A Hot Mess

 So I wound up getting a booster shot on the 20th.    Honestly I wasn't keen on getting one.   I'm not a conspiracy theorist but I feel like everyday they're saying something different about COVID and I question what's real vs fiction.    It does seem like there is this peer pressure to get the vaccine even though it may not protect you 100%.   Dom definitely was pressuring me to get it having got his around the Thanksgiving holiday.     He said that he felt fine afterwards and didn't notice any symptoms.

I unfortunately couldn't say the same.   I managed to get through the 20th okay but the next morning I definitely wasn't myself.    Besides the shoulder pain (which I experienced with the two previous shots), I was very low on energy and felt feverish.   I had to push myself to help Dom who himself is dealing with some other health issues as a result of his diabetes.     He had a follow up medical appointment the same day as my shot and found out his big toe was extremely swollen up and was bleeding (he did say that he cut his toenails aggressively but didn't notice anything unusual before our weekend trip).   I pushed myself to help him set up a foot bath and then dry his feet off and apply antibiotic cream to his wounds.

My appetite seemed normal though and I didn't notice the food tasting any different.   Oddly enough though at some point in the evening it felt like the fever I had "broke" and I had my energy again just before bedtime.    So that was a hot mess.

What also was a hot mess was the trip to see Ross.   The trip itself went fine and we stopped at a Mexican restaurant twenty minutes away from the theatre for dinner and margaritas before the show.   We arrived at the theatre about 15 minutes before his Christmas play started.     After getting ticket verification, we ran into Ross's partner Ray.    Ray was cordial as we briefly chatted and he directed us to some nearby seats.

The show itself was enjoyable.   I got to see Ross perform with other cast members performing various Christmas medleys.     Ross himself was hilarious as Elvis and he had other singing parts throughout.

So after the show Ross came out to greet Dom and I.    He thought it would be easier if he rode with us instead of us following them, which made sense.    He got a kick out of the million masks I had in the back seat and didn't hesitate to joke about it.   (I do need to organize them into a couple bags since it is a bit out of hand.)    The conversation went fine though I already sensed there was an awkward tension between Ross and Dom.   I believe it started when Ross was reminding me about the casino that wasn't too far from him which Dom balked at immediately since he doesn't like casinos.   So then Ross kept repeating it which got Dom hotter.   It didn't help either when Ross mentioned his pet dog and Dom mentioned not being a fan of dogs.    It was just a mess.

We got to the house and was greeted once more by Ray.   We had a quick tour of the house before Ross took us to our room where we quickly changed and came back downstairs for some wine and cheese.   Dom was chatting away with the guys but didn't seem to allow me to speak much.   Ross ended up talking a lot about the things in his house which included several vintage juke box machines, a couple 80's pinball machines, and a baby grand.   Ray excused himself for bed and the evening ended with Ross allowing us to play sample records off his jukeboxes.

Dom and I went to the guest room which was actually a separate master with its own bathroom and closet.   We both prepared for bed and the toilet decided to start acting up.   I didn't understand why the toilet kept running.   It was full and the water was basically falling into the overflow area.    Dom didn't care much for the bed either.    I didn't know the brand but it was one that felt firm yet contoured to the body.   Dom felt like the bed was too soft and trapping him inside and making it difficult to move around.

Dom eventually fell asleep but I found myself sneezing and needing to blow my nose constantly.   To reduce the noise from the bathroom, I closed both bathroom doors.   I didn't have any tissue so borrowed a roll of toilet paper to put by my beside.   I finally was able to fall asleep but woke up two hours later when Dom needed to get out of the bed.   Unfortunately the side of his bed was close to the wall so he needed to get out from my side.    He decided since he was awake that he would go downstairs into the living room.   I wasn't sure if he should since it was around 4:30 AM but he insisted.   I fell back asleep for a few more hours.

I learned later that Dom inadvertently saw both Ray and Ross naked as they headed downstairs.   They weren't aware that Dom was downstairs at the time.   By the time I woke up which was around 7:30 AM, I found the three of them in mid-conversation.    Some of it ended up being salacious conversations about various cast members.   We had some conversation and then our hosts began to prepare breakfast for us.    Dom was happy to see black raspberry jam as it reminded him of a time he tried to convince some friends of his about there being such an item.   

It was time soon for Ray and Ross to head back to the theatre to prepare so we needed to make our exit.   Dom and I quickly changed and then made our way back home.   

Ross and I messaged each other a few days afterwards.    He actually plans on coming up to my neck of the woods sometime in January.   He plans on staying at a local hotel and we'll meet for dinner and fun.   Of course everything depends on the weather.    

Speaking of weather, we're supposed to be getting some crappy snowy weather for New Year's Day.  I'm hating it because I have to go back to work that day.   I'm hoping it won't be as bad as they're saying.    The weathermen have been wrong before.   We shall see.

When Will It Be Me?

