Well I finally done did it. I decided to get my black ass off the couch and mosey it into the gym. I was lamenting last month about how I've gained weight and had a hard time motivating myself to work out. Dom and I did finally take a step in the right direction by registering at our local Y. But we both struggled to make it there afterwards.
So Dom decided to spend his 58th birthday on Friday night hanging out at a local leather bar celebrating with friends. I chilled at home and told myself at some point that I would choose today to get my butt to the gym in the morning no matter what. So that's what I did.
I got there a little after 7am and was surprised to see a number of cars already there. Today marked my first time in a gym in nearly four years. It felt a bit surreal but it felt like I was home. I made my way to a row of elliptical machines and acquainted myself with the second one from the left end. There was a guy on an elliptical near the right end having a loud conversation with someone working out on a bike in front of him.
I started working out and a few folks sprinkled in here and there. I definitely was pushing through my workout the best way I knew how. It was hard considering I hadn't been on an elliptical in awhile. I was miffed too because I forgot my I-Pod but I told myself that I would have to imagine the music in my head. It was hard doing so with the other people there.
Then I got super annoyed when I was nearing the 30 minute mark and this older gentlemen decides to hop on the elliptical right next to me. I was thinking there's at least four machines separating me and the loud guy who just was wrapping up his set and getting off. But yet he chose to go to the one next to me. Aren't we still in COVID times (even though noone including myself is really wearing masks that much anymore) and shouldn't he stay six feet away from me? Maybe I was being cruised...nice to know I still got it. *LOL*. Thankfully I only had another 16 minutes left.
Just as I was finishing up another guy came up to chat with him. I got off and went to get a towel and spray to wipe my machine off. I explored the rest of the gym and then went to the restroom to wash my face. I got home and Dom was still sleeping in the recliner in the living room. He had gotten home around 3am and was tired.
I'm going to attempt and go back on Monday. I want to try to go closer to 6am so I can be home closer to 7am when I start my workday. I'm realizing going early is probably the best thing for me. Since I've started this job, I've had a hard time finding time to take a decent break.
I'm hoping too that my going may help motivate Dom to go. One positive...Dom has been keeping with his promise to work on cleaning out his doll room and reorganizing things around the house. So at least he's getting some exercise doing that.
I've been watching a YouTube couple with a channel called WealthNation for about a month now. A lot of the tips they share about saving and investing is not really new. But I enjoy their back and forth banter in their videos and they seem to really enjoy themselves. The husband is actually a hottie too. At least I assume they're married. It's great when a couple is able to agree on things financially (like obviously WealthNation do) which is sadly not always the case. Usually one half of the couple is a saver while the other half is a spender. I think everyone that's read my blog(s) know which half of the equation I fall under in my current coupling.
They do say finances are one of the most important things that couples need to agree on. It's more important than sex. In our case the sex obviously went out the window. So finances is really all we got to work with...*LOL*. Things were getting a little better as Dom wasn't spending as much on his hobby and at one point, I managed to get the joint savings account to have close to $1000. But then he started spending again and his multiple doll pre-orders starting withdrawing money from the joint account all at once and our bank (for the joint accounts anyway) started taking money from our savings to cover the overages. In a matter of months the savings account has dwindled to under $100 and our stupid bank did the most offensive thing to cover Dom's overages. It took the money that was paid for June's mortgage to cover the overages as well as tack on three separate $35 overdrawn fees. To add a little more insult to injury, they then tacked a $10 late fee for the mortgage that was paid on time. Centier is the name of the fucking bank and yes Dom ultimately has accountability in why things got the way it did. But fuck Centier!
Now we did try to resolve things two years back by having Dom have his own separate account where he could do his hobby and transfer a portion of his paycheck to his personal account so that whatever was left in the joint could be primarily for bills which is what it should've been in the first place. But then Centier decided to require multi-factor authentication to log into the account which fucked Dom over because he had no clue how to log into the account. So instead of transferring some money from the joint, he started doing all his hobby stuff on the joint which led to the situation I'm ranting about today.
