Speaking In The Buff

I'm currently in Detroit visiting my folks for the holidays.   I took my typical route to hit the city this time of year. It started with a 4:30 AM wake up call.    I still was packing up to the last minute while getting ready for my 5:30 AM taxi.    My new taxi company, 303 Taxi (replacing the less than stellar American Taxi), was at my house ten minutes early.

It was a rainy morning as I was taxied to my local Metra Station.   My driver was lazy not even getting out of his taxi (guess he didn't want to get wet) to help me with my luggage.   But despite that I gave him an extra buck since he was extra early at my place.

After getting my Metra ticket from an extra humorous attendant, I sat down in the bench and waited for the train that would whisk me to Union Station and my Amtrak train which was scheduled to leave at 7:20 AM.

As I sat waiting I couldn't help but overhear the various conversations going on around me.   The most riveting one was between the attendant himself and another lady who I only knew was a teacher.

The big discussion was on whether teachers should be allowed to have firearms in the classroom.    The debate of course is going on everywhere in light of the Newton, CT school shooting tragedy that happened last Friday.    The teacher was against the measure imagining a trigger happy teacher that may decide to shoot an irate student.   The humorous attendant was leaning the same way.

It's interesting though because whenever tragedies like the one in Newton, CT happens, that debate always seem to come up.    And as usual I can see both sides of the debate.  

There is talk of banning semi-automatic weapons is in full swing.   I would support a ban of these weapons as I don't understand why regular folks would need a semi-automatic weapon.   But unfortunately even banning it won't completely eliminate the problem.   Just like with drugs, if folks want them, they will find ways to get them.   Also coming up with a banning takes time which would give those who want a semi plenty of time to stock up before the ban takes effect.

In the meantime I'm thinking as long as a teacher or whomever in the school administration has proper training on handling a regular gun (with required annual re-certification), there shouldn't be a reason for not having some kind of protection available.    As long as risk is mitigated (unfortunately you can't truly eliminate it) against a student or anyone with nefarious intentions stealing said weapon, I'm thinking that allowing handguns for protection isn't a bad option.   But yeah that's definitely a debate of the ages.

So Hemingway my Metra train arrived and I reached Union Station just in time to hop on the big long line boarding Amtrak.   As usual some folks had to be slick trying to cut the line.    It's a wonder there isn't more fights at the station.  

Thankfully I got my own row once boarded.   Typically I wind up having to share a row as more passengers are picked up along the way.   But thankfully this year I had my own row the entire 7 1/2 hour trip.    It's funny how Amtrak from Chicago to Detroit is always late when it comes to arriving in Detroit.    This year was no exception with a 49 minute late arrival.

My Dad picked me up from the station within twenty minutes.   I'll be remaining in the city till the 28th.  

So in the meantime it's time to me to reveal Truth #1 in my "Two Truths and a Lie" game.

Without further adieu, Truth #1 is:



"I hired a man to clean my house in the nude."

Yes it's true.   I saw an ad almost two years ago from a man advertising his services.   Basically he will clean, repair, or assist in anyway whatever you need done to the house.   And he would do it in the nude.   He showed me pictures of himself of course.  I have to say he keeps himself in pretty good shape.  

Besides the nice views of watching him clean, he offered a rate that was $20 cheaper and an hour longer than my current Merry Maids.   Plus since there is no middle man, he gets the entire amount of cash, so I don't necessarily have to tip extra though I will actually give him a gift card in addition to his rate when he comes over next time.

He's helped me so much in the time I've had him.   In addition to cleaning he's helped me install a replacement toilet (including picking up the new toilet at Home Depot...and yes he was clothed in public...*LOL*), replace a faucet, install a new light fixture, flip a mattress, and help put together a giant 36 X 48 frame I bought for a blow up of one of my skydiving pics.

I really appreciate having him actually.    He told me that he just enjoys the freedom of being naked around the house.   I think he allows his clients to touch him or what not but I've actually pretty much kept things hands off except for an occasional shoulder tap.

It turned out too that he bowls at a gay bowling league that I joined a few years back.    It's a once a month league that meets on the first Saturday of the month.   So we get to socialize briefly at the alley as well.   And since I don't know if everyone knows about his extracurricular activities, I don't discuss that with him.

So yeah that's the first truth.   I'll reveal the other truth in another post.  

EVRIP

I'll do a post on my first of my two truths soon but I had to comment on the state of En Vogue.   I'm clearly behind on the latest happenings as I was shocked today to come across this video on Youtube where now Maxine and Dawn are on one side of the fence battling against Terry and Cindy.



Apparently the interviews happened in September 2012 a few months after Maxine left the group.    It appears the ladies couldn't agree on a new contract.    The last I had heard was that Cindy, Terry, and Maxine were basically stuck in a bad contract and was trying to get out of it.    I guess maybe this was Maxine's way of getting out.

I had high hopes that the four would come up with some kind of compromise so they could work on new material.   I especially was hopeful when SWV got back together and came up with a new album. That album I Missed Us overall is pure unadulterated SWV on the "2012 tip".    It's unfortunately not getting much airplay since unfortunately the state of R&B is not the same way it was in the 80's and 90's.   But I figured if SWV could get it together and do an album, why not En Vogue?

But alas it isn't meant to be.   Maxine and Dawn do sound credible in their interview that they did.    They are now a duo now called "Heirs" (in other words, the true heirs to the "En Vogue" throne).   It'll be interesting to hear some songs from the two of them.   I kinda thought Cindy and Terry were lacking that En Vogue sound without the other two.    Will Maxine and Dawn have that same problem?   Arguably I'd say that Maxine and Dawn were the stronger vocals of the four but are they really the true heirs to the throne?    Or is the answer somewhere in between.   Maybe a compromise...something the four of them just couldn't do.

Why can't these ladies get it together?  Oh well there's always their older body of work to remember them by.

Guess they all got the gun and they triggered a mess from it.



To the original EN VOGUE,  Rest In Peace!

Chillaxed Much

I'm feeling way too chillaxed these days.   In fact my entry will be short and sweet.    I need to snap myself out of my non-blogging mood.    Actually let me play two truths and one lie to summarize what's been happening in my life in the last couple weeks.    Two of them really happened.   One of them is a bold faced lie.


1)  I received yet another speeding ticket this past week after coming back from a routine doctor's appointment.

