Make It Last Forever

 

Keith Sweat w/ Jacci McGhee - Make It Last Forever

INTRO

Make It Last
Make It Last Forever (Ever)
Darling I Love You (Ooh Ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh, Oh)
Let's Make It Last (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Let's Make It Last Forever And Ever
Don't Let Our Love End (Don't Let Our Love End)
Mmm

VERSE 1:

Let Me Hear You Tell Me You Love Me
Let Me Hear You Say You'll Never Leave Me
Ooh Girl, That Will Make Me Feel So Right
Let Me Hear You Tell Me You Want Me
Let Me Hear You Say You'll Never Leave Me Baby
Until The Morning Light (I)

Let Me Tell You How Much I Love You
Let Me Tell You That I Really Need You
Baby, baby, baby, I Will Make It All Right
No One But You, Baby
Can Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me, Make Me, Make Me Feel

CHORUS:

Woah-Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh-Oh
Mmm, mmm, mmm
Don't Let Our Love End (Don't)
Just Make It Last Forever (Oh, Make It Last) And Ever (Forever)

BRIDGE:

Your Touch Is Wonderful
Your Love Is Marvelous
Joy, That's What I Feel
When I'm With You
Nothing, No One (No One Boy)
Could Compare To What We Have (Oh, My Baby)
Love, It Feels So Good
I'm So Glad You're Mine

I wasn't the biggest fan of Make It Last Forever.   It wound up being the prom song for my high school prom that I never attended.   Wait a minute, I'm lying.   I think Make It Last Forever was my sister Tasha's prom song.   She did go to her prom.   My prom's theme song was Here and Now by Luther Vandross.   That song still hasn't warmed up to me.

But Make It Last Forever actually is the jam.   And in recent years I've found myself playing it more and more.   It actually is a lovely song that is written from the viewpoints of two lovers who want their love to last forever.

Of course nothing is forever.   I was reminded of that when knowing today is the 6th anniversary of my Mom's passing.   It's crazy that so much time has passed.   There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Mom and wishing I could talk to her one more time.

I keep replaying the last few months of her life.   I freshly remember when she called me while I was on the road making my way to Amazon one Saturday morning.   I was at that time working at an Amazon Warehouse that was 90 minutes away from home.

She was calling to tell me not to spend any more money on alternative meds to take because she was done fighting to live and was accepting that she was going die.  I had sent her some Essiac liquid as a possible option.  I've seen stories and testimonies on how it helped individuals conquer various forms of cancer.   I thought it would be something that might help.   I wasn't ready to lose my Mom yet.

But in true Mom fashion after dropping that bombshell, she refused to give me a chance to react and talk her out of it.   She instead said that she had to go do something else and promptly hung up.   I was so upset at the news and she told me it while I was driving on the tollway.    I immediately called Dom to vent and he thought I crashed the car.

Mama had the habit of throwing little bombshells when calling and then wanting to excuse herself.  I always hated that and this time it was no exception.

I later had moments when I was mad at Mom for giving up.   But I later realized that my Mom had been fighting for a long time.   She was first diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 1999 and was suffering from it years before without having any idea what was happening.

She went through a few more trials and turbulations over the years and when she was diagnosed with uterine cancer in 2018, it was the beginning of the end.   She had the surgery to remove her uterus but unfortunately the cancer had spread to her spine and caused her pain.   

When the doctors said her form of cancer was aggressive, they also said she only had months to live.   I was there in the hospital room when she was given the news.    I was doing my best to calm Papa who was upset obviously.   Tasha was discussing the diagnosis and options with the doctor.

I wasn't ready to accept the doctor's diagnosis but after processing my anger, I realized that Mama had fought a long time and she was ready for the pain to go away.    We all have an expiration date and there may be a point of time when someone just knows.   She knew her time was running out.   She made sure to let us all know that she loved us all.

The day before she died, I remember I was giving her a warm rag with water that she put on her forehead.   There was a moment where I accidentally had the rag with cooler water.   She squealed when she touched it and we exchanged a brief laugh as I apologized.   She told me that she loved me and I said the same.   

Hours later my Mom went into another world.   She was moaning continuously and wouldn't stop no matter what I did.   Tasha came over that evening to check in on her.    Seeing Mama's state, she couldn't stay and wound up leaving the apartment.   Papa joined her in bed a little bit later.   I wound up settling in for the night in an easy chair they had outside of their bedroom.