And of course I'm the one that's left to bail him out. I guess I made that choice when we got together but sometimes I feel so frustrated. He just doesn't seem to care. And then he still talks about spending money on things even in the midst of this happening and it's enough to make me scream. That's why I'm not feeling great about him doing early retirement potentially. He claims that he would cut his spending but I don't believe him.
His hobby has gotten in the way of him paying for other things, like his medical bills and car maintenance. I'm still pissed about my own medical bills that I had to pay because I didn't have health insurance prior to getting my job (which is another rant for another time...*LOL*).
He has the nerve to get on my case whenever I decide to go to the casino. I know 99% of the time I wind up "donating" money for them to keep the lights on. But at least I'm not spending almost my whole paycheck at the casino which is doing for his hobby.
One positive financial thing happened at least this month. I knocked out one of my two credit card debts. So now I can focus on knocking the other one down. It'll be a little harder since I'm using that card to pay my medical debt as well as making various purchases but I'm hoping putting more money into it (basically taking the money I spent to knock down credit card #1 in addition to what I currently pay on my other card) will knock my debt out or at least put a huge dent in it by this time next year at the earliest.
I really wanted to replace a few of the windows this year. But the thought of getting more debt has delayed that. Plus it would pretty much fall on me to get it paid for. I will do it eventually (along with a few other house repairs) but I think I'll table it until next year when hopefully by then I put a nice dent on card #2. Maybe Blackberry may finally pay off by then too and help me out...*LOL*. (A brother can dream, right?)
My planned trip to San Diego in October sadly won't help the debt cause either. But I haven't been on a plane since September 2018. It'll be nice to take a trip again even with this crazy COVID mess we have to deal with. So maybe September or October 2023 on the remaining credit card debt being paid off...*LOL*.
I received more sad news last Saturday when Trina texted Tasha and I to let us know that our Dad fell down in the hallway and was being taken to the hospital. It took almost two days for him to get a room. Trina and thankfully Tasha have been taking turns visiting him in the hospital. I was planning to go to Detroit that weekend but wound up not going.
Dad wound up breaking two ribs in the fall. Unfortunately his dementia has gotten worse and may have played a role in the fall. Trina was in her bedroom when it happened so she didn't see the cause. He's going to unfortunately have to go to what they coin a "rehab center" which in reality is a nursing home to heal up. There's no telling how long he will have to stay there or if he'll even come home. It may get to the point that Trina and Donovan won't be equipped to take care of him. It's just sad all around.
I hate to know that Dad is slowly slipping away from us. I guess it's the cycle of life and one day it'll happen to all of us. He's lucky that he has three kids that he can fall on. Who will have my back when my time come?
One of the things my Dad lamented about from time to time over the last decade or so is not believing that's he at the age now where he's considered an old man. I mean when I think about it, he was 42 when I was born. That means that when my Dad was my current age, I was only 7 years old. It's just crazy how life goes by so quickly.
That's why I guess it is good that Dom has his hobby that he enjoys. I just wish he thought a little more about the future as well (however bleak it may be). Dom's already said that he wants to die first. Life of course has no guarantees that it'll work out that way. So perhaps that's why he's not really that concerned about saving. At least that's how I'm trying to rationalize in my head. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
June 7th would've been my parents' 53rd wedding anniversary. Technically it still is. Sadly my Dad is continuing to decline. He's basically suffering from dementia and has to constantly be watched. Thankfully he hasn't turned violent but watching him has been exhausting Trina. I do plan on visiting him on Father's Day. I don't know what his state of mind will be.
I had a full day today as well on this my parent's anniversary. I went to my company's downtown Chicago headquarters this morning. They were having an event at their headquarters later that day. I also got to meet one of my fellow Salesforce Pathfinder classmates for the first time in person. I was hoping to meet one of the founders of the program but she was working from home. But my classmate and I wound up going to the networking event. We really didn't do much networking though and only managed to stay about 15 minutes before bailing. *LOL*.
Working downtown Chicago marked the first time I worked there since September 2018. I actually didn't know I could do so till last week. So now I'm planning to work from there at least once a month. Today was crazy crowded in the office as well which I didn't care for. Plus everything now is "open seating" which means that you can hear every conversation that's going on around you. I hate it. I miss the olden days (guess I am old after all...*LOL*) where we had tall cubes for office space. The cubes along with the white noise cancelled out a lot of the office noise. Plus it gave you more privacy. Despite all the distractions I actually had a semi-productive day which was a good thing.