 There have been quite a few of my former classmates who have successfully landed jobs in the Salesforce ecosystem.   It's been great seeing all this and it gives me hope that maybe I too can finally get a corporate job again.    But part of it has been frustrating.   I hate the interviewing process and it seems I have yet to find that right person who wants to give me a chance.

I had a decent Zoom interview with some folks at a local university.   Actually it sounded like a great opportunity to learn some new things and quickly make an impact.     And best of all I wouldn't have to drive on the days I go in the office.   I would be able to hop on the Southshore line and only walk a few feet to the office building.   So no driving...yay!    The other good thing is that all the team seems to be long-termers (meaning they've worked there for at least ten years or more).   For me that's a win since theoretically I have about 10 - 15 working years left in me before retirement and it would be nice to find a stable place to get through those years.    I'm waiting to see if I'll get extended an offer or get another rejection.   The whole process is frustrating.

However I believe I may have a tentative offer for a 12 week internship.   It won't happen until mid-February though so I'm still trying to find other options.    But if nothing pans out, it'll be good to have this to fall back on.   The caveat is I have no idea what company the internship would be with.    But if it goes well, they get the option to hire me full-time.

I have another potential interview next week before Christmas as well.   So I'm still searching for that next gig.   I hope one day it'll be my turn to say I found a job in the Salesforce ecosystem and I can say bye, bye, bye to the Amazon Warehouse.

In other news it's holiday time and I have a full driving schedule.    On Saturday Dom and I head outside of Indianapolis to see Ross's Christmas show.   Dom's starting to ask more questions about Ross which is fine.   I haven't gone as far as saying we had an interest in each other but I feel like Dom can read between the lines.   He's asked two or three separate times in the last week how we've met which I've explained several times.   I had to check myself not to snap at him when he asked the third time.  *LOL*.    We've had some crazy winds in our area and Amazon hit the news when a small warehouse in Edwardsville, IL had their roof get torn off and six employees lost their lives.    Thankfully the weather should be decent for our road trip.

Then I have to gear myself for traveling to Detroit before Christmas.    Eugene's actually traveling to Detroit tomorrow and for some reason he thought I was going at same time.   Hopefully we'll get to hang out but I'm not sure if it'll happen.    Also I don't know if he and his friend plan to hang out in Chicago for New Year's Eve.   I've hung out with them in the past but this year New Year's Day falls on my workday and I'm not sure if I get that off or not.     But if I do have to work, it's holiday pay....yay!

So my car will be put to the test once more.   Here's hoping everything goes well.   Stay tuned!

P.S. Jamie never did reach out to me as far as hanging out.   I have a whole different rant on that but I'll spare the details...for now.

CGMC Bound

 Dom and I will be taking the Southshore line to downtown Chicago in less than two hours to see the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus perform at the Harris Theatre.     It's been our annual tradition since we started dating in 2014.    Well actually I was introduced to it two years before Dom and I started dating by a guy on my gay bowling league that I used to bowl at.    The guy in question was a singer in the choir and invited several bowlers to check it out.    We definitely prefer going to the show at the Harris theatre when they have it (they seem to have it there every other year) because we don't have to drive into Chicago and the theatre is literally a few steps from the Millennium Southshore stop. 

It's a very enjoyable show and I've gone every December since I was first introduced to it.   This will be the first show Dom and I have gone to since the pandemic started.   The 2020 show wound up being a virtual event that in all honestly didn't live up to the live shows.   So we're looking forward to checking it out with the protocols Harris Theatre have in place.    They require all patrons to show proof of vaccination and to wear masks regardless of vaccination status (though if you don't show proof I'm assuming they won't let you in even if you wear a mask).  What a world we're living in.   It'll be this way for a while it seems.  

I can't even tell you all the conspiracy theories I've been reading in relation to this pandemic.   Some of them are truly scary (like a new world order) but I'll have to discuss that another time.

The CGMC show isn't the only one we'll be attending this year.   I spoke to Dom about Ross's show in central Indiana and to my surprise, Dom was game to check it out given the overnight accommodations.   I hate having to take off two days of work (which pretty much is my entire shift) but it makes the most sense.    Plus it's not like I want to go to work...though I need the money.  Of course I assume I'll be driving.   Ross's show kicks off tonight as well and will be running for the next three long weekends.    We plan on checking out his next to last show on Saturday, December 18th.   Of course it all depends on the weather.   If it's going to be a blizzard, I'm not risking driving out there and I'm sure Dom won't either.

But I'm really excited to meet Ross.   It'll be interesting to see if we have any chemistry.   Obviously nothing is going to happen that weekend but maybe we'll plan a meeting in the future.

Oh well, time to eat some crappy fast food from Mickey D's before the train ride.

All The E's Menses

 Eugene and I used to talk a lot about the various men that were or attempted to enter our lives.    He termed them as "menses".   We definitely had our share of craziness over the years.   We used to talk a lot more frequently but not so much since I've been with Dom.   Plus with everything going on with me jobwise I haven't really felt like talking much since every other conversation related to my situation.  I do miss our daily calls.    We have been hanging out once a year at least during New Year's Eve with another long-term friend of his who happens to be straight.   We'll see if we hang out again this New Year's Eve.