I couldn't really sleep that night.  I woke up several times during the night to check in on my parents.   Papa was fast asleep and Mama was continuing to moan.   There was nothing I could do and that was frustrating.  I wrote notes on the journal that our caretaker suggested we have to keep a tally of Mama's condition.

The next morning Mama was still in the same state.   Her caregiver came to help clean Mama.   Mama was still moaning and was not aware that we were in the room.   For the first time I started crying as I helped the caretaker move Mom around.   With one hand I cradled my Mom's neck to position it straight, which was protruding sideways.  

We were done cleaning her up.    The caretaker told me that Mama was actively dying.   The process can take anywhere from days to weeks.   As we were talking, Mom suddenly gasped as she briefly lifted herself up before she fell back down.    We both called out for her but she didn't say anything.   I didn't realize it then but my Mom took her final breath before being called home.

My Mom's eyes were wide open.  I was petrified at the time and couldn't touch her.   I feel ashamed that I froze.  The caretaker wound up passing her fingers on my Mom's eyelids to close them and then she wrapped a towel to close my Mom's open mouth.

We gave the news to Papa who was in the next room.   He was crying.  I was still crying.  I texted Tasha and Trina to let them know.   In my haste I called 911 not realizing that I was supposed to call hospice.   EMS came and of course couldn't take my Mom because she died and had to have hospice and coroner declare it.

It was a crazy day.  I was originally supposed to leave for home that morning but was not going to leave that day.   I stayed the night and left the next day.   Unfortunately Amazon didn't have much in terms of bereavement leave and I knew I would still have to work.

It just so happened that I was starting work at a new facility that I relocated to with a different shift.  So I had to do training and keep my grief at bay.   It was the same thing until I was able to take two more days off to attend the funeral.

I wish I could Make It Last Forever and have my parents still around.   But alas the cycle of life is that nothing lasts forever.   Not the good times or the bad times.  Time just marches on.

As hard as it was, I'm glad I was there to say my goodbyes to Mama.   I do hope I get to see Mama and Papa again one day.   I will light a candle for each of them this weekend for All Souls Day.   It's a tradition that I learned from Mama when she did it for her Dad, my Grandpa.    It's my tradition now that I do until I can do it no more.

Latest Lifefront

 One of the senior members of our Church made the suggestion in September to have a monthly birthday celebration for all the birthdays that are taking place for the month.    The folks who had the birthday would be responsible for bringing a cake.    When I heard this I silently balked since I knew my birthday month was coming next.   Another new member volunteered to bring cupcakes for October so at least that was covered.

I honestly don't like to be made the center of attention even for a brief minute.   The most I like doing for my birthday is taking time off for work (always felt I shouldn't work on my birthday with the only exception being when I worked at Amazon since I needed whatever crumbs I could get) and traveling somewhere.   I normally do like to venture out somewhere but this year I chose not to.   It's a good thing too since the air traffic controller shortages that have been happening under Orange's administration.   I did take off from the 15th - 17th.

I do want to go to the Japanese Gardens in Rockford, IL for my birthday.   Since Dom isn't working and I know he has a love for Japanese culture, I thought it would be a good day trip for us.   Plus it would be nice for us to do something together.    The facility opens from 9am to 6pm daily and it would take us 2 hours to get there so we probably want to leave as early as possible.   Dom also wanted to see the new movie adaptation of Kiss Of the Spider Woman.   I had no clue that Jennifer Lopez was in it.    It should be interesting to see how it is.   Maybe we can do that Thursday or Friday.

So this past Sunday was when the October birthdays were being celebrated.    I was reminded last week from the same senior member that my presence was required.    As part of the Church board, our meeting was also being held at the Church as well.   So I opted to go after the service.   I'm so bad.

Of course since Dom and I are a package deal, I was asked about Dom's recent interview.   Unfortunately Dom is having to deal with ageism.    He mentioned that the interviewer was dry and disengaging the whole time.    I feel that the interviewer didn't like that Dom was walking in with a cane and immediately dismissed him from consideration.

It's so frustrating.   There's so many things we have to deal with when it comes to interviewing.   Unfortunately a lot of different biases come into play.   The interviewer made assumptions about Dom, not taking into account Dom's previous experiences.   It's sad that due to that person's preconceived biases they missed out on a great employee.

