Again And Again

 

Mya - Again & Again

INTRO

I've tried so hard to make you understand
That it's over
Yes, it's over
Mmm, mmm, mmm
Ooh, yeah

VERSE 1

Why can't you just let it go?
I'm not yours anymore, I want you to know
I tried so hard to explain
But it seems from your presence that it's all in vain
I said goodbye (I said goodbye)
I'm letting go (Letting go, yeah)
You say you wanna come back
But I don't wanna know, wanna know, baby

REFRAIN

Again and again and again and again and again and again
You come back to me, boy
You come back to me, boy
Again and again and again and again and again and again
You come back to me, boy
But you don't hear me, no

VERSE 2

Leave me the f* alone
Don't make me change my number, don't make me change my home
Believe me when I say that
You need help from someone but that someone ain't me
'Cause you wanna be the man (wanna be the man)
That keeps knockin' my door (hey, hey, hey)
And it's not okay (it's not okay)
'Cause you keep running in and running out of my heart

REPEAT REFRAIN

BRIDGE

Again and again, you keep coming around
When all you wanna do is let me down (hey)
'Cause I don't feel you no more
But you still calling me, boy
Why don't you see you're wasting my time?
It's over with, boy, get out of my life
You need some help from someone
Now leave me, leave me the hell alone, oh

Heh it's been a minute since I've had a good "menses" story.   I've briefly mentioned this person in my All The E's Menses post from almost 5 years ago in 2021.  This will actually be Doug's first and hopefully last solo post.  I mentioned Doug in passing on two other posts outside of my 2021 post.

As I previously mentioned, Doug and I met on A4A sometime in the summer of 2020 which will always be remembered as the first summer of COVID.   We chatted back and forth and we both had expressed concerns about COVID but decided to meet anyway.   Our first time meeting was in my garage.   We had a hot time kissing and sucking inside the back seat of my car.   He sucked me off and in a surprise move for me, I sucked him off.

Swallowing cum isn't an activity I particularly enjoy.   The cum itself is slimy, has a slight odor, and makes me feel nauseous.    But for some reason I went with it and it wasn't horrible.

He would visit me several more times over the summer and the next summer.   We would mostly meet in my basement and we would make out and then end with sucking each other off.   We never did anal.   His last visit was sometime in the late summer of 2021.    This time he picked me at my home and we drove to a nearby nature preserve. 

We walked along a trail and we stopped at different points to make out.   He wanted to suck me off at each point and I said not yet.   And we kept walking.   We held hands for a brief moment and later passed a random older couple walking in the opposite direction.   

There was a small alcove area with two benches that was situated several feet away from the path.   From the alcove you had a view of the swampy area as well as the rest of the preserve area.   It was a relatively private area and the perfect spot for sucking each other off.

We were both so nervous and we each watched to see if anyone was coming while the other was sucking for some cum.   The risk made things more exciting and it proved to be a hot time for both of us.   We sat on the bench for a few minutes more enjoying the view before we both made our way back to his car.   He had a call he needed to make and dropped me back at the house.   I offered for him to make the call in the house but he decided he needed to head back.

That would be the last time that we met in person.

For the next several years he would periodically message me on A4A (even though we had exchanged numbers beforehand) and would ask what my schedule was like and what day would be good to meet.   I would confirm on a day and time and he would just say okay or most times not reply.   Of course on the day suggested he would completely disappear online and not be reachable.

As the same cycle happened again and again, I would get more agitated.   I decided sometime in late 2022 to block him on A4A so he couldn't communicate with me anymore.   I didn't block him on my cell phone.  My hope was that he would reach out to me by phone if he noticed that he couldn't reach me anymore on A4A.  He never did.

In a moment of weakness I unblocked him.   He didn't mention anything about having access to me again except saying he was glad I opened my account again.   But it would be the same pattern again.   This time though since I was used to it I didn't let it bother me.    

The way it would go is after the day he was supposed to meet me passed, he wouldn't message me for one or two months.   Then one random day after a passage of time he would ask the same questions about my schedule and availability.   This time though I expected that we would not meet.   I would randomly say some day even if I wasn't available and move on.  

In the back of my mind I knew he wouldn't meet me anyway.   Sure enough that day would pass and the cycle would happen again.   I kept playing the game whenever he would ask and he would keep the same pattern of disappearing.   

