Making The Cut

 A few years ago I decided to add Dom as an authorized user of one of my credit cards.   I originally did so because there was a conference in Indianapolis that he wanted to go to for his hobby but since he would arrive a couple days before I did, he needed to book the hotel room in his name.    

Dom has no credit card of his own and isn't the greatest manager of finances.   I wasn't sure adding him as an authorized user was such a great idea.    But I couldn't think of anything else I could do for him to be able to check-in to the hotel since I wasn't arriving till later.   I wasn't able to go with him since he was driving to Indy a few days before and I was working on those days.   The added benefit would be that assuming the card was kept current, it would help improve Dom's credit score.

So that's when I decided to add him as an authorized user.   He was able to check-in for the hotel since the charge was in his name.   All was right in the world.   Or was it?

A few months after that conference when looking at my credit card's bill, I noticed that he would make additional purchases with the card on other doll stuff which would total in excess sometimes of over $500.   He would never have the money to pay for these purchases so I would have to pay for them.

He would keep telling me, "please get after me to pay for this stuff".   But instead of budgeting for a plan to pay on things, his next paycheck would be spent on buying other doll items.   

When he would make these additional purchases, he would never bother to discuss them with me.   I would just get the surprise reveal of the purchase when checking my statement.

These surprises would keep showing up periodically throughout the years.   He would once in a blue moon give me $100 here or $200 there which was all he could afford because he would spend the rest on other doll items he had to have.   He would of course periodically buy groceries with his money as well but the majority of it was spent on his hobby.

I would get very pissed when seeing the bill but eventually I would wind up paying it.   It's either that or ruin my credit as well.   But I've finally realized that my covering the expense was continuing to enable him to make these purchases.   He has no financial sense at all to say hey maybe I should pay for the stuff I purchased already instead of buying more stuff.   

The beginning of the last straw came last month when I saw a $1700 purchase just before Thanksgiving for more stupid dolls from an enabler that he constantly complains about yet still does business with.   This was on top of a $400 charge he made due to an issue with his car (which was needed of course) but couldn't have happened at a worse time.

He again said keep after him to give me money to pay for the bill since he didn't want me having to purchase his items.   The joke was on me though since I have been paying for his items for years.   I myself reached the $3000 limit on my own purchases that I've made with separate cards.   I have been making every effort to pay off my cards every month especially after finally paying off all my debt.  But I wasn't able to pay it all off and cover my cards.   So I wound up paying half of that card and telling myself I would pay the rest of it this month assuming no more purchases.   This particular card that I made him authorized user is one that I do not use and only have a $10 recurring charge for a stupid membership to a gay site that I needed to cancel yesterday...LOL.

But alas the last straw came.   There were two more purchases from him on more doll stuff costing $600 more dollars.   I found this out while in Boston visiting Eugene and deciding to check on my statements.  Like all the other purchases before, he chose not to discuss it with me.  I was upset but had to keep my feelings in check as I did not want Eugene to know.   I've discussed Dom's lack of financial control before and didn't feel like rehashing as Eugene would give tough love of what I needed to do.

But I knew what I had to do.   The only way to try to curtail the spending would be to remove him as an authorized user.   This would effectively make his card null and void.   I did the deed but I do not plan on telling him that I did.   He will tell me himself when he tries to use it once more.

I hate doing this but it's for his own good.   His spending on his hobby has gotten out of control.   I have to be responsible for all the other household bills.   The only other bills he pays for is occasional groceries.   He doesn't even pay his hospital bills and I haven't either.   

He keeps talking about selling his dolls to try to get money but he never does.   Ironically I recently found out my part-time lover Anthony is also a lover of dolls.    He visited our house in early November and was in awe with the wall to floor dolls that Dom has spread in every room in the house except the kitchen and bathroom.   He said if Dom was ever interested in selling some, he'd be game.   So I may have to introduce them so he'll have someone he can sell stuff too.   I admit this revelation from Anthony annoyed then amused me.    Oh and he's also a school teacher though he's retired.

I sure do have a type when it comes to guys...LOL.

Funky, Funky CGMC

 Last Friday Dom and I took the train to downtown Chicago and continued our annual tradition of seeing the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus perform their Christmas show at Harris Theatre.   It was a much colder night than last year so I bundled up.   Dom decided to don a Santa cap and since he has a long white beard already, he was ready to play Santa.    Of course he got the attention of several different folks.   The most touching one was from a lady who approached him during intermission.   She mentioned that her father used to play Santa Claus and seeing Dom bought back memories.    They were enjoying a conversation before she requested taking a selfie with him.   Then there was a young lady with a group of ladies that engaged Dom while we were waiting for the train home.   She seemed a bit "white girl tipsy" but was otherwise nice.   Then there was a little boy on the train that of course noticed Dom and asked for gifts.  The scariest encounter was a random man who sat near Dom and I while we were killing time at the Metra waiting area before going to the theatre.   He seemed to be wanting to ask for money and kept throwing hypothetical questions at Dom which Dom cleverly answered.    He was creepy though but thankfully we were able to get away unscathed.

Dom does seem to have a knack of attracting perfect strangers to chat with him.   I've witnessed it countless times when we hang out together.   Part of it is some of the clothes he wears like his numerous "math" shirts and of course with his white beard, he's Santa all year long.   I find myself staying in the background while folks engage him and seemingly not notice me...LOL.   But it's all good.

In other news if all goes to plan, I will be traveling out to Boston in a few days to hang out with Eugene.   The original plan was to see the movie Joker: Folie a Deux.   But Dom was telling me that the movie hasn't done that well.   The report I've seen confirms that they barely made back their initial investment.    I originally was supposed to fly out to see it on November 6th but Eugene had a last minute conflict that forced me to reschedule.   So it may not be playing anywhere in Boston when I arrive.   But if not I'm sure it'll be streaming somewhere either on Hulu or Peacock.

It'll be good to hang out with Eugene even though I'm sure he'll do something to drive me bonkers.   That seems to be his lot in life.    That's why it's good we'll only see each other for a few days.   I do hope I get to meet his handsome roommate though.   We shall see.

Casino Handpay

 I've been a casino whore since 2011.   I blame a former acquaintance who I bowled with for taking me down that road.   I was part of a gay bowling league that met once a month on the 1st Saturday of the month.   Mick and I bowled on the same team.   Hemingway one cold evening in January 2011, Mick invited me and another team member to head out to a local Indiana casino called Majestic casino.  I may have spent $40 there that night.   

Prior to that night, I used to only frequent the casinos on my birthday.    But for some reason that night woke up the casino bug in me and I started going more frequently.    I would go with Mick a few more times before he finally kicked the casino bug.

I even joined a few slot forums and befriended other casino whores.   I've gone to several meet and greets where I got to meet some of them.

One of the things that's always alluded me was something that is called a handpay.  A handpay is when you win more than $1200 (though it's $500 in some places) on a single spin in any game.  In the slot forums and later on Youtube, I would see folks who seemingly would win multiple handpays.   A lot of times though the bets to achieve this were much higher than I could afford.   But there have been folks who won it betting lower bets like I do.

So it's always been a goal of mine to get this distinction.  The one sucky part of that equation though is that when you get a handpay, the casino takes taxes out of it.   If you win the minimum $1200 amount, taking 25% tax would cost you $300 and you'd only get to keep $900.   It's almost better to win under $1200 so you can keep all the money.   There have been people who have played their ticket to have more than $1200 and that doesn't get taxed because they may have won $500 here and $400 there and $400 in another spin.   Since those were won in different spins, even though the total is $1300, you do not get taxed.