2)  I hired a man to clean my house in the nude.

3)  I discovered raccoon poop in my back patio.


Hopefully I can get myself back in the blogging mood before long.

In Tandem

I survived my birthday tandem jump.   Overall it was a great experience.   I was actually okay on the plane ride.    I was only nervous when it was time to do the actual jump.   I had completely forgotten the quick lessons that my instructor gave and he had to open my hands and open the chute.   I kept my hands in the initial prayer position that they told us to put it in.    Now that I think about it, the reason they tell you to do it that way is so that you're not pushing your hands against the side of the plane trying to keep from jumping out.    Something like this scary video:

In a later interview she said basically her knees had given out and she needed to use the side of the plane for support.   Unfortunately her diver didn't secure her properly to the harness and that's when all hell broke loose on the air.

Luckily my dive went much better.   So I can cross off one more item off my imaginary bucket list.

Next stop...Reno!

It's The Big One

Omgosh I can't believe it's finally here.   Well technically it's almost here.   The moment I've been anticipating.   I can't say I've been waiting for it but it's coming like a freight train.  My thirties are coming to an end and I officially become a 40 year old.    Next year (sigh which is only a few months away) I can say I'm a forty-something.

I thought I'd ring in my 40th doing something really memorable.   Here's a video of what I plan on doing on my 40th, which is officially on the 15th.



Well I won't be doing everything those guys are doing.   Mine will be pretty basic I think.   If I survive that the plan is the following week to fly into Reno for a few days and check out the casino scene as well as Lake Tahoe.

Definitely excited and nervous about the 15th but I'm sure it'll be okay.

Keep me in your prayers.

No Way Jose

This is gonna be a long entry.   But hey I haven't blogged in over a month so I'm due.

I go from family drama in my last entry to friend, well it's former friend now, drama.    My friendship (if I  could really call it that) was put to the test during a routine movie night.   Jose, fresh back from his seven month stint in San Diego, called me late July wanting to catch a movie.    The first movie he mentioned wanting to see was Magic Mike.

It was actually the second time that movie was suggested to me.  Believe it or not I didn't even have it on my radar prior.   Sally asked me if I wanted to see it with her and after she told me what it was about, I told her that it wasn't my cup of tea.   It sounded like one of those movies that I would rather wait till it came out on DVD (which actually I'm guessing it should be coming out in October sometime just in time for my 40th).   So I had suggested seeing Avengers instead.   That went without incident.

I can't say the same for my movie night with Jose.   I told Jose that I wasn't feeling the movie but I sensed that he really wanted to see it and when he made other suggestions, none of the other choices interested me. That night would be the first time I would've hung out with Jose since my last visit to San Diego.   I decided against my better judgment to go see Magic Mike with him.

Not really wanting to deal with an ignorant usher, I chose to get my ticket at the kiosk when I reached the theater.   As I was in the process of figuring out the kiosk, Jose came up behind me.    We greeted each other and then he went to the kiosk next to mine to attempt and purchase a ticket as well.    He was having trouble with using that kiosk and also using the one I did so he wound up going to an usher to purchase.   That actually went fine.

So then after getting snacks (I only got water since I had eaten a heavy lunch earlier) we give our tickets to the usher.   He gave us a snide look as he directed us to the theater way in the back on the lower level.   The majority of folks were ushered upstairs for other shows and the only folks going down the lower level were women so Jose and I really stood out.

The show was in a room way down the end of the long hallway.    It was like the longest walk ever (longer than when I came out to my parents...lol).   I made some small talk with Jose as we walked down to try and ease my mind a bit.

Once we entered the room where it was playing though, whatever little ease I got from the small talk, went away.   The theater was semi-packed and all I could see was women.   As far as I could tell, Jose and I were the only two men in the room.   I totally was out of my comfort zone as Jose and I made our way for some seats.    I heard Jose tell a lady in a seat behind ours that 'it wasn't assigned seating'.   I didn't even hear the lady but I guess she must've said something about saving the seats for somebody.

So we sat down and I was a bit stone-faced.   Jose was cool as a cucumber.   I admit that I shouldn't care what folks think about me watching a movie that is catered to women but I did.   After a minute Jose wanted to move (I'm assuming the same lady he had the exchange with was doing annoying stuff behind him) so we wound up moving to a different section.

It's possible Jose may have been joking but he said that there was a lady attempting to take a picture of us.   That made me even more mortified.

It felt like an eternity before the movie started.   It finally kicked off.   The movie had it ups and downs but it mostly left me feeling like I could've waited for the DVD.   Unfortunately almost throughout the second half of the movie, the lady that was sitting behind me decided to use the back of my chair as a leg rest.   I was too uncomfortable to do anything but push back against my chair to compete with her pushing on the back of mine.   When it was finally over I immediately got up and turned around and I saw the bitch run off upstairs.

I told Jose I never again was going to put myself in a situation like that.   I sheepishly tried to smile as we walked out of the theater with the throngs of women that were leaving.   When we reached near the exit, Jose wanted to find a restroom.   The same usher who gave the snide look asked us how it was.   Afterwards he made a snide comment that the movie probably made us want to go to the strip bar and jack off.

I rolled my eyes as I followed Jose to the restroom (to jack off...NOT!).   I could see that my reaction throughout the evening was affecting Jose and he kind of gave me a rushed goodbye.

I felt guilty about my behavior and called him later.   He acted like nothing was amiss and even said he was looking to 'order in' (code for having a booty call come over).  I still felt like things weren't right between us as we hung up.

I got that confirmation a month ago (August 9).   Two weeks or so before that date I called Jose and got his voicemail.   I chalked it up to his being busy.    He mentioned prior to that fateful night that he was going to several different interviews for a new consulting position.

A week went by and I didn't hear from him so I called again.   Got his voicemail again.   I dismissed my fears about him being mad at me with assuming that maybe he was traveling (he does travel quite a bit for different vacation just recently coming back from his own trip to Spain) somewhere and didn't get a chance to check in.

I called again on August 6th and got the voicemail again.   I waited till the 9th and called again.   Voicemail.  I  realized that he definitely must be avoiding me.    I wondered if Jose was done with whatever we had but I felt like Jose being the person he is, would've been man enough to tell me to my face (or at least over the phone).    He's never been one to shy away from saying how he feels.   That's just how he rolls.