It was pretty comical.   He claimed that he enjoyed our "friendship" but I would suggest meeting him somewhere for lunch or dinner and he would not commit.   He works some kind of sales job selling HVAC systems.   He claims that his job has him traveling to Fort Wayne, IN and Columbus, OH at times.   He also claims to be living with a co-worker in a rental apartment.   I asked if the co-worker was gay and he said no.

He admitted once that he kept a distance from me so that he wouldn't get attached to me since I had Dom.   On the one hand it was understandable but on the other I just didn't get it.

I offered an opportunity to meet Dom by helping us move some things around the house.   Dom isn't able to move around much and it would've been a good opportunity to introduce him and possibly discuss him being more a part of my life.   But he would not commit and always claimed to be busy.

Fast forward to November 14, 2025 and we're messaging on A4A.  It happened to be a slow Friday at work and I was in downtown Chicago.   For some reason I decided that maybe since we can't meet each other in person, maybe we could meet on Google meet.   At first he wasn't too thrilled about it.   I told him that it was over 4 years since we last met in person.   He expressed shock that it was that much time.  After some time he finally decided it was fine for us to meet online.

So I sent him the link and it took him fifteen minutes or so before he joined.  I almost thought he was going to do another no-show but to my surprise he appeared.    We both chatted and marveled at how we didn't think to do this before.   I kept noticing he was turning his head towards the hallway.   He kept looking like he was worried that somebody was going to catch him.

We were online for less than ten minutes and I decided to end it because he just didn't look comfortable at all.   I snuck a photo of him while we were meeting so I could add it to my phone.   I figured it would be the closest I would ever see him.

So Dom was planning to go home the weekend before Thanksgiving to see his Mom.  I stupidly messaged Doug telling him I was free that weekend if he wanted to come up.   He kept saying he hoped it would work out.   I think you know what happened next.

I told myself after that I was done with him.   To my shock he texted me on the phone wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving.   It was his first time ever wishing me a happy holiday by text.    This was a few days after he pulled his latest disappearing act so I was peeved.   I contemplated ignoring him altogether but I wanted to reward good behavior as he never really initiated a phone text.   But I was still mad.   All I could say was "Thanks, you too".

That would be the last time we messaged until earlier today.   I logged into A4A today and he's back to the same pattern asking when he can meet me.   I immediately logged off.   I'm wanting to tell him off but I may this time ask him what happened to the last time.   As much as I hate to say it, I still do have some feelings for him.  We had enjoyed each other's company during the times we met so I don't understand all the game playing he's doing now.   I'm not naive though.  I know things won't change.

But like Mya used to sing in her song Again And Again, I wish he would just leave me the hell alone!!!

Stone Tone Deaf

 

Apparently there's a new movie coming out later this month that is about Orange's wife Melania.   I don't know who thought this would be a great idea considering the state of the current White House administration.   It's been reported that thousands of posters mentioning the movie has been vandalized.   Given the feelings people have about Orange, I can't say this is much of a surprise.   The advertising company wisely decided to remove all the posters and not add them once more.   

There's supposed to be a premiere of the movie at the Kennedy Center the evening before it's released in theatres.   I refuse to call the Kennedy Center anything else.   I see this movie flopping and being pulled out of theatres after one or two weeks.

The current White House administration continues to be tone deaf in how a lot of the American people view them.    We're in a world now where the administration's mandated "ICE" agents which really consist of former Proud Boy members, can target anyone on the streets and harass them and potentially kill them.  Sadly they even harass people in their own homes.

Every day Orange says one stupid thing after another and noone in Congress is doing anything about it.  Sure they refute what he says but the fact that he is still in office (or even was eligible to be elected for a second term) is a travesty.  

He's turned a lot of our allies against us and there may be a day soon when the United States is no longer a country.   We're truly living in scary times.    My only grace is that I'm in my 50's and not starting off my life trying to navigate in a world where rent, food, and housing is higher than income and having a government that's working against me.   Sure I have to deal with the food and housing now but at least I was able to establish myself years back when things weren't as insane.    Who knew those were the good ol' days?   I do not want to be in my 20's today.   They have a lot stacked against them.

