Lansing Bae

 I had an interesting sexual encounter when traveling to Detroit two weeks back for my former Pastor's funeral.   There was this guy named Rodger that messaged me back in January wishing me a Happy New Year and complimenting my photos.   Rodger himself was a taller beefy guy in mis mid-30s from Lansing, MI.

We chatted back and forth for a bit and then he told me if I ever traveled to Detroit he would host me.   It so happened that I would be heading there under sad circumstances.   There was a snowstorm that was heading to Chicagoland that Friday so I decided I would venture to Lansing the night before hoping to avoid it.   Unfortunately I hit lake effect snow along the Michigan border which made for some scary driving.   The storm actually did not reach the Lansing area yet as it was thankfully clear.

The plan to stay at his place that night fell through since he said he had a show to do.   At first I thought he was a drag artist since on his profile he's posed with a few.   But he mentioned being a doorman for the show.   Since he wasn't able to host he mentioned meeting me late that morning after the show.

I honestly didn't think he'd meet me.  I did prepare myself just in case with a shower and douche but I fully expected him not to show.

I fell asleep watching some bad reality TV and was awaken by a loud knock just after 3am.   I got up and went to the door and to my surprise Rodger came in.   He was even more handsome in person.   We quickly said hello and it wasn't long before he was kissing me.   He then pushed me on the bed and proceeded to take my pajama bottoms off.    Soon after he pulled my top off and proceeded to suck me and toss my salad.

After a few minutes he asked for lube which I provided.   I did the sinful and let him fuck me w/o a condom but it felt so good.   It's been so long too since I've been fucked.   He seemed to really be into it as he thrusted me open and eventually planted his seed in me.

I will say that I felt scared and guilty afterwards but he assured me that he tested recently and came back negative.   Nonetheless I will now have to get tested sometime late May, early June to make sure I'm negative.

He said that he would come back in the morning for round two.   By morning though the snow had reached Lansing.   I gave him an excuse that I was still sore from earlier (which actually I was) but I was afraid to let him fuck me raw again.   Effectively I knew I'd have to make my way to Detroit but I invited him to meet me for breakfast since he lived only a mile from hotel.    But he made an excuse that he was snowed in (which I wasn't sure I believed since while the snow was falling fast, there wasn't a lot of accumulation on the ground yet).   I do think he would've came over if I was open to round 2.   But I let it go as I had a quick breakfast at I-Hop and made my way to Detroit.

He sporadically messaged me since then to see when I will head back to Detroit.   I'll definitely have to do the conversation on condoms though.   That may be his deal-breaker but I just can't risk getting anything at this stage of my life, especially with being married to Dom (even if we don't have sex anymore).

But it made for one of my hottest sex stories I've experienced in a long time.   It was nice to feel wanted and desired even if it was for a few stolen moments.

Grumpy Old Men

 Shit is getting scary with Dom and I.   Since his fall at Costco he's gotten slower again and now has ordered a cane to assist him in walking.   He's been on a cane kick lately ordering a pair for his parents as well.   

And today he had an appointment to get blood drawn at the clinic.   He asked if I wanted to go with him.  I honestly wasn't keen on it but decided to tag along.   He was a scary driver the entire trip, cursing idiot drivers (there are a lot) and dodging and weaving his way along the way to his appointment.   Unfortunately the hospital staff complain if you're even one minute late but if you get early they still make you wait past your time.   So he was on edge the entire time and making me edgy.  

He acknowledged that's he's becoming grumpy in his old age.   He turns 59 in June while I'm creeping towards 51.   In fact I need to get a colonoscopy done now that I'm 50.   Actually I remember reading that black folks needed to do them at 45 so I'm more than 5 years behind.

But it's crazy to see how quickly Dom is slowing down.   Even when he stands up, he has to stand still for a minute before walking since he feels like he's losing his balance.   At times even when walking he feels like he's losing his balance.   He also unfortunately has been having pancreas issues and is involuntarily leaking liquid out of his anus.   I'm not sure it's a leaky gut.   Getting old is so much fun.

