We Plan, God Laughs

 I'm a long-time member and user of a social media, career site called Linkedin.   The primary purpose of the site is for jobseekers to have a place to organize their career experiences in the hopes of landing future roles with other companies.   I've of course had mixed success with the site but nonetheless I keep my profile there updated.   They've been a presence on the internet landscape since 2003 and I've been a member since May 8, 2008.   It was around that time when my first long-term company I worked for started laying off folks.   What I didn't know at the time was that I would wind up staying there a little more than 9 years later from that date before finally getting laid off from there myself.

One of the staple categories of posts seen are ones that can best be summarized as "Open To Work".   Linkedin even has a banner for it you can paste on your photo.   The struggle to find new roles whether one was laid off, fired, or looking for a change is real.   I've been part of that struggle as well for a spell.   I'm grateful that I have a decent paying job again though I am inching towards the "looking for a change" category.   In this present job market, the threat of being laid off is a constant presence.   So you always have to keep your Linkedin profile and resume (which you can attach on your Linkedin profile) updated in the event of that eventuality.  

So there was one post this morning that caught my attention.    It was from a person who was ceremoniously laid off from his position having been there for less than 60 days.   I've seen posts like that time and time again.   Some of the impacted are those who fell into the looking for a change category.  They job hopped to another role that sounded promising only to get the ax a short time later.   Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side until you get to the other side.

This particular person shared how he had just told his spouse that he was thinking of how he could grow in this new role and then he got laid off.    He shared a brief quote which I had never heard before so was sweet and concise and one that I wound up using in my title for this post.   The phrase was 'We Plan, God Laughs'.   In short we make all these plans thinking things will go from Point A to B.   But then life leads you to Point C or you get to Point B but wind up taking a different path to get there.   God already knows that's not in the cards but we don't realize it till later.

Life gives us plenty of 'We Plan, God Laughs' moments.  I only need to look at my old blog and refer to the various guys I encountered during that time that I just knew was going to advance to something more serious.   Or at least a regular fuck buddy.  But God knew none of those guys were right for me and they all revealed themselves one way or another to prove God right.   I think of all the jobs I applied for and got rejected or ghosted that I hoped would be the one.  Some of those rejections (umm redirections...LOL) and ghostings may have proven to be for the best.   For example a popular insurance company starting with the letter Z had absolutely no diversity in their staff (predominately Caucasian with a sprinkle of Indian).   Would I have really been happy working there?   I think not.  But I didn't realize it at the time until I thought about it further.  

My intentions this month were to try and keep my credit card purchases to $2000 or less.   But car insurance payments and an unplanned out of town work trip derailed that goal.   Last month it was a flat tire.    But I'll keep trying.  I'm hopeful that the planning will go off without a hitch one day...LOL.

It seems life is just a series of chess moves that we calculate hoping for one outcome but most of the time ending with another.   Until one day your time is up.    When, where, why, or how your time ends, we will never know.   But God does.   

But we'll continue to plan.  After all the alternative isn't all that great.

Speak On It Uncle Walter

Youtube can take you on quite a few rabbit holes when wandering from video to video.  I'm usually listening to 80's and 90's music.   One of the variations that I enjoy is the slowed down version of songs.   It brings new life to older songs and sometimes I prefer the slowed version over the original.   There's slow versions of songs from various artists like En Vogue, Brownstone, Toni Braxton, TLC, Joe, and even Whitney.   All the videos I linked were created by user Slowed Down RNB.   You should check out their videos and open yourself up to a new take on music.

Every so often I subscribe to random individuals who have post videos on different topics.   A few months back I started watching videos by a gentleman from the ATL area named Walter Lee Hampton.   He's actually been posting various videos for more than a decade.   He's a handsome older body builder type gay brother that I actually think of as my imaginary "gay uncle".   A gay uncle I'd like to fuck and fuck me.   Would that be a Unc-ILF?   LOL.    He's only a couple years older than me though.

But besides his physique I'm drawn to his no-nonsense approach that he has to various issues in life.  As I mentioned before he's based out of Atlanta and he speaks on the various aspects of living there.  Some of my favorite segments are his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts.   A lot of what he says is the truth.   In one of his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts, he talks about how single black women with kids are responsible for the destruction of the black race.    Obviously it takes two to tango (a man and woman) but he points out how many of the single mothers have multiple baby daddies'.   A lot of the baby daddies' don't take care of their kids so the single moms have to juggle working to bring home the bacon along with caring for their multiple kids.   In the end the kids are raising themselves and there's no consequences if they get in trouble.

In another video from that same series, he talks about how his former brother-in-law plotted to rob him when he was in his early 20's.   It was only because his sister warned him about it and implored him to move to another apartment that he wasn't completely robbed.    He points out how jealous so-called friends get when they see that you're successful.    They smile in your face but all the time they're wanting to knock you down a peg.    It's so sad but true.  It's why I usually keep any successes to myself as well.