So yeah back on topic, hell to the no on this movie!   I will be reading the reviews though for those brave enough to watch it...should be fun.   Cue in the popcorn.

Another Trip Around The Sun

 Happy New Year!   As I pen my official first post of 2026, I'm feeling blessed to have made it into another year.   I spent my last evening of 2025 quietly at home with Dom.   I ordered some crab legs and claws from an outfit called PrimeFish Seafood Company.   The order arrived just before Christmas and I was able to freeze them and save some for part of my New Year's Eve dinner.    They were a pricey order but part of their appeal is that you only get the crab and lobster meat itself which is freeze packed and not the shells.    So it's just a matter of cutting the package and letting the meat out.   You can either eat it cold or cook it in some butter for a few minutes.    Either way it was very tasty and a good meal for the New Year.

It was a pricey meal and something I probably won't do for a while.   But I've seen the ads for the company for at least two years and was curious to try it out.   My order of 24 oz of snow crab leg meat, 16oz snow crab claws, and 16oz lobster claw meat cost me $315.   But the appeal of not having to break through the shells and sometimes not getting all the meat can't be denied.   Enjoying seafood sometimes is a lot of work so it was nice not having to cut through shells.

New Year's Day was pretty quiet as well.   There is another random family currently housed at the AirBnB/VRBO across from us but thankfully they are mostly quiet.    We did have a nightmarish situation there with a large gathering there at Thanksgiving and some of the cars parking without our permission in our small lot and they were noisy.   We contemplated calling the police but the extra cars did wind up moving after an hour or so.   I have not been thrilled with having it so close to our house and the main owner is not a nice person at all.    The one positive is that the main owner is next door in the garage so if things really go south, at least he's there to deal with it firsthand.

I was dismayed by our latest gas/electric bill from Nipsco being charged almost $500.   Nipsco needs to be investigated.   They are a monopoly like American Water and unfortunately they get away with charging higher and higher prices.   It's crazy how a company can be so universally despised yet they are an integral part of our existence since we need gas, electricity, and water to live.   It's so frustrating.

I continue to pray I can hang on to my job with the rising costs of everything.  Maybe get a small raise again.   That might be too much to ask though...LOL.  I do worry about the financial aspect of things since the stock market isn't exactly doing great either.

The latest on the Orange front is that he orchestrated an invasion in Venezuela and took the president Nicolas Maduro and his wife hostage.   The reasoning seems to be due to the need to control oil.   It does appear the Venezuelan people are for it but what's to stop Orange from trying to take out Canada, Mexico, or Greenland.   He himself is a wanna-be dictator.

We're coming on one year since he's been in office.   Will we survive for another three years?  Will Orange?  Maybe Orange planned this latest attack in an attempt to minimize the stock market reaction to the news and of course to add more distractions from the Epstein files.

Either way I'm glad to have a few independent new sources to get the latest information from.  Some of my favorites include Don Lemon, Joy Reid, and Jennifer Welch/Angie "Pumps" Sullivan.

As for New Year resolutions, I haven't made any official ones.  I do have the goal still of paying off the mortgage this year which is on target.    It will definitely be an exciting time.   I do want to work on being more healthy in 2026.  We shall see what's in store for the year.    Whatever happens I'll do my best to navigate through things.

Sisterly Ties

 My visit to Detroit was interesting and wound up having some drama.   I reached out privately to Trina to confirm that I could stay with her while in Detroit.   I had wanted to stay with her on Thanksgiving but she mentioned that Donovan's Mom was staying over and that I could share a bed with her.   I wasn't sure if she was joking or not but I wasn't comfortable with that so I booked a hotel instead.   

So Trina confirmed that I could stay there.   I wound up traveling on Christmas Day.   I was a few hours away when Tasha sent a group text (we have an ongoing sibling thread) asking me to stop by her old place and then we could go to the new home together where she had the presents for our gift exchange.   I replied to the affirmative but didn't think to mention that I was planning to stay with Trina.   This will come into play later.

So I get to Tasha's old place and when going to the door, she didn't answer.   I called a few minutes later and confirmed that she and Abe were at CVS running errands and that they'd be back soon and to go next door to Abe's Mom.   