I was calling his cellphone the entire time but decided to call once more but this time his home phone.   Do I even need to say that v-word again?   I decided that I wanted to pay a visit to him that day to find out what was going on.   I was working from home that day and it was near my lunch break anyway.   I had my suspicions but a part of me just wondered if he was okay.

So Jose lives in a high-rise and has a doorman.   I went up to the doorman and not knowing whether Jose was home or not, I told him that I was there to see Jose.   He proceeds to call and gets an answer.   My heart literally sank as I got the confirmation that Jose was avoiding me.

I wasn't even sure he was going to let me come up and I was preparing in my mind some excuse to tell the doorman so I could quickly leave but the doorman said to go ahead and he buzzed me in.   It was the longest elevator ride up to Jose's floor (sensing a theme yet...*LOL*).

So I get to his entryway and he already has the door open.   Jose's place is in disarray since he's in the midst of doing some remodeling.   So he's all fake cheery as he runs to his home office and tells me to sit down.   He didn't even give me a chance to ask him what was going on.   He runs back and hands me a paper.   I was still standing at this point but he said I needed to sit down for what he was going to tell me.

Basically the paper was an email that he sent to me as I was making my way to his place.   The funny thing is I didn't even look at my phone otherwise I would've gotten it mid-way before arriving.    In his own words he said that he saw a whole other side of me when we were at the movies and that he didn't like it.   He said that I don't listen to anything he says and that I'm always playing the victim when it comes to dealing with situations.   He said that my friends (particularly Eugene and Sally) take advantage of me and I let them.   He then said that he has his own issues (yes he does but I won't list them...*LOL*) he's dealing with and he felt like if we continued to hang out, he would be enabling me and saying it's okay to 'play the victim' so he wanted to end whatever it was that we had.   He said friendship of course but in my mind if after one bad situation you're ready to call it quits then we really weren't friends to begin with.

I sat there dumbfounded as he was saying all this and I was reading his email.   I was racking my brain trying to recall any other times where Jose and I had a bad experience and couldn't recall one.   I do realize that I shouldn't give a damn if everyone knew the moment we walked in that we were two gay guys (who might even be sleeping with each other...even though that was almost two years back since that happened) and there were plenty of times when I didn't give a damn.   I can't even count the number of times we went out for dinner and I know some people assumed we were dating (or planning to fuck afterwards) and I didn't give a damn.   Especially at Italian restaurants...*LOL*.

I think too he was referring to how I handle situations that happen.   In general I don't like confrontation and will usually look for non confrontational ways to deal with those situations.   I know of course you do have to confront things head on at times and eventually I find a way to do so even if I don't always get the desired results.

One thing he kept harping on was how I would tell him 'that's just the way I am'.    And while it's definitely a good thing to change bad habits, anyone who has those habits know that it's something that won't change overnight.

In his mind I should've been calling a therapist to deal with my issues.    He mentioned that before while I was recounting my childhood in San Diego and he's said it a couple times before that.   Since I was taking no steps to get help and not listening to him on other matters (like changing my job...he's a career coach), he felt he shouldn't be around me.

As for my friends I definitely felt he was out of line there.   But he did acknowledge that he came 'late to the party' (I've known Eugene and Sally longer) and knows I don't agree with his viewpoint.   He met Eugene once and I will admit Eugene didn't exactly make a good first impression.    Basically Eugene was preoccupied playing backgammon on his phone instead of our conversation.   I tried non verbally to tell Eugene to put his phone away but of course he wasn't having it.

I shared with Jose in the past some of the difficulties Eugene was having at his last job with certain folks.   He did wind up finding another gig with another university and thankfully other than moving halfway across the state he doesn't have to relocate.   Jose basically told me that Eugene is rude and arrogant and that he could see why he's having problems with his job.

He never even met Sally but I did confide to him about her losing her job and how I've been helping her financially over the years whenever she asks.   It's not like I'm rich or anything but if she needs extra to pay her phone bill or gas or need groceries and I have a little bit extra, I've given it to her.

I've known Sally for over 17 years and for him to come along and say that she's taking advantage of me is an insult to me.   I have told Sally a few times that I couldn't help her at certain times but just gave when I could. It's not like I've been giving money to her left and right.

I was dismayed that he had to drag my friends into his fight with me when I'm the one he had an issue with.   I could've easily said some things about his "so-called" friends who are more like acquaintances.   Honestly other than this one nice lesbian couple who I think are genuine from my brief interactions with them, I feel like   the rest of his posse are only there for what they can do for each other.

Jose's forever telling me about all these weddings (he's goes to at least 5-6 weddings a year...so at least 12 in the two years I've known him) he goes to and how he's always buying gifts for them and how they're always having gatherings at these swanky mansions and locations.   I feel like if any of them were to ever fall into hard times (like Sally did), that they would slowly drift themselves out of his life and he would drift from them as well.   Basically not take the calls or call back when they know that person won't answer and say 'I'm sorry.'    But of course I don't really know his so-called friends like that.   Though I can infer that would happen from how he treated me.    But I would never say anything like that to him because that's rude and disrespectful and I don't have any history with his "business acquaintances".    But yet he chose to do that to me.

So basically he told me to have a nice life as I left his place.  When I got back home I read his email on the computer and decided to write my response to him.

I expressed how disappointed I was that he chose to end whatever it was we had.   I told him that I wished I had stuck with my first instinct and not chose 'Magic Mike'.   However I added that maybe it was meant to happen like it did.   I truly believe that some things are meant to happen and if it wasn't 'Magic Mike', he would've found some other reason to end it.   Clearly he was looking to get out.

Whatever it was we had I did appreciate having him in my life.  Like I said before he offered me an additional perspective on things and even if I didn't follow his advice or do things as he wanted, I ultimately appreciated having him in my life.

I was sad at that time but I didn't cry.   The funny thing is that I kinda went through several phases to get over him.   First phase I was in denial.   Pretty much I was in denial the entire time he was giving his reasons for ending whatever it was we had.    Then I was sad for my loss, which I expressed in my email.    Then I had the angry phase (which I kinda am having again as I write this) like who the fuck does he think he is.   What a selfish prick he is.   But now I've come to the acceptance part.

I'm reminded of this quote.   I don't even know where it comes from.

"People always come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME."

I'll choose to remember the positive SEASONs that Jose and I had.   Even though I think ultimately he made a mistake, he has to live with it, not me.

