You Don't Say

 One of the side effects of getting older is that I'm getting more set in my ways.   I admit I'm becoming less social (not that I was all that social to begin with...*LOL*)    But I did used to do "thangs".   I will say my late 20's and 30's was when I was at my peak.   It was at age 29 when I had my first "oral transaction" (thanks Trina Braxton...*LOL*) with a man.  I was freshly 30 on Halloween 2002 (almost 20 years ago...wow) when I lost my virginity to a hot Hungarian man.   Yes I was a late bloomer.

I laugh now when I think how naïve I was way back in eighth grade when I was teased and called a "virgin" (which was the tamest thing I was called).   The only virgin I heard of was the "Virgin Mary" and I associated being a virgin with being a girl.   I may have liked boys but I identified as a boy and wasn't looking to change that.   So I would adamantly argue back that I wasn't a virgin.   It was years later (I'm embarrassed to say it was in my late 20's...maybe close to the time of my transaction...*LOL*) when I realized 'yes I am a virgin'.   

I came into my own in my 30's.  I had a great job, a few close friends that I was keeping my gay secret from (though most knew), I occasionally socialized outside work, I traveled a lot, and I was a home owner (at 27 actually).   I kept up with the latest TV shows, artists, and fashions.  I blogged!  I worked out consistently and had a few Master Cleanses under my belt.    

One of my fondest memories happened on one of my numerous trips back to Detroit.   My parents were still living in our old family home and I remember going with my Dad to Sam's Club (it must've been summer 2007 or 2008, I don't remember the exact year).   We arrived back home after shopping and I remember carrying in one hand a big box with two or three Clorox bottles and in the other hand a big box of some other products that were placed in it.   Both boxes were heavy but I carried them with such ease.   My Dad over the years growing up always seemed critical of me, finding fault in how I did things.   But this particular visit when I was carrying groceries back into the house, my Dad came up to me, put his right hand on my shoulder and said, "(E...), you're so strong!"   At that time it was the first time in a long while I recalled my Dad giving me a compliment.   When I say I felt like I was on cloud nine, I can't even describe how happy I felt.   Even with everything I've accomplished at that time, I never felt like I measured up in my Dad's eye.  It's not to say that he wasn't supportive.   He worked hard at a menial job to take care of my Mom and his three children.   He did want what was best for us. But he was from the old school and not one to give affirmations.   So when he gave me that compliment, it was validation that I was on the right track and was a bit of an ego boost.

I will say now that I haven't been to a gym since just before the pandemic started.   I did get some good exercise my first six months working at Amazon when I worked in the smaller warehouse.    But once I moved to the larger warehouse, I had a more stationary job (even with standing on my feet all day).  I did move around my little station but it wasn't like before where I physically have to move around the warehouse to transport totes to delivery drivers.

I'm definitely not in the same shape I was in my mid 2000's.  I even gained some weight though thankfully I'm not obese.   But I don't have the strength or energy I had back then.   I know I need to get my butt in the gym but it's harder to get myself there and it doesn't help that Dom isn't that energetic either.   So I don't have that person motivating me to do so.   I guess some would call it "happy weight".    

I find myself having to drag myself to even go run errands at times.   When I was working weekends it was fine if I was lazy because at least I could go during the week.   Of course I wasn't making a lot of cash so I was limited in what I could do.   But now that I'm working weekdays, I'm back to only having two days and if I blow one day, it leaves only one more day (which I usually spend at least two hours in Church) before it's back to the work week.   The honeymoon is pretty much over as well so it's a bit more challenging getting out of the house.

One of the other things that became stagnant was giving new artists a chance.   Now that I'm older, I find myself more comfortable listening to familiar artists from the 80's, 90's, 00's, and a little of the 10's.   I tend though to gravitate towards the 90's and 00's which I feel were the greatest musically.  I pretty much just listen to CDs in the car and usually I'll have the same one on rotation for several months.   I have the habit too of having a song on repeat which annoys Dom the few times he drives in my car.   

So Hemingway I was listening to this Youtube show called Tea G-I-F from channel Fox Soul.   They are having a 'listening party' on May 9th for a new artist who's releasing an album soon after.   The whole music game has definitely changed in the age of the Internet.   Why did I find myself mesmerized by this new artist?  Her name is Ella Mai and her sound is reminiscent of the late 90's and gives of an Aaliyah/Brandy vibe.   Perhaps that's why I like her songs.   I've had her one song titled Didn't Say on repeat.

It's rare that any newer artists get my attention.  The last one that caught my ear was Lizzo.  Needless to say I'll have to listen to more of Ella Mai.   I may even have to do something I haven't done in years...buy a CD.  *LOL*.   See, you can teach an old dog new tricks.   I just need to get my ass back in the gym as well.   My company does encourage employees to take care of their health and help cover some of the costs associated with it.   Come on, E!  You can do it!  Do it.  Do it.   Just do it...*LOL*.