I am hoping though that next month it won't be as crowded when going to the office. I do like the commute to the Chicago location much better than my commute to the Indianapolis location for sure. At least I can be relaxed on the train as opposed to stressed in traffic. And I'm getting much needed exercise walking to the office in Chicago which I desperately need.
Needless to say I'm pretty bushed. But I did want to record the moment since it was a bit historical.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
Refrain:
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for you men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel
A place where they have everything men can enjoy and you can hang out with other men? A place where there's many ways to have a good time and you can do whatever you feel. Hmm. It sounds like a gay man's paradise...*LOL*. I'm not sure if it wasn't intentional or not but the Village People were definitely homoerotic and songs like YMCA and Macho Man didn't help quell that image. Plus the Leather Man would fit in perfectly at International Men of Leather. I'm just saying.
Speaking of the YMCA, our local YMCA is where Dom and I finally made it to last Saturday. I was briefly lamenting last month that I needed to get myself to the gym. It so happens that YMCA has multiple chapters throughout the United States where members can go workout. Today's YMCA is not just for men either as women are also allowed to join as well. I'm curious if men can work out at a YWCA. According to this YWCA website, the answer is yes, men are invited to come on in and get fit.
So we were able to get memberships at our local Y. The good thing is that I should be able to get reimbursed from my company for the monthly membership fee. And thankfully we were able to waive the $30 joiner fee thanks to a summer promo they were having. Now I just have to motivate myself to go to the gym a few days a week (most likely after work). Dom says he'll go possibly during the early morning hours now that he's out of school. I do hope he does so as well. We definitely need to motivate each other to get moving. We did walk around our local trail a few hours ago for a little over an hour so that was positive.
I weighed myself a few days ago and was shocked that my weight was a few pounds away from 190. I haven't been close to that heavy since the mid-90s. I for sure need to work my way back to 180 and then my ultimate goal of 170. It's a work in progress for sure.
Dom got news a few days ago that the school he works at was ending their contract with him once the school year ends. He mentioned a few months back that the district mentioned having a memorandum on their ballot where they were wanting to increase taxes to raise extra cash for the school district. He was told that if it didn't pass then they would have to cut staff. The memorandum did not pass.
Dom teaches math and from my understanding, math is one of the harder subjects to find teachers. As a result he didn't feel they'd get rid of any of the math teachers. So the announcement came as a surprise to him. He did note that he didn't like the current principal (who came into his role a year after Dom started) and the feeling was mutual. He found the principal to be a bit two-faced and a person who is used to getting things his way. He felt the principal wanted to get rid of him and used the memorandum as an excuse since Dom was doing a great job otherwise and couldn't be fired.
Oddly enough with all of Dom's health issues, he did discuss with me the possibility of taking early retirement and leaving the school for a year and then going back somewhere else the following year. He would use the year to improve his health and fix up things around the house. I was feeling a bit leery about that idea since I just started my gig back in January and wanted to feel a bit more secure in my job and have time to get my financial life back on track. Also Dom said he would have to cut out his discretionary spending on his doll hobby. With his track record I can't imagine him not doing it for a year. It's bad enough that he's started racking up a few over draft fees in our joint account due to his hobby. I remind myself though that the fees are less than the credit card interest I've racked up prior to starting the Amazon life. Thankfully I'm finally making headway to knocking out my debt on one of my credit cards. But still the bank fees can be controlled. So it's bothersome when it happened.
So it's funny that circumstances have given Dom the opportunity to possibly pursue early retirement. He's also talked about possibly becoming a substitute teacher and making his own hours. He's also exploring checking out the school district in Michigan (the Indiana-Michigan border is less than an hour from where we live) due to their later school start and early completion. If he does pursue retirement, he's thought about taking a part-time evening job to supplement his income. If it winds up being a part-time situation, he's going to need health insurance which means we may finally have to stop living in sin and get hitched. I guess it's been almost eight years. Some would say it's about time...*LOL*.