The closest I've gotten to getting a handpay was in October 2017 when I visited a casino called Blue Chip.   I remember I was playing a Cleopatra 2 game.   I was playing fewer lines but a high bet.   The cost of my bet was 45 cents (9 lines times 5X bet) which was basically 5 cents a line.   So I wound up getting the maximum 5 scatters.   That win was 450 times my bet.   So my win was 45 cents times 450 times 5 (since I was doing a 5X bet) which totaled $1012.50.   The bonus itself netted me another $100 something and I remember my grand total was $1176 which was a bit under a handpay.

My second highest win was at one of Four Winds Casinos in New Buffalo, MI where I won over $1000 getting again another max 5 scatter win.   This time it was on a Buffalo Revolution game and it happened sometime in 2023.

So this time I was minding my business, making a quick pitstop at Firekeepers.   The machine this time was one of those Dollar Storm games.   It was on the Ninja Moon version of Dollar Storm.   The Dollar Storm is one of the many, many incantations of the Aristocrat game where you have to land 6 balls with dollar amounts to be eligible for winning a grand jackpot, which can be over $10K.   There are options to win MINI, MINOR, and MAJOR jackpots along the way if a ball with those words appear.  

I've played various versions of these games over the years and once in a rare moon, I may win a couple hundred dollars.   But I've never achieved getting the MAJOR ball let alone winning the GRAND, which happens if you fill the screen with 15 balls.   The distinction that the Dollar Storm games have is that they give you the option to get a ball that's called the SUPER GRAND ball.   The SUPER GRAND jackpot can be anywhere from $50K to well over $200K or more depending on the denomination of the machine.

Getting the SUPER GRAND ball gives you a shot at the huge jackpot but usually you get a minimum of $1000 win, though there are videos of folks that have hit the SUPER GRAND.  I've gotten the SUPER GRAND ball once or twice in the past but as I've said earlier, you have to land 6 balls to be able to play.  I would only get two or three balls including the SUPER GRAND so it would be just a tease.

So I made my pitstop to Firekeepers on Thanksgiving Day on my way to visiting my sisters in Detroit.  The Ninja Moon was the second game that I played there.   I decided to use my $10 free play and of course didn't win anything (par the course).   I continued to play the machine but wasn't really expecting to get anything big.

So imagine my shock when this happened:

The SUPER GRAND ball appeared on the very last reel and thankfully bought a friend which gave me the minimum 6 balls needed to play for the GRAND.   I was in total shock when it happened but I quickly snapped a photo of the moment before proceeding to play the bonus game.   Of course I had no illusions that I would get all 15 balls or that the MAJOR ball would make an appearance.   I wound up collecting 13 balls by the time the game was over.

So the next thing to do was to push the SUPER GRAND chance ball which would reveal whether you won the SUPER GRAND jackpot which was $70,000+ or the minimum of $1000.   I pretty much knew I would get the minimum and I would be happy with that.   I wound up getting slightly more at $1500 which put me in handpay territory and had me making history.

Of course there was one guy who immediately recognized the win and congratulated me along with his wife.   There were others that walked by to see since the machine was playing the saloon music that symbolizes that you achieved a handpay.

So it didn't take long for the slot attendant to appear to begin the process of collecting my information.  There was a slot manager who appeared moments later as well to officiate the process.   The attendant was asking me for my social security number but the slot manager stopped him and said they only needed my last four.   So the slot manager took a photo of my driver's license and got my last four digits and then asked me for an email to send a W2.   She also later gave me a paper copy.

Before paying me out she gave me the option to take taxes out of the winning or to collect the full amount.  I decided it would be better to take the taxes up front which wound up being 25%.   That reduced the winning amount which was $1520 by $380 which netted me $1140.

So finally the reason they call it a handpay took place.   The slot attendant told me to take out my hand as he proceeded to count the money in my hand.   It's customary to give the attendant a tip so I gave him $20 (I'm not sure if that was enough but oh well).   Then before they left, I was asked to spin the machine one more time since I still had money in the machine.   I spun it and then they left.

I immediately messaged Dom who told me I needed to leave now.  *LOL*.  I still felt like I was being watched so I played my machine for a little longer.   The guy who congratulated me earlier played the machine next to me hoping to reproduce some magic.   But like 99.94% of the time I play machines, it didn't give anything.

I remained in the spot for a while and played a little more and nothing else happened.   I eventually got up and moved to another section of the casino.  I looked around to make sure nobody was following me.   I then moved a few more times.   I wound up actually winning another $50 before I felt safe enough to cash out.  I then ran to the restroom and after feeling sure I was safe, left the premises $1170 richer.

I was feeling a bit penny pinched this month having more expenses than expected.   I wasn't sure I'd be able to put extra into the mortgage payment next month.    But now I got the small boost needed.   I plan to put most of the winnings into the extra payment and will maybe get a nice dinner with Dom somewhere.

Needless to say the unexpected winning gave me a much needed win after my finger fiasco.   On that front I should be able to take off the splint in a few more days.   I know it's gonna hurt like hell bending it but I'm ready to take it off.

Finger Follies

I wound up taking myself to the ER Tuesday evening after seeing that my middle finger was continuing to swell.   How did I get to this point, you ask?

It started with Dom wanting to get chicken tenders from a local chicken shack called Shark's.   This was a Sunday afternoon on November 10th.   I wasn't feeling it but I went ahead and picked up an order of it for him after getting a few groceries from the place next door.

It was a bit windy that day and when I opened the screen door to Sharks, it started pulling away.  Not wanting the door to swing open after I got in, I grabbed the handle with my left hand.  I didn't realize how close to the frame the handle was.   As I pushed the door closed, I felt the door slam against my middle finger.   I winced as I quickly pulled it out.  

My finger was hurting for the rest of the day but I didn't notice anything else amiss.  As the week went on, my lower part of the middle finger stopped hurting and the upper felt less but still lingered.   By Friday I started noticing my finger beginning to swell.   There was a small area of discoloration forming to the left of my finger.

I tried to ice it a few times a day but it didn't seem to help much.  I called myself trying to compress it with a band-aid the evening of Monday the 18th.   But after a few hours I took it off because the pain in my upper finger was getting worse.

I contemplated staying home from work the day I finally went to the E.R.  Dom solidified it by saying he wanted me to stay home because he had a doll package coming.  I honestly was not really relishing going to the office so decided to heed his suggestion.   By the end of the day I decided that I needed to get my finger checked out to make sure it was okay.

It was a good thing I went.  It ended up the discoloration around my finger was a bacterial infection.  The nurse told me that she would have to poke my finger with a needle and squeeze it to get the pus out.   That was disgusting to see the grayish white pus ooze out.   It was painful too as she squeezed my finger.

Afterwards she cleaned the wound and applied a splint to my finger.   She mentioned that there was a tiny fracture in the finger and would need time to heal.   She did not give me a definite answer when I would be able to remove it.   I would also need to take an antibiotic to kill the bacterial infection.

I'm glad I went to the ER.   I was also relieved that there was noone in the ER the time I went so they were able to see me right away.

I will say it has sucked having this splint.  It has made routine things like typing, washing dishes, showering, and even putting clothes on a challenge.   I am grateful that the injury was not in my dominant hand.  But it hasn't made it any easier.

I had a follow-up with my primary physician and he told me that I would be able to take it off the splint after two weeks.   That was a relief to hear.   So I'll get to have my splint with me while visiting my sisters for the holidays.   It'll make for a great conversation piece with the family no doubt.

R.I.P. Tony Todd

 

I was saddened to hear that actor Tony Todd died at 69.   From what I've read, he died from a long illness with cancer.   #Fuckcancer!

