Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Fork In E's Road

Wow...time really has gone so fast.   It's been a crazy year dealing with some personal health issues as well as those of my parents.    Since my last entry, my parents have had their home shot at, my Mom had a breakdown as the result of said shooting, and after over 36 years of living in their home, they finally downgraded to a smaller 2 bedroom senior living apartment.   They officially moved there a few days before Christmas 2013.    Somehow they managed to move almost 9 bedrooms of stuff into the unit, so it's quite cluttered.   At least though they are in a somewhat safer environment.

I myself had to deal with some minor outpatient procedures for anal dysplasia a few times last year and this year due to an occurrence and recurrence of anal warts, which I first discovered in February 2013 but didn't talk about prior to now.    It's an embarrassing thing to happen but is actually quite common.    They say anywhere from 50% to 80% of sexually active persons gets HPV so I'm not alone.    The procedure itself lasts about 15 - 20 minutes and you're knocked out so you have no idea what's going on.   But you definitely feel the pain for several days afterwards and that first bowel movement, post surgery, let's just say, it's a mother.

I haven't had a recurrence of the warts since June 2013 but unfortunately last February I was found to still have abnormal cells in my anal area, which they call anal dysplasia and had to have a procedure last March to remove them.    I have a six month follow up at the end of the month where they will do an anal pap smear to see if there's still abnormal cells.    If there are, unfortunately I'll have to have yet another outpatient procedure to remove them.    I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's not the case.

My friend Sally, who's had her own trials and turbulations over the years, was there for me during all three of my outpatient procedures to take me to the hospital.   I'm grateful for her as outside of her, my friend Eugene, and my sisters Tasha and Trina, I haven't shared with anyone extensively about my health issue...till now.

Now that I shared all that...*LOL*.

My dating life has completely sucked, partially due to my situation, but mostly due to the assholes I'm unfortunately drawn to.   I'm at the point now I'm wondering if I may be better off moving to a different state to start over.    Though yes I know assholes are everywhere...*LOL*.

I do know that I'm ready to get the hell out of my townhome that I'm living in now.    I've wanted to move for years but didn't due to the economy.   Thankfully I've had my job (yeah the same one I've been talking about getting away from...*LOL*) for over 17 years now which has helped keep me afloat.    But I'm so ready to make a change and move elsewhere.    My new next door neighbor, who I think is on the DL, is a total dick.   He got off on the wrong foot when the first words out of his mouth after introducing himself to me was if he could store some stuff in my garage.    Since then we've pretty much been ignoring each other when we happen to be outside at same time.   Worse yet another new neighbor decided this year to organize a block party which made me realize as the only double minority how out of place I really am on the block.   Most of my neighbors across from me are cordial but there were definitely a few dicks and dickettes that I could do without.   In fact next year I think I'll go out of town.

In all honesty though I wanted to move a while ago so the recent incidents just added more fuel to that fire.   I haven't been happy living here for a long time.    I'm looking now to fix up the place so I can get it on the market hopefully by 2015 or 2016 but trying not to spend too much since I likely won't get a lot back.

For now I do want to move more eastward closer to the city and hopefully to a more diverse area where I'm not the only black or gay person.   But I'm contemplating whether I should downsize and move back to an apartment.    I mean I'm gonna be 42 in October.   I don't have any kids and probably won't at the rate I'm going.    What's the point of having a house, especially since I don't really use the deck and I'm not fond of gardening.   Plus it's annoying having to pay for all repairs.

Also I'm thinking I may want to move out of Illinois and if I do, I don't want to be tied to a house since it'll take longer to unload.    The "American Dream" of owning a home I've learned is really the "American Nightmare".  

I have a lot to think about.  I don't even know where I want to go.   A part of me don't want to live much further from my parents (currently 5 hours away) though I have to balance that with needing to live my own life.   I've thought of Toronto, Vancouver (though I've never been...*LOL*), Atlanta, and even good ol' Charlotte again.   Of course I'll have to find a job before moving and that in itself is a challenge.

Yes life is a trip.    But it goes on and on and hopefully I'll find time to keep this updated.