmed and anxious especially when I'm unable to solve an issue. There's a lot I still don't know yet I'm expected to have the answers by our clients. I can't help but feel like I don't belong. They have a term for it called "Imposter Syndrome". It's defined as the experience of feeling like a phony, as though any minute now, your cover will be blown and you'll be identified as a fraud.
I sometimes don't feel like I belong. However I mostly keep my feelings to myself. Well it gets harder to do that when Dom gets home from his job and sees me stressing by my laptop. I thank goodness that I work from home 95% of the time. I can't imagine how I would react if I'm around my teammates. The curse of course is by working at home, it's harder to reach out to folks when I need help.
I do have a mentor that I was assigned who's actually a mentor to many team members. I feel bad constantly having to ask him questions. He has repeatedly said that he's not judging or cursing to himself when I ask but would he say if he was. Needless to say I have a hard time asking for help but have been pushed in the corner where I need to ask.
Then I have newer folks that want to come for me for case shadowing. I was reluctant to do so since I am of the school that it's better to keep your mouth shut and make them think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. *LOL*. So I had to cave in and have a teammate shadow one of my calls this past Tuesday. Unfortunately the issue the customer had wasn't straightforward to solve and the customer left the call feeling extremely frustrated and I had egg on my face. Thankfully the teammate and I were able to talk afterwards and both share our struggles with supporting our large customer base and not having the wisdom of experience.
I feel like such a loser but I have to remind myself that I'm not. It's just that I'm not 100% familiar with a lot of things. It doesn't help that some people seem more natural at the job even with being new. There's a teammate that's constantly assisting others with the more challenging cases and he's sort of becoming the "superstar" of the team. I'm happy for him though I admit having a bit of envy wishing I could pick things up easily.
But I realize I have to give myself credit for how far I've come since I got laid off back in 2017. I did what I had to learn about cyber security and later on Salesforce while reporting to a menial job that I hated. I worked hard to get to where I am now and have to see it through (without getting fired...LOL*). I will say that I don't believe my current role is where I see myself working till retirement. However the company is exactly where I want to be. I just have to hustle again to find a role in the company I'm more suited for. Hopefully I can get things to click better in the coming weeks and months.
Oh and in the meantime I need to find time to study for at least two more certifications. Oh boy! LOL.
Cause neither one of us is strong enough to apologize
Cause neither one of us is wrong
Cause neither one of us has the guts to leave tonight
Cause we don't want be alone
Refrain:
You and me and hearts and strings
Who can fix these broken things
Who can put us back together not that we're undone
Now that we can't remember how
Tell me
Who can fix these broken things
I was so sad to read about Traci Braxton's passing. As you know I'm a long-time Toni Braxton fan. I knew of Toni's sisters primarily through the Braxton sisters only album So Many Ways. Traci wasn't part of that album due to being pregnant at the time. The whole sad tale is played out in their WeTV series Braxton Family Values. Traci quickly became a favorite of mine cause she seemed the most real sister who told it like it is. I was happy when she finally released her own solo album and then a second one four years later. It was nice seeing her finally get her break. I did see a photo float around where she did look sick but at the time the sickness was denied and I didn't think further of it. Then came the announcement. It was so sad but just like when my Mom passed, I'm glad that Traci is no longer suffering.
I'm currently in the Motor city, AKA Detroit, staying with my younger sister Trina (not Braxton...*LOL*) and her husband Donovan. Trina texted Tasha and I on Tuesday morning telling us that our Dad was acting erratic and suggested that if we were available then to make some time to visit him. For the last few weeks she's had to help my Dad change his Depends and he's been confused a lot. She noted that his urine input was slowing down as well. She was thinking my Dad may be near death and wanted us to see him.
I told Trina that I would head over there Friday. It just so happens that I also have to travel to Indianapolis for work the following Wednesday. So my plan is to work from their place Monday through part of Wednesday and then drive the 4 hours and change to Carmel just outside of Indianapolis to stay at a hotel overnight and then drive to work the next day. I was wondering if I should head there earlier but I had three different meetings happening on Thursday that I felt more comfortable doing at my home. I checked in with Trina on both Wednesday and Thursday and she said that my Dad was doing better. I actually spoke to Trina and then my Dad Wednesday as well and he seemed fine. So I felt better about holding off till Friday. Thankfully my Dad is doing okay now as well. Hopefully we still have time with him.
Tasha was radio silent when Trina sent the text. When I called Trina Wednesday, she asked me if I talked to Tasha and was disappointed that she didn't message back. I had hoped that perhaps Tasha would've called Trina directly since she didn't reply back via text. But she didn't. Unfortunately Tasha still has a lot of unresolved issues with Dad. Her way of dealing with it has been to avoid him but in doing so it's left Trina and her husband holding the bag when it comes to caring for Dad. I'm four hours away from Detroit as well so I'm not available a lot either. I am grateful that Trina and Donovan has been there for him but I know it's definitely a strain (especially on Trina).
Tasha finally broke her radio silence Thursday when I texted the group chat asking how Dad was. But it was just one line with 4 smiley emoticons. And of course Tasha has continued to be a no-show since I've been in town.