The first movie I've seen Tony Todd was Candyman.   I remember falling in love with his voice playing the title role of Candyman.    One of the most iconic scenes in the movie is where Tony was covered with bees crawling and flying around him.    I found that scene so creepy.   It was cool learning that Tony made a provision where the producers of the movie had to pay him $1000 for every bee sting he received.    He wound up being stung 23 times, netting him $23,000.

It was said you invoked Candyman by saying his name 5 times.   You would think knowing the outcome when saying his name would be enough to make people not say it.   But of course there wouldn't be a show without it.   And what a show it was.

Besides Candyman, Tony would also lend his voice to the Final Destination series which of course I enjoyed.   He also has done shows on Broadway as well.

There would be three more Candyman movies released over the years, with the last one being in 2021.  I looked up on streaming to see which channels have his Candyman movies.   Max has the 2nd and 3rd movies (oddly enough not original recipe) and Freevee has the 2021 version.   I plan on watching the 2nd movie in Tony Todd's honor.

D.C. Memories

 Dom and I were in Reston, VA a few weeks ago for another one of his doll conventions.   He said it would be his last one but I'm skeptical.    The cost to have a second person attend the conference was a bit too high since it wasn't something I enjoyed.   So instead I had the few days to myself enjoying the D.C. area.

I spent half of Day 2 traveling in the Metro to Washington D.C.   My final destination was the National Museum of African American History and Culture.   Free tickets to the museum could be obtained online by selecting a time and adding some minor personal information.    There was quite a crowd of folks at the museum.   It was a surreal experience seeing the history of slavery and freedom from 1400 onwards.   

There were many interesting stories but one that stood out was the story of an enslaved woman named Belinda.   Of African descent, she petitioned the Massachusetts legislature in 1783 for her freedom.   She shared her harrowing story of being kidnapped in Africa and sold into slavery.   Her story moved the legislative group into granting her a pension, which served as one of the earliest recorded examples of reparations for being enslaved.

It was also cool reading brief snippets of free slaves who managed to make lives for themselves post-slavery, including the purchase of property.

There was also a replica of a segregated train car from the 1940's via Southern Railway Company.   Of course the whites-only sections were more spacious including for any suitcases whereas the colored-only section spaces were cramped and smaller spaces for suitcases.   There were also separate water coolers for whites vs colored.

There were also highlights from the 1960's, 1970's, and beyond that were on display.   There was a dedicated section for Barack Obama, the United States first black president.   Overall it was a good 1 1/2 hours spent.

After the museum, I walked a bit around D.C. before hopping back on the Metro and heading to Pentagon City Fashion Centre mall directly off the Pentagon City Metro Stop.  Being at the mall bought back memories of my time living in D.C. in the mid 90's.   I was pleasantly surprised the mall was still there.   I'm guessing being a direct stop on the Metro no doubt helped its longevity.

I texted Sally a picture of the mall and she quickly remembered it as our old stomping grounds.   Sally and I first met at our alma mater University of Detroit Mercy.    We met during both of our last semester.    I was obtaining a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Science while Sally was obtaining Master of Science in Computer Information Science.    We both had a mutual friend which was how we met.    Our meeting in a computer lab was our only meeting.

Little did we know that we both would end up working for the same now defunct consulting company and sat next to each other during our two month long orientation.    We befriended a few folks including a lady named Blanche (her real first name).   She was starting her "second career" as a Programmer Analyst.   She retired after 25 years working at Ma Bell.

She became a "mother figure" to Sally and me.  I have many fond memories with Blanche when we both were contracted at Bell Atlantic in Maryland.   Our old company had the habit of forcing employees to "relocate" since it was cheaper for them than paying for a hotel short-term.   They would tell us that a project was 3 months (the minimum time that relocating was required) only to find out that the contract ended after a week or two.   

Blanche had a harrowing experience where she was told by her project manager that there was a project in New York.    She was not thrilled about going there since NY is pretty expensive.    They told her that the project would be 3 months and she needed to break her lease with the apartment she lived in.   They placed her in a motel with hourly rates.   She was horrified and demanded her project manager place her in a proper hotel.    That was rectified but the experience left her stressed.    What was worse was the project fell through so she had no place to go.    Luckily her apartment in Maryland was still available so she was able to move back in.

I remember during my time at Bell Atlantic, the manager there wanted to offer me a job.   Accepting a job with a client is a no-no and could get you in trouble.   I remember talking about it with Blanche in one of the two smoking areas (she smoked).    While we were discussing the situation, the manager in question decided to come out for his smoke break.    Blanche remarked afterwards that the manager must've been trying to listen in since he normally smoked in the other section...LOL.   I ended up not accepting the job offer as I wasn't sure I necessarily wanted to live in the Maryland/D.C. area.   We soon found another place to have private chats.

When I eventually found a new job (the one I stayed at for 20 years before being laid-off and bitched about in my old blog...LOL), the project manager was very pissed at me since he said he had another assignment for me.    He said that I would not get paid for my time-off that I didn't use.   I actually had  a lot of time-off I didn't use up to that time.   I remember thinking they could fuck off and I didn't need their money.   But Blanche was instrumental in convincing me to fight for that since I earned it.   She suggested I write to the president and chief financial officer of the company and ask for my money, explaining all that I've gone through during my time there.   Writing that letter worked and I got paid for my time-off.

Another funny story was when Blanche, Sally, and I were traveling to Detroit in Blanche's car.   We needed to stop for gas a little more than halfway through our trip.   For some reason I only decided to get $20 worth of gas which only filled the tank about halfway.    When I told her what I did, she snapped and said 'boy, you better fill that tank'.   I was shocked but laughed since I knew she was right.

After Sally and I left that company, I believe Blanche stayed on with the company.   She sadly passed away in 2000.   I still smile though when I think about that time in my life.   Visiting the D.C. area definitely bought back memories.

My third day in the area I decided to check out the MGM National Harbor casino.   It was interesting seeing the area around the casino seemed ghetto.   I saw security bars on a lot of the first floor buildings which was all I needed to know.   But the casino itself was nice.   I enjoyed some lunch at an Asian fusion restaurant called Ginger.   The food was pricey (though what isn't these days) but good.   I donated to the casino of course but it was okay.

Dom meantime enjoyed his time at the convention.   The only bad part seemed to be the food.   Basically a lot of it was dry and flavorless.   I'm glad I had some delicious meals including a lobster roll.   Overall it was a good trip for us.  

My next trip will be to Boston to hang with Eugene.

My Stockholm Story

 

I saw this random post from a friend on Facebook depicting a story of how a teacher shared a video with the class and asked everyone to take notes.   Then after some time the teacher accused a student who was taking notes of not taking notes.   The student insisted he took notes but the teacher said he didn't.  Other students tried to defend the student but were pushed back by the teacher.   Eventually the teacher sent the student to the office. 

The incident was supposed to be a lesson of not letting others tell you they didn't see what you saw with your own eyes.

The story made me think about an incident that happened to me when I was 8th grade.   It started with me checking out a book about the Olympics.   I don't remember why I checked it out but I noted that the book had lots of damage, including pages being unglued from its frame.   There was a return basket in the library where books could be returned and I placed the book in the basket once my time to check it out was over.

So it was about a week later and the entire class was sent to the library for whatever reason.   While I was sitting at a table with some other students, the librarian and my teacher came up to me and pulled me aside.   They asked me why I damaged the library book.   I told them that I did not damage the book but that it was messed up when I checked it out.   They kept saying I was lying but I was adamant that I did not damage the book.   In fact I was extra careful not wanting to damage it further.