I myself am noticing my feet are hurting more since I've had to commute to the office periodically.  I'm walking at a decent pace but it amazes me how some folks always seem to walk even faster.   My teeth are a lot more sensitive these days to cold.

I do try to take various supplements to stave off stuff but it doesn't seem to be working.   Since COVID has hit the scene and doesn't seem to be going away, I've been taking daily supplements of Quercetin and NAC.   Quercetin is touted to help with inflammation, immune support, and respiratory health.   NAC helps to replenish glutathione levels which in turn helps improve brain health and also helps improve lung function.   I also take chlorella, spirulina, and magnesium daily.   I periodically take Vitamin C, D, and K and started taking Niacin as well since it's supposed to help with circulation.    

It's hard to say whether any of this is doing me any good or if I'm just wasting my money.  Eugene always used to tell me I was looking for quick fixes.   But I'm trying to slow down the signs of aging and the maladies that come with it.   We'll see in time what happens.

End Of An Era

 Well I did it.  I successfully obtained the Salesforce Business Analyst cert on my 3rd attempt last weekend.   I was nervous as hell taking it but I felt more at ease as I answered the questions, feeling very confident in my choices.  Still when it came time to submit the test I was a twinge of nerves.   I pushed the button, closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I saw the four letters I longed to see.   PASS!   I was so elated and screamed for joy when I got inside my car.   The minimum passing percentage was 72%.  I got 85%.   Woo hoo!

So now that I have the certification I can begin my search for a Salesforce business analyst role.   I know it won't be easy as I hate interviewing and it took me 40 months to get my current role.    But whatever happens I'll take it in stride.   Interestingly enough my manager spoke to me briefly Friday about a potential new opportunity to specialize in a particular role within Support.  I don't know much about the details but will have to see what it entails.   It would be nice if it means I can reduce my case load but I'm sure that won't be the case.    I'm also in line to get a merit increase of 5% - 6% which will definitely be put to good use.

In other news, I received sad news from Tasha a few days ago.   Our family Pastor who served over 60 years in the Archdiocese of Detroit and was the principal priest at our Church for over 50 years, died on 02/26.   He was 92 years old, the same age my Dad was when he passed.

Our Pastor wed my parents, baptized my sisters and I, and presided over the funeral services of both of my parents.   He's done the same for many others in the community and no doubt his passing will leave a great void within the Church.

I have my own memories of him during my formative years when I worked with my Dad at our Church.  I remember there was one time when he and I went to deliver supplies to a local food bank.  This random kid around my age came up to me and asked if my Pastor was my father.   I was taken aback and I remember looking at our Pastor who gave me a smile.   I told the kid no but I felt guilty about it afterwards.   Technically he wasn't but he was our spiritual father.

I have other memories of helping him and his secretary write up some basic code to print out some letters.   Of course I remember him preaching every Sunday when the family went to Church and my time serving on the altar, first as an altar boy and then as a Minister of Service up until my mid-20's.

The funniest memory I have of him was when there was a group of us including him went up to Mackinac Island for the weekend.   I was 12 or 13 at the time and traveled by bus with my Grandma (who was really my Dad's cousin) and around 30-40 other folks.   So when it came time to decide where to sleep, it was decided that my Grandma along with another group of ladies would stay in one building.   There were several small cabins where we stayed and it was decided that I would room with our Pastor.   

So there was only one small bed in the room.  He offered up the bed to me and slept on the floor.   That was how selfless he was.  So we had to share one blanket and at some point during the night, he pulled the majority of the blanket towards him.   Later that night I must've been dreaming of home and being awaken to get ready for school.    I yelled out to Mama that I was getting up and coming to the kitchen.   I quickly woke up and didn't know if I said it out loud or not.    

Later that morning I told the Pastor that he was hogging all the covers that night.   Without missing a beat he countered back that he was awaken by me talking in my sleep.   I was so mortified at the time but it made for a funny memory soon afterwards.

