LOL just a few weeks back I noted that I had a record number of entries in a month. And now it looks like I'm only at post #2 for the month of February. But it's not a record as I've had many years that I haven't been blogging at all. So with this entry I won't be breaking any records.
So since I've been working in corporate America again, I've been having my weekends back. Well somewhat. Weekends now are pretty much the only time I can run errands and not have to rush back to work. The Rev at our small church though has been asking me to come help him clean the church for the last two Saturdays (basically my first free weekends). I was irritated and pushed back last Saturday but decided to come out this past Saturday. Thankfully I was only there for about an hour and a half. But I came after spending half the day running errands with Dom.
So needless to say when Dom decided to be lazy and not go to service today, I didn't argue back. Since the whole pandemic started, they have the service also on Facebook Live. When Dom and I did attend service two weeks back, I hated that the camera was filming and of course the Rev had me do the Call to Worship. I hated seeing and hearing myself on screen. But the stream doesn't get a lot of views so whatever.
Today I decided to watch the service online since we stayed home. Things were going as normal. Then we got to the "Celebration portion" of the service. One of our members Katherine was celebrating on what a wonderful ladies book club meeting they had last Saturday and how time went so fast. Another member Wilma who happens to be a trans lady asked why trans ladies weren't allowed in the book club. I was shocked to hear the question as I was sure trans ladies in the past did participate. Wilma acknowledged that there was a trans member (Mimi) who no longer attends our church and was a disturbance in many ways. This member definitely rubbed a lot of folks (myself included) the wrong way. It was hilarious because Mimi really loved Dom but seemed annoyed by me (maybe even jealous of our relationship). She's even driven several people away from coming back to the church for being pushy. She was basically a hot mess.
So I know that Mimi was a member of the ladies book club. But perhaps she was a disturbance there as well. Apparently so much so that the ladies decided to ban all trans ladies from participating. Wilma pointed out that she felt it was unwelcoming but one of the more vocal ladies Jenna stated that the decision was made a long while back and that was that. She added that the trans ladies could start their own book club.
That reminded me that even with all the discrimination that gays and lesbians faced, given the chance, a lot of gays and lesbians can be just as discriminatory towards others. As a gay black male I've experienced that first hand when dealing with some white gay men (and occasionally from other races including other gay black men). Just looking at hook up sites, you see the ads from gay men saying some form of "no fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians". The saddest ones are from gay black men who say they prefer white guys and don't want a black guy. That self-hate is a real thing.
The most blatant direct experience I remember is years back replying to a hookup ad from a gay white male and upon finding out I was black, he replied back that "there are plenty of black guys in your area". I laughed it off and didn't engage further but it hurt to know that the only reason I was being rejected was because of something I couldn't control. But at the end of the day would I want to hook up with a racist, hell to the no!
On the flipside I briefly dated a white guy who I found out only wanted me because I was black. The few times we went out, he was always pointing out 'this hot black guy' and 'that hot black guy'. That got old real fast and I remember knowing it was over when I found out he was friends with one of my ex Rock's closest friends. The way he revealed that was totally annoying as well. Instead of straight up telling me that he found out the connection, he wanted to do a guessing game. Knowing that he was a college professor narrowed my guess since Rock's closest friend was also a professor.
But back to the original topic, whenever racist white gay men are called out on their racist behavior, the typical response is "It's my preference" and basically people need to "get over it". I remember this one gay fitness site that used to have a message board and every now and then, someone would post on why some white guys don't like black guys. And it was hilarious seeing how riled up white guys especially would get.
And boy do those "preference" guys get mad when people call them out on their racism. They're always so quick to point out that they have black friends so they can't be racist. It makes me think of those ads you see every once in a while for retirement homes where it'll be an elderly white couple and then the black lady standing next to them. Whenever I see those ads I always crack up and can hear the white couple saying, 'see I got a black friend'. Just because you supposedly have black friends doesn't make the "no blacks" behavior any less repulsive.
Delving deeper into the issue, I will say that we all have our preferences. I tend to prefer muscular, beefy, bearish type guys and typically guys my size or smaller do nothing for me sexually. Of course those are the guys that come after me...*LOL*. But things like size and style guys can somewhat control. You can't control what race or nationality you're born with. It's sad that if two guys were exactly the same in every way except race, that they wouldn't be open to the guy of a different race. Or if a guy meets every other preference except race that it would be a hard pass. But again at the end of the day I would not want to be with a racist. So it is better to know that upfront so you're not wasting your time. So sadly those ads are doing those of us affected a favor. It would certainly suck to find out they had racist behaviors during a date.
So I was dismayed to hear the exchange going on at our church. You would think gay and lesbian folks wouldn't have some hang-ups in regards to other folks on the LGBTQ terrain. But sadly we're all human I suppose so that feeling is not realistic. Trans men and ladies are at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to equal rights. Trans folks are more likely to be unemployed and victims of crime. We're reminded of all the trans folks who have been murdered during the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. Various TDoR ceremonies are held around the world, including at our church.
Assuming Mimi was the cause of the ladies book club not allowing trans ladies to join, it was sad that Mimi's actions affected other trans ladies. Mimi's actions were a reflection on her. They don't represent the actions of every transgender lady. Just like when a black person commits a crime, it doesn't mean that every black person is a criminal.
Anyway the problem's not going away anytime soon. But I just wanted to rant...haven't had a 'rant' only post in a while either. This post might be a new record after all. *LOL*
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