By then other students were listening in on the exchange.  It was back and forth with my teacher threatening to report the incident to my parents and I would have to stay after school.   I remembered thinking I've never been in trouble where I had to stay after school or be reported to my parents.  I didn't want my parents to have to come to the school and I didn't want detention so I relented that I did the damage even though I didn't.   I knew I didn't and even said so to one of my friends at the time who asked afterwards.   But it reminded how someone could bully a person enough to have them change their truth even though they know that's wrong.

Thinking about it years later, I wish I was strong enough to let the teacher tell my parents and stay after school.   I know Papa especially would believe me if I said I didn't do something.   I told myself that if I ever had kids, I would tell them to always stand up for their truth in school and have them reach out to me if they receive pushback.  I would also encourage them to take up boxing or karate so they could defend themselves from bullies.    Alas I never had any kids and it's not likely I'll have any in my remaining time on Earth.   With the way the world is now, I'm actually glad not to have any.    I can't imagine all the shit kids have to deal with today.   Hell you don't even know if your kids will make it home from school without being shot at.

With the 2024 Presidential Election being less than a week away, I can't help but wonder what is the truth between what Kamala Harris and Donald Trump is.    Donald Trump has said and done so many dumb things.   Plus he's a convicted felon.    Yet poll after poll keeps saying that the election is neck and neck.   It's hard to believe that half of the folks who vote support Trump and his wacky sofa fucking running mate Vance.   It makes me wonder if the polls really are true or if they're wanting to rile up both camps to get more votes.   Is the media pulling the wool over everyone's eyes and making us see things that aren't there?

I am praying that Kamala wins.   I just don't know if the country can survive another Trump presidency.  Dom and I plan to early vote this weekend.   I can't wait to see if the polling folks are the same and act like they did last time we went to vote.   Whatever they do I'll be ready to cast my vote for Kamala.   We'll know one way or the other next week.

In other news I ran into a former acquaintance that I wish I didn't see.   I saw Jose standing at the corner of Wabash and Clark waiting to cross Wabash in downtown Chicago.   Jose, henceforth known as Magic Mike, due to how our so-called friendship ended, was in workout clothes either I assume coming or going from the gym.   I was leaving work and crossing from Clark towards his side of Wabash and was planning to cross at Wabash as well.   But I quickly changed my direction when seeing him.    

I have a feeling that Magic Mike saw me as well but he was pretending not to see me and I did the same.   I kept walking down Clark and crossed over at Lake instead while trying not to fall or turn around.

It was more than 12 years ago that things ended between us (by his choice) but the memories of that moment in time came back like it was yesterday.   I actually saw Magic Mike a few times on one of the social networking sites and the GPS had him being about 600 - 700 feet from me.   So I knew he was in the downtown area.   I can't say running into him was a complete shock.   But still with the many streets of the city, I really didn't expect our paths to cross at all.   

I hate to say it but Magic Mike actually looked great for being almost 70.   But I know that brief paragraph in my life is over and won't be resurrected anytime soon.   Here's hoping I don't run into him again.

Defying Sanity

 The sounds of Wicked have been ever present in my ear.   Dom's been excited by the upcoming theatrical release of Wicked this holiday.   A lot of the doll community has been buzzing about this latest incantation.   So of course to prepare for the release I've been hearing the theatrical songs from Wicked over and over.

There have also been dolls made just in time for promoting the upcoming movie.   Of course Dom's been on top of ordering those and even had me trolling for one at our local Walmart.   They did not have the specific one he wanted so I was off the hook.   But I imagine when the movie comes out, Dom will see it multiple times like he did when the Barbie movie came out.

So Dom and I are currently in Reston, VA for the doll convention that he won a lottery for the right to pay for.   I still don't understand that.   I'm basically on my own in the area while he goes to the conference since it would've cost just as much for me to attend and there's nothing I would enjoy.   There's no doubt Wicked will be the talk of the convention.   Dom did say he's not planning on buying anything since he's already pre-ordered the main items that the conference is promoting.   Hopefully he sticks to that plan.

Since I'm not far the Metro system, which serves Maryland, D.C., and Virginia, I plan on spending the next couple days hanging out in D.C.   I believe there's a casino somewhere in the vicinity that I went to before when we were last in D.C.   So I may check that out again.

I will say our trip to the airport (which we left the house at 4:15 AM) and ultimately getting to the gate proved to be one of the smoothest experiences at an airport I've ever had.   Ironically it was because of Dom's current state with needing a cane.   The security line was miles long but when we got to the first leg, an employee took pity on Dom and moved us through the line.   Then TSA was so fast as we passed through guards with canines verifying that we weren't carrying drugs.   Then there was no having to take out our laptops or our shoes.   I even went through the regular scanner which was a good thing since the t-shirt I wore was a bit snug and I didn't want to bare my belly when lifting up my hands.    But alas it went off because of my belt.   But it was no big deal.   The agent just had me hand her the belt and had me walk again.   To top it off once we were past the security checkpoint, the gate we needed to go to was right in front of us.   We couldn't ask for a more smoother transition through.   Dom thankfully was able to pre-board since he needed more time.   All-in-all it was a great journey.    We'll see how it is going back.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Mary McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers 

VERSE 1
There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you, I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

PRE-CHORUS
There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he knows he can't possess me and he knows he never will
There's this empty place inside of me that he can only fill

REFRAIN
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

I vaguely remember hearing this old classic when I was growing up in the late 80's and early 90's.   I never really gave it much thought back then.   But it seems to mirror almost perfectly the situation I find myself in.

My main love of course is Dom.  He and I as I've mentioned before do not have sex.    But we have a deeper love for each other in other ways.

My main sexual partner these days has been Anthony.  We've seen each other a few times this past year and he's given me sexual healing.   He's a really nice guy who has been very respectful of my relationship with Dom.   The last couple times we've attempted to hook up has been thwarted, once due to his back and another because Dom insisted I go with him to see his Mom.

I've also of course am reconnected with my original lover Midas.   Even though we haven't had sex since 2011 I find myself still longing for him.   We've met a few times midway between our homes for lunch.   We haven't had sex but I'm not opposed if we go there.

So my birthday is on 10/15.   (Happy Birthday to me!)  I'm turning 52 that day.   It's hard to believe how time is flying by.    Anyway I decided to take that day off from work.   Normally I take the whole week off but there's another long weekend trip that I'm going with Dom to.    We're heading to Reston, VA for one of his doll conventions.   He swears it's his last hurrah trip.   I'm not sure I believe that.   But anyway I still wanted to at least take my birthday off since with the exception of my Amazon days, I told myself that I should not be working on that day.

So my plan was to spend most of the day at my favorite casino.   But with my meetings with Anthony being canceled the last couple times, I was thinking I should spend part of my day with him.   He's retired as a school teacher so I believe unless he has another event, he should be free to meet up tomorrow morning.

But Midas reached out to me last Saturday.   At some point in the conversation he wished me a Happy Birthday and he knew it was coming up in a couple days.   Obviously he probably knew my birthday was coming up from an app that keeps track.    But the fact that he said it made me feel good.

He's been struggling trying to get a job and is trying to keep positive but I know it's been hard for him.   He's been living on money he's inherited from his dad and aunt but he's starting to run out so I know that's heavy on his mind.    Yet he still manages to be so sweet.   He paid for our last lunch even though I was planning on doing so.

I've been thinking I should drive up and meet him at his place.   Of course if I do that, it may lead us down the road to having sex.   And once that door is open who knows where things will go.   But I would be a willing participant.   A part of me is nervous about reopening things potentially.