Since our Pastor had such a huge impact on the community, they are allowing three days for folks to view his body before the final service on 03/10.    I was thinking of going to the service but then Tasha pointed out that there would likely be a huge crowd (including media).   So instead my sisters and I will go Friday to view his body.    As it is they plan to livestream the viewing for all three days.

I couldn't help but notice that it was just a little over six months after my Dad passed that our Pastor died.    They were born almost 12 months apart with my Dad being the older of the two.   With the passing of our Pastor, two influential men that shaped my formative years growing up are now on the other side.   It truly is an end of an era.

It'll be interesting to see what happens with the Church in the coming weeks and months.  The Church always had been controversial in the Catholic community since our Pastor allowed women to serve on the altar which at the time was a big no-no.   Also within the Church, the board of the Church tended to clash at times.   So I am curious to see who will attempt to fill our Pastor shoes.   Time will tell.

Limping Along

 My work continues to be intense.   This past week I was assigned as part of a small team to handle Severity 1 cases.   These are cases where the sky is falling for a customer due to an issue that potentially may be affecting revenue streams.   There's a lot of pressure from management to quickly reach out to the customer, get the impact statement, and determine whether or not it's truly a Sev1 or not.   There are times when it's not deemed a Sev1 but there's no convincing the customer to lower it to a 2.    Thankfully we do have support staff that works all across the world so true Sev1 cases can be handed off to the Sev1 teams in Asia Pacific and then once that shift is done, they can pass it to European region and then ultimately it would return back to U.S region.    Depending on the issue, that cycle can happen again and again.

Sev1 duty is mostly despised by support staff due to the pressure given by management to get it resolved.  On top of it, you still have to maintain your existing case load and assist other cases in what's called SWARM channels.   The process behind swarming is that folks are placed in a channel and any pressing cases can be reviewed by other members of that channel.   In theory it's supposed to help get other perspectives on complex cases.   But it winds up that only a few people in the channel assist while other folks just sit back expecting you to resolve their cases on your own.    

I have this one person that even direct messages me to look at stuff without swarming it.   It pisses me off to no end especially since they never bother to help on my issues.   Needless to say I have to force myself to step away from my work laptop, unless I find myself working all day.

Sally told me that I would sometimes long for my Amazon days.  I thought she was lying.  But I have many days where I do wish I could do a mindless task like packing or picking items and once my shift is done, I don't have to worry about it again till my next shift.  I find myself constantly thinking about cases even after my shift is done and on weekends.

But I do love my salary at my current job a lot better than the one I got at Amazon.   I guess those are the trade-offs.  Mental drain vs physical drain.   The mental drain pays a lot more...*LOL*.

Speaking of work (some more...*LOL*), I scheduled myself to take another crack at the Salesforce Business Analyst cert next Saturday, February 25th.    I picked up another cert yesterday, the Associate cert.   That one is a new cert that Salesforce added that is a pre-cursor to the Administrator cert that I've already obtained back in my training days.    I easily obtained that one since the questions were pretty basic.   Still nonetheless passing that cert gave me a boost that I'm hoping I can carry into getting that Business Analyst cert finally.

I'm hoping once I get that cert, I can use it to parlay myself into a different role at my company.   I am very grateful for the opportunity my support role has afforded me to get my life back on track.   In fact, my salary along with a small boost from my parents' inheritance, has allowed me to almost knock out my primary credit card debt.   I'm also finally done paying my medical debt for the kidney stone emergency I had over a year back when I didn't have health insurance.   So I am grateful indeed but I know that support is not where I want to end my career.

In the meantime, life has a funny way of throwing monkey wrenches into our best laid plans.   Dom and I were planning on have a date night last Friday after work at a Japanese restaurant we hadn't been to in years.   Our Church was also having a "movie" night that we were planning to attend after dinner.   But Dom sprained his ankle while he out at Costco and needing to put air in a tire.   He basically bent down for one of the tires and he felt his ankle popping and then he fell back on the ground.   Luckily he didn't hit his head and he said a lady helped him get up.   He was also hoping to go to Church today (for the first time in awhile) but needs to stay home to heal his ankle.   It is healing for him thankfully even though he has to slow it down.   Thankfully too he has Monday off for President's Day so we're hoping by Tuesday he'll feel better enough to go back to work (even if he is hating his job and looking to go to a different school next year).   

