M.O.M.

 It was two years ago on this date that my Mom lost her battle with cancer.    I was in the room with her when she passed away.   I still replay those last moments in my head.    The caretaker was in the room as well and I was helping her clean my Mom up.   

I'm not sure if my Mom was aware what was happening.   She was moaning non-stop and was definitely in another world.    My Mom believed that those who passed before guides those who are passing into the next life.   I like to hope that our ancestors were guiding my Mom and that once she died, she was at peace.   In the movies an older person usually reverts to their younger self and all illness is gone.   I want that for my Mom and all of us.

I have so many memories of my Mom that make me smile when I think of them.   Like I remember one time in my thirties that I took my Mom to the Hamtramck Post Office for her to mail a package to our family back overseas.    She preferred going to the Hamtramck location since at the time there was a large Polish population living there and customer service had more experience dealing with international packages.   So this particular time we were served by this lady that was a bitch and made us get out of line to re-tape our package.    My Mom is the sweetest person so it gave me quite the chuckle when she whispered to me that the lady was a bitch.

There was this other time during one of my numerous road trips to Detroit visiting the old home.   We were in the dining room watching an episode of Undercover Boss.     Trina was also in the room watching as well.    So we get to the portion of the program where the "undercover boss" reveals themselves to the unsuspecting folks that showed them how to do their job.    So as part of the reveal the bosses give various rewards.    This boss gave an award of paying off this workers student loans, an option to train for a better role in the company, and some other items I don't remember.   The lady upon receiving all this started crying and it seemed to come from a genuine place.   Her emotions moved me to start crying as well.   

Upon seeing me crying I remember Mom asking me why I was crying and if I was doing okay.   She asked if I was doing okay financially and if I needed help.   Her questions took me out of the moment and I told her everything was fine.   I told her that I was empathic with the lady and was moved by the gesture but she didn't believe me.   I remembered thinking 'damn, can't I be emphatic to a person's situation without it having to be because of something going on with me'.    But my Mom didn't see it that way and there was no convincing her otherwise.

One of my favorite memories of Mom was one that I shared before in my first blog.   It was the moment that I came out to my parents after my Mom basically forced me out of the closet.   It was a moment that I worried would change our relationship for the worst but wound up being the best thing for us.   I am so happy too that my Mom got to meet Dom for the first time in 2015.    So she along with my Dad did get to see me bring a guy home.

I plan to light a candle in my Mom's honor.    The timing is close to All Soul's Day where we honor all those who have passed before us.   My Mom believed that lighting a candle was a way to guide a spirit and light their way.   I will light it in Memory of Mom.   I love you Mama.

Pushing 50

I'm less than a year away from reaching the half-century mark.    It was a mostly uneventful day spent working with some Pathfinder cohorts on a final project as part of Solutions Week.    We received a business scenario and must design a Salesforce solution to address the business need.     There are 27 different teams working on the scenario and the top 3 teams will be selected to present their solution at a virtual career fair being held November 3rd.    I'm not great at presenting so am hoping our team isn't selected.   

I received birthday candy from Trina and Dom.   The latter also cooked a surf and turf meal for us to enjoy at home.   It was a great day overall.

As I inch closer to 50, I can't help but to reflect on where my life has taken me.   That job I mentioned in my last post did not come to fruition like the others.   So I'm still on the hunt.    It is hard to believe how quickly time is going by.   I don't like thinking about death but with my Mom gone and my Dad in his 90's, I know that one day I too will be meeting my maker.   There was this quote that I read regarding death that "we are all standing in line" whether we like it or not.   We don't know our place in the line but regardless nobody gets out of here alive.

I do like to hope that I do a few more things before I die.   I would definitely like to travel to some more places (COV-ID be damned).   It's always that issue of time, money, and health.    Right now I have the time and I'm relatively healthy but I don't have the money.    Ideally if (lol I can hear Dom say 'when') I get a better paying job, I'll have the money and hopefully good health but I won't have as much time.   Then when I get even older, there'll be a day when I possibly have the money and for sure have the time but my health won't allow it.    It's the sad cycle of life.

That's why I always remind myself to enjoy some little pleasures where I can.   Dom and I spent a great day visiting Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry (which I haven't been to in ages...actually I don't remember if I've ever gone) and then heading to Argyle's Chinatown to enjoy some Dim Sum at a place that I haven't been in years since Sally and I went.     It was an enjoyable day (even with the cold, rainy weather which the rain thankfully waited till we were back home) and I admit I lamented on the meal cost later on but reminded myself it was a great meal and it was a good memory to have.    Dom had never eaten at that particular location and he did enjoy the food.

Even at Amazon I try to focus on the eye candy and interesting items to get me through the day.   I suck on peppermint candy at periodic times through the shift to give me something to look forward to until my breaks and finally freedom.   Oddly enough even the less enjoyable moments eventually have to end.

As cliché as it sounds, it is the little things that are really the big things in life.   Here's to many more little moments.