I feel like at this point Dom needs to reach out to his previous employer and get them to put him in as a substitute.    He tried applying for unemployment and as I expected, the previous employer declined it and claimed that Dom resigned which he didn't.    But I'm thinking Dom is getting a bit tired of dealing with the bull.   He's 61 now and if he waits till next June, he can hopefully collect on Social Security.

I just wish he would slow up on the hobby spending since he has no income coming in.   He did finally try to put some of his dolls on sale but he did it through his personal Facebook site.    He has not had any biters unfortunately so he needs to place his items on Ebay to hopefully get them sold.    

I hope I can hang on somehow to my job and not get sick.   On that front I'm in the process of trying to get a living trust done.    Dom always says that he wants to be the one to die first but life doesn't always go as you plan and I remind him that I could be the one that dies first.     If that happens I don't want Dom to lose the house because I didn't plan properly.    I've heard too many stories especially in the gay world where if the main breadwinner passes, the surviving partner is thrown to the wolves and loses the home, especially with family members taking over.    I'm fortunate in that I feel my sisters would not throw Dom out but I need to get things ready.   I also have other assets that need to be divided.   Fun times.

Mortgage Milestone

 My quest for financial independence took a positive turn this morning.   I forgot about a work bonus that is typically paid twice a year that came at the end of September.   Thanks to that bonus I was able to use most of it to get my mortgage down to an even $10,000.    I wanted to etch an extra hundred to break the 5-figure mark but of course Dom had hobby stuff that stood in the way.   Sigh.   But nonetheless I recognize that we're very fortunate to be close to paying it off completely.   My pay-off amount at least is in the four figures as of today.    If only I had an extra $7600 hiding somewhere.    

I took care of a household issue that I put off for a few months.   I had our regular plumber come over to fix a leaky strainer in the kitchen sink.   That was a $190 hit.   Dom thought it was a bit high.   But given how the cost of everything has gone up, I realized that gone are the days you can get things fixed for $50 or even under $100.

So I have to get our garage fixed yet again.    For years we had the issue where the garage will not close all the way but rather reopen and then we have to struggle to get it to close.   I had it adjusted twice before but I was told that the issue is that garage itself is shifting in one direction which is affecting the door function.   A more long term fix is to adjust the door so that the sensors will pick them up properly.   But doing that would leave a gap on the right hand side of the door.   I wasn't keen on doing that and they made adjustments to the settings to get the door to close.   But the issue keeps returning months later so now I'm ready to try the long-term fix.   I bought a floor strip for the garage that I'm hoping will help cover some of the gap.    But we'll see.   I need to get it fixed before the weather changes for the colder so will have to work on that this month.

In other news Dom had an interview for a teaching position yesterday at a Gary charter school.   It isn't a math role but rather an elective teaching role on career and college preparation.    He said the interviewer was boring and he wasn't sure if he made a connection with him or not.    When Dom has interviewed in the past, he's had it where the staff reaches back to him within an hour after the interview and offered the job.   That didn't happen here but I'm hoping he'll hear something soon.   

He ran into a former colleague that is working security at the school.   He described him as resembling the actor D.B. Woodside when he played Amenadiel on Lucifer.   They bonded over their hate for the same member of the admin team.   Apparently that member screwed Amenadiel over as well.  

Maybe Amenadiel can put in a good word for Dom if the principal asks.   We shall see I guess.

The last time Dom was unemployed was in 2010.   Prior to losing his job, he had already paid for registration to one of his first doll conferences.    He said his parents helped him get a plane ticket to the event.   I found an old tattered sign that he put on his display table back then when he was selling a few dolls.   It looks so sad and sweet at the same time I wanted to share it.

We all have our crosses to bear in life but we find a way to get through and ideally in a better place.  That's life in a nutshell.   As long as we're breathing we have more opportunities to navigate through what gets thrown.   Dom and I are both pushing along. 

Brother Clay Cane

 Back in the mid-2000's when I first starting blogging at my original blogspot, I discovered over time a community of folks who had their own blogs and occasionally chimed in with feedback and sometimes tough love on my blog depending on the topic.    When I started blogging again a few years back, I often wondered what happened to my fellow bloggers and hoping they all are living their best lives.   

