You Picked A Prime Time

 I broke a cardinal rule a couple threads down in mentioning my current place of employment.   I normally keep specifics out but in this case I felt Amazon is a large enough conglomerate that I need not worry.   So Amazon had their Prime days on June 21 and 22 this year.    According to their news it was one of their most successful to date.    To handle all the extra volume, associates are required to work an extra hour during Prime.    So instead of 10 hour days it was 11 hours.    It definitely was extra tedious as always but I pushed through it.    Thankfully since I'm only working part-time, I only had one day of impact.   But while working there I'm on my feet a little over 9 1/2 hours of my 10 hour shift.    By the time I get home I ache all over and can barely move.   Dom makes dinner and I somehow manage to wash the dishes and have about 30 minutes downtime to surf or play games before I'm ready to crash.

It's the hard knock life for E these days.   But I do realize that things could always be worse.   No matter how bad it gets, it's better to make a tiny bit of income than none at all.    But I haven't given up on getting a better paying job.   Interviewing has been a bust so the next best option is to pick up new skills.

For years before I got laid off from my analyst position, I had been curious about cybersecurity.   I keep reading about how there's this shortage of professionals to combat the increasing threats of cyber criminals.   So after my second contract job ended I was thinking of going back to school to get a master degree in cybersecurity.   But then I had this nagging feeling about accumulating student loan debt (aside from unfortunately accumulating huge credit card debt...uggh).    At the time I was 46 years old and the thought of having to pay student loans well into my 50's and possibly 60's was not an appealing thought.   

I had thought about Western Governor's University.   At the time they were touting a lower cost alternative to the traditional college program.    They charge a flat rate every six months and during that time you can take as many courses (one at a time) in that time period.    The courses are related to the degree and it's a pass/fail system.

But I procrastinated and didn't go that route.   And then there was COV-ID.   I did have the Amazon job and didn't lose my job like lots of people did.   But those first few months not knowing much about COV-ID and suddenly being deemed an "essential worker" it was scary going into work.   Eventually we were given masks to wear on our faces.   And I pushed through it and still am.

I learned about this academy that had cyber security bootcamps.   At the time I was working with a caseworker from Indiana's Work One program.   Work One gave me help with resume building, interviewing skills, and job leads (though a lot of the jobs were ones I weren't necessarily interested in).   My caseworker mentioned the particular academy that I ultimately joined.   There was some funding that Work One would provide to help cover costs but I would have to cover some of the costs as well.   In the hopes of getting into the course, I completed some pre-work for the bootcamp and even attended an orientation.   Unfortunately Work One wasn't able to agree on funding and I was unable to participate in the program.

As it happens I learned about the Cares Act that was made law in 2020.    The academy mentioned that the Cares Act would cover $10000 in cost and unlike previous acts, it included a provision that folks who already had a college degree could still be covered.    I also had an additional credit for attending a free orientation.    In the end I would have to cover $2500.   I felt like it was a great opportunity and they mentioned providing support afterwards in seeking employment.

So the bootcamp was about 24 weeks.  It was a grueling experience and the goal was to obtain two certifications, Network+ and Security+.  I fell short on passing the Network+ exam and in order to get to the cyber lab portion and successfully complete the bootcamp, I needed to pass Security+.   It took a lot of studying but I did successfully pass and I did complete the bootcamp.

But getting the job was another story.   As I learned the reason they push Network+ as well is because for a lot of folks you don't get that cybersecurity job right up front.   You have to start in technical support apparently and maybe after a year or two, it may lead you to an entry level job.   It's disappointing having that reality especially when you keep hearing that there's this shortage.   But these companies want you to have all this experience beforehand which obviously you learn over time.

So I wound up taking a different path.   I saw an opportunity being advertised to learn Salesforce for free.   The program is being ran and sponsored by employees at both Salesforce and Deloitte.  I had heard about Salesforce before but I never had the chance to learn about it.   There was an online application that needed to be filled out in order to be considered for the program.    There were a few questions that were asked in the application.    Assuming my application caught their eye, the next step would be a 45 minute online interview with a Salesforce employee.

My application passed successfully and I had that interview.   I had a great vibe with the interviewer and I did my best to express my excitement to learn about Salesforce and ideally find employment.   But I didn't think I did enough.   Interviewing is my Achilles' heel and apparently I've been falling short for the longest time.    It's just been frustrating to not find anyone willing to take a chance on someone who gave over 20 years of his time to one company and proved to be a loyal committed employee.   But that doesn't matter it seems these days.   In fact it seems like job hopping is the way to go.    But I'm not bitter.   Much.

Alas I did get that callback...finally.   I did get accepted into the Salesforce program.   That's where I am today.   So far I'm four weeks into the program and so far so good.   The best part is that it IS totally free including them covering the costs of 2 Salesforce certifications.   That's a good thing too since I'm still paying for the cyber bootcamp (last payment should be in December 2021).   I'm praying that I'm on the right path.   But I won't give up.