Kiss And Tell

Brownstone - Kiss And Tell

Oh oh, tell me


Tell me if you kiss and tell
If you will that just won't do
I got something for you but
It stays between me and you

First off I know my entry is overdue but what a nice surprise to have Karsh and BuddahDesmond make comments on my last entry.    It felt like reuniting with the old blog gang from years back.   It was great seeing you guys virtually and definitely am glad you found my new home.   I need to visit your blog homes as well.

So now to the meat of today's blog.

The few lyrics I listed in the opening pretty much sums up the family drama that went down last weekend.    To tell the complete story I need to go back to a few days before.   I don't believe I mentioned it before but one of my many, many overseas cousins (daughter of my Mom's younger sister....my aunt) came to Detroit for the second time last Tuesday to visit my family.    Crissy previously visited Detroit in the summer of 2010.   She just turned 19 and it was her first trip to the U.S.    She's in school outside of Paris, France studying an undecided major.

So Crissy's previous visit overall made a positive impact on the family and my parents and younger sister Trina especially became smitten with her.   Trina's appeal was that it was nice to interact with a cousin, something that my sisters and I never fully experienced being that we were growing up in the U.S. while the rest of the myriads of cousins were living overseas.    My parents appeal was that they liked her like another child.   They were keeping in touch on and off (mostly via Skype).

So Crissy decided to pay a surprise visit to Detroit (Trina was in on it).   Trina picked Krissy up from the airport and the arrangement was that Krissy would stay with Trina but during the day stay with my parents.

So Monday morning I get a 6am call from my Mom.    She was upset because Trina's husband Donovan (I guess I should give him a name now that he's officially family...*LOL*) came over Saturday night alone basically confronting my parents on their treatment of Trina.   Basically he felt like they were taking advantage of Trina and not utilizing Tasha and myself enough.   He also unloaded some hurt feelings on how the parents prefer Tasha's boyfriend Abe (Tasha unofficially mentioned to my Dad that Abe and her will be getting married next year) over him and said some mean things about Abe in the process.    He also mentioned how they didn't even offer to help in regards to their first child getting married.

I was stunned hearing all this and was no longer sleepy.   I tried to ask my Mom more questions but she kept trying to get off the phone since she said she was tired and needed to take her medication.   She hung up and left me confused.

In my mind I was wondering why Donovan would go over by himself (since previously when he's visited, it's always been with Trina).   I was worried if Donovan was going rouge but at the same time was wondering what could've triggered him.    I assumed Trina may have been expressing some displeasure over some of the situations with my parents.

I felt somewhat bad because I did see that my Mom tried calling me Saturday night.   But I was hanging out with Sally consoling her about some new issues that crept up so I didn't answer and I forgot to call back Sunday.

So I was originally supposed to go into the office for a team meeting but I could barely concentrate at work and had to tell my manager I needed to work from home to deal with some family matters.

Later that morning I get a text from Tasha telling me that she needed to talk to me.   I was thinking she may shed some light on what happened Saturday.   She then asked me if I still had my email address, which I did of course, and then she forwarded me an email she had sent to my Dad regarding the house situation.   Basically on that end my Dad called me a couple weeks ago, upset about the email and thinking that we all were in on it.    He basically said that he didn't want to move, he felt safe in his house, and that he doesn't have the money to do so.   He wanted me to tell Tasha the same.  I didn't comment (which is something that I need to not do) but I knew that if he needed to tell her something, he should do it.

When she sent me the email, I saw that she also forwarded it to Donovan (but not Trina).   So then my mind was racing (with help from my counsel Eugene...*LOL*) wondering if Donovan was overstepping in the sense that he went there to bring up my parent's moving out, which is more something my sisters and I should be doing.   Eugene was saying maybe my sisters turned to him since I wasn't doing anything about it.

I was getting upset though thinking that they were having these conversations with Donovan but not including me.   I really needed to talk to Tasha and Trina to get to the bottom of the mystery since all I could go on was my parent's version and Tasha's email.

During lunch I called home and got my Dad on the phone.   I pretty much got the same information from him as my Mom.   Basically Donovan spoke to my Dad privately and then things got heated when my Mom came in the room.    He added that when Donovan mentioned his feelings on the wedding, he told him in turn that they're not made of money.    I asked him if he felt threatened by Donovan and he said no.    But I still didn't know what triggered Donovan's visit.

So I called Tasha that evening and basically she provided the reason for Donovan's visit.   In a nutshell my Mom confided in my cousin Crissy that she wished that she could have participated in Trina's wedding and that I was her favorite child.

 Some context into the Trina wedding.   Basically Trina was looking into options as far as halls but the costs were above their budget.   She did speak to my parents before regarding the wedding but my parents were quiet about it.    Trina thinks they were quiet because they thought she was asking for money but she maintains that wasn't the case.   In the end to save costs, they wed at a bed and breakfast on May 20 with just the two of them.

As for me being her favorite child, that's been a running theme in my family for years now, and pretty much Trina and Tasha already knew that.   It's not right but it is what it is.

So Tasha mentioned that Crissy decided to tell Trina about what my Mom said.   Trina got upset and talked about it with Donovan and as a result Donovan came over and had the exchange with my parents.

So she added that on Sunday night Trina and herself went over to the house to discuss about what happened Saturday.   They attempted to clear the air about the wedding, the family dynamics, and the moving.   When they confronted my Mom about calling me her favorite, she denied it.    My Dad then went into it about the email and stated that he didn't want to move.   It was a surreal evening no doubt.

I spoke to Trina on Tuesday evening and she added some final context that bought everything together. She said after my Mom denied calling me her favorite, my Dad told her that he's "her favorite girl".    He did this right in front of Tasha.    I couldn't even believe the insensitivity of that.   Tasha didn't mention that part to me but I can imagine even though sadly our parents made it clear before on our rankings to hear it said in front of her definitely was a sting.   At least when they called me their favorite they did so privately.  Trina was upset by it as well and then went to town telling my Dad if she was his favorite girl, how come he didn't do anything for the wedding, to which again my Dad mentioned the 'not made of money' comment.   Trina stated it was the weirdest moment talking with my parents.   It went from intense to silly back to intense again.