I wound up picking up dinner at a nearby Mexican restaurant we also haven't been to in awhile.  My intention was to attend the movie night on my own afterwards but laziness took over and I wound up staying home.   But yeah life is a trip.

Devil's Punchbowl

 I was this many days old when I learned about this atrocity against African Americans.   We always hear about the cruelty that the Jews faced by Nazi Germany during World War II when they were rounded off and placed in concentration camps.   We may have even remember vaguely hearing the story about how the U.S. forced Japanese Americans into camps by a policy enacted by then president Franklin D Roosevelt in response to the attack on Pearl Harbor.

But besides forced slavery of blacks in America, I never knew that some blacks were forced to live in a concentration camp as well.    And this pre-dated both of the previously mentioned incidents.   According to this article featured in the African American Registry, the makings of the incident took place shortly after the Civil War ended and enslaved blacks were declared free.   A group of freed slaves made their way to the town on Natchez in Mississippi.   The white residents there grew fearful as the population of black folks went from 10,000 to over 100,000.   Fearing being ran over, a concentration camp was built by the Union Soldiers (the very ones that are always depicted in our history books as fighting against slavery) to encamp the freed slaves.

The camp was known as Devil's Punchbowl because of the shape of the location.   It was chosen as a way to trap them via a man-made wall so they couldn't get out.   Women and children were locked behind the walls and forced to starve.   Many wound up dying from smallpox.   The men were forced into hard labor.   Conditions were so bad that some of the folks were heard saying that they'd go back to their plantations.   

This is yet another example of man's cruelty towards one another.   Of course, there were no reparations given to future descendants of those affected by this tragedy.   There aren't any accurate numbers to denote how many blacks died from the camp since there was no record keeping that was done.    And this is not discussed in the history books.    One point Dom made when we talked about history was that the powers that be would mostly highlight historical events that ultimately puts the majority in a positive light.  Stories like these and the Tulsa Massacre where a whole town of self-made African Americans was burned to the ground would not be mentioned.   It's truly disgusting.  I wanted to blog about it so I would never forget.

Reflections Of

 The Supremes - Reflections

Through the mirror of my mind

Time after time

I see reflections of you and me

Reflections of

The way life used to be

Reflections of

The love you took from me

Oh I'm all alone now

No love to shield me

Trapped in a world

That's a distorted reality.

Happiness you took from me

And left me all alone

With only memories

I celebrate my one year work anniversary on January 31st.  I'm amazed at how fast time has flown.  Is it possible to have hate for some aspects of the job but also to be grateful for it?   It sounds like a contradiction but it's the feeling that I have for my current role.   I deal with a variety of customers from various walks of life and it can be stressful trying to come up with answers to issues that they face. 

 This week I was assigned as the primary for Severity 1 cases.   These are those cases where customers have issues that they deem to have major showstopping impacts to their business.   There are extra eyes of these cases by management who wants you to immediately reach out to the customer or sometimes multiple customers.    You have to be the voice of reason to all the craziness while at the same time researching and confirming on the issue.   Plus you still have to make your weekly case closure goals and assist other cases.   Needless to say it's been a stressful week.

My company now is also requiring employees to return to the office.   Starting in February, we'll have to commute to the office twice a week.   My home office as I mentioned is based in Indianapolis, IN which is almost 3 hours from me.    There's a smaller satellite office in Chicago with a smaller support group.   The company is in the final phase of building a new bigger location in the city that will be ready sometime in May.    

At first my manager was saying that I would have to commute to Indianapolis.  But thankfully she came around to me going to Chicago instead.   It so happens one of my fellow students from my Salesforce class also got a job at my company and works in Chicago.   So at least I will know one person.   Hopefully I can do some networking and get a position in the Chicago area.