I will say that Dom has been my rock (LOL...not Rock for anyone who remembers him) through it all.   Even when I'm feeling negative he always has a positive spirit and tells me I can do it.    Or that I got the job even if it doesn't happen.  I guess he's the Winnie to my Eeyore.

So we'll see where things take me.

Open Sesame

Almost seven years ago I mentioned meeting a guy I nicknamed Dom.   I had met him around the tail end of some health issues I was dealing with at the time.   So fast forward to present day and wouldn't you know it, we're still together.   He's officially my longest relationship to date.

Sally and I had talked about it and she made the observation that Dom came at the right time.   She was my emergency contact and go-to-person for any issues I needed help with.   We were there for each other for over 20 years at that time.   She met Dom weeks before leaving Chicago permanently mid-November 2014.   She and Dom (and I) had great conversation and later she told me privately that she "approved of this union"...LOL.

With Sally leaving for Alabama I would no longer have her around.   She was hopeful that Dom would fill that void.   Dom of course won't take her place but he has proven himself time and time again.

It's been quite the road getting to where we are today.   If I'm being honest I came to visit him more times than he came to me at the beginning of our relationship..    I remember Eugene pointing that out to me a few times.   He's all about the 50/50 which definitely is the ideal way things should go.   But unfortunately it doesn't always go that way.

I did enjoy visiting him even though within hours of getting to his place, I would get the worst allergy.  I would have fits of sneezing and my nose would become very stuffed.  It would clear up once I got back home.   Despite that I liked the neighborhood that Dom was in.   The best part was that he was only a mile or two away from Lake Michigan.   

In contrast I was not happy where I was living.   I wasn't happy for a long time.   I would've moved years back but the housing market took a turn for the worst in 2008.    I was a double minority in a 99% Caucasian block.   I did have nice neighbors including an elderly couple that lived directly across from me.    But when I participated in a block party a year or two back (2012), I definitely was made to feel unwelcome by some on the block.   Sally actually came out to support me and I remember clearly she tried to introduce herself to one neighbor who proceeded to ignore her.   I was livid.   It reminded me that I needed to get out.    So it felt nice to get away from home temporarily as I was racking up the miles.

I didn't go every weekend though.   I stayed in my neck of the woods one or two weekends a month.   I could count on one hand the number of times Dom visited my place in the almost two years I remained there.   But that really didn't bother me.

As we got to know each other there were issues that tested whether we'd continue or not.   The first issue was kids or no kids.   At the time I had wanted to have a couple kids but I didn't relish the thought of doing it alone.    Dom was (and still is obviously) eight years older than me and stated he had no desire to have children.   He was a school teacher and felt that was the closest he wanted to be to being around kids.   Basically he physically felt too old at 50 years old to be caring for a newborn.   It was fair.    I had to decide whether or not that would be a deal breaker.   

One of the things I felt guilty about was my parents not having any grandchildren from my sisters and I.   Neither of my sisters were able to (or wanted in Trina's case) have kids.   I felt like I was the last hope to keep our line of the family alive.   But I didn't really have a strong desire for kids.   Just thinking of all the crazy things kids had to deal with at that time turned me off.    It was more of a nice to have.    At the end of the day I had to realize that I shouldn't have a kid because I felt guilty (which actually I still do feel guilty about it to this day...but it's not as bad as I felt years back).    So at the end of day I accepted that Dom and I would just be Dom and I.   Incidentally he has a nephew and several nieces by his sisters so at least he got to be the cool gay Uncle (though he lamented that he didn't get to spend as much time with them as he could've since he was in the military and lived overseas during their formative years).

As an aside I remember when I was dating Rock, he and I having that same conversation about kids.    I believe he was 42 at the time and he was adamant about not having kids and that it was too late for him.   I tried to convince him otherwise but he wasn't going for it.    I wanted to tell him just because his Mom had him at 19 doesn't mean that he's late.    But I don't think that would've went well...*LOL*.   I was almost thinking had our relationship survived its other issues and a kid was in the picture, he or she would be at least 10 years old.    But with everything that happened to me jobwise in recent years, it's probably for the best I don't have any extra mouths to feed.

So back to Dom.   Another issue that crept up from time to time was our difference in finances.    At the time I was making over twice as much income as he did.   As an aside it's a shame that teachers are paid so low in this country.    The difference in income made Dom feel insecure.   There were occasions where he would blurt out that I should be dating another friend of his because he makes more money than he does.  I really didn't know how to respond to that one.  He also would tell me that he's not taking advantage of me.   I never felt he did.   In fact he always would push back on going to expensive restaurants.    One interesting thing is the few times we went to pricier places, the wait staff would always present the check to him.    I don't know if it was an age or race thing (yes he's white...*LOL*).   There were even some occasions where I notice the wait staff would address him only and ignore me.  Needless to say those wait staff got reduced tips at the end of the evening.