But then I'm thinking I should try and meet with Anthony.   The next couple weekends will be bad because I have a Church meeting Sunday and then the following weekend is my trip to Reston.   Plus we weren't able to meet the last couple times.   

I need to make a decision sometime today on what to do.  Of course it is possible that neither person I choose will be available that day and my thoughts are all for naught.   The casino of course will always be there to take my money...LOL.   What will I do?

Mama, I Love You

 

Spice Girls - Mama

Verse 1

She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had

Pre-Chorus

Back then I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love

Refrain

Mama I love you, Mama, I care
Mama I love you, Mama my friend
You're my friend (You're my friend)

Verse 2

I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I've had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility

Repeat Pre-Chorus

Repeat Refrain

Tomorrow, October 2nd, would've been my Mama's 79th birthday.   I was listening to the Spice Girls while working and one of the songs I played was Mama.   While listening to the lyrics I couldn't help but think back to my own Mama.  I had the song on repeat but had to stop it because I didn't want to start crying in the office.

I will say Mama had her way of doing things and she was definitely misunderstood at times.    But as I think back through the years I was blessed to have her in my life, everything she did was out of love for her family.   She really was the sweetest woman in life.   She was stubborn when she felt strongly about something.   There were times we did not agree but I never doubted how much she loved me.

There still isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of her and wonder what she would think of all the things I've gone through since she was called home.   I really do believe that she and Papa are watching over my sisters and I.    And I know that they are celebrating Mama's heavenly birthday together.   I do wish Mama a Happy Heavenly Birthday and I do hope I get to see them again whenever my time is up.

Speaking of birthdays, today former U.S. president Jimmy Carter celebrated his 100th birthday.   Reaching that milestone is definitely an accomplishment for Mr. Carter.    Sadly according to his grandson Jason Carter, the former president seems to be limping along and is nearing the end.   He says that he's not able to talk on the phone and is limited in what he can do.   

I do remember when Papa was nearing the end, he stopped calling on the phone as well.   I would have to reach out to Trina in order to speak to him.  

Jason Carter adds though that he is keeping up with the news.   He also is hopeful that he'll get to vote for Kamala Harris as our next president.   Early voting for his location falls on my birthday 10/15.   Here's hoping that Jimmy Carter lives long enough to get his wish.   There have been times when the human will has allowed some to make it to a certain goal and then once it's reached, they pass away.  I can see that for Mr. Carter.   Actually it was more than a year ago when it was announced that Jimmy Carter was going into hospice.   It seemed like back then that it wouldn't be long but he's defied all the odds.   And now he's officially 100 years old.

Happy Birthday Mr. Carter and Happy Heavenly Birthday Mama  

Layoffs Again

 The company I worked at recently announced that they were closing one of our corporate offices.   A lot of folks from my department worked at this location.   They were told that if they wanted to keep their jobs they would have to agree to relocate to one of three other offices or lose their job and get a severance.   They have until end of October to decide and the office will close by end of November.

I found out about it last Thursday from a former teammate in Indianapolis whose boss works at the affected office.   Financially it makes no sense for a lot of folks to relocate and there's no indication that the company is assisting in paying for relocation expenses.   Actually I'm not sure on the last part since I'm not one of the impacted.    But so far everyone I know that is impacted is not relocating which means they are out of a job.

I was shocked that the affected folks were not given the option to work remotely full-time.   But maybe I shouldn't be surprised since the company has been pushing for everyone to return to the office.    I also found out that some of the impacted that weren't in our department were offered the option to work remote.   I definitely do not understand why some roles were given the option while others weren't.   It's created some hard feelings no doubt among those affected.

This latest layoff news has left me feeling scared and confused.  The last time my company did a layoff I didn't quite reach a year into my employment.   I do know there's no such thing as job security.   I just wonder how much time I have until I get laid off again.   Of course I'm hoping that I have enough time to execute my plan to try and pay off my remaining debt and maybe have something leftover to take care of some things around the house and of course retirement.

It would be nice if I could choose to leave on my terms as opposed to being told I'm no longer needed.   But I know that's not how it works.   I just have to keep the faith that things will work out.   A small price to pay for living the American dream, right?

Running On Fumes

 I made it back from Dreamforce safely in one piece.   It was a surreal experience being there and seeing the sea of folks in attendance.   I worked three different shifts during my time there.   They were long but I pushed through each of them.   For the most part they were fun, even though there was one shift if I had to do it over again I would not choose.   My fellow volunteers in that shift were extremely rude and made me feel unwelcome.   The only thing that got me through it were a couple of nice guys from other booths nearby that took pity on me and came to talk to me and made me more comfortable.   To top it off one of those volunteers wanted me to snap a group picture of them.   After I took the photo, a customer expressed how it was terrible that I made to be left out of the photo.   At first I was trying to diffuse him but the customer was right.   He saw what they did was wrong and wanted to speak up on it.   The final kicker was that two of the folks came up and proceeded to stand by me and talk to each other without even acknowledging I was there.   Luckily it was quitting time and I just rolled my eyes and walked away.  I was glad that nightmare was over.

My hotel was about an hour away from the Moscone Convention Center where Dreamforce was being held.   Day 1 I took the shuttle to the airport and then the BART from the airport to a stop near the convention.   Day 2 I actually had a good Samaritan take me there via his Uber free of charge.   Day 3 I got my own Lyft to go to the event.

It took me some time to figure out where my manager and my other teammates were at different points of the conference.   At the end of each conference day we commuted back to our local office.   On the first night there was an afterparty event not far from the convention center.   My co-workers and I danced the evening away.  I hadn't danced like that in years and I felt every bit of body ache the next two days.

The second night there was a concert at the Oracle Park stadium headlined by the artist Pink.   The crowd was insane though so it was hard to really enjoy it but it was nice to see her perform.   We left a little early to try and beat the crowd though a lot of folks opted to do the same.

The third night my manager's boss hosted a dinner at his family's home outside of Oakland, CA.   It was a nice estate that of course I had to look up on Zillow.    It's current net worth was around $3.7 million dollars.   Someone's living large.

Needless to say with all the late nights, I literally was getting about 3 hours of sleep.   By the third day I felt myself getting a cold.   By the time I got home Friday I had a sore throat and spent the weekend trying to recover from it.

In health news I was happy to see that my PSA and A1C numbers were pretty good.   I also visited the dentist in recent weeks and unfortunately they found a huge cavity in my lower right molar which required a crown.   It took a few visits but I had the crown placed earlier this week.   Unfortunately I have extreme sensitivity in that area when drinking something cold.   But I'm hoping it'll get better.  I have to go back to the dentist again mid-October to repair some old fillings in my lower right jaw that have worn out.   It's my first time since 2020 that I've been to the dentist so I was overdue.

Dom and I have plans to go to Reston, VA for a doll convention he wanted to go to late October.   Eugene also wanted me to visit him in October to watch the new Joker movie that's coming out.   I'll have to see if I'm able to or not.

Dreamforce 24 Bound

 Remember my upcoming work trip in San Francisco I briefly mentioned?   The time is quickly approaching for my flight and I need to pack still.   I will be attending none other than Salesforce's annual Dreamforce conference.    The conference promises to be the largest AI event in the world.   

At my company there's been a push to learn more about AI since some of our customers may have cases related to it.    In relation to the conference my manager mentioned that a few folks may be nominated to attend the conference (all expenses paid).    Imagine my shock when she told me that I would be attending.