Whatever he decides, we'll work through it together. He stuck with me through my lean years so I will do the same for him.
Incidentally he's heading out to the International Men of Leather weekend in Chicago tomorrow. The last time I went to an IML event was a Sunday church service they had that Dom and I sang at. He plans to participate in the Sunday service but also take part in some other events. So I'll have to figure out how to entertain myself this long Memorial Day weekend. I'm guessing a casino may be involved...*LOL*.
A lot of dog owners don't realize that when they have a dog not only do they have to deal with it, so do their neighbors. Dom and I have the unfortunate pleasure of having next door neighbors that have a canine. The Joneses, as I've come to nickname them, had a small terror when we first moved into our home back in 2016. Terror #1 would yip and yap whenever one or both of us stepped out into the backyard. Sadly it is in their nature. Terror #1 died sometime in 2021 and for awhile I thought we were finally done with the nightmare. It was crazy because for a period I was thinking something was up when I wasn't hearing Terror #1. We got confirmation when Mrs. Jones told Dom about Terror 1's demise. She said they were done with dogs but then came Terror #2 a few months later. I notice he'll (I assume it's a he though it could be a she) start yapping even if I'm in the kitchen making dinner.
Mind you that there's a fence separating our yard. Terror #2 don't give a crap. He'll just yap, yap, yap. I'm tempted to buy a dog whistle to play to see if it'll shut him up. He annoys me especially during the day when I'm working from home. I wish we had central air but since we don't Dom insists on cracking all the old windows (bad screens and all) open. That irritates me too but not much I can do about it. Mr. Jones is literally outside almost the entire day in his yard during the spring and summer months. So of course when he's outside, so is Terror #2. I get to hear it all thanks to the windows being open.
As bad as Terror #2 is, we have an even worse dog living across the street from us. I mostly blame the owner in this case. This stupid lady has her dog walking all across everyone's lawns in the immediate vicinity and then lets it pee or poop where ever w/o a care in the world. And don't be outside when they are walking, the stupid beast will be yelping and ready to attack. There's an empty field area literally across the street from her that she can take her beast to relieve itself but she chooses to let it do its business in a random neighbor's grass. If Dom and I didn't hate dogs so much, we'd get our own dog and have it come in front of their house and pee on their lawn and see how they like it.
I guess things can always be worse. It becomes more apparent when the weather gets warmer. Also the Joneses like to entertain in their backyard. Some of their invitees become annoying especially when they decide to park on our lawn, which is apparently a Gary, Indiana thing. I'm so tempted to throw some nails in the lawn to see how they like a flat tire or two. I'm so over the neighbors sometimes. I was cracking up one year when Mrs. Jones told me that it's nice that we're in a quiet neighborhood. I wanted to tell her 'quiet for whom, with all your noisy family and friends and Terrors'. It's not limited to them either. When Dom and I walk along the block, no less than a dozen dogs in the neighborhood start their familiar chorus of yelps. Uggh!
Don't even get me started on Fourth of July which apparently is not limited to the day in question. I already told you about the drama last year with kids and fireworks. Dom and I talk about moving to the country just to get away from the crazy folks. I can't believe I lived 16 years in a townhome when I think of the nightmare that was my asshole closeted gay neighbor. He was a chain smoker with two little yappers that would proceed to want to attack whenever I ran into them outside. I was so glad to get the hell out of there to get away from him and some of the racist neighbors. I guess the Joneses and crazy lady across the street are tame in comparison. At least I'm a single minority as opposed to a double...*LOL*.
One of the side effects of getting older is that I'm getting more set in my ways. I admit I'm becoming less social (not that I was all that social to begin with...*LOL*) But I did used to do "thangs". I will say my late 20's and 30's was when I was at my peak. It was at age 29 when I had my first "oral transaction" (thanks Trina Braxton...*LOL*) with a man. I was freshly 30 on Halloween 2002 (almost 20 years ago...wow) when I lost my virginity to a hot Hungarian man. Yes I was a late bloomer.