In my case there were times I would keep my success even from my sisters.   I was always afraid of them being jealous of what I accomplished.   It didn't help that my parents were vocal with how they favored me over Tasha and Trina.   The issues stemmed from that nearly tore us apart.   It wasn't until recent years that we've addressed it.   I do acknowledge that my parents did favor me (mostly because I was the only son).   So part of me didn't want to throw in my sisters faces that I went on this trip or that trip when they weren't able to afford doing so at the time.   

I've also had so-called friends that I trusted that I found out talked about me behind my back.   It's why I don't really have a lot of friends.   I definitely could relate to Uncle Walter's story.

In a more recent video, Uncle Walter talks about an Atlanta man who was charged with knowingly infecting his wife with HIV.    Sadly she died of complications from AIDS.   She suffered for years with cancer and was even briefly in remission.   The doctors though didn't realize that she had the HIV virus until it had advanced.   It truly is a sad story and I agreed with Walter that the hospital should share some liability for not testing her a lot sooner where medicines may have prevented her death.   

But in that same thread, I also disagreed with Walter on his point that we should always take our medicines and trust the doctors.   While doctors do have more knowledge (generally), it's important that we as patients do our own research as well when it comes to medications.    He doesn't understand why black folks are so against taking medication.   But you only have to go back in history to look at how the medical establishment mistreated black folks.    There's the Tuskegee Syphilis Study where black men were not given treatment for syphilis when it was learned that penicillin cured it.    In addition there's studies that show that black women are not believed by doctors when they try to describe symptoms.    Black folks in general aren't treated as well as their white counterparts.    Plus a lot of the medicines today have so many side effects.   Is it a wonder that blacks as a whole may not be as trusting?

One of Uncle Walter's first videos that I saw related to Tyler Perry and if he is a self-hating homosexual.   I didn't realize that Tyler and Walter ran in the same social circles back in the day before Tyler blew up.    And he became famous with some of the stupidest shows that truly reduce brain cells anytime you watch it.   As Uncle Walter pointed out, part of the reason Tyler has blown up is that there wasn't a lot of programming at the time that depicted black folks.   Unfortunately everything that Tyler presents depicts the worst stereotypes in our community.   Uncle Walter also couldn't believe how Tyler bragged about having no writers involved in all his scripts.   Wouldn't he want to hire other black folks or any writers really that could offer additional perspectives and perhaps improve the scripts?   But then again maybe he doesn't trust anyone and wants to keep it to himself.    But why brag about it?

I am definitely a fan of Uncle Walter.   He has a lot of wisdom that he shares on almost the daily.   He did mention at one point discontinuing the channel and focusing on health related videos.   But I'm hoping that he doesn't.    He has a lot of wisdom to offer and if nothing else he should leave his older videos so that future subscribers can appreciate him as well.   I look forward to watching more of his videos in the future and definitely wish him well in all his endeavors.

And Just Like That...

 

I remember being a late bloomer to HBO's Sex & The City (mainly because I didn't have HBO). Once I started watching the show, I immediately became hooked following the antics of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda as they navigated their way through their lives in New York City. One of the main catch phrases of the show that was often said near the end of each episode was..."And Just Like That". That catch phrase of course is bringing new life to 3/4 of the original characters (though they recently gave Kim Cattrall the world no doubt to reprise her role of Samantha on "And Just Like That" for a few seconds...and I'm not mad at her...LOL).   Unlike for Sex & The City, I do have access to HBO MAX now just MAX (stupid name change) thanks to my friend Sally adding me to her account.   So I'm able to watch "And Just Like That" which of course pales to the original though some episodes try to bring that old SATC magic back.   Plus it's nice to see Nicole Ari Parker get some work.   Loved her on Soul Food the TV series.

Life has had many "And Just Like That" moments.  The latest one has a major impact on Dom and to an extent myself.   I mentioned in a recent post how Dom has an enlarged prostate and has to wear a catheter in his uretha for relief.   Unfortunately he started to feel feverish and had zero energy or appetite.   He ended up having a serious bladder infection diagnosed when we went to the ER.   His ER doc was debating whether or not to admit him to a hospital bed and at first it was decided to send him home.   But the next evening we got a call from the doc saying that Dom needed to be admitted.   

I dropped Dom off around midnight after a brief debate on whether to go that night or wait till morning.   Dom literally had no energy and was sleeping over half the day in his LazyBoy.   I repeatedly begged for him to get up so he could go to the ER but he couldn't move.   I know he wanted to but his energy wasn't there.   Plus the catheter was bringing him intense pain whether he sat still or moved.    It was several hours before he finally found that inner strength to slowly get up, each slight movement bringing him unbearable pain.   He had to slowly make his way to my car crying in pain.