But since I would be attending free of charge (well after paying and getting reimbursed), it was expected that I would be volunteering at a few stations and interacting with users of Salesforce.   I will admit the thought of having to do facetime with users is a bit intimidating.   But attending the conference is a once in a lifetime event so I'm ready to take it all in.

So the last time I was in San Francisco was in 2018 when I traveled there for a project at the aviation firm I consulted for.   I wondered why I attended that since my contract was ending less than two weeks afterwards but I went with it.    Like I had a choice...LOL.

San Francisco as a whole seems to be on a huge decline.   It's become more expensive to live there and there's stories of people that have jobs but they're living in their cars because housing prices are outrageous.   The news stories paint San Francisco as a crime-ridden, homeless, and drug addicted oasis.   I will admit the thought of visiting the city is a bit intimidating.

I don't remember feeling that way when I visited in 2014 and twice in 2018 (Dom and I were there together during my first visit staying at one of his friend's home).   I actually do remember my favorite show Half & Half being based in San Francisco and there was an episode where a guy Mona dated was living in his car even though he supposedly had a good job.  That was back in 2003 or 2004.   So San Francisco woes is nothing new.    There was even talk at one point of Salesforce moving their annual Dreamforce conference to a different city due to the huge homeless and drug problem the city has.   Part of the concern was attendees feeling unsafe while in the city.   But in the end Salesforce decided to continue to have their annual event in San Francisco.

So it'll be interesting to see how the city has changed since my last visit.   The plan for me is to work downtown Chicago for most of the day with my luggage in-tact and then take the CTA to O'hare airport so I don't have to pay for parking.   My flight leaves Monday evening and I return to Chicago on Friday afternoon.

Speaking of paying for items, I got my first ever official corporate credit card.   I never had a corporate card at any of my other jobs.    But it was felt to better track expenses associated with my travel and stay in San Francisco that it would make sense to have a card.    I'm glad I have it too since the hotel cost alone is over $1500.   I wasn't relishing putting that on my personal credit card.    Once I head back the plan is to reimburse all expenses associated with the trip so I can pay off the corporate card.

I'm nervous of course but I am looking forward to this next adventure.

The Help

 

I had an interesting encounter yesterday after a rare opportunity to run and grab lunch.   With my line of work, it's hard sometimes to find time to tear away from support issues especially when we have some of the most demanding customers at times.   

So why did I feel like "The Help"?  In going to my office, which is in a downtown high rise building, there are "doormen" who act as watchers before you get in.   Then once you're inside there's a couple stations of front desk workers you have to get by.   Then you have to scan your badge in the turnstile before you can get to the elevators where you have to scan your badge one more time to select your floor.

Working in downtown Chicago is definitely different from working in the Chicago burbs.  In the burbs though I definitely needed my car.   I believe I may have had to scan my ID at the front gate before parking and then scan it once more to get in the building.   It is nice that I don't have to worry about driving to work.

So anyway I decided to pick up lunch to bring back to the office.  I walked to the Ogilvie Train Station which is home to a French Market and other food vendors.   It's a cool area where you can order food and either eat there or take it back to the office.   I had a customer meeting within the hour so I opted to take the food back with me.

I ordered two mini-pot pies (ironic since I'm using Octavia Spencer's photo from The Help carrying her famous "chocolate" pie...LOL) from one of the vendors.   I stopped at another one to pick up some bubble tea.   So my pies were placed in a plastic brown bag and I decided not to pierce the bubble tea with my straw.   I'm walking back and make my way back to my high rise when one of the doormen shouts at me that I'm going in the wrong way.   The doorman whom I've seen before isn't the nicest person either.   There's another one that always takes the time to say good morning as folks enter.   This guy skulks to the side.    He could be socially awkward I suppose.

So he's telling me I need to go through the delivery entry.  I was taken aback but quickly told him that I work in the building.   A second doorman who was different from the one that always greets everyone tried to cover it up by saying he himself was newer.   I guess I can't expect them to remember everyone as there's 1000's of folks that go in and out.   But I literally left the building less than an hour before.   I do think the food in the bag and my unopened drink may have thrown him off.   Plus I was dressed casual.   But that made for an awkward moment.

It doesn't help that the doorman in question was white.   He's actually the only white doorman as well.   I don't think I was stopped because it was race related.    But it adds a potential layer of complexity to the issue.   Anyway it definitely gave me pause.   I may have also had my ID in my pocket.   I'll have to remember to keep it outside my pocket when walking towards the building next time.

Busy Thursday

 This past Thursday found Dom and I on the road again back to Shipshewana, IN.   This time we were going to see a performance by Dom's favorite singer Sandi Patty.   The last time we saw her perform was in 2016 at a venue in Evansville, IN.   I even got a package at that time where we got to see her backstage and take a quick photo.    We had some other plans while in Shipshewana that included stopping at the local grocer there and picking up some frozen goods like their peppered bacon, some boneless chicken breast, and other jellies and jams.

But before heading there we both had errands we needed to do that morning.   I had fasted the night before because I was heading to a lab to draw some blood for various tests including a PSA test that I had wanted to do last year.   Dom needed to take his minivan to a local repair shop to fix the Air Conditioner.   He didn't get paid till Friday so needed me to stay nearby.   

The last time I got blood work done at the specific lab I went to, it took almost two hours before I was done.   So I anticipated it taking just as long.   The plan was for Dom to head over there once I'm close to being done and then I could meet him there.    But you know what they say about plans...LOL.

I did wind up finishing earlier than planned.  While I was in that part of town, I wanted to run a couple more errands.    I needed to get my tires checked to make sure they had enough air before the trip to Shipshewana and my upcoming trip to Detroit (which I'm heading to in another hour after posting this entry).   In addition I needed to get a new toilet seat.   I had just gotten a new seat two or three months ago and the seat decided to crack under pressure when I sat on it.   I've never had a seat crack before.   I know I'm heavier these days but that was a shock.   Granted Dom is a bigger guy himself and of course had sat on it as well.   But it chose to crack when I sat on it...LOL.

Both errands were done and I got home by a little after 9:30am.   I got home and Dom made breakfast for us to enjoy.   Then around 10:30 he quickly put some clothes to get ready for us to head to the repair shop.   The owner of the shop said the repair would take 45 minutes.  Two hours later it was finally done.   We headed back home and Dom needed 30 minutes to shower and freshen up for the trip to Shipshewana.

So we got there around 3:30 PM their time.   I had thought of us doing the grocery stuff first but both of us were hungry by the time we got there so instead ate their famous Blue Gate Restaurant.  We thankfully were seated pretty quickly.   Dinner lasted about an hour.   I decided to check out the restaurant shop while Dom went to use the restroom which takes him a lot longer these days.   He wanted to meet me in the restaurant shop afterwards but since I knew he would take a while, I wound up completing my small purchase, which included some zucchini bread and black raspberry jam.   Yes apparently black raspberries are a thing.   I learned that from Dom a few years back. 

So I waited till Dom was finished and then we headed to Yoder's Meat & Cheese.   By the time we got there it was close to 5pm.   Next door to Yoder's was the Red Barn Shops.   I wanted to check out their tea store to see if they had any Avocado Leaf tea (my latest health kick obsession...LOL).   I decided to walk to the Red Barn Shops while Dom went to Yoder's.    It wasn't long before I found out that the particular tea shop I wanted to go to was closed.   So I left and went back to Yoder's.   I saw the "Closed" sign on the door and wondered where Dom was.   He was waiting inside and directed me to come in.   The store manager was nice enough to let us quickly shop for our items.   Thank goodness too since we had the freezer packs all ready for our haul.   It was a bit of a rush so we didn't have as much time to think about our purchases.   But thankfully we did make some selections.   After paying for our items the store manager escorted us out before locking up.   He asked Dom about the concert we were going to and Dom shared the details.   We both couldn't help but notice how handsome the store manager was.   We definitely wouldn't have minded some three-way action...LOL.