So because Dom didn't make a lot of money it irked me how Dom would spend his money.   Issue #3.  He's an avid doll collector that is constantly buying dolls and clothes and other accessories for them.   In fact when we first dated, I was introduced to his doll room which literally was filled with wall to wall dolls (with lots more in boxes).   He also had dolls in other parts of the house.   It was scary and honestly I almost decided not to pursue him because of it.   On the flip side, he never really thought about saving money.   He didn't even contribute to a retirement plan at work.    He complained of course that he wasn't making a lot and almost all of it was going to his "hobby".   I was trying to encourage him to save but he blasted me saying it was easy for me to do because I made way more money than him.   But I told him it doesn't matter what you make, it's what you keep.   He is right that it's definitely harder to save when you're not making a lot (I can really relate now...*LOL*) but even if he could save $5 a week in a savings account, in a year that would be $260.   And yes that's not a lot when you think of all the emergencies that could happen but it's better than nothing.    Thankfully he's gotten better over the years and we even have a tiny savings account funded from his paycheck.   Plus he's finally contributing to a retirement account.   Thankfully he got a bit of a raise moving to another school which has helped as well.    The doll thing is still ugggh but even that has been a little less.   Could go down more...*LOL*.

So I mentioned earlier that I could count on my one hand the number of times Dom visited me at my old place.   That's because I officially sold my house in late 2016 and moved to Gary to live with Dom in a bigger house.    There was no way I could live in his old place since there would be no room for my stuff.   Not to mention the allergies that would flair up every time I stayed there.    So we've been living together for over 5 years now.   How time flies.

So another issue came into play less than a year after we moved in together.   Dom was diagnosed with diabetes.   Also he lost his desire to have sex.   It was at this time he decided to mention that his Dad lost interest in sex around the same age as he did.  I admit that I felt a bit resentful as I never imagined being in a sexless relationship.   I figured the sex would diminish over time but didn't expect it to completely stop.   Since I still have desires, we decided to have an open relationship though pretty much it's only open on my end.    If you had told me ten years ago that I'd end up in an open relationship, I would've not believed it.

I do love Dom though and can't imagine my life without him.   In all honesty I don't really need a lot of sex these days myself.    Once or twice a week would do me fine.   Dom and I are still very affectionate with each other which is a good thing.   If that was gone as well I would definitely have to reconsider the relationship.

Unfortunately for me though since I have a desire for sex, I still frequent the social networking sites trying to find compatible people.    It seems even more challenging then it was when I first was exploring my sexual attraction to guys in 2002.   Maybe another time I'll be inclined to share more.

Interestingly enough I still talk to Midas.   We are definitely more friends now.   We periodically text and chat.   He too recently was laid off from his job and has been trying to figure out his next move. The last time we had sex was in 2011 so yeah it's been nearly ten years.   I'm not going to lie though.   I've thought of hooking up with him again but I don't necessarily want to go back down that road again.    Midas of course is a bit older but it doesn't seem like his horndog ways have slowed down.   Well at least he talks a good game.

This COV-ID mess has definitely put a damper on things sexually though I have still had some meetups.   But it would be great to find one or two guys I can have a regular thing with that understands that I'm not leaving Dom.   Hemingway, that's all I have for now.

From Analyst To Packer

Continuing on the theme of major life events that have happened to me relates to work.   For the longest time I was complaining about how I wanted to leave my job.    My old dream to become a daytrader in the stock market was just that... a dream.   But I don't have that desire anymore.   So no love lost there.   I did however wind up getting laid off from work after almost 20 1/2 years of employment in 2017.

The writing was on the wall in early 2017.    My manager Marsha announced in a team meeting that by the end of 2017, the team staff would likely be cut in half.   I managed to dodge layoffs since 2007 and knew my time was coming to an end.   Ten years of dodging was a good run.   I remember having a 1-on-1 with Marsha and asked her if I would make it to my 20th anniversary in April.     She responded in the affirmative.   I was happy to hear that just to have that milestone as I'm not likely to hit that anywhere else.    Not to mention I get to pick one more milestone anniversary gift.   I ended up choosing a mini-grandfather clock which I'm still enjoying.

In July 2017 I got the confirmation that my last day would be end of September.   I remember just nodding when Marsha gave me the news.   I remember her asking me if I had any feelings on it since I didn't give any reaction.    I told her that I appreciated getting the heads up.