I laugh now when I think how naïve I was way back in eighth grade when I was teased and called a "virgin" (which was the tamest thing I was called). The only virgin I heard of was the "Virgin Mary" and I associated being a virgin with being a girl. I may have liked boys but I identified as a boy and wasn't looking to change that. So I would adamantly argue back that I wasn't a virgin. It was years later (I'm embarrassed to say it was in my late 20's...maybe close to the time of my transaction...*LOL*) when I realized 'yes I am a virgin'.
I came into my own in my 30's. I had a great job, a few close friends that I was keeping my gay secret from (though most knew), I occasionally socialized outside work, I traveled a lot, and I was a home owner (at 27 actually). I kept up with the latest TV shows, artists, and fashions. I blogged! I worked out consistently and had a few Master Cleanses under my belt.
One of my fondest memories happened on one of my numerous trips back to Detroit. My parents were still living in our old family home and I remember going with my Dad to Sam's Club (it must've been summer 2007 or 2008, I don't remember the exact year). We arrived back home after shopping and I remember carrying in one hand a big box with two or three Clorox bottles and in the other hand a big box of some other products that were placed in it. Both boxes were heavy but I carried them with such ease. My Dad over the years growing up always seemed critical of me, finding fault in how I did things. But this particular visit when I was carrying groceries back into the house, my Dad came up to me, put his right hand on my shoulder and said, "(E...), you're so strong!" At that time it was the first time in a long while I recalled my Dad giving me a compliment. When I say I felt like I was on cloud nine, I can't even describe how happy I felt. Even with everything I've accomplished at that time, I never felt like I measured up in my Dad's eye. It's not to say that he wasn't supportive. He worked hard at a menial job to take care of my Mom and his three children. He did want what was best for us. But he was from the old school and not one to give affirmations. So when he gave me that compliment, it was validation that I was on the right track and was a bit of an ego boost.
I will say now that I haven't been to a gym since just before the pandemic started. I did get some good exercise my first six months working at Amazon when I worked in the smaller warehouse. But once I moved to the larger warehouse, I had a more stationary job (even with standing on my feet all day). I did move around my little station but it wasn't like before where I physically have to move around the warehouse to transport totes to delivery drivers.
I'm definitely not in the same shape I was in my mid 2000's. I even gained some weight though thankfully I'm not obese. But I don't have the strength or energy I had back then. I know I need to get my butt in the gym but it's harder to get myself there and it doesn't help that Dom isn't that energetic either. So I don't have that person motivating me to do so. I guess some would call it "happy weight".
I find myself having to drag myself to even go run errands at times. When I was working weekends it was fine if I was lazy because at least I could go during the week. Of course I wasn't making a lot of cash so I was limited in what I could do. But now that I'm working weekdays, I'm back to only having two days and if I blow one day, it leaves only one more day (which I usually spend at least two hours in Church) before it's back to the work week. The honeymoon is pretty much over as well so it's a bit more challenging getting out of the house.
One of the other things that became stagnant was giving new artists a chance. Now that I'm older, I find myself more comfortable listening to familiar artists from the 80's, 90's, 00's, and a little of the 10's. I tend though to gravitate towards the 90's and 00's which I feel were the greatest musically. I pretty much just listen to CDs in the car and usually I'll have the same one on rotation for several months. I have the habit too of having a song on repeat which annoys Dom the few times he drives in my car.
So Hemingway I was listening to this Youtube show called Tea G-I-F from channel Fox Soul. They are having a 'listening party' on May 9th for a new artist who's releasing an album soon after. The whole music game has definitely changed in the age of the Internet. Why did I find myself mesmerized by this new artist? Her name is Ella Mai and her sound is reminiscent of the late 90's and gives of an Aaliyah/Brandy vibe. Perhaps that's why I like her songs. I've had her one song titled Didn't Say on repeat.
It's rare that any newer artists get my attention. The last one that caught my ear was Lizzo. Needless to say I'll have to listen to more of Ella Mai. I may even have to do something I haven't done in years...buy a CD. *LOL*. See, you can teach an old dog new tricks. I just need to get my ass back in the gym as well. My company does encourage employees to take care of their health and help cover some of the costs associated with it. Come on, E! You can do it! Do it. Do it. Just do it...*LOL*.