  Trina also stated to them that she didn't tell Donovan to go over to the house but that she wasn't sorry that he did.    He was only reiterating her feelings on the issues that had been brewing.   She did say he felt bad for talking smack about Abe but in the heat of the moment, he said some things he shouldn't have.   They're hoping to make amends with Abe and Tasha by inviting them over for dinner.   They also want to apologize to my folks for the escalation of issues though my Dad said he didn't want an apology.    Will have to see how that goes.

With that said I will actually be visiting Detroit tomorrow until Sunday.   I definitely want to speak my two cents on the issue and actually I need to put my foot down whenever my parents, especially my Mom talks bad about my sisters.   Basically in the past I bit my tongue and in turn I never shared with my sisters the things that were being said since some of them were hurtful.   But from now on whenever my Mom says anything about them, I will tell her 'have you talked to them about it' and when she says 'no', I'll say maybe you should tell them about it instead of me.

I have a feeling saying this will push my Mom to question my new attitude and in that case I'll have to unload my baggage that I've kept inside for years to both my parents.    Basically I feel like when they talk bad about my sisters, that they're trying to divide my sisters and I and get us fighting among ourselves.   Luckily we've have pretty positive relationships and have been able to get past it.   But the scars of those words remain there and even though Trina said she was fine, hearing the comments from my "kiss and tell" cousin Crissy proved that hurt feelings still remain.    I was kinda pissed about Crissy yapping about what my Mom said but realized that my Mom was the one that gave her the ammunition and unlike myself, she didn't have the filter to keep it to herself.    And while it resulted in the confrontations, maybe in the long run some good will come out of it.

I will definitely also have to keep working with my parents on getting them out of the hood.   I told my sisters we have to attack them with finances since that seems to be my Dad's biggest concern.   Basically weigh out the expenses of staying versus moving.   Somehow we have to work towards their other issues to moving too...like their antisocial tendencies...in a lot of ways they like being in their isolated house (even with everything around them falling into chaos).   Even trying to get them to go out to dinner is a challenge.  So many issues...too much to delve in one entry.

I'm going to have an interesting visit tomorrow and this weekend.   And thankfully Eugene's theories from earlier were unfounded.

Someday He'll Come

It's been a very frustrating time for me in the love life department since I broke up with Rock years back.   I admit there are times when I wonder if I should've stuck it out a little longer there.    But when I think back on the things I went through with Rock, both good and bad, I'm pretty sure I made the right decision to end it.  

But it's been so crazy trying to find suitable guys for dating that meet my criteria and at the same time have an interest in me.    Even trying to do the friends with benefits thing has left me unfulfilled.     The bad thing about the FWB thing is that sometimes you catch feelings for the other person.    But when they're not at that same level and will likely never get there, it leads to disappointment.

Lately I've been running into guys that sound good on paper but when you try to connect with them, the evasion games begin.   Granted about three or four of them lived in other states.   I don't know what it is about me and long distance attempts.   I can never seem to find a guy near me and since I live in the burbs even if I do find one, the challenge is finding one willing to commute to me.

The scenario ends up that I'm the one trying to keep the conversations going and when I stop talking they stop talking.   The worst thing is you can't complain about it because as I blogged about before, if you bitch about it, you're being too dramatic or so sensitive.   Push them to suggest a meeting date and they tell you that you're going too fast (even if you have no intentions of sex).

I'm so sick and tired of being single.   Of course if I ever am in a relationship again, I'll probably then say I wish I were single.   LOL...always pining for what you don't have.

But I guess I can't give up.  Interestingly enough I may have some summer intrigue close to home.    My former neighbor who has had her house in the market for over four years finally found a buyer.    And one of my nosey neighbors across the street made a point to tell me that he's single and drives a Harley Davidson.   Of course in my fantasies I imagine he's a stud and it'll be magical when we finally meet.

But yes I know it's a fantasy.    But sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.    Who knows...maybe my prince will come and live next door to me.    Yeah right.

But in the meantime I close out with En Vogue's rendition of Someday My Prince Will Come.   Cindy tears this song up and gets strong support from the other ladies.    Maybe someday my prince will come.    But if he doesn't it'll have to be okay.

You Say Jello, I Say Gelato

Move over ice cream.   There's a new creamy treat in town that's taken over pleasing my taste buds.   For the last couple months I've been enjoying this tasty treat called gelato.    In particular I'm liking this brand named Talenti Gelato.  

I first introduced myself to Talenti while visiting Jose in San Diego last February.    I went to a local health food store not far from where Jose lived and stumbled on the tasty treat in the desert isle.   Well my eyes stumbled upon it.    I've actually seen the Talenti brand before elsewhere in Chicagoland but never felt the inclination to buy it since a pint of the gelato runs you around $5.19.    But the store was having a sale and the Black Cherry Gelato looked so good that I had to try it.   Plus I was on vacation.   Why not, right?

I wound up not trying it that visit but Jose did and was singing its praises.    I didn't think about it again till my next visit.   I once again got the Black Cherry and finally had my chance to give it a shot.   So creamy and the cherry chunks were simply divine and gave the gelato that one two punch.

Ever since then I've been purchasing their gelato on a weekly basis.   I've tried almost all the flavors that have been available.   My additional faves have included Caribbean Coconut, Caramel Cookie Crunch, Sea Salt Caramel, and Sicilian Pistachio.

Unfortunately though I haven't been able to find my first Talenti love, Black Cherry, anywhere.   It's been disappointing though the other flavors do keep me satiated.    So my quest for Black Cherry continues.   Too bad I can't ship it from San Diego.   I'll have to email the company and ask the stores if they plan on carrying Black Cherry as that's a personal favorite.

I went to Target this afternoon and found a new flavor I haven't tried yet but nonetheless looked intriguing.   Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip.    It's described in their website as a combination of the pleasantly tart, floral flavor of farm fresh black raspberries with flecks of dark chocolate.   Hopefully flecks are similar to chunks...*LOL*.


But it's perfect for tonight.   It'll go great with my viewing of the new season of Pretty Little Liars with its premiere airing this evening.   I haven't been this hooked on a show since my beloved Half & Half went off the air.   It's like appointment TV for me.   If I'm not able to get home in time from work, I'm sure to watch it first thing in the morning at hulu before starting my new workday.   Who knew a show about a bunch of teenage girls being harassed by a mysterious figure only known as 'A' would capture my interest.   So embarrassing but I figure my secret is safe with the blog world.  