I used that time to try and find another gig.   Those interviews sucked.   One of my most memorable ones was one for a business analyst role at Societe Generale in downtown Chicago.    I was originally scheduled to interview with one lady but then she wound up working from home and I met another.    She was going to have the original lady log in via a Zoom-type app that wasn't Zoom...can't remember what it was.   So my interview was at 8am and of course I was fifteen minutes early.   The time came and basically they wasted nearly twenty minutes of my 45 minutes trying to get the "Zoom" to work.   Finally the other lady decides to do the interview alone.   Basically I barely had time to get my points across and she basically insulted me by saying she didn't think I would fit in because the team was very intelligent.   So she was indirectly calling me dumb.   I so wanted to cuss that lady out.   I reiterated that I was a quick learner and felt like if given a chance I would be able to contribute.    Needless to say I didn't get that job.   My attempts to reach out to the original lady fell on deaf ears.

Basically I had interviews that led nowhere.   Thankfully since I had worked at my previous employer for almost 20 1/2 years (missed the complete half by two weeks...*LOL*), I had a great severance package that was 40 weeks worth of my salary.    That made things a lot less painful but I still was struggling to find something.

I finally was able to land a six month contract business analyst position with a popular aviation leader with headquarters in downtown Chicago.   That was a great role and I was so sad when it ended.   I had tried to find other contracts within the same company and even befriended one of my teammates there who really tried to help me but nothing materialized.

As a segue I really enjoyed my time working downtown.  I loved taking the train in the morning (even if it was crazy packed) and walking downtown to their offices.    Plus there were so many food options to choose from for lunch.    I even befriended a lady named Neela (the one I mentioned who tried to help me find another gig) and we would exercise by taking the steps on several floors and hanging out downtown.   I worked there from March through September of 2018 so thankfully didn't deal with snow but I hated rainy days as I would get drenched walking from the station to the building and since I was a contractor, I didn't have my own space where I could store a hair dryer or a change of clothes.    So I'd have to use the blowers in the men's restroom to try and dry out best I could between other men trying to use the restroom.    The other thing I didn't care for was constantly being stopped by solicitors and beggars.    Some of them would get nasty with you if you kept walking and not listen to what they were selling.    But really those were the only gripes I had.

So I wasn't having any luck finding any other business analyst roles and interviews were getting harder to come by.    Sally reminded me of her time working at Home Depot and Aramark before finally getting a corporate job again in 2014.   She told me I needed to check my pride at the door and take a retail job.    

There were a couple things that stopped me from going that route right away.   One was that I wasn't ready to give up on getting a business analyst role.    The other one was that I needed to go to Detroit to help care for my sick Mom.    At the time she had her hysterectomy and I wanted to be available to help my parents.

After my Mom's initial recovery, I decided to apply for a warehouse position at Amazon.    That resulted in me going to an informational Amazon session at a local job banks site.    From there I was directed to apply via another website for a job.   There was a Warehouse that's ten minutes from my home.   Unfortunately there were no openings there so I applied at a location 90 minutes away even though it wasn't ideal.

That led me to attend another orientation session where I needed to submit to a drug test.   Assuming I passed the test, I would be given a start date.    I did pass and my start date was 05/08/2019.    I was scheduled to work 4 1/2 hours a day from Wednesdays to Sundays.

It's been a surreal humbling experience working at Amazon.   It definitely felt like a huge step down organizing packages into duffels and transporting those duffels to Amazon drivers.    It's definitely not what I thought I'd be doing at this stage in my life.    But having a job is better than having no income going in.

Within two months I was made into a permanent employee.   I attempted to relocate to the facility close to my home but that led nowhere.    I decided to relocate to a larger facility that was 40 minutes from my home.   That was around the time my Mom died.   I used a bereavement day on my first day at the new location and came in the next day for orientation.    My new schedule was a full-time one for 10 hours a day from Thursdays to Sundays.

My job there was different than at my first location which was actually a smaller secondary facility that resorted packages to later pass to the drivers.    For this role I would be picking customer order items off giant pods driven by "Roomba" robots.  

One thing I had to get used to is that your breaks are timed and you have to be back at your stations in the allotted time or else you get Time Over Task points.   Breaks are 30 minutes but actual time is more like 15 minutes between the time it takes to walk to my car and back.

For the most part the people are nice.   I did have one jerk call me a "FAGGOT" after I accidentally walked into the same path he was planning to walk.    But thankfully at the time of the incident, I had planned to move to a different role with a part-time schedule.   My hope was that doing a part-time schedule would give me time to find a corporate job.    Yeah that's still in progress.

My new and current schedule is Saturdays and Sundays for 10 hours each.   As a bonus since my schedule is a weekend one, I would get differential pay of an additional $3 an hour.   I get that differential even if I work extra days.   My current role primarily is to pack items into boxes from those that are picked.   Occasionally I get called back to pick which I actually prefer since you're mostly by yourself whereas in packing, everyone is closer.   Plus in the summer months it's cooler in the picking area.

So that's been my work life.   But I have been making some moves that I'm hoping will help me get my work life back on track.    But that's for another time.