It's a sad situation all around. When I last visited Tasha sometime last year, her husband Abe was trying to spill the tea to me (in front of Tasha) that he wanted the two of them to talk to one another. I felt secondhand embarrassment for Tasha in the moment but I agreed with Abe. But she stated that she was not ready. The thing is that our Dad is 92 years old and he only has so much time left. Unfortunately my Dad denies any wrongdoing when talking to him about things in the past. He's not going to change but I would hate for her to have unresolved feelings about him after he's gone and she can't talk to him anymore. Abe recently lost his Dad a few months ago and I imagine Tasha not talking to our Dad may weigh even heavier with him (as I'm sure even with the issues he had with his Dad that he wishes he had more time with him).
I do hope Tasha will come by the house but I'm not holding out hope.
As I said, my plan is to work from Trina's house the next three work days. Work itself is going okay. I've worked on three customer cases and have thankfully closed two of them. My manager does want me to pick up more cases which I'm sure will help me in gaining experience. The good thing in my job as well is that they offer a lot of training to support us. It's a good company and I'm hoping I can stay there until retirement which is at minimum 15 more years from now. It doesn't seem like it now but time really does fly. Hell I started blogging in 2005 and it's over 17 years now.
I do see myself doing other roles within the company and not necessarily staying in support. The company has headquarters in other parts of the world and Dom has actually made a good case for perhaps working out of their London office. If I do that though it won't be for a good while. I would like to perhaps get back into the Business Analyst realm that I worked in previously. I also thought about doing something related to my recent Tableau certification. The sky is definitely the limit.
I have another work related event scheduled at the Indianapolis office on April 14th. That's why I wanted to stay in Detroit till Wednesday as well to save a little car wear & tear. I had spoke to Ross and he mentioned being out of commission due to needing crowns on three of his front teeth. So I won't be meeting him. But I may actually meet a former classmate from my cybersecurity bootcamp for a quick drink after work if he's interested. We reconnected because I saw he was in the market for work and the Salesforce Pathfinder program for 2022 was opening their doors and I thought he would be a good fit. It wound up being the best thing I've done as I feel like I would still be working at Amazon otherwise. It would be great if he wound up getting a job as a Salesforce Consultant before the end of 2022.
It was seventeen years ago on this date that I posted my first blog entry ever. I've had various peaks and valleys that happened during that time. I'm so glad I had and still have an outlet where I can share my thoughts and my life experiences. I do wonder when my time is up in this world if anyone in the future will come across my blogs and marvel over what's taken place.
I will likely not be famous. If it hasn't happened in the first almost 50 years, I can't see that happening. Since I don't have any children, other than a few friends and acquaintances, there will be nobody that will remember me. Those memories will be gone once their time is up. I won't go down in the history books so my name won't be uttered in anyone's mouth 200 years from now on April 1, 2222 (unless of course someone with my name is born in the future). But how cool would it be to live in the year 2222, if man doesn't fuck up Earth completely and make themselves extinct.
They do say whatever you post on the Internet stays forever. So my blogs are my own way of keeping my spirit alive for anyone that happens to randomly come across it in 2222 or any other far off year in the future.
In other news I participated in a food pantry volunteer event that my company took part in. I hated the 2 1/2 hour drive but it was nice doing a project that helped folks in need. It was sad especially seeing the kids. Some of the kids needed to translate for their parent(s). There was one family that I witnessed drove in with a Hummer and was getting groceries. That kind of gave me pause but then even with that, who knows what the situation is. They could've bought the Hummer and then lost their source of income. It reminded me to not judge. Just seeing all the poor families and folks put a lot of things in perspective. Despite what life throws at me, I am extremely blessed in having a home, a good job (now), and as Dom likes to say 'food in our belly'.
I wound up driving straight back afterwards. That was exhausting. But I didn't want Dom being upset if I stayed overnight again. Ross wasn't available to meet but I did try to meet up with a menses or two but of course nothing happened. I did befriend one of those menses though and we've been chatting the last couple days. If it leads to anything, stay tuned.
In regards to the job, even working at Amazon in their Warehouse was a blessing as a lot of folks would kill to have that. I'm thankful to not be in a situation like in the Ukraine (or any other nations where it's not in the media because the U.S. has no special interests there) where millions are being evacuated from their homes due to Putin-led Russian forces bombing the area to take over. I just can't imagine being displaced from your home and country. I'm thankful not to lose our home due to a natural disaster like a fire, earthquake, or tornado. Of course life has no guarantees. Anything can and will happen.
I'm grateful too for my family still keeping it together. I still miss Mom but am glad my Dad is hanging on. Sadly he lost his only other living brother (my uncle) due to natural causes a few months ago. Unfortunately the two brothers never reconciled their differences even though my Dad tried reaching out to him multiple times. I'm not even sure what the exact issues were between them. There was also a strain between his oldest brother and himself but they made up years before his oldest brother passed. Amazingly my Dad and his two brothers all made it to their 90th birthdays. That's almost unheard of with men, let alone black men and all the shit they've had to go through.
But yes I have a lot to be grateful for. Who knew my anniversary post would end up being a 'gratitude post'. LOL.