So in terms of men, Dom of course is my main man.    But since I still have that itch to scratch, I've tried to find other men for that area.   To absolutely nobody's shock I have not found that one guy that works out perfectly.

There's Tony, a mid-50's married guy about 5'11, 275 lbs. that I met for the first time one snowy Saturday evening in February 2018 when Dom was in Palm Springs.    Tony's wife, a registered nurse, was working that evening so he invited me over.   He lives out in Valpo in a nice mid-price subdivision.  There was a bit of snow on the ground and Tony was paranoid that his wife would find out so he made sure to tell me to not make too many tracks in the driveway and walk on the far edge.

So when Tony and I kissed it was very passionate.   We tongued each other down in the main hallway as our hands rubbed all over each other's bodies.    His little chihuahua was yapping in the nearby kitchen and Tony directed me to head upstairs to his bedroom where we made out some more and we sucked each other's dick.   We also tossed each other's salads before he eventually sucked me off and I jacked him off.   I'm not much of a swallower.

It was a very hot session but it would be almost two years later before we would meet again.   Prior to that he had deleted his A4A account and later recreated it again which was how we chatted.   He mentioned that one of his hookups told his wife about their encounter which of course got her upset and he deleted his account.    We met sporadically a couple more times in 2019 and maybe once or twice in COVID 2020.    But it's since petered out.    At least it was fun while it lasted.

I met Mallard one summer day in 2017 in the back lot of a restaurant.    Mallard and I initially met on Manhunt but his preferred mode of chatting was on Skype.   He best describes himself as an old, crabby, fat man.    When I met him there was a definite attraction.   I didn't find him to be as fat as he made himself out to be.   Yes he had a belly but he also seemed pretty athletic.

 Our encounter consisted of walking down a deserted street and basically stealing touches.   He'd discreetly put his hand underneath my shirt to rub my stomach.  I'd put my hand and rub his stomach and back.   We'd cop quick feels of our growing manhoods here and there.    Our walk eventually led us to a forest preserve.   When I thought it was relatively private, I tried to steal a quick kiss but Mallard wasn't feeling it.    We eventually walked back to our cars where Mallard gave me a present of several pairs of Fruit of the Loom underwear.    Oddly enough he's not the first man to give me underwear.   That distinction would go to my friend/past hookup Midas who gave me designer underwear and a speedo.

So that would be the only time we met.  Oddly enough we chat periodically on Skype where I keep falling into the cat and mouse game of trying to get him to meet up again.    But he keeps playing the "I'm old, cranky, and fat" card.    Apparently he admitted to have a lot of self esteem issues (he said that guys keep insulting him and calling him fat when he posts shirtless photos on his A4A account) and not having a lot of experiences with guys.   He's too afraid to invite anyone over as well.  I admit the game is getting old and I find myself wondering why I continue to waste my time chatting.    Was it really him I met that one time?   It was so long ago I really can't remember.   *LOL*.

Then there's Subby.   I don't remember when we met but it had to be sometime in the summer of 2018.   I didn't think we were much of a match since he's into being humiliated and tortured by a dominant guy.   Also he did not like kissing and mostly bottomed.    Nonetheless we did meet and he pretty much sucked me.   I noticed that it took me a lot longer to get hard.    Eventually he convinced me to fuck him.    He wanted me to do it without a condom but I insisted on putting on one.    And it was a good thing I did since he had a little bit of shit come out.    Needless to say that turned me off.    I quickly pulled out and threw the condom out.    He then went back to sucking me and I eventually came and thankfully he left.   I had to spray the living room afterwards since his odor still lingered.

Subby kept contacting me periodically afterwards to see if we could meet again.  I told him that I didn't think we were a match.    He reiterated how much he enjoyed himself but I told him no.    A little over two years later though I decided to give him another shot.   I was in the middle of a long man drought and was desperate when he reached out yet again.    We agreed that he would only suck me off.     So he came over one late evening after Dom went to bed.   It took me a long time to get hard.    It was a little over an hour before I finally came and then he threw up on my carpet narrowly missing my feet and socks.    Needless to say that was disgusting and it reminded me why I didn't want to see him again in the first place.   

He still tries to reach out to me.   But I know there won't be a third time no matter how desperate I am.

Maxwell was a younger black gentleman that caught my eye on A4A.   He was 29 (gulp 20 years younger than me) and a successful restaurant manager that was relocating to Northwest Indiana from Chicago.   He seemed quite mature for his age (then again I was mature in my 20's as well).   He said he was looking for someone to settle down with.   I told him about Dom and let him know that Dom was my ride or die.

We first met sometime in the summer of 2020 late evening.  I had just started taking my cybersecurity bootcamp classes.   We talked for a bit (he also had to take a call from an assistant at the restaurant) and then we started making out before eventually jacking off.