Abe's Mom and I spent some time together.   She is hard of hearing so it was a struggle chatting with her but that was cool.   I helped her with learning how to use an ear dryer which she needs because she has a condition where her drainage passages are narrow and her ears tend to fill with water.   There is a possible procedure to reverse but with her being almost 90 years old, the doctor's do not want to take the risk.

Tasha and Abe returned twenty minutes later and bought some pizza for dinner.   Abe drove over to their new place and then later I drove Tasha to the new house.   On the way there, Tasha mentioned that I could park my garage in their two car garage (with an individual door for each) and stay overnight.  

When she mentioned staying overnight, I froze.   I had already planned to stay at Trina's but for some reason I didn't say anything.    Also Trina did not send any response when Tasha asked me to stop by the old place.   It looked like Tasha indirectly was thinking Trina and Donovan would also come to the place.    They implied as much to each other when Abe asked if they were coming and Tasha said she didn't think they would.

So Tasha and I toasted the evening on wine coolers and doritos and watched some classic comedies that happened to air their Christmas episodes including Sanford & Son, All In The Family (it was sad seeing Rob Reiner given he recently was shot to death by his own son), and the slightly more recent Hot in Cleveland.   Abe wound up staying at their old house while Tasha and I slept in mattresses in the living room.   She mentioned it was her first night at the new home.   I messaged Trina to let her know that I would stay at Tasha's place since it was first time alone in the new house.   Trina said it was cool but I wasn't sure if she was truly fine with it.

I wound up being a guinea pig for their second upstairs bathroom.   The shower and sink were fine but the toilet leaked out of the tank when flushed.   

Tasha had to work on Friday so she left me Abe's key and the garage opener so I can venture out.   I relaxed a bit and then took a quick shower before heading to a local Wendy's for lunch.   As I was wrapping up lunch, Dom called and was letting me know that he just got done seeing his Mom at the rehab place.    He himself was going to stop at McDonald's to get lunch before heading back home.   While on the phone, I received a message from Eugene.    He also left a text message.  

After I said goodbye to Dom, I checked Eugene's text and saw that he was hanging out at a Starbuck's 20 minutes from me.   I left Wendy's and called him back when I got in the car.   I drove over to the Starbuck's where he was to hang out.   It's our first time seeing each other since last December when I visited him in Fall River, MA.  

We talked about each other's family dramas.  On my end, the last several holidays we all typically gathered at Trina's home since Papa was living there.   It was almost a given that Trina's spot would be where to go.    On the flipside on Thanksgiving Tasha would want Trina and I to stop by for dinner with her and Abe's family.   His family is cool overall but his sister (his only one) is a piece of work.    The times Trina and I went, she would remind us that our parents did not attend Tasha's wedding (which they had at their old place on Thanksgiving).    That proved to be a sore spot that she always would bring up.   It got to the point that we both were tired of hearing about it.   It especially got annoying hearing it after Mama had passed.    So for a few years neither Trina and I would attend which proved to be a sore point for Tasha.

So I wonder if this year that may played into things.   I oddly felt like I was caught in the middle.   In the end Eugene said that it would be up to me to fix things.   I knew Trina had no intentions of going to the new house (she may have felt slighted by us not going there on Christmas) so when Tasha happened to call me, I suggested that the two of us should go over to Trina's.   I then called Trina afterwards to let her know that we would head over in a few more hours.

Eugene then replayed his drama that mostly centers around his Dad.   His Dad is a heavy drinker who apparently spends all his money on liquor and does not help in paying the rent at the apartment his parents reside.  Basically there was an incident where he drove his parents to his sister's home for Christmas dinner.   His sister visited Portugal and apparently picked up some kind of rum that their Dad took a liking to. 

Eugene mentioned that his Mom and himself were in the car and were waiting for his Dad.   It took another ten or fifteen minutes before he came and he emerged with the rum.    Eugene surmised that he must've convinced his sister to part with it.    But Eugene was having none of it.    He basically had a standoff with his Dad saying that he refused to drive them with an open bottle of liquor.    His concern was that if they get pulled over, he could get in trouble with law enforcement and did not want to take the risk.   His Dad argued back against this but Eugene prevailed.

Needless to say he has a strained relationship with his Dad.   He mentioned how his Dad was a heavy drinker all his life and lost his job due to being drunk on the job.    He was verbally abusive to his Mom.   A part of Eugene was mad that his Mom did not leave him many years back.    But now they're in their late 70s and early 80's so pretty much it makes no sense to do so.