We got to the concert hall about 30 minutes before the show.   There were two other acts that would also be performing.   The opening act was a gospel group called High Road.   Dom and I had seats near the front row since I know he is a big Sandi Patty fan.    So we had a great view of the concert though really there aren't any bad seats.   Overall we both enjoyed High Road.   Of course Sandi Patty was a hit as well.   We got to listen to the other group called The Hoppers that would be coming out to perform after Sandi Patty.   One of the singers looked like a cross between Brendan Fraser and Tom Arnold.   But we opted to leave after Sandi Patty since we had a two hour trip back and I wasn't sure if I was going to the office or not.   Dom had thought about going back to work Friday himself but quickly decided to take that day off.   I also decided to work from home.    Our time-off apparently doesn't count as an office day so I'll have to work 4 days in the office either next week or the week after that.   Fun...LOL.

So after I post this I'll be getting ready to head to Detroit.  My last time visiting my sisters was during Christmas.   It'll be good to see them once more.   The suckiest part is the drive which takes a little over 4 hours (though it takes me slightly longer since I usually make a pitstop at Firekeepers..LOL).   It used to take longer though when I lived in the northwest burbs of Illinois so I am saving a little time.

Streaming Financials

Originally when we started going to streaming services years ago, the idea was to "cut the cord" from expensive ass Comcast cable.   Cable fees have gone up while the quality and choice of shows to watch have gone down.    But sadly the streaming service fees have gone up as well.   I remember Hulu was like $14 a month years back.   Then when I switched the card I used for paying Hulu, I found the price has gone up to $21 a month.    

Then earlier this year, Hulu and Disney merged.  I was then paying $29 a month for Hulu.  Dom insisted on getting Disney which he remembers getting a promotion price of $5.99.    He now is paying $16 a month for Disney.   We've been wanting to cancel both services for a while and then merging it into one service since now Hulu/Disney has a bundle that is starting around $16.   I just realized that I was paying the $29 yesterday.    One thing about automatic payments is that it's in a "set it and forget it" mode.   So I wasn't really thinking about until I was recently reviewing my credit card statement.   I then looked historically at my statements and saw how Hulu creeped from $20 in 2018 (the earliest I started paying for it on that card) to the $29 I'm paying now.    I do remember paying $14 when I first had it but have no receipts to prove that other than my faulty memory.

Sally has been nice enough to add me to her Max streaming account which gave me the chance to catch up on Sex & The City, Lovecraft Country, Insecure, Gilded Age, and Big Bang Theory (well Dom forced me to watch that one and it grew on me...LOL).   But in recent days Spectrum TV which is apparently a Cable Provider made changes where it's now forcing me to provide a "cable provider" before I can watch anything on Max.   Basically I can still see all the Max selections but if I want to watch anything I'll have to connect it to a "cable provider".   

Dom has been wanting me to get away from mooching it off Sally.   I didn't mind since I've helped Sally a lot financially myself over the years.    But apparently there's a new bundle with Hulu/Disney/Max that is the same $16 a month as their Hulu/Disney bundle.  So it probably is time for me to cut the Sally Max cord (LOL).   

My only question is when will Hulu/Disney/Max start creeping the fees on that one.   I'm sure they'll also start putting ADs during programming as well.  Not to mention they may pull an Amazon Prime and offer buy/rent options to watch certain shows.  But it seems getting this newest bundle may be the temporary fix to increasing streaming costs that we would need.   So I finally cancelled both Hulu and Disney on 08/17.   Our last day for Hulu is 08/28 and Disney's last day is 09/16 since Dom just paid the monthly Disney fee.    The plan is to sign under the new Hulu/Disney/Max bundle on 09/28.

Since I was looking at my historical credit card statements, I was curious to review them to see how much in interest fees I've been paying over the years.    I was only able to track them on one of my cards.   It was sobering to see how the interest fees stacked up.   As much as I bitched over the years with the fees we had to pay whenever Dom overdrawn on our joint account, those didn't come close to the amount of money I've paid in credit card interest fees since I was unable to pay my balance in full.

Things started getting dire in 2017.   I was close to getting my cards paid off but then a couple unplanned expenses and later my job being cut led me down the road to interest fee hell.

For my primary credit card I was able to track back to 2017, my highest balance was $30,193.54 in November 2021.   My secondary card I believe my highest was somewhere around $15,000.    So I had over $45K in credit card debt I was dealing with.

For my primary card, my interest fees by year were as followed:

2017 - $  856.17

2018 - $1244.08

2019 - $1681.36

2020 - $3191.88

2021 - $4327.64

2022 - $3066.47

2023 - $  712.38

2024 - $      0.00

Total interest fees: $15,079.98

Can you believe my total interest fees being paid over the last seven years exceeded my max credit card balance of my secondary card.    For the secondary card I will guess based on my total fees on the primary that my total interest there was between $6,000 and $7,000.   So over $22,000 in interest fees estimated for both of my cards.   I did pay off the secondary card completely in June 2022 so I stopped paying interest there starting in July 2022.

I had my temporary contract job from 03/2018 - 09/2018 which helped slow the interest fee increase a little bit but I still was carrying a $10K-ish credit card balance on my primary.   Then I was unemployed for a bit until I took my low-paying Amazon Warehouse job in May 2019.   You can see too that my interest fees paid more than doubled between 2019 and 2020.   That was because I was unable to put any dent on my credit cards but yet I still had things that I needed to purchase.   I would pay the minimum amount and maybe scrape an extra hundred (until it got that I could only pay the minimum) only to have the interest fees and purchases for that month eat it up.  So effectively it was like I wasn't paying anything.

Things of course started turning around in December 2021 when I decided to take $90,000 out of my 401-K.   I was blessed in that I didn't have to dip into my 401-K prior to that.  I remember Sally pretty much depleting her 401-K when she lost her job in 2007.   Thankfully I still have a good amount of my 401-K in-tact (recent stock price fluctuations aside).    Out of the $90,000, I had to pay close to $40,000 in penalty fees for early withdrawal and taxes.

Financial advisors keep saying not to touch your 401-K due to the penalties and taxes.   But I was glad I did it.   It gave me the boost I needed to eventually knock out my credit debt and avoid the interest fees I've been giving to the credit card companies.   

I was hopeful that I would find a better paying job in 2022 so it made sense for me to do the 401-K withdrawal in Dec 2021 so it would count as 2021 income and not 2022 income.   I was blessed that I didn't have to wait too long in 2022 until I was blessed with my present job.   And that's where I started the road to getting both of my credit cards paid off.   

Originally I had planned to use most of the remaining $50K to knock out both cards.  But since I got the job quicker than expected, I just used about half of the $50k to pay down my cards and then put the rest into a low-interest savings account.  I decided to just pay $3000 extra every month from my salary.

My interest fees in 2023 went below what I paid in 2017.   It feels so good seeing in print now the $0 in interest fees I paid in 2024.   The credit card companies got enough money out of me over the years.   I'm hoping I can still be able to pay off my monthly credit card bills to avoid paying any fees.   I try to keep my credit card balance under $3000.   This month unfortunately it looks like I'll be $200 over.   I had a couple unplanned expenses including one for a $623 plane ticket to San Francisco for a work conference I'll be participating in.   Thankfully I will be getting reimbursed for that one.   But I have enough savings to pay off my credit card balance this month.

