Not In My Family

 Dom's Dad took a turn for the worse over the weekend.   He started vomiting Sunday night and the next day, hospice noted that his organs were beginning to shut down and the end was near.   Dom's sister Marie stopped by the family house to be their Dad in his last moments.   Dom opted not to go since he felt torn up seeing him on Saturday in his weakened state.

His Dad took his last breath this past Tuesday.   Dom headed over to the family home Wednesday afternoon.    I made plans to see my sisters this weekend and in my mind, the funeral would be after the holiday weekend.    But to my surprise they made all the arrangements and the funeral is taking place on July 3rd.   That was fine though.   I told myself that I would cut my weekend trip short and return Sunday so that I could drive myself to the funeral on Monday.

So the obit was completed and placed on the funeral home's website mid-afternoon on the 29th.   When looking at the obituary I couldn't help but notice there was a name missing among those that Dom's dad left behind - me.   I definitely was feeling a certain way and had a feeling my name not being included was mostly Marie's doing.   Dom told me he fought to have it in there but was overruled.    But it was "nothing against me"...LOL.

Trina asked me earlier in the day for details on his Dad's funeral so she could send flowers.   But I'm guessing she's not going to send any now.   I had to tell both Trina and Tasha about the slight since I knew they would be looking for the obit.   Plus both my sisters made sure to include Dom in both my parents obits and also fought to put him in my Dad's obit from his overseas family.   So for me to not be mentioned in his Dad's obit was a slap in the face.   I'll get to relive the trauma this weekend when visiting them.

I was planning to go to the funeral but with the slight I question if I should even go.   As it stands when speaking to Dom tonight, he was not even under the impression I was going since I was planning to visit my sisters.    But of course I would go since I thought I was part of their family.     But I guess I'm not.

I do know it wasn't Dom's doing to not include me, so it is what it is.    But it was a definite sting not being mentioned and to a lesser degree, Dom thinking I wouldn't go.

In other "their family" news, they opted to keep his Dad's death from Marina who is battling Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.   The fear was that the news would devastate her and cause her to give up as well.   And now I'm realizing I'll be left out of her obit as well if something happens to her.   Of course I'm praying that she recovers (even though the odds are against it) but I hate that it's now in the back of my mind.    Uggh.

Life Line Updates

 The stone that has been plaguing me still has not come out.   But I haven't been in any pain.   Oddly enough I feel like the stone may be stuck in my urethra.  I noticed the last two times I jacked off when I get to the point of ejaculation, it almost comes out but seems to get stuck near the tip and then it trickles out.   My pee stream seems okay though.   I don't know.   I'm hopeful maybe I've reduced the stone some.

I also finally got around to taking the blood and urine tests that my new primary doctor ordered last month.   The good news is that I'm officially HIV neg.   I was a bit nervous after my encounter with Lansing Bae in March.   A few of my other tests came back as expected.   As usual my HDL cholesterol is low.   LDL is below 160 at least though my triglycerides were slightly elevated.   My bilirubin is high which it has been for years so no shock there.  There are more results that I'm waiting for but I'm hopeful everything will mostly come back normal.

The same day I was taking my tests, I got a call from Dom's niece Ava.   Unfortunately Dom's dad was found on the floor in the bathroom around 4am passed out.   It ended up he had a clot in his brain which likely caused the floor.   He still is too weak for surgery so he started on hospice care this past Monday.   We originally was planning to visit the family later that day but it was cancelled.   Not a great Father's Day weekend.

Dom decided to forego the doll convention in Atlanta this week due to the fear of being out of town if his Dad or Marina took a turn for the worst.    I wasn't too keen on going to Atlanta since I knew Dom would want to buy more stuff from his enabler and he already owes her so much money.   Plus I would have to be the one that was mostly out of pocket.  I stayed impartial though as Dom made the decision on his own to cancel going.   

He was able to sell my package to another person that wasn't able to go and with most of the money, he got a new laptop which was needed.   I was hoping he'd think to put the rest towards paying his debt.   But of course he didn't go there.   Oh well.

I talked to Sally about our situation and she told me that I needed to add a budget item for Dom and not go over that monthly budget.   I spend an average of $400 a month for Dom's expenditures (mostly to cover the joint account when his Paypal orders come through and threaten to overdraft the account - don't want them taking money from the mortgage...uggh).    So I figure I should budget $500 a month for Dom-related expenses.   

I didn't talk about my recent visit to see Mitch in prison.   The road trip to get there went fine though it was long.   I worked from Indianapolis the day before and then I drove up to Cincinnati and stayed overnight near Belterra Park Casino.   I wound up having dinner at a Cambodian restaurant in a town called Fort Thomas.   That wound up being pretty tasty and par the course, I left a donation with Belterra.

The next morning I made the trek to Charleston, WV which was about an hour away from where Mitch's prison was.    Before heading there though, Dom reminded me about Jungle Jim's International Market.    We went there back in 2017.    So I made a slight 20 minute detour to check it out and bought a few goodies for us.