That Thing

If that title was in my other blog I probably would've whipped out the verses to Lauryn Hill's single Doo Wop.    But this entry isn't about "that thing"....*LOL*.   Though I need to get "that thing" in order.   It's been a minute since I've talked about "that thing" or anything...*LOL*.    But that's for another post.

So Tasha sent an urgent text to Trina and myself earlier this week concerning our parents.   The fact that Tasha was the one sending this S.O.S. was significant since she hasn't been as involved with caring for my parents until recently.   But she mentioned that she was worried because her boyfriend found two bullet casings near my parent's front porch when he was pulling out the weekly trash.   

We've all been trying unsuccessfully for the last few years to get my parents to move to a smaller place.   It's been a very frustrating process.   It's definitely an emotional thing that's holding them at the house.   Both of them have their health issues and basically our old family home is too much home for them in a nearly dead neighborhood.

Tasha's biggest worry is that my parents are in danger from the neighborhood drug dealers (who have changed ranks yet again due to recent turf wars).   And I totally hate visiting my parents "in the hood" because of that but it would break them if I didn't visit.

Tonight my Dad was complaining about his auto insurance going up and I kept saying location plays a role (a subtle dig to tell him there are other areas besides Detroit to live).   But last round he seemed fine with wanting to move out of Detroit but my Mom still wants to stay in Detroit.   She's only talking about moving a few blocks away to some townhomes near Henry Ford where they go to their doctors.

It's a mess.  I didn't even want to talk to them because I was pissed about the whole situation.   My Dad of course in the course of our conversation asked if I was swinging by for the holiday weekend.   I told him that I wasn't able to...truth is I rather spend my holiday weekend in Chicago.

But I later was talking to my Mom and in the course of our conversation, even with us disagreeing on their living situations, I had to smile because through it all my Mom and I still have "that thing".    What's that thing?   I talked about it before....it's our Libra Connection.   I actually told myself that I would visit Detroit around Father's Day since it would make my Dad really happy.   And lo and behold my Mom tells me that I should come on Father's Day.   I swear even though we don't see eye to eye on some things, we definitely have that...Libra thing...as I like to call it.   We seem to be in tune with our thoughts at times.   Totally wild.

Job Blessings

It's funny.   After I had my own blog therapy session, I just went off and vanished.    But I'm doing fine.  

My friend Sally is doing fine too.   If you remember from my previous blog, Sally had lost her IT job back in late November 2007 and had been looking for an IT job ever since.   It's been a crazy long journey.   She's had so many interviews but no dice.   To make ends meet she was able to get a full time job at retail but it didn't pay nearly as much as she used to get.     So from time to time I assisted her with bills here and there whenever I could.     She got her mortgage refinanced and was able to save her home.

Well God finally answered her prayers and she started a new IT job last Monday.   It's via a consulting firm and the assignment is ten months but it's the boost she needed.    Hopefully she can make connections and land another gig.   But it's just what the doctor ordered.

Thera-E

I'm about to have a deep entry.  Or maybe it's just long.  I will let you guys decide.  Lol.  

Jose tells me that I need to speak to a therapist.  One morning while I was at his place in San Diego, I was telling him about a recent breakthrough I had on why my attraction to guys  gravitated toward bearish bigger men.  It'll probably be obvious to the veteran readers of my older blog (I know there's at least 2...LOL).  But if you remember my tendency for having a "blonde moment" or two (or three...LOL), you'll forgive me.  

So Hemingway I concluded that the reason for my attraction could stem back to my "bully".  Basically "bully" was a bigger kid and while he was wrong for violating me, a part of me was turned on.  So my breakthrough recently was that I am trying to find "bully" in the big bearish men I seek out.  Maybe to close that period in my life.  I never really did have closure since I kept quiet on what happened.  

I was recounting another childhood incident to him that happened in 7th grade.  I borrowed from the library an encyclopedia (specific to the Olympics, not sure exactly what it was called) for some report I needed to do.  The glue holding a lot of the book pages together to the frame was loose and a lot of pages were not affixed to the frame.    Also some of the pages were written on, others torn up.  Knowing what I know now, I would've told the librarian at the time that the book was messed up.  Though actually you would've thought that she would notice that.  My memories are sketchy when it comes to the checking out part.  

But they were very clear upon returning the book.    The return of the book actually went without incident.  This was because there was a return cart where you could put the book back and later the librarian (or assistant) would check it back to the system.  

So a few days later the entire class was in the library studying for something I now don't remember.  At some point during this event, the librarian called me up to her desk.  

I went and she asked me about the encyclopedia I borrowed and what happened to it.    I told her that it was damaged when I checked it out.  She basically called me a liar.  I argued back that I didn't do anything to the book.  We went back and forth and of course the class is now listening in.  

My teacher came forward and basically sided with the librarian.  So it's two white ladies (I don't know if that detail really matters but I felt like it needed to be said) arguing against me.  

They threatened to keep me after school if I didn't admit to damaging the book.  All I could think is I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents since I've never was in trouble for anything before (at least that year).  So not wanting to involve my parents, I caved in and admitted to damaging the book even though I didn't do so.    

I was in tears by that point as they directed me back to my seat.  I remember telling my classmates near me afterwards that I didn't do it.  Not that any cared.  

Thinking about it today, it makes sense that I reacted the way I did.  As I blogged in the past, I am guilty of being a people pleaser.  By admitting to something I didn't do, I pleased the librarian and teacher and let them bully me into thinking they were right.    I indirectly pleased my parents since I didn't involve them in a situation that would require them to come to the school.  

A part of me thinks I also did it because on some level I didn't want further embarrassment with my parents coming in the classroom.    My sisters and I are first generation US citizens and I think I didn't want my parents to come in the school and perhaps cause me more grief than what couldve been solved by the lie.


I also think I may have been protecting them too.    I kept a lot of stuff that I went through to myself.   That's why I'm my own worst critic.    I beat myself a lot on the 'coulda woulda shoulda's instead of acting out in the moment.

So many possibilities exists but perhaps that's why I need the therapy.  But in a lot of ways, that's what I've been doing with my blog.    At least I usually feel better after a particularly moving entry.

But perhaps I'm not taking into account what actions I can do to grow from my experiences.  So I get caught in the vicious cycle of making the same mistakes over and over again.  