My commute to Chicago will be a lot easier with me only having a 20 minute drive to the train station and then an hour train ride.    It would take about two hours to get to Chicago with the travel and wait time for the train but it's an easier commute than the more than 2 1/2 hour road trip to Indianapolis.   I would still visit the Indianapolis location once a month but that'll be less intense than having to travel there twice a week.

I admit I was getting spoiled having the ability to mostly work from home as opposed to having to drive to Amazon.   But I'll adapt.  That's what I've had to do all my life.

And actually we've had to go once a week starting this month.   I wound up making an appointment to a medical care facility in downtown Chicago that specializes in improving your breathing.  I've been using a CPAP machine since 2015 and would love to find an alternative way to get off it.    Commuting there would make it easier for me to make future appointments.   Since my initial appointment, I've been prescribed to do a nightly nose cleansing and Flonase.   I have noticed that I'm not blowing my nose as much since I've been doing it.   Even though during my initial consultation I was told I had the narrowest nasal passages they've ever seen in their years of seeing patients (basically it's a miracle I'm alive and could use a CPAP...*LOL*), I'm hopeful that I can get off my CPAP and sleep easier.

Layoff Blues

Waking up on January 5th one of my first thoughts was on my Dad.   He would've celebrated his 93rd birthday on that day.  As I was waking I could hear Dom leaving the house and making his way to work.   I eventually got out of bed and headed straight to the kitchen to get some water warmed up for tea.  The day before I learned that my job had laid off 10% of their work staff.   I remember seeing the intro words of an email from my CEO as I was getting my day started.   I didn't pay much mind to it and didn't open it, opting instead to get a jump on some of the work that I needed to get done.   Twenty minutes later I see a message from a team member pop up in my Slack messenger.   I recognized the message as the same email I ignored.   This time I read it and that's when I learned about the layoff.   There was initial confusion on who all got affected.   I later learned that those affected received another email telling them of their status and that their Slack messenger was immediately deactivated.   Senior management scheduled a late evening meeting to discuss the events of the day.    It was more of a streaming event where questions weren't allowed and nothing new was learned besides what was sent in the email.  A town hall with the CEO and other senior team members was planned for the next day.

So I was logging in that day and of course the topic of the day was on the events that took place on the 4th.  I began to learn the names of some of the folks affected.   Thankfully none of my immediate team were impacted.   The town hall took place in the early afternoon.   There was a separate Slack board where employees could vent and vent they did.   Upper management danced around the questions that were being asked like who was affected, would there be more let go, what happens next.   I was simultaneously doing work (customers still needed help) while listening in on the conference and at the same time seeing a lot of venting and also getting a few vents in with a few of my immediate team.  Two hours later my head was hurting and once the conference was over, I decided to step away from my work laptop.

I, of course, am no stranger to layoffs, having experiencing my own layoff from my previous job (before Amazon and a temp consulting role...*LOL*).    That company started doing layoffs in 2007 and I managed to hang on for ten more years.   It took me forever (40 months) to find this role and I'm not even a year into it (my anniversary is on the 31st) and here I am reeling from fresh layoff news.   

Having gone through a layoff, I know that no job is secure.   Even one with a company that folks deemed is in a growing industry.   I got that reminder once more on the 4th.  That's why I've been trying so hard to save as much as I can and invest.   My ongoing goal is to become financially independent.   The fact that I saved, found temporary work at Amazon (even with the paltry salary), and thankfully got a good severance helped me weather my last layoff only needing to dip into my 401-K a month before I started my new job.

Those who were impacted by my new company's layoff will be getting 20 weeks worth of salary.   It appears to be regardless of length of time employed.   I myself got 40 weeks of salary, having earned 2 weeks of salary for every year of employment.   

I dream of being able to have enough money to not be dependent on a job and to try and enjoy life a bit more.  I still have faith in my Blackberry stock helping me get there.   It's just taking a little bit longer to realize that goal.   I received a little windfall from my Dad which has helped put a dent on my main credit card.   I felt a bit guilty taking my Dad's money (even with him being gone) but I know he would want us to use the money in a way that would benefit us.   This latest layoff is just a reminder that I need to remain steadfast to my goal.