It is interesting seeing my credit card history.  It's sobering seeing how much in interest I paid but at the same time it makes me happy to see how far I've come.   It reminds me that even if sometimes it seems my road to financial independence is a slow one, I am making a dent and bringing myself closer to that eventuality.   

Gimme 3 NOW!

 The place where I currently work has been continuing to crack the whip on returning employees back to the office.   A few months back upper management has been making noise about wanting folks to return to the office 3 days a week.   We were told we wouldn't have to worry about that until Oct 1st.   But apparently they want us to start coming back to the office 3 days a week effective now.

I was having my weekly one-on-one with my manager while in the office (well me in Chicago and she in Indianapolis...LOL).   She mentioned that her boss's boss pulled up a report on her team and it said that the average office rate for her team was 1.3 days.   As a result she was told that we have to effective immediately go into the office 3 days a week.   

I have been going in twice a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) and now I have to add a third day to the mix.   My plan is to go in Wednesday this week and then I think I'll replace Wednesday with Monday go forward.   Though I may alternate between Monday and Wednesday depending on life circumstances.  I figure Mondays are crappy anyway so might as well be in the office.

But man does this blow.  I'm trying not to complain because well better this than Amazon.   At least too most of the time I can take the train and walk to the office.   The walking does give me some much needed exercise.

One of the things they say coming in the office is supposed to do is provide more team collaboration.   But in my case, almost all my immediate team is in Indianapolis so not sure what kind of collaborating I'm suppose to do since my only mode of communication with my team is via instant messaging.   If I say that though I don't want them then saying I should commute to Indianapolis.   They don't pay when I commute there now and they don't pay if I have to stay at a hotel.   I'm sure they won't pay either if it's mandated I go to Indianapolis instead.  There are a few other folks in the same circumstance living in offices near Atlanta and Boston respectively.   There are also some grandfathered folks that were hired in as fully remote employees that are not impacted.   Lucky bastards...LOL.

I have a feeling that they will push for everyone to come back 5 days a week.   There are another group of employees that are considered full office employees that are expected to come in 4-5 days a week starting Oct 1st.   Unless some of them are in an unlucky team where their average was 2.6 times a week so they have to start coming in 4-5 days immediately.

To top it off my manager had to throw in concerns from her boss that the company may be looking to do another round of layoffs.   That's so crazy to me since they've been hiring recently though most of it has been in Mexico City, Mexico where I imagine the salaries are a lot cheaper.   So supposedly going three days a week is supposed to potentially keep us off the layoff chopping block.   Except I know it doesn't work that way.    You could kill yourself to produce and they may still lay you off because you're costing the company too much to keep you.   Man, Blackberry, I need your stock to hit $15 now.  If only it worked that way...LOL.

It's so strange that except for Amazon (where I had to go to the warehouse since items aren't picking or packing remotely), I used to go in the office 5 days a week ages ago.   But thinking of going 3 days now is a major pain.   I definitely had to do the 5 days during my brief consulting role that I had for a few months in 2018.   As humans we are adaptable and I'm sure I'll get through this as painful as it is thinking about it now.    Besides as I said before, it beats the alternative.

Sally's Furbaby

 Sally reached out to me Friday afternoon and wanted to share some news.   Her long-time furbaby Kitty is unwell.   His appetite hasn't been great and she said that he's had a hard time pooping.   He's also been hiding under the bed a lot which is usually a sign that the pet is feeling like it may be the end.

I was recalling the day Sally first went to get her Kitty.    Actually prior to that she invited me along to go to the local humane society to look at some different pets.   I remember it was something about Kitty that caught Sally's attention.    She didn't see any other cats that caught her eye so her mind was made up that she had to have him.

The main reason she wanted a cat was because she had a rat problem at the time in the complex where she was living.    The idea was that the smell of a cat may drive the rats away.   I don't remember Kitty particularly helping in that department.    What I do remember is how much love he bought into Sally's life.   

I was there during his first days.  This was around 2009 or 2010.   I waited at Sally's apartment while she went to pick him up from the Humane Society.   He was a bit antsy so I held the makeshift cage he was held in while Sally went and opened the door to her apartment.   For the first day or so she kept him in the small bathroom, the idea being that Kitty would get used to that small area and then work his way to the rest of the house.

He escaped the bathroom by Day 2 and it wasn't long before he adapted to his new surroundings.  He followed Sally when she moved to Alabama for a new job.   Beforehand he made a pitstop in Detroit staying at her Mom's place for a couple months.

He was around 4 or 5 years old when she got Kitty.  So now he's around 18 years old which is an excellent age for a cat to reach.   He's in the high range of a cat's average lifespan.  But still it is so sad to hear the news.   I do hope that he somehow pulls through and gets past his illness.   The vet gave him some kind of probiotic that's supposed to be a Hail Mary to see if it helps or not.   But Sally is preparing for the worst.   She may have to make the decision to put him down which will not be easy.  I'm keeping them both in my thoughts and prayers.   It's definitely not an easy thing.   Both of my sisters also lost their furbabies a few years back.   They have other furbabies now.   I've never had a furbaby of my own but I can only imagine the pain of losing a loved one.   I've of course experienced that with my own parents and it would be no different with a pet.   I should know Kitty's fate by early next week.   Here's hoping for the best.

Feeling The Pain

 

Sade - Feel No Pain

VERSE1:
Mama been laid off 

Papa been laid off 

My brother's been laid off 

For more than two years now 

Ooh can't get a job 

Billy can't get a job 

They gotta listen to the blues 

REFRAIN:

Help them to strive 

Help them to move on 

Help them to have some future 

Help them to live long Help them to live life 

Help them to smile 

Don't let them stay home 

And listen to the blues 

VERSE2:

Papa been laid off  (Oh Papa)

Mama been laid off (Oh Mama)

Billy can't get a job 

For too long, too long 

Don't let them lose 

We gotta give them a chance 

It's gonna come back on everyone 

If you don't make them dance 

Don't let them stay home 

And listen to the blues 

BRIDGE:

There's nothing sacred 

Breathing hatred 

We have to face it 

No one can take it 

And feel no pain

I had forgotten about this song.  Feel no pain was my life for a few years after I got laid off from my long-term job.   It didn't seem like I would ever find another job.   Looking for a job is quite the humbling process.  I've had to bite my pride through it all.  I even had a brief stint as a food delivery driver for a local Chinese restaurant in early 2019.   One night was enough for me though.   I shortly wound up finding temporary work at Amazon that lasted almost three years.   But thankfully someone gave me a chance and I was able to work in corporate America again.  So far I'm hanging in there (some days are crazy but that's with any job) and am able to breath again.

I used to love listening to Sade.  Even though when you think of Sade, you think of the individual lady that graced us with her singing, Sade actually is a band.   In fact there's often a male voice that can be heard singing occasionally in the background, sometimes briefly as lead.   I found out his name is Leroy Osborne.   His voice definitely compliments Sade's.   It's cool to know that they've performed together over the years.

Sade has that unique ability to make you feel her pain in all her songs.   I find myself grooving to the beat when listening to her.   But I listen sparingly so when I recently ran into a video highlighting her hits, I was reminded of some like the aforementioned Feel No Pain.   Her last song was released in 2018 on the Soundtrack of the movie Widows starring Viola Davis.    It's called The Big Unknown.   The melody reminds you of what makes Sade great.   One of the comments on the video best describes Sade's last effort.   "Sade comes out from the shadows. SINGS. Drops the mic. Back into the shadows like a Boss!"

This was six years ago.   LOL come back from the shadows once more Sade and Leroy.