Then it was time for the three hour and some change trek to Charleston, WV.   I got to the hotel about 30 minutes early so I wound up stopping across the street to a Rural King.   I was a bit freaked out because I didn't see anyone that looked like me.   I needed to pee so bad though so I went into the store, which kind of reminded me of a Menard's since they sell a lot of home stuff but also had random items like clothes and snacks.

I pretended to look at some clothes afterwards before hightailing it out of there.   I remembered as I got in the car I saw a sign for a casino called Mardi Gras that wound up being half a mile from the hotel I stayed at.    That hotel wound up being packed and the room wasn't the greatest, it had a musty smell to it, the shower had a slow drain, and unfortunately since it was packed, I dealt with noisy folks nearby, including kids who decided to run up and down the hall and play hide and seek behind a lounge chair that was conveniently outside my room...LOL.   I didn't get a chance to do as much in Charleston, WV as I thought I would but my impression was that I wouldn't go out of my way to visit here again.

So the visit to Mitch went okay.   It's quite the process when visiting.   You have to fill out forms (that apparently change each day) and then there's all these rules about what you can wear (though thankfully most of them applied to women, i.e. no short shorts, revealing tops, etc.).   I made the mistake Day 2 of bringing in a hooded jacket which was a no-no.   Thankfully I could put it back in the car and come back in.    Then you have to get stamped on the back of your hand with a marker that you need in order to verify that you didn't switch with any prisoner upon leaving (though I can't imagine anyone willingly switching places with a prisoner...LOL).  I guess if you were visiting an identical twin...but even then the guards are watching so I can't imagine they'd allow both parties to go in the bathroom and switch clothes...LOL.  

Mitch was definitely happy to see me.   It had been a little over 5 years since we last saw each other.  The chatter around us was quite noisy but we were able to catch up on life.   Overall he seemed to be adjusting to things.   The prison allowed them in recent months to have an I-pad so he's able to buy movies to keep himself entertained.   It does help pass the time.   

The highlight of the visit for Mitch believe it or not was the opportunity to have microwaved chicken sandwiches and cookies which the visitors pay for with small change we're allowed to bring.   He was looking forward to Famous Amos cookies but unfortunately the machine they were on was malfunctioning.    So he settled for some sandwich cookies in a different machine.

Mitch offered me up a cookie.   They were extremely unappetizing to me but to appease him, I took one.    For him though, it's a treat. 

I wound up visiting him for about 2 - 3 hours both Saturday and Sunday.  He was mentioning the possibility of transferring to a prison closer to his family.   But he was leaning against it since he didn't know what the new place would be like and he was finally adjusted to being at his current location.   I totally understood his reasoning.   He knows what to expect at his current place and things could be worse at the new location.

He is thankfully almost at the tail end of his 11-year prison sentence.   He has less than 5 years to go.  It was bittersweet saying farewell to him and I hated the long ass drive back home but I was glad I got the chance to see him once more.

Till Debt Do Us Part

Dom and I are approaching our 1 year anniversary since we've jumped the broom.   It's hard to believe how quickly time has flown.    For the most part Dom and I have been doing good.   I mean we've been living together for more than six years prior.   We align on most issues and I feel we bring out the best in each other.  I can't imagine how my life would've been BD (Before Dom).

With that said there's been one issue that has been a constant annoyance since we've first met.    When it comes to finances, Dom is not a good manager of money.    When Dom and I first met I remember him saying that he had zero debt.   I remember thinking that was pretty amazing little knowing that he did have some consumer debt (Best Buy) which I found out about a couple years into the relationship.   Also I learned that he had no concept of saving.

The one thing that stood out clearly were the hundreds of dolls that he had on display in his house.   Doing it over again I would've ran away right then and there.   Dom said that he tried to give me some outs (which actually now that I think about it, he did).   But as I said before I feel like both of us were looking for an escape from our situations and chose to stick things out when it would've been so much easier to walk away.

Dom spent a pretty penny (even with him "catching sales") on his collection.   The cost of each doll varies but I've seen them as high as $600 or more.    With no savings and a school teacher's salary, he was always broke the day after payday.   It didn't help that he was constantly buying things on E-bay and always tooting that he got it at a good price.

I've found myself "bailing" him out on multiple occasions.   In time that built resentment from me since I grew weary of being the only responsible one.   My biggest bailout was charging over $6000 in my credit card when his Ford Ranger needed a new engine since he wasn't able to cover it.

I implored Dom to try and save a little bit of money and I even got him to open a savings account that was tied to our joint account.   The interest of course was miniscule but at least it was a start.   But there were many times he would deplete the joint account and then the bank would charge an overdraft fee and then charge another fee to take money out of the savings account.   

The original purpose of the joint account was for each of us to contribute money in it to pay our common household bills like the mortgage, gas, and electric.   But he would dip into the joint to pay for his doll hobby and then he stopped putting money in it altogether.   Yet he would still dip into it whenever he depleted his cash from his account.