We met a couple more times and even went out to grab brunch at a local diner.   We learned a lot about each other.    It was cool learning that he also enjoyed dabbling in the stock market.    We even exchanged some stock tips.   (As an aside if anyone is still reading my blog, I implore you to check out BB.   Blackberry used to be a big player on cell phones but has since switched gears and has become a major cybersecurity firm.   They have a stake in providing security to autonomous vehicles via their proprietary software QNX.    I am convinced that they are going to be trading over $100 by 2023.)   

But back to Maxwell.   He's a pretty cool guy though I was realizing I liked him more as a friend than anything else.    His job was stressing him out big time.   He told me how he started out working as a waiter and over the next seven years worked his way to becoming a manager.    He was on the fast track to becoming overall manager of several restaurant chains.   But to save his sanity he decided to cut ties with his employer earlier this year.    We sporadically keep in touch and I hope we can develop more of a friendship.   Lord knows I don't have a lot of gay friends.

There's Doug.   He's a bald mid 40s salesman in decent shape living near the Illinois/Indiana border in Lansing.    We chatted on the infamous A4A site.    We talked about our wants and needs.   I remember telling him about loving to kiss but how COVID was putting a damper on that.   We reassured each other that everything would be fine.    He had a "roommate" that was living with him so would have to meet at my place.

We decided to meet during the day at an unusual location.     He suggested meeting up in my garage.   It would be the first time since Rock (so that's going way back) that I made love in a garage.    And it would be a first in my garage.     So he drove up to my driveway.   Of course my neighbor from across the street happened to be outside his garage.    The neighbor was busy doing his own thing though.  Doug came into the garage and I closed the main door.    

Things got hot and steamy as Doug and I made out.   He was a very good kisser and we really were getting at it.    I opened my car's rear door and we made our way inside while still making out.   He eventually went for my dick and sucked me off.    Then to my surprise I returned the favor.   I admit that I am not a fan of swallowing but for some reason it felt right.   Thankfully he wasn't a big cummer so I didn't feel nauseous.    

We had a great time and met at least a half dozen more times (mostly in my basement).   We pretty much do the same thing which is fine.    But he claims to be so busy all the time so we haven't met in a while.    Such is the life for E.    *LOL*.

I've chatted with a few other guys here and there.   One is a blast from my past that never really took off.  Jamie's a short (about 5'6) stocky daddy bear that I went out with twice in the early 2010's.   He even picked me up to get my new used car (that I still drive today) in March 2014.     We lost touch after that and recently reconnected after I saw his profile on bear411.    I was interested in him but he didn't think I was.    We text here and there but haven't met up yet.    He was talking about possibly meeting up for dinner at a Middle Eastern spot the weekend after Thanksgiving.    We'll see if that happens.

Another guy that I recently chatted with was one I met on yet another social networking site called biggercity.     Ross complimented me on a photo I had where I had a yogurt moustache with a smile.   He had a great torso shot that caught my eye as well.    We've been emailing back and forth and wants to meet me.    Of course he lives outside of Indianapolis which is about two and a half hours from me.

I found out that Ross is a lifetime entertainer having owned several theatres and restaurants.  His heart belongs to New York and he sees himself moving back in the next year or so.   He had bit roles in the mid-80s in a couple of movies that starred big hitters of the time like Cheryl Ladd (of Charlie's Angels fame), Jane Seymour, and Christopher Plummer.    He owned those businesses with his long term partner (both business and personal) Ray.

He invited Dom and I (I still have to tell Dom about it) to a Christmas show he's starring in as Elvis in mid-December.    He's offered up his place to stay at which we would have our own guest room with private bath.   Of course if we meet I would be taking all the risk in seeing him.  If for whatever reason there isn't a connection, it would be a wasted trip aside from the show.    We're not planning on hooking up during that time though.

So those are the main guys that I've interacted with over the last six years.   Of course I met a few one offs and major assholes as usual.    There's this other guy Harry I recently met that is nice but I'm not 100% attracted to him.    He's not the greatest kisser either.   But he is a top which is so rare for me to find so for now I'll keep him.    But ideally I would like to find one or two guys I can meet regularly to scratch that itch while I still have it.    I know my sexual years will decline eventually so have to enjoy it while I can.

So What Happens Now?

 Some great news skills wise for me.   I successfully passed the Tableau Desktop Specialist certification exam.   I'm not going to lie, the exam itself definitely had me on edge.   Many of the questions required you to choose multiple answers.   In particular there were questions with three correct answers where I would know 2 of the correct answers right away but struggle on the third.    The total time given for the test was 60 minutes and I wound up using 54 minutes before finally submitting my answers.

I went to a small local testing center 5 miles away from my home.   After validating my identification, the proctor placed me in a small room with three desktops.    She then assigned me to the desktop on the far right.    I was given a notepad where you can quickly write down some formulas or other key facts before starting the exam.    Once you start you're not allowed to write anything else down.    You're also not allowed to have any personal items like cell phones, keys, or even your wallet.   You are on candid camera the entire time to ensure you're not cheating.