We then made parallel comparisons between his Dad spending all his disposable income on liquor while Dom spends most of his disposable income (and well some of my income these days) on his doll hobby.   At least Dom's hobby isn't destructive health wise.

We spent the majority of our time also talking about getting older and health woes.   Eugene recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea and due to years of it being untreated, it affected his blood vessels in his brain.   He has to take a mild blood pressure medication.   Of course it got me thinking about my health and how I'm resigning myself to possibly having to take them myself.    He then mentioned a friend who has to take 300mg of some blood pressure meds.   That's so crazy.

So we parted ways after a few hours and then I got to Tasha's home just before Tasha was dropped off by Abe.   We then made our way to Trina's home where we had the gift exchange.   I had Donovan's name and got his some Lions gear since he loves the Lions.    He especially appreciated the cup holders since he always quick to throw a cup holder whenever we have drinks.

I bought pizza over and Tasha brought some Pepsi.   Overall we had a good evening and then we headed back.   I left on Saturday morning to head back home which I'm glad I did as temperatures plummeted on Sunday and it was rainy and windy.

I will definitely have to remember next year to make it clear where we would be meeting for the holidays and I'll have to use the group siblings chat to verify on where I am staying.   Also as an aside Tasha was asking me about my car on our way to Trina.   Little did I pickup that she was asking because she's interested in getting the car when I decide to update.   She told me as much in a private text after I got back home.   I've traded my older cars twice before for Papa ages back and Papa in turn gave his older cars to Tasha (she always seems to want a car though I'm guessing Abe's family members are in need as we never see the cars again).   I told her I'd let her know but if she wants the car, she'll definitely have to give me a fair value for losing the trade-in.   Fun times.

Type A Drama

 On December 15th Dom and I drove to Fort Wayne, IN to visit his Mom who was in the hospital recovering from a brain bleed.   Dom asked me to drive since the trip was close to three hours and he's not comfortable anymore driving longer than two hours.  I was in the office when he asked so I needed to quickly reach out to my manager to get approval.   Thankfully she said it was fine and I was able to use some of my sick time.

So when we got there, we ran into Dom's sister Marie's husband Mel in a hallway near the room where Dom's Mom was staying.   Immediately afterwards we ran into Marie.   The hospital staff was taking care of his Mom so we waited outside her room until they were done.

We also ran into Dom's niece Lexie who was in the room while the staff was helping his Mom.   Eventually we all were in the room and we were able to spend quality time with her.  She sounded a lot better than she did when Dom talked to her a few days before the visit.   At that time they were running lots of tests and she had a tube in her mouth and throat.

One of the things that drove Dom to wanting to see his Mom in person was Marie expressing wanting to take control over their Mom's care and finances.    Dom and his Mom were upset that Marie insisted on taking his Dad to a rehab facility closer to her without considering what his Dad wanted.   Dom also is worried that Marie will want to sell his Mom's house if something happens to her and then displace Lexie and Ava from the house.   

Marie was quick to mention that Mom made her "executor" of her estate and the final go-to for what happens next.   That definitely irritated Dom.   He even asked me beforehand if I wanted to be "executor".   But I declined as I do not want to be in the middle of that mess.   Marie is a piece of work and I really don't want to deal with that and have her stressing me out.    Plus it would potentially put a strain on Dom and my relationship which I do not want.

It is crazy how the love of money can cause division in a lot of families.   I do pray that they are able to get through this.   Dom is also hoping to convince his Mom to sell the home to her brother so that his nieces would be able to stay without being forced to move if Marie pursues trying to sell the home.  Originally his parents stated that when they both are gone that the home would be split between Dom and his two sisters.    Dom's sister Marina passed on but her nieces Ava and Lexie are still there.   It makes sense to leave the home to the nieces as neither Dom nor Marie have need of the home.   They could also put the home in a revocable living trust as well and explicitly spell out that the nieces would inherit the home.    Hopefully they'll be able to resolve things before his Mom isn't able to.

Everyone in Dom's family, including Dom, are Type A's.   So it can make for intense moments.

Dom's Mom is at a rehab facility that's closer to her home.   She was feeling depressed at the thought of not being home for Christmas but the facility is allowing her to go home for Christmas.    But like Cinderella, she has to return to the facility before Midnight.