In the last year I decided to just pay most of our common bills from my own account since he wasn't putting money into the joint.   I still put in money and a cushion in case Dom dips to pay the mortgage but only because our mortgage is tied to the same bank.   They had the audacity one time Dom overextended to take the payment I made for our mortgage to cover his checking.   Then they tacked a late fee for the mortgage.  That pissed me off royally so now I'm constantly having to check the joint since there is no real savings anymore and I do not want them taking the mortgage payment again.

I've been working so hard to try to pay off my debt too and I wrote on here previously how I was close to paying it off (even though barring current circumstances I would likely need another month to pay it off).   But one of Dom's main enabler of doll fashions reached out to him last Monday demanding payment for all the clothes that he purchased from her.    His debt from last year's convention alone is over $4000.    So I shudder to think what he owes her from all the previous years.    He claims to know the amount but won't tell me what it is.   I fear it may be anywhere from 20K - 30K.  She also mentioned that he didn't pay for this year's convention, which will take place in Atlanta next week.   So Dom's solution like with his car and with some medical bills two years was for me to pay his $4000+ debt with my credit card.

You can imagine that did not sit well with me.   The thing is I know I made my bed when I moved in with him and married him but I was pissed that once again when I was trying so hard to pay off my own debt (a lot of it I accumulated when my contract job ended in 2018) and was almost near the finish line, he threw a monkey wrench my way.

I feel like I will never get out of my debt hole.  If I pay his $4000 off completely, he won't have to face the consequences for his actions.    But I did marry him for better or for worse.   As a compromise I told him I would pay $2000 of his debt and he would have to send her a payment every two weeks to pay the rest.   He was okay for now with the compromise.   I have to work out a way to pay her.   

What a mess.  I never thought I would find myself in this situation.   I keep praying for a financial miracle (which actually my current job is...though it's still work) but it hasn't arrived yet.

As The Stone Turns

 I presently find myself in the same pickle that I first experienced New Year's Eve 2021.   Sadly it appears that I have another stone making its way down my urethra.   I first began experiencing an ache near my belly on 05/31.  I woke up with a discomfort there but I thought I may have slept wrong.   It would flare up for a quick second or two before going away but the pain was manageable.   

That was until a few days later on Sunday evening when the pain became more intense.   I started thinking of everything else that could be the issue.   I worried about appendicitis but I didn't have any other symptoms.   I wasn't feverish or flu-ish.    I also was not feeling nauseous.   I wondered if something was going on with gallbladder but Dom mentioned jaundice would be one of the symptoms and my eyes did not look yellow.

It then dawned on us that it was likely a stone again.   The pain got more intense since Sunday.   Even sitting still for a few minutes leads to irritation.   The pain began to feel debilitating like it did that New Year's Eve.   I began drinking lots more water and each time I peed the pain in my lower back and sides would get worse.

I did pass at least two stones prior to this latest nightmare and after my first incident.   But both of those were only mildly irritating (mostly making me feel like I needed to urinate more frequently).   This latest one...wooh!

I've been trying everything to relieve the pain.  I ordered some Qunol Tumeric which is touted to be the best for pain management.    But it didn't help and then I read it may take an average of 4 - 8 weeks for it to be effective.   I need it now...LOL.

I thought about getting this product called Stone Breaker whose main ingredient is said to help break down stones.   But then I read some reviews that scared me from the product.   70% of them were positive but those few gave pause which included some that said it didn't work to others that said it made the problem worse.   

I started taking Tylenol as well starting early Tuesday morning.   I'm not a fan of Tylenol thinking of all the side effects but I can't take aspirin because I'm allergic to it and it's the only option I have aside from slow acting tumeric for pain management.

I told my manager about my stone and she mentioned barley water helping.   I read some things about barley water and it touted a lot of positive benefits including helping manage kidney stones so I was sold.  I ordered some barley from Amazon (wanted to go out and get some but I was in too much pain to go out and Dom was too tired...LOL).  I got the order of that yesterday and promptly made a batch.   4 1/2 cups of water mixed with 1/2 cup of barley yielded just a little over 2 cups of barley water.   

Since it left a lot of barley, I wound up making some "barley" oatmeal with the rest of it today.    So between the barley water and the "barley" oatmeal, I ate more barley in one morning then I've done in years.    I will say I've been feeling better this afternoon and the pain is not as intense. 

I don't know if it's the barley water, the Tylenol, the Qunol tumeric, or even the hot shower I took but I'm happy for some relief.   I also was able to get my new primary doc to refill an order of tamsulosin which is supposed to be for benign prostate but also helps to open up the urethra.   I'm hoping it'll help me to pass this latest stone or stones.   No clue.   I also need to schedule a follow-up appointment with him sometime in the next week or so.    Shoot...I still need to get my blood drawn from my last appointment.   I did get my colonoscopy scheduled though.   That'll be on July 20th assuming I make it through my latest stone drama...*LOL*.

I really do hope this stone(s) finally comes out sometime soon.   It's a pain I would not wish on anyone.   As Dom says, welcome to the 50's!!!   Uggh!