Besides black people "don't do no therapy".  That's for crazy white folks.    At least that's what I've always learned.    

It has always been about appearances, especially with my Mama.    She was the one to say 'wear clean underwear in case of an accident' , 'don't tell people your business', and other little phrases.  

Mind you, I'm not blaming my parents for what happened to me.  I ultimately made the choices I did.  But if there was one lesson I could've gotten, it would be to stand up for yourself and never let anyone force you to accept their truth if you know it's not your truth.  It's a lesson I will teach my future son or daughter.  (Yeah I'm still holding on to that dream.  LOL).   Also it probably would be good to know that if a situation ever came up like that, that I would let my kid know that it's okay if they make you stay afterschool that I would have their back (as long as they tell the truth).  


I'm not saying that my parents never taught me that.    But I didn't learn the birds and bees from them either.    Had to get my experiences in sex from the streets.   But I don't know if I would've been receptive to that talk either....*LOL*.

I don't know if things wouldve been different had I gotten that lesson.  I might've even made the same mistakes.    Jose feels I should talk to my parents about those moments but I don't feel like that would really accomplish anything.   This is especially so since both my parents are not in the best of health.     


It's just amazing how much your adult life is shaped by the experiences of your childhood.   I'm not saying I was a perfect child either.    I've definitely done things in my past I'm not proud of.    As bad as I had it, there were kids even lower on the totem pole than I that also had it bad.    I would never stand up for them either.   I was just glad for a few moments that the focus wasn't on me.  That doesn't make it right though.    If I could I would make amends to those kids as well.


I shudder to think what would've happened if the internet was around during my time growing up.    At least once I was home, I was able to get away from the school madness.   But it's scary and sad hearing about the cyber bulling that's taking place.     


When I think about it, I question if I even want to bring a child into the world.    Would I want him or her to go through what I went through.   I'd like to think that I would be able to apply my experiences to help them get through the challenges (if any).   I would definitely teach my kids to defend themselves and it wouldn't hurt to have them take up a sport or two to encourage socialization and healthy competition so that would give them that extra drive.    I would've liked to have done more of those activities growing up but I know stuff like that cost money and my parents didn't have a lot of discretionary income to spread around.


It sounds like I'm making excuses and perhaps I am.    But I do know my parents did the best they could under the circumstances and they would have no way of helping me if I didn't open up.    So I definitely made my bed there.


We all carry our own baggage I suppose.   It's just learning how not to let that baggage dictate your future.    I could try to apply that in a way I do with different potential boyfriends.     I try to judge them on their own merit and not compare them to past guys.    At the same time though I use that past experience to gauge how to handle the present.    I think I need to apply that same thing to the bad experiences in life.   


It's not like I think about certain bad childhood moments every minute of my life.    I would go crazy if I did.    But I have to know when I do to accept that I can't change the past but I should learn from it.   And hopefully not repeat those same mistakes.


Stand up for myself!    If I don't, nobody else will.


So ends my blog therapy for today.

Careless Fun

Hey Ladynay.   It was so cool seeing your comment on my last entry which seemed so long ago.    How you know those were my legs?    Ok fine...they were.     My legs are meaty but the angle of my camera made them look smaller....*LOL*.   That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Hemingway I got back from San Diego last week and overall enjoyed myself.   I stayed in Jose's condo in a comfortable aerobed that he bought for guests.    I got to see the town, visit a few casinos, and some bars, including the Redwing Bar & Grill I mentioned.   I tore the house down with my rendition of Careless Whisper.    It was really sad having to go back home.   I definitely want to go back again.

Here are a few pic highlights.

San Diego Bound

My friend Jose in December got a job offer in San Diego to work at a pharmaceutical company at director of their Human Resources department.    It's a six month job assignment that is perfect since he gets to spend his winter away from frigid Chicago.

Those benefits weren't immediately realized though as Chicago has had unseasonably warm weather for most of December and part of January.   Of course that changed last week with the Midwest's first batch of wintry mayhem.   And today we're expected to get anywhere from 3 to 5 inches.

So Jose told me that I could come visit him anytime while he's up there.    So I took him up on the offer and will be flying there on Valentine's day.    With my remote job, I can work from anywhere as long as I have an ethernet connection.    So I'll be working from his apartment in San Diego on Wednesday and Thursday.    Then I took off Friday and Monday.   So the great thing about that is that I'll have all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to enjoy the sites of San Diego.   I fly back to Chicago Monday early afternoon.



So I need to get an itinerary ready for things to do.    I'm sure I'll want to hit a beach while I'm there to check out the hot guys.   There is this one beach that has a gay section called Black's Beaches.    It sounds like a bit of a hike to get there though, based on one reviewer's comments:

"Once you arrive at the Torrey Pines gliderport, you've reached the main (intermediate) trail. It's the easiest to hike down (none are easy to hike up, so be sure you're prepared for a workout on the way back), but it also drops you in the middle of the straight section of Blacks Beach. Like many nude beaches, mostly nude men who aren't in shape run around naked, but a few hot guys (and even fewer women) can be seen as well. Many more guys are found in the gay section about a half mile north. It can be reached directly from the advanced trail, which is merely a dirt path at the north end of the parking lot north of the gliderport. This trail is even harder to climb back up, without the assistance of ropes, railroad tie steps, etc. that are found on the main trail."


But it might be worth it to get to the promised land.   And actually Jose lives not far from there.   Depending on his location, we might even be able to walk there.

Of course there's the gay bars.   Jose and I have pretty diverse tastes in guys.    He likes them young and twinky while I like them beefy and bearish.    So coming up with a bar that we both agree to might be a challenge.   But probably not.    With such bar names as The Brass Rail, Pecs, Urban Moe's, and Bourbon Street (a shout out to New Orleans no doubt), hopefully there'll be something between the different bars for both us to enjoy.    I especially wouldn't mind hitting Redwing Bar & Grill as they have a karaoke bar for me to get my sing on.

And then there's the San Diego Zoo, which apparently have sleepovers where you can spend the night there.   Not sure I'd want to but that's an interesting option.

I can't forget about the casinos either since I'm such a casino whore.   There's Pechanga Resort, Harrah's Rincon, Barona's, and Viejas.    Assuming Jose tags along, he'd want to check out some of the steakhouses that are housed there.   The websites of all the main casinos make their restaurants sound so good.