I was so glad I was in the room alone.   Even though I knew there was a camera, I found myself cursing under my breath at some questions, making faces, and then covering my eyes after submitting my answers, afraid to see the words FAIL after answering pages and pages of survey questions.   I can imagine the proctors getting a good laugh from the various antics test takers do.    When I saw the word PASS come up, I screamed but covered my mouth.    I definitely didn't want to have to retake it again and am glad I don't have to.

I kid you not, after leaving the test center, I sat in my car for about ten minutes just in a daze.   Of course I immediately went to my phone to notify Dom and my sisters on my latest achievement.    I drove to a nearby grocery store with the intention of getting some items for dinner but couldn't really focus, only buying some Albanese sour gummies.

So now I come to the end of the Pathfinder program.   I'm definitely hoping a better paying, skillful job is in my future.    I told Dom that if nothing happens, I may have to look for another program.   Of course Dom gave me the side eye.    *LOL*

It reminded me of Lynn Searcy (played by the lovely Persia White) from the hit UPN show Girlfriends that came out in 2000.    She was the perpetual student that had over 8 different degrees but no job.   Lynn basically had no real focus and floated through life mooching off her other girlfriends.   Of course obviously I'm no mooch.   Thank goodness I saved during my working years (that and my severance helped for sure) but I'm definitely reaching the end of my rope and need to boost my income.

With that said, as much as I hate my Amazon job, assuming I finally get that corporate job, I would like to stay at Amazon for at least another two months before dropping it.   I would take the extra small income to rebuild a portion of my savings.   Also there's always that three week gap before you get your first paycheck since at minimum companies want you to have one week's pay once you leave.   It's a pain in the butt waiting for that first check.   Still getting the small check from Amazon would help.

So graduation from the Pathfinder program will be a virtual event on November 17th.   It's definitely a bittersweet moment.   I can say I feel like I connected more with some of the students via Pathfinder than I did in the cybersecurity boot camp I took in August 2020.    As cliché as it sounds, I was able to bring my authentic self in the program and that went a long way in helping me learn and feeling accepted. 

Here's to that next chapter.    What's it gonna be?

M.O.M.

 It was two years ago on this date that my Mom lost her battle with cancer.    I was in the room with her when she passed away.   I still replay those last moments in my head.    The caretaker was in the room as well and I was helping her clean my Mom up.   

I'm not sure if my Mom was aware what was happening.   She was moaning non-stop and was definitely in another world.    My Mom believed that those who passed before guides those who are passing into the next life.   I like to hope that our ancestors were guiding my Mom and that once she died, she was at peace.   In the movies an older person usually reverts to their younger self and all illness is gone.   I want that for my Mom and all of us.

I have so many memories of my Mom that make me smile when I think of them.   Like I remember one time in my thirties that I took my Mom to the Hamtramck Post Office for her to mail a package to our family back overseas.    She preferred going to the Hamtramck location since at the time there was a large Polish population living there and customer service had more experience dealing with international packages.   So this particular time we were served by this lady that was a bitch and made us get out of line to re-tape our package.    My Mom is the sweetest person so it gave me quite the chuckle when she whispered to me that the lady was a bitch.

There was this other time during one of my numerous road trips to Detroit visiting the old home.   We were in the dining room watching an episode of Undercover Boss.     Trina was also in the room watching as well.    So we get to the portion of the program where the "undercover boss" reveals themselves to the unsuspecting folks that showed them how to do their job.    So as part of the reveal the bosses give various rewards.    This boss gave an award of paying off this workers student loans, an option to train for a better role in the company, and some other items I don't remember.   The lady upon receiving all this started crying and it seemed to come from a genuine place.   Her emotions moved me to start crying as well.   

Upon seeing me crying I remember Mom asking me why I was crying and if I was doing okay.   She asked if I was doing okay financially and if I needed help.   Her questions took me out of the moment and I told her everything was fine.   I told her that I was empathic with the lady and was moved by the gesture but she didn't believe me.   I remembered thinking 'damn, can't I be emphatic to a person's situation without it having to be because of something going on with me'.    But my Mom didn't see it that way and there was no convincing her otherwise.

One of my favorite memories of Mom was one that I shared before in my first blog.   It was the moment that I came out to my parents after my Mom basically forced me out of the closet.   It was a moment that I worried would change our relationship for the worst but wound up being the best thing for us.   I am so happy too that my Mom got to meet Dom for the first time in 2015.    So she along with my Dad did get to see me bring a guy home.

I plan to light a candle in my Mom's honor.    The timing is close to All Soul's Day where we honor all those who have passed before us.   My Mom believed that lighting a candle was a way to guide a spirit and light their way.   I will light it in Memory of Mom.   I love you Mama.

Pushing 50

I'm less than a year away from reaching the half-century mark.    It was a mostly uneventful day spent working with some Pathfinder cohorts on a final project as part of Solutions Week.    We received a business scenario and must design a Salesforce solution to address the business need.     There are 27 different teams working on the scenario and the top 3 teams will be selected to present their solution at a virtual career fair being held November 3rd.    I'm not great at presenting so am hoping our team isn't selected.   