He insisted I go back home and get some rest, both of us knowing he'd be at the ER for a long time before a room opened up.   I felt bad but I knew he was right.   He was thankfully attended to once I left but he was still in the waiting room once I met him there around 7:30 AM the next morning.   I did feel hopeful though when he asked me to bring a sausage McMuffin, hash browns, and unsweetened iced tea from McDonald's.    At least he had a little bit of an appetite.

The ER of course was filled with patients that were also waiting to be admitted to a room.   We were ushered to the triage area of the ER where Dom could at least lie on a bed.   Even sitting felt like a discomfort to him with the pressure the prostate felt.   That was a little after 9AM.   He did start getting antibiotic treatment when he first arrived after midnight and he continued to get treatment while in bed.   Finally just after noon (over 12 hours after he arrived at the ER), a room finally opened up that we were moved into.

Dom wound up staying there for 6 days where he continued to receive antibiotics.   He unfortunately also had an enlarged testicle which started to flare up Day 4 of his visit.   The first couple days he also went back and forth between having energy and feeling feverish again.

As Dom's sole caretaker it was a bit of hell on me as well (though mine pales in comparison to Dom's).   I needed to commute back and forth to the hospital, which of course I didn't mind since I do love him.   But the hardest part is needing to help Dom change his clothes since he isn't able to bend down and do it for himself.   I also had to wait several hours for his prescriptions to be ready at a different Walgreens because the one we normally go to decided to close their pharmacy for the weekend.   He also needs to go to the hospital once a day to continue to receive antibiotics.   It hurts for me to even move still so I've been taking him.   He wants to do it himself tomorrow since I'm working but I'm praying that he is able to make it okay on his own.

It's been a grueling experience so far.   It's almost reminding me of everything I had to do with my parents in their later years though in that case at least Trina and Tasha were there as well.   But it's part of life.  It's amazing how things are going okay and just like that, life throws a lot of shit your way that you need to navigate.   He just lost his Dad and younger sister and now he's dealing with his own health shit.   Life is a trip but we just have to keep on pushing.

Waiting On You

 En Vogue - Waitin' On You

Verse 1:

It's ten O' clock and I'm still alone
Waitin' by the phone
It makes me think you won't be back again
And I'm feeling so intense, oh baby

Refrain:
I can't keep wastin' my time, waitin' on you
To come home, to come home now
I can't keep wastin' my time, waitin' on you
To come home, to come home now

Verse 2:
I fantasize of makin' love
It's such a lonely feeling without you
But I would not have to dream
If you would just be there to share my loves desire

Bridge:
I should not be alone
Just waitin' for a man who claims he loves me so
I have more patience than I can believe
It's such a shame, I can't believe I'm still alone

Repeat Refrain 6 Times

This song used to be my jam back in my young adult years.   I was 17 going on 18 when this song came out as part of En Vogue's Born To Sing album which was released April 3, 1990.   I remember being captivated by the vocals of the original 4.    Waitin' On You was never released as a single but it wound up being one of my favorites from the album.    The story behind it was that each lady (minus Terry maybe since she was late and almost didn't make the group) had the opportunity to sing the song and make it their own.   The producers then would decide which lady's version of the song would make it to the album.    In the end they chose Dawn's rendition which was a very good choice.   I couldn't imagine any of the other ladies pulling off this particular song.   

Anyway the song tells the tale of a woman scorned after her lover stands her up one too many times.  She's tired of waiting around for him and pours out her heart in this song.

The song came to mind today when Midas shared a video of a song by a singer I never heard of named Tyler Childers.    The song literally came out less than a week ago (as of the time of my publishing this entry).   It's titled "In Your Love" and it tells the tale of an older gentlemen who recalls a love from his past that is set during the 50s or 60s.   His love was male and of course during that time it was dangerous to be out and proclaim yourself as gay.   It all stems from a four-leaf clover that he finds when tending the farmland.   It later is shared that the two lovers found a four-leaf clover as well.   The man recalls the ups and downs of their relationship and how one day he lost his love.   He sings that he will "wait for you till the sun turns into ashes and bows down to the moon".   

The waiting expressed in the song is much different than the waiting that Dawn sang about in their smoky quiet-storm ballad.  Tyler's song itself was so beautiful.   It sounded a bit country and isn't one I would normally listen to.   But I'm so glad Midas shared it with me.    When he texted me the song, he added the words "You should watch this!"  A small part of me was wondering if I was reading too much into his words.   I don't know if the song was his way of telling me that he would "wait for me".   I have said before that I felt like Midas was the one that got away.   I always felt like my love for him was one-sided though.   But at the same time Midas never did "let me go" completely.   He always periodically kept in touch with me over the years even when I tried to forget him.   He had this funny knack of reaching out to me sometimes after I would have a random date.   I remember telling Sally about one of his calls and Sally joked that Midas must have some kind of radar for knowing if I'm seeing someone.    But I also recognize that there is a chance that we might not be together today had we pursued something more serious back in the day.   I will always hold a special place in my heart for Midas and am grateful that we are still in each other's lives after all these years.