I recently rediscovered none other than Clay Cane on Youtube.    I knew from his blogspot (which actually I need to get invited again...LOL) that he was a prolific writer and political activist that was already making moves.    It's so cool to see him doing his thing on Youtube and he's speaking the truth on a lot of topics.   I don't have SiriusXM so I'm not able to listen to him live or call in so it's good he adds them on Youtube as well.    And he's also an author as well and has an upcoming novel titled "Burn Down Master's House" that's coming out in late January 2026.   I will definitely have to check that out.   I also looked him up on LinkedIn and can see that he has a profile there.   I sent him a connection request so I'll see if he responds.   In the meantime here are a few of his videos.

First one I'm sharing is his most recent (as of this blog entry date) where he and his co-host Reecie Colbert talk about ICE's attack on a black Southside neighborhood apartment.   From reports that I've seen, they took everyone out of that apartment and kept them in custody for several hours.   It's crazy how they are using immigration to violate human rights.   They didn't care if a person was a U.S. Citizen or not when they removed everyone.    Not only that but the way they did it, rappelling from helicopters and breaking windows and doors to get into apartments.   There were children living in the apartments and I can't imagine the trauma they'll have to deal with thinking that they don't have a safe space.   Of course Orange's administration doesn't care about that one bit.

The next video I'm sharing is one where Clay Cane with co-host Ted Winn talked with legendary R&B singer Teena Marie's daughter Alia Rose who is an artist as well.    We got to hear stories about Teena Marie from Alia's perspective.    She also mentioned an upcoming biopic that's she involved in that tells her Mom's story.

Finally here's Clay's video about former The Biggest Loser loser trainer Jillian Michaels and the gall about her recent comments relating to slavery and how it wasn't so bad for black folks and that less than 2% of whites owned slaves.   I watched Netflix's documentary on The Biggest Loser and was reminded of what a piece of work she and Bobby Harper were to the folks that participated on the show.    Like everything else on TV, it was all about the money.   The show went on for 18 Seasons and spawned other versions of the show internationally.

So Hemingway it was nice seeing that Clay is doing well and I wish him continued success.

Does Freedom Still Ring?

It's been a wild eight months since Orange taken office.   Everyday it seems the news mentions one ridiculous thing after another that he has said or done.   I've tried to shut it out but it's everywhere when looking at posts from Facebook or on the news.     He promised to end the war between Ukraine and Russia on Day 1 of his being in office.   Lies.  The price of eggs became a hot topic for awhile.   At one point he claimed that he'd get the prices lowered, which didn't happen.   Prices did eventually peter down months later.

Every other day looms the threat of tariffs which has caused havoc with the cost of items like cars, electronics, and now even drugs.   Because of his antics, international travel has dropped significantly, with cities such as Las Vegas, reporting much fewer visitors.   There was also an uptick of near misses on the air due to cuts in federal workers and his relentless attack on anything DEI.

The latest attack is now on the First Amendment.   The First Amendment is part of the U.S. Constitution's Bill of Rights that protects core freedoms from government interference.   These include the freedom of religion, speech, the press, the right to assemble, and the right to petition.

This amendment has been in the news a lot lately.   It came into play when folks who spoke out against the racist beliefs of "political activist" Charlie Kirk being fired from their jobs.   Orange and Sofa have stated that there would be consequences for anyone who celebrate or mock Kirk's death.

Sadly it's become the norm for US Immigration & Custom Enforcement (ICE) agents to randomly harass and arrest U.S. Citizens and whisk them away to unknown locations.   A detention center, nicknamed Alligator Alcatraz, was built in Florida by the Florida Division of Emergency Management that is used by ICE to house detainees.   Conditions there have been described as being extremely hot, full of bugs like mosquitoes and crickets, with lack of food and water.   Also it's built near the Everglades which is swampy land that includes alligators and snakes.   Orange even alluded that escapees shouldn't run in a straight line since they may get eaten by an alligator.

ICE agents have been deployed in Washington D.C. and Chicago and is slated to be sent to other cities.  In particular he's targeting blue cities that have black mayors.

The government is at risk of being shut down on October 1st due to Congress and Orange stalemating on the budget.   Orange wants to cut everything that helps those that aren't rich.    The economy is in shambles with lots of layoffs happening.

This is supposed to be the land of the free.   But a lot of freedoms are being eroded away.   It's getting scary out here.   

Another Layoff Round

 My company chose to layoff several thousand more co-workers last week.  I wasn't let go but given the state of the economy today and Dom not working, it has me more concerned.   I really don't feel very secure and the latest layoffs have me further on edge.    I'm feeling extra stressed since everything is falling on me financially.   If I lose my job we'll be in trouble.   