I received birthday candy from Trina and Dom.   The latter also cooked a surf and turf meal for us to enjoy at home.   It was a great day overall.

As I inch closer to 50, I can't help but to reflect on where my life has taken me.   That job I mentioned in my last post did not come to fruition like the others.   So I'm still on the hunt.    It is hard to believe how quickly time is going by.   I don't like thinking about death but with my Mom gone and my Dad in his 90's, I know that one day I too will be meeting my maker.   There was this quote that I read regarding death that "we are all standing in line" whether we like it or not.   We don't know our place in the line but regardless nobody gets out of here alive.

I do like to hope that I do a few more things before I die.   I would definitely like to travel to some more places (COV-ID be damned).   It's always that issue of time, money, and health.    Right now I have the time and I'm relatively healthy but I don't have the money.    Ideally if (lol I can hear Dom say 'when') I get a better paying job, I'll have the money and hopefully good health but I won't have as much time.   Then when I get even older, there'll be a day when I possibly have the money and for sure have the time but my health won't allow it.    It's the sad cycle of life.

That's why I always remind myself to enjoy some little pleasures where I can.   Dom and I spent a great day visiting Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry (which I haven't been to in ages...actually I don't remember if I've ever gone) and then heading to Argyle's Chinatown to enjoy some Dim Sum at a place that I haven't been in years since Sally and I went.     It was an enjoyable day (even with the cold, rainy weather which the rain thankfully waited till we were back home) and I admit I lamented on the meal cost later on but reminded myself it was a great meal and it was a good memory to have.    Dom had never eaten at that particular location and he did enjoy the food.

Even at Amazon I try to focus on the eye candy and interesting items to get me through the day.   I suck on peppermint candy at periodic times through the shift to give me something to look forward to until my breaks and finally freedom.   Oddly enough even the less enjoyable moments eventually have to end.

As cliché as it sounds, it is the little things that are really the big things in life.   Here's to many more little moments.

Back On The Hunt

 So I'm halfway through my training for Tableau.   There were some bumps along the way in doing the training.   There was a change in proctors for the actual certification which meant that the # of questions on the exam was changing as well.   The previous version had 30 questions which included access to Google for researching and testing of building graphs to answer some questions.    The new version has 45 questions w/o access to Google and no graphs.   Those who signed up on the website to take the training prior to August 1st would take the test with the old proctor and those after August 1st would take it with the new one.   Since we signed up after August 1st, we would be taking the new version.

We received a welcome email from Tableau which did give us links to the new proctor that included a free voucher for the exam.   Unfortunately though the other links provided was for the old version of the training.   Also there was a confusion over which version of Tableau to use as they frequently upgrade and there was an upgrade specifically for the new testing.

All the confusion caused stress for myself and a lot of the other students.  Thankfully one of our Salesforce instructors was instrumental in getting things straightened out.   

As for Tableau itself, it's definitely a very robust tool with lots of functionality.   I pray that I can remember enough to successfully pass.    We do get two free attempts.   I'm guessing after the second I'll have to pay for it (though maybe the Pathfinder program may have more vouchers...no clue and hopefully it won't get to that).    The cost though is cheaper than the Comptia cert exams, $100 versus $329 so at least that would be manageable if I had to retest.

So I'm also at the point in the program where I need to resume my job hunt.   That has been a nightmare as I've previously mentioned.    I applied for over 60 positions after successfully completing my cyber security bootcamp and maybe had 5 actual interviews in that time (and that's being generous...I only recall 2).    It is disappointing hearing about the supposed shortage in cybersecurity roles but the tight vice that industry has in bringing new people.   I'm not looking forward to the whole applying and interviewing process.     But I'll have to buck up.   I actually do have an interview tomorrow with a hiring manager at a major company.    We'll see what happens.

Also I'm excited because I'll be visiting my family later this week in Detroit.   The last time I was in Detroit was last Christmas.   It'll be good to see my Dad, Trina, and hopefully Tasha will get a chance to drop by.    She did promise to possibly bring some food.    I plan to visit my Mom as well at her resting space.   I do miss her a lot and she's constantly on my mind.   It is weird though.   Even though I think about her a lot, I haven't cried for her since her funeral.    I suppose I did get some closure and I am comforted by the fact that she's not suffering anymore.   I like to think that she's watching us from above (well except for any private moments...*LOL*).

Also I'll get a chance to see Sally who I haven't seen since she lost her cousin to cancer about a month before my Mom lost her battle.   So it's been almost 2 years.   Sally's Mom who I've become close to over the years as well is turning 80 years young.    Her Mom decided to host a party at one of the area parks.   I'll need to pack a chair for seating.    I was contemplating possibly bringing my Dad with me.   But I don't know the logistics of the park the party will be at and how far parking is from where they'll be at.   Plus my Dad has a hard time walking so I don't want him to have walk very far.    So I may have to table that suggestion.

