Almost seven years ago I mentioned meeting a guy I nicknamed Dom. I had met him around the tail end of some health issues I was dealing with at the time. So fast forward to present day and wouldn't you know it, we're still together. He's officially my longest relationship to date.
Sally and I had talked about it and she made the observation that Dom came at the right time. She was my emergency contact and go-to-person for any issues I needed help with. We were there for each other for over 20 years at that time. She met Dom weeks before leaving Chicago permanently mid-November 2014. She and Dom (and I) had great conversation and later she told me privately that she "approved of this union"...LOL.
With Sally leaving for Alabama I would no longer have her around. She was hopeful that Dom would fill that void. Dom of course won't take her place but he has proven himself time and time again.
It's been quite the road getting to where we are today. If I'm being honest I came to visit him more times than he came to me at the beginning of our relationship.. I remember Eugene pointing that out to me a few times. He's all about the 50/50 which definitely is the ideal way things should go. But unfortunately it doesn't always go that way.
I did enjoy visiting him even though within hours of getting to his place, I would get the worst allergy. I would have fits of sneezing and my nose would become very stuffed. It would clear up once I got back home. Despite that I liked the neighborhood that Dom was in. The best part was that he was only a mile or two away from Lake Michigan.
In contrast I was not happy where I was living. I wasn't happy for a long time. I would've moved years back but the housing market took a turn for the worst in 2008. I was a double minority in a 99% Caucasian block. I did have nice neighbors including an elderly couple that lived directly across from me. But when I participated in a block party a year or two back (2012), I definitely was made to feel unwelcome by some on the block. Sally actually came out to support me and I remember clearly she tried to introduce herself to one neighbor who proceeded to ignore her. I was livid. It reminded me that I needed to get out. So it felt nice to get away from home temporarily as I was racking up the miles.
I didn't go every weekend though. I stayed in my neck of the woods one or two weekends a month. I could count on one hand the number of times Dom visited my place in the almost two years I remained there. But that really didn't bother me.
As we got to know each other there were issues that tested whether we'd continue or not. The first issue was kids or no kids. At the time I had wanted to have a couple kids but I didn't relish the thought of doing it alone. Dom was (and still is obviously) eight years older than me and stated he had no desire to have children. He was a school teacher and felt that was the closest he wanted to be to being around kids. Basically he physically felt too old at 50 years old to be caring for a newborn. It was fair. I had to decide whether or not that would be a deal breaker.
One of the things I felt guilty about was my parents not having any grandchildren from my sisters and I. Neither of my sisters were able to (or wanted in Trina's case) have kids. I felt like I was the last hope to keep our line of the family alive. But I didn't really have a strong desire for kids. Just thinking of all the crazy things kids had to deal with at that time turned me off. It was more of a nice to have. At the end of the day I had to realize that I shouldn't have a kid because I felt guilty (which actually I still do feel guilty about it to this day...but it's not as bad as I felt years back). So at the end of day I accepted that Dom and I would just be Dom and I. Incidentally he has a nephew and several nieces by his sisters so at least he got to be the cool gay Uncle (though he lamented that he didn't get to spend as much time with them as he could've since he was in the military and lived overseas during their formative years).
As an aside I remember when I was dating Rock, he and I having that same conversation about kids. I believe he was 42 at the time and he was adamant about not having kids and that it was too late for him. I tried to convince him otherwise but he wasn't going for it. I wanted to tell him just because his Mom had him at 19 doesn't mean that he's late. But I don't think that would've went well...*LOL*. I was almost thinking had our relationship survived its other issues and a kid was in the picture, he or she would be at least 10 years old. But with everything that happened to me jobwise in recent years, it's probably for the best I don't have any extra mouths to feed.
So back to Dom. Another issue that crept up from time to time was our difference in finances. At the time I was making over twice as much income as he did. As an aside it's a shame that teachers are paid so low in this country. The difference in income made Dom feel insecure. There were occasions where he would blurt out that I should be dating another friend of his because he makes more money than he does. I really didn't know how to respond to that one. He also would tell me that he's not taking advantage of me. I never felt he did. In fact he always would push back on going to expensive restaurants. One interesting thing is the few times we went to pricier places, the wait staff would always present the check to him. I don't know if it was an age or race thing (yes he's white...*LOL*). There were even some occasions where I notice the wait staff would address him only and ignore me. Needless to say those wait staff got reduced tips at the end of the evening.
So because Dom didn't make a lot of money it irked me how Dom would spend his money. Issue #3. He's an avid doll collector that is constantly buying dolls and clothes and other accessories for them. In fact when we first dated, I was introduced to his doll room which literally was filled with wall to wall dolls (with lots more in boxes). He also had dolls in other parts of the house. It was scary and honestly I almost decided not to pursue him because of it. On the flip side, he never really thought about saving money. He didn't even contribute to a retirement plan at work. He complained of course that he wasn't making a lot and almost all of it was going to his "hobby". I was trying to encourage him to save but he blasted me saying it was easy for me to do because I made way more money than him. But I told him it doesn't matter what you make, it's what you keep. He is right that it's definitely harder to save when you're not making a lot (I can really relate now...*LOL*) but even if he could save $5 a week in a savings account, in a year that would be $260. And yes that's not a lot when you think of all the emergencies that could happen but it's better than nothing. Thankfully he's gotten better over the years and we even have a tiny savings account funded from his paycheck. Plus he's finally contributing to a retirement account. Thankfully he got a bit of a raise moving to another school which has helped as well. The doll thing is still ugggh but even that has been a little less. Could go down more...*LOL*.
So I mentioned earlier that I could count on my one hand the number of times Dom visited me at my old place. That's because I officially sold my house in late 2016 and moved to Gary to live with Dom in a bigger house. There was no way I could live in his old place since there would be no room for my stuff. Not to mention the allergies that would flair up every time I stayed there. So we've been living together for over 5 years now. How time flies.
So another issue came into play less than a year after we moved in together. Dom was diagnosed with diabetes. Also he lost his desire to have sex. It was at this time he decided to mention that his Dad lost interest in sex around the same age as he did. I admit that I felt a bit resentful as I never imagined being in a sexless relationship. I figured the sex would diminish over time but didn't expect it to completely stop. Since I still have desires, we decided to have an open relationship though pretty much it's only open on my end. If you had told me ten years ago that I'd end up in an open relationship, I would've not believed it.
I do love Dom though and can't imagine my life without him. In all honesty I don't really need a lot of sex these days myself. Once or twice a week would do me fine. Dom and I are still very affectionate with each other which is a good thing. If that was gone as well I would definitely have to reconsider the relationship.
Unfortunately for me though since I have a desire for sex, I still frequent the social networking sites trying to find compatible people. It seems even more challenging then it was when I first was exploring my sexual attraction to guys in 2002. Maybe another time I'll be inclined to share more.
Interestingly enough I still talk to Midas. We are definitely more friends now. We periodically text and chat. He too recently was laid off from his job and has been trying to figure out his next move. The last time we had sex was in 2011 so yeah it's been nearly ten years. I'm not going to lie though. I've thought of hooking up with him again but I don't necessarily want to go back down that road again. Midas of course is a bit older but it doesn't seem like his horndog ways have slowed down. Well at least he talks a good game.
This COV-ID mess has definitely put a damper on things sexually though I have still had some meetups. But it would be great to find one or two guys I can have a regular thing with that understands that I'm not leaving Dom. Hemingway, that's all I have for now.
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