I already have some expenses that I need to deal with.   Dom is wanting more money for more pre-order doll stuff that's coming in.   I've already had to pay over $1400 for his crap.   That part is very frustrating since it's not a need.   Also I was hoping the money we lost from the hack would be credited.   But I found out that the investigation could take anywhere from 30 - 90 days and then our balance would be credited. So in the meantime I won't be able to make an extra payment for the mortgage.    So that puts me a month behind from the goal I had to pay off the mortgage.

I have a couple household expenses that I need to pay for as well.   One for a leaking sink and another for a garage door that won't close properly.   I also need to start paying for the new fridge we had to get.   I'm very stretched right now.

I usually plan a birthday trip but I haven't planned anything and it's probably a good thing.  I really can't afford to spend more money for a hotel and flight.    It's good at least we did Mackinaw Island this year though now I have to hear how Dom wants us to retire there...LOL.   He's insane.   Plus he doesn't understand the concept of saving money so I don't know how he plans on paying for it.   That's right, I have to.   The hell I do.   But that's another rant.

But yeah I'm struggling financially and sadly I may not be able to pay my credit card balance in full this month.   My total balance is over $3200 already and I still have 9 days left on the billing cycle.   I'll have to pay interest fees for the first time since 2023 if I can't pay it off.   I may just have to dip into my dwindling savings which is now below $12K (and sinking).   

It's depressing to think about.   But all I can do is pray and hope I can hold on to my job.   And maybe win a small fortune...LOL.

Just Another Sad Dom Song

 Our joint account wound up getting hacked last Thursday.   I put an alert for Centier to send me an alert if the joint account balance falls below $120.   I've had it go off several times since I've set it up.    But I was peeved when the alert came out last Thursday.   I was almost home from work when it came.   I was expecting my balance to be over $600 since I transferred some cash over in anticipation of paying the mortgage which was due the next day.

I was thinking the worst of Dom not believing he spent over $500 for something.   I asked Dom what was going on but he said he only spent $70.    I decided to log in and check out the transactions to see if my transfer came through.   I confirmed that it did indeed come through but so did two fraudulent entries, one for $250 and another for $400.   The entries were from something identified as Gemini which we later learned was supposedly crypto transactions.

I immediately called the bank who of course had to speak to Dom since the transactions came from his card.   We had a similar incident happen less than a year ago.   What annoys me is that Dom makes so many purchases related to his doll hobby.   It's likely one of the sites he went to may not be 100% secure.  I have a hard time making heads or tails of his purchases.   

At the end of the day it's his hobby.   But I wish he didn't spend almost his whole paycheck on it, which right now is nothing.   He seems to have given up on finding anything.   He did apply for unemployment but I sill question if they would pay him or not.   He mentioned it would be $300 something though I'm not clear if it's every week or every other week.   I believe I was collecting a paycheck once every two weeks for only about $300 - $400.    

We would have to go to the bank to get the disputed transactions removed from our account.   We did that this past Saturday even though it doesn't come off right away.   We also both decided to get new bank cards.   I really didn't need to get one since I only use my card to deposit cash at the ATM whenever Dom gets the balance below $120.

 I checked today to see if the Gemini balances were credited to our account and it's still not.  The saving grace is that I deposited an extra $600 for Friday that originally was supposed to be the extra payment but wound up being my primary mortgage payment.   Otherwise we would've been late for the mortgage.

I have to wait for the fraudulent payments to be cleared out so I can get the original $600 back so I can then put an extra payment on the mortgage like I had originally planned.

So when looking to see if the transactions were removed, wouldn't you know Dom is already using the new debit card for doll purchases.   Some things will never change but I can't believe that he's still buying frivolous stuff when he's not collecting income.   I can see it now, his unemployment will be spent on dolls and maybe a few groceries...LOL

I said it before but choose your mate wisely.   They'll either work to help build things up or they'll try to bring you down with them.   I do love Dom despite his ways but if I knew I'd be dealing with this drama,  I may have had second thoughts.   The saving grace with Dom is that he's a good person with a good heart.   I still wish he picked up some financial sense along the way, though.   But I'll have to be that person for both of us.

I know I've complained about it before.   I felt awful because I even complained to my boss briefly about it in our one-on-one but then felt bad.   I guess I needed an outlet.