Dom got to see his Mom on Christmas and plans to spend the 26th with her at the facility before he heads back home.    He expressed sadness that his Mom felt hopeless because she wasn't able to get herself up from the loveseat she was sitting at.    She lamented that if she can't get up from the loveseat, she may never come back home.    But the hope is that the physical therapy will help her in recovery.

Merry Christmas 2025

 Another Christmas has arrived.   As it has been since I've grown up, Christmas seems to creep in faster and faster.   It serves as a reminder that the end of the year is almost here.   I wanted to post a quick message before Dom and I take off to visit our respective families.   Dom's Mom is doing better and is currently at a rehab facility.    There's some drama there but I'll save that for another post.

My sisters are doing fine.   Tasha and her family are in the process of moving to a new home in Detroit.   The area they're moving to is around 7 mile and Woodward which has a lot of older, nicer homes in the vicinity.   They've been living in their current home since the mid-2000's and the home next door to them was owned by Abe's grandparents since 1971 and their move-in date Tasha recently found out was on her birthdate.

So anyway I'll be on the road shortly.   I honestly do not like having to drive for such a long distance but since I'm the furthest away, it makes sense.   Plus since it's just Tasha, Trina, and myself left in our family, it is good for us to stay connected.

We're still doing the Secret Santa list.  We've actually done it for over 15 years now.   I drew Trina's husband Donovan this year.   I wasn't sure what to get him but I remembered his love of the Detroit Lions and decided to get him some Lions gear.    He'll hopefully put it to good use.

Happy Holidays everyone!

The Rant Show

 Dom made it to and from safely from his solo trip to Orlando.   I was grateful we made it safely to and from the airport as well despite the idiots on the road.   Thankfully the hotel that was hosting the Poppy Parker event was literally in the airport itself so he didn't have to step outside.   He enjoyed himself but was definitely pooped with the jet-set to and from travel less than 24 hours.

I'm continuing to feel the financial pinch from Dom and he's yet to carry out any of the plans he's discussed doing which includes tutoring kids or selling any of his ginormous doll collection.   I keep bugging him periodically to take action but he is still taking his sweet time.  

He mentioned possibly looking into getting disability payments.   Since he is out of work and he's hit roadblocks on getting hired, it would make sense.    He says he will pursue this in January.  I mentioned it to Tasha and she reminded me that a friend of hers signed up for disability and it has been a godsend for her.   I'm praying the Orange administration doesn't mess up the process.   We shall see.

 I do pray that I can hang on to my job.   It continues to be stressful and they are throwing Developer Support cases at me even though I pushed back against it.   I believe what's happening is that with the layoffs, we've had to do more with less people.   I have at least a dozen Severity 1 cases in my docket.   It's been a juggling job and by the end of the day I'm exhausted.    It is possible to be grateful but stressed, right?   

On the bright side Centier bought me two positive pieces of news.  First, they finally credited our joint account for the September 5th hack.   I was able to put some of it towards bringing down the mortgage which is now $8400.    Speaking of the mortgage, I got some better than expected news that the monthly mortgage payment is increasing by only a little over $4.   So that means taxes and insurance haven't increased much.   That's compared to last year when my monthly payment increased by over $100 a month.  I guess they're giving me a tiny break.

If I can just hang on for another six to eight months at the job, I should be close to having the mortgage completely paid off.   That'll give me some breathing room to better manage Dom's expenses.   If only I could rein in his spending, we'd actually be fine.   Let me be a cautionary tale for choosing your partner wisely.   I chose wisely for love but that's only one part of the equation (even if it's a big part).    But it is definitely ideal to have a partner that has similar financial goals in life.    Why do spenders and savers connect together?    Two savers is definitely the ideal situation (for me as a saver at least).   Two spenders would be a complete disaster (though with Dom that would be his ideal situation - till the debt creeps in).

But life throws things in perspective.   Last night Dom got a call from his niece Lexie telling him that his Mom had a cranial hemorrhage (brain bleed).   She was actually flown by helicopter to a hospital in Fort Wayne.   She's in ICU but thankfully is in recovery.

As much as Dom and I clash, his Mom's episode reminds me that there is more to life than finances.  Life truly is too short.