55 years ago today, my parents got married and officially started their lives as husband and wife. It's so crazy thinking how quickly time is flying. There's a cute photo of them at the reception following their wedding. My Dad looks to be whispering something in my Mom's ears and she is giggling. I have that photo as my primary photo on my Facebook page and haven't taken it down since my Mom passed.
I wonder what my Dad was telling my Mom in that moment. Perhaps he was telling her a joke to put a smile on her face. She made the decision 55 years ago to leave her family life in the Caribbean and make a life with my Dad in the United States. That had to be a huge decision. I remember my Mom telling me years later that she saw the move as an opportunity to change her life for the better.
Growing up I visited the Caribbean a few times along with my sisters. I have a host of cousins on my Mama's side that I only had brief interactions with. I never did meet any cousins on Papa's side though in later years I was a pen pal with a second cousin of his (she was the granddaughter of one of my uncles - my Papa's brother).
There was a bit of a language barrier as well between the extended family and myself. It was interesting because our Caribbean family often thought because we lived in the United States that we were rich and we knew all the celebrities.
Over the years during my formative years, I used to help Mama in mailing various clothing items to her family in the islands. I remember both my parents being reluctant to take in different family members who may have been looking to leech from the family (though some may have been trying to find their own way to becoming American citizens).
Speaking of which Papa became an American citizen sometime in the late 60's before he married Mama. Mama became a citizen many years later sometime in the late 90's, early 2000's. I remember that she was taking citizenship classes and I was living in Chicago at the time and made a special trip to Detroit and rented a van to take the family to Mama's ceremony where she became a citizen. They both maintained their French citizenship as well.
In later years though, both of my parents longed to return to their Caribbean roots. They weren't able to return fully though and remained in Detroit.
Papa in later years kept saying how he regretted moving to the United States. He definitely had a rough existence dealing with racism at the plant he had to take a job at. He was a meteorologist in the islands but because he didn't have a degree from a U.S. College (and discrimination as well), he was unable to get a job doing what he loved. To make ends meet, he ended up working at a local plant where he dealt with a lot of racism and bullying as well.
I didn't realize the extent of what he went through until I became an adult. I remember Papa as being very mean and he was the one to give corporal punishment whenever one of us acted up. I know now that he was dealing with a lot of stress on the job and he was taking out his frustrations on the family. Even when he got a different job working as the Building Manager of our family church, that bought on a different kind of stress, some of which I saw first hand since I spent my summers working with him.
He started taking blood pressure medication in his 30's as a result of the stress and took some form of blood pressure medication for the rest of his life. I alluded to his experiences in my farewell letter I wrote to him.
Mama herself had a different kind of stress dealing with being in a new country without her family. My grandparents and two of my Aunts were there for the wedding but of course they all had to go back to their lives.
Mama at times felt alone since Papa had to work to support the family. She had few friends and experienced betrayals with some she thought were her friends which resulted in her distrusting people. I always felt sad for her because she never fully trusted anyone again.
They both did their best to make marriage and family work. There were a lot of times they didn't agree. But through it all they were there for each other. They really were the glue that kept our family together. And their journey together all began on this day, June 7, 1969. Thank you Mama and Papa for everything you did to shape our lives. I love and miss you both.
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