We're Falling Apart

So I had an unofficial week off my Salesforce training program due to successfully passing the Salesforce Admin exam on my 1st go-round and gaining my 1st Salesforce certification.    Can I give myself a *woop woop*?    I think I just did.   The second half of my training starts this week and I'm officially going to study Tableau which is one of the top data analytic tools out there.    So I'm eagerly looking forward to adding that skill to my experience in addition to ideally obtaining a second cert of Tableau Desktop Specialist.

Dom had another one of his conventions that he wanted me to go with him to that happened to fall on my unofficial off week.    I of course wasn't too keen on going since it's not my bag and it brought on new worries about the house.   I was concerned that if I didn't pass my Salesforce Admin that I would have to focus on studying for that as well.  I also wasn't looking forward to being stuck in a train for almost a whole day and wearing a mask.    

Well obviously I passed the cert so I didn't have that fear pass.   Thankfully the house was still in one piece when we returned from our nearly week long trip to Washington D.C.    I survived being stuck in the train though we both really need to get a COV-ID test this week with all our potential exposures on the train and during the convention.    Hell I've been blowing my nose constantly since I've been back.   Even though we've gotten two shots of the Pfizer drug (which has officially been approved by the FDA), vaccinated folks are still susceptible.   

But one new worry has been becoming obvious.   Unfortunately it's a worry that may not go away anytime soon.   Dom has been slowing down lately.   One of the things that we enjoy doing together is walking.    Dom always prided himself on being able to easily move around and has said that if he ever can't walk again to just shoot him.

So we had to take the Southshore train to downtown to then walk over to Union Station.   We make it downtown fine but then I notice as I'm walking that Dom is lagging farther behind.   Sure he packed the world for this trip but that's never slowed him down before.   It became more apparent as we were making our way down the Pedway that Dom was down for the count.    I was worried that we wouldn't make it to our Amtrak.    We made it with less than five minutes to spare.

It was the same throughout the trip.    Dom's feet have become quite swollen as well.    Also he's been having painful cramps in his hands and feet that debilitate him for seconds at a time.    He suspects it may be dehydration and has been upping his water intake.   Having diabetes is no joke.

I worry about Dom because he's constantly taking anti-inflammation and anti-diarrhea drugs.  It makes me wonder about the long-term effects of them.

I don't know what we can do.   He's not really open to my suggestions (granted I don't know all the answers...I like to think I do...*LOL*.).    Even though we're not officially married I am with Dom for better or worse.   I'm praying we can get through this.

Dom Of A New Day

The last few weeks have been so busy for me especially in relation to my Salesforce class that I haven't had much of a chance to blog.   This latest entry was supposed to be done in early August but now we're almost done with the month by the time it gets posted.    But it's okay.    And I've made great progress in the class, managing to pass my Salesforce Admin exam on my first try on the 18th.   I'm so stoked.  Next step after updating the resume is for me to continue learning towards a second certification in late September/early October.    More details to come.    

Back to the next post...

I'm happy to say that I finally am free of my T-Mobile contract.    I had the worst experience with my T-Mobile phone for the two years I had it.   Usually in time I do complain about a given cellphone but this was the first time I remember complaining about it less than two months after getting it.    I would get delays in sending and receiving texts and don't even try sending GIFs or photos.   It would take dozens of tries before it would go through.    And there was times when the other party said a GIF or photo went through but my phone would say it's still on route.    This would happen even inside my own home.

Also calls would be dropped randomly and sometimes the other party would not hear me at all.   T-Mobile would turn off service at random times even though they were getting their money from me every month.    And it was double trouble if the other party was a T-Mobile customer.    My Dad unfortunately still has them and when we talked, both of us would lose signal at various points in the conversation.

Customer service was a joke as well.   They offered no real help at all since I didn't get their insurance.   They gave me a new SIM card once or twice over the course of my contract since I had read on their message board that some folks that were having connectivity issues were resolved once changing the SIM.  That did nothing for me. 

All I could do was count the days, hours, minutes, and seconds till I could break free.    That day finally came on July 21, 2021.   Verizon happened to have a sale on 5G phones on their site where they give you a monthly credit for the phone if you get their service.    I decided to take advantage of the sale and I got a second phone for Dom.

Dom was one of the last hold outs on getting a smart phone instead being content with a flip phone which they forced him two years ago to upgrade.    We've been wanting to be on the same service for awhile now and he loves Verizon.

Since I've gotten my phone, I've definitely noticed a difference in phone quality.   I can actually make phone calls in the basement without them dropping.   I even was able to talk in the underground train station.   I don't know if I should be afraid of potential cancer risk but as far as the service itself, it is very good.    

I'm also able to text without major delays.   I have seen it lag sometimes but definitely not as bad as it did when I was with T-Mobile.   

Dom still has a lot to learn in regards to using a smart phone.   So far we haven't synched his phone to his car yet.   He also has a funny habit of not wanting to take his phone with me anywhere, rather opting to leave it in his car which defeats the purpose of having a phone.    He definitely has a love/hate thing with phones preferring not to take on his phone for long periods of time (meaning more than 5 minutes).