So much other things to do.   There's different parks like Balboa and shopping centers to visit.   I could even go parasailing.   I'm definitely looking forward to my trip and to get away from the crazy weather in Chicago.

Commit Yourself

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

One good thing about the new year is that you can get away with saying Happy New Year even if it's a week or two past the 1st.    Other holidays you pretty much only have that day and then folks look at you weird if you say Happy Thanksgiving in March.

I can't believe another year is upon us.    I rung in the New Year with a hot hookup.   So I guess that means I'll end the year with a hot hookup.   *LOL*.   Of course I do want more.   But I'm getting to the point now that I feel like I'm pretty much going to be single for my remaining time on Earth.   And if I am so be it.    I still would love to have a child even if it means raising him or her alone.   I just have to figure out how to go about doing it.

I was surprised to see my ex Rock's number show up on my caller ID a few weeks back.   I decided not to answer hoping he would leave a message.    But he didn't.    So it's almost like he's putting the burden on me to commit myself to call him since he didn't commit himself to leave a message.   I get he may be afraid to leave a message for risk that I don't call him back anyway but if he's sincerely trying to get in contact, he shouldn't be afraid to put himself out there.   I mean, commit himself.   Take a freaking risk.   While I don't think we would get back together, I would be fine with truly being friends with him.    He did the exact same thing almost a year ago with the random call and no message.    He could've been drunk dialing me for all I know.

I had a good visit with the family over the holiday.   My Dad was my Secret Santa and wound up giving me $100.   With everything he's gone through health wise this past year and still today, I was understanding.   Plus who couldn't use the money (though I blew most of it at a casino...bad boy I know...*LOL*).    It makes for some interesting dynamics adding my sisters' boyfriend and fiance to the Secret Santa mix.    Tasha's boyfriend had my Dad's name and wound up getting him some DVDs on train travel.   His reasoning given was that he recalled my Dad talking about wishing he could travel more and how he enjoys traveling by train, hence his gift.    While my Dad wound up not being too crazy about the DVDs (he said it was literally a film of a camera on a train looking out the window with no narration whatsoever and there were 10 in the set), the thought process behind the gift was cool.    My younger sister Trina's fiance got lucky and had Trina's name so he got her some boots likely from where they both work.    But I can imagine the interesting dynamics if he had to get a gift for my Mom, who to this day is not fond of him.     Or even if my Mom had to get a gift for him.  

But it was me who wound up choosing my younger sister's fiance's name for the second year in a row.   In talking with Trina last year, she mentioned his love for pool.    So inspired by that I thought I would get him a personalized plaque with his name on it establishing a room in his house as his pool area.    I found a company online that I thought would be able to send the gift in time.    They mentioned the 13th of December being the drop dead date when personalized gifts could be guaranteed for a December 23rd delivery.  

Since I knew on the 23rd I would be in Detroit, I decided to have the shipping address be my parent's house.    The company promised once the personalized gift was done, they would send me a tracking number so I can track the package.   It was getting close to the 22nd and I never got a tracking number.   I wanted to call them but it was the morning of my fun train ride to Detroit so I didn't get to contact them till the 23rd.   I called their main number during their so-called business hours and nobody picked up, claiming their associates were busy with other calls, which wasn't true because it kept taking me to their voicemail.   I sent a couple emails with no response either.

Fearing the worst I decided I needed to run to the mall and get a gift.   But only thing I really didn't know what to get.   But fate directed me to JCPenney's at Oakland Mall and I saw that they had a mini-pool table about the length and width of a large size briefcase on sale for 50% off.   I immediately grabbed it and he seemed to like it, of course telling me that I must've talked to Trina.    I wanted to say that I was clairvoyant and just knew but I copped to getting the idea from her.

Luckily I finally heard back from the company on the 27th.   They blamed the vendor for not getting the information for the plaque so effectively not working on it.    So they gave me the option to either have the vendor go ahead with the order or give me a refund.   I opted for the refund.

So gifts aside I did the usual errand running for my parents.    Took my Dad to his weekly blood checkup and to get his new bifocals.    I took my Mom grocery shopping and hitting her favorite spots of CVS and Walgreen's.  

I got to hang with Eugene for a couple hours at the local coffee spot shooting the breeze as well.   He himself had some family drama that he was getting away from.   His younger sister lost her job due to the principal holding a grudge against her that started when she made a complaint about the conditions of her classroom.   But he's hopeful that his sister will find something since she was teaching technology at her old job.  His oldest sister in the meantime had a nervous breakdown.   She was stressed out from losing her job a year back and feeling pressure from everyone.   Eugene himself has found a new teaching job at a different university in Boston after years of dealing with not even having his own office like the rest of the faculty and the bad politics in his department.    It was a bit of a stressful time for him in general.

I even had time to sneak out for a date with a hot older guy (he's 55) from Windsor for lunch at this place called Anita's Kitchen.    He crossed the border to Detroit since I didn't have my passport with me.   Not that I would have time to cross to Windsor even if I did.     He told me he has three kids from a previous marriage all grown, the youngest one living in Amsterdam while on some school study program.   He himself has his own private law firm.    We ended the date with a steamy kiss standing by his car.    It was a bit surreal since we weren't in a gay part of Detroit (I'm not even familiar where that is.).   But he went for it and I didn't push back.   I even reached over for seconds and thirds.   Years ago I would've freaked out on who saw me.   I've progressed somewhat.   So we agreed that I would have to make plans to visit him in Windsor.   So I'll definitely have to do that.

Tasha also invited me to hang out with her for a bit.   I went to her house after my date (and after picking up a few items for my Mom and Dad).   I was greeted by her dogs, well one of them was ready to attack but she's a cute short dog so she can't do much damage, and her boyfriend who was at the house.   She wanted to take me out for a late lunch but I was so full from eating at Anita's Kitchen earlier from my date that I really didn't want to eat.   But since she was hungry we decided on the local Olive Garden.   So we were just talking about general stuff, nothing really significant that I could remember.   We both agreed that somehow we'd have to work on finding somewhere smaller for our parents to live.    For the next few months anyway, we would lose our biggest advocate for the fight, my younger sis Trina.    Her focus is on making plans for her wedding in May.    It'll be interesting to see more of his side of the family since ours is so small.

So all in all it was a good trip.   Coming back to Chicago was a different story.