Yes Dom having a smart phone will be lots of fun...*LOL*.

Tomorrow Robins Will Sing

Tomorrow Robins Will Sing - Stevie Wonder

VERSE 1:

Now where do I start to make the point that I'll be making?

To most efficiently use time that I'll be taking

With the clear understanding that every ticking second is precious to us all

But if you let me bend your ear and listen up you will hear

Not just what I sing, but every word that I am saying

You wake in the morning from a dream with spirts dope hype

Though your real life condition is far from being alright

Your love has wronged you, your money's gone, you lost your home and everything you own

But before you do something major extreme

I've got one simple thing for you to take along with you, as you go on your lonely way

REFRAIN:

Tomorrow robins will sing

Tomorrow robins will sing

It really is no big thing, 'cause tomorrow robins will sing

Tomorrow blue jays will fly

The weather's forecast clear skies

So dry those tears from your eyes, 'cause tomorrow blue jays will fly

VERSE 2:

You borrow a dime to call up a friend that you could rely on

They put the phone down, you hear on the background (tell him I'm not home)

Your face is broken, your throat is choking, you hang up the phone in disbelief

And to make matters worse

You can remember you were the first & only one to come to him when lonely was his everyday

But if what you did came from your heart and not expecting

Then you should not waste one heart beat on any regretting

The saying's older than old yet true for today as when it was made to be told

As you sow so shall you reap

And if you've treated life sweet

Your blessing's been ordained and already on its way

REPEAT REFRAIN

BRIDGE:

Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about

Looking over your yesterday

The clouds are gone and the sun is out

And everything has worked out I'll be okay

REPEAT REFRAIN TWICE

I had this eargasm in my head most of my Sunday while at work.   Actually I have a lot of random thoughts that pop in my head during my workday while trying to break to monotony of packing or picking customer items.  I remember Tomorrow Robins Will Sing when it came out in the mid 90's on Stevie Wonder's Conversation Peace album.   The theme of the song was similar to Bobby McFarren's Don't Worry, Be Happy.    But as positive as Mr. McFarren's song was, I didn't really connect with it like I did with Stevie Wonder's hit.    A random person commented on YouTube that Stevie Wonder couldn't write a bad song if he tried.    That is so true.

Life has definitely thrown its share of lemons my way.    There are times that I feel dismayed by it all.   Thankfully I haven't done anything major extreme in hopes of the problem going away.   Because I know it won't go away.    I have to remind myself to take those lemons and make lemonade where I can.

I hate my job with a passion.   But there are a couple positives.    One is that I'm only working a part-time schedule.    Obviously that sucks in terms of my take home check though thankfully I have the option to volunteer for extra time which I've done in the past.    One of the few colleagues I befriended at the job in fact works the same part-time schedule but volunteers four additional days a week so she's basically full-time.    The benefit of doing that is that the differential pay carries over to any additional days worked.    In fact once you get the part-time schedule, it's really hard to switch back to full-time.   An additional benefit is that if you work 30 hours a week on average, you can still get health insurance.   Unfortunately my average has fallen off since I haven't worked too many extra days so I don't get insurance for now.

Another benefit is all the man candy that works at the job.   Seeing a hot guy or two, even if we don't talk to each other, momentarily lifts the sadness of my day.    In fact there's this one bearish guy that I think is family but I obviously won't ask.   I've run into him and 'his hag' during my walk to my car on break and on one occasion coming back, he had his ass crack and briefs exposed for everyone to see.   I wanted to go up and touch it but obviously that's not socially acceptable...*LOL*.   I mean a guy has to know that his ass is exposed even if there isn't much of a breeze.   I guess he doesn't care.

The other main benefit is I get to what Dom calls, shop on company time.   As I'm scanning items I quickly peruse if it may be something I'm interested in.    And sometimes you'll pick up products with half naked men (like a romance novel or briefs).    I usually keep those in the bin till the last item so I can enjoy staring at it.    I'm a mess.

But I am grateful to have some work even if it's not what I want to be doing forever.    My Salesforce class is 1/4 of the way done and I feel relatively positive about it.   It's gonna get a bit more challenging from here on out but I'm ready for it.   I'm truly praying it'll lead to sunnier skies.   

Yes indeed, tomorrow robins will sing.

Snow Flash

 Dom and I spent last weekend (July 10 - 11) in a small town in Central Indiana visiting his parents and also attending his nephew's wedding reception held in Bloomington, IN at his sister's and her husband's new home in a brand new subdivision.   The home itself is pretty nice with a lot of open floor space.   The party itself was cool and everyone was nice even with the brief political conversation that went south.   Dom's family is predominantly republican and one strongly missed 45 and felt ill will on Biden.   Dom of course argued back as I sat back and tried not to laugh.   But what can you do?

It was nice having a weekend off from Amazon even though I did work two extra Tuesdays to try and make up some of the missed pay since I took Unpaid Time Off.    Speaking of UPT I was so pissed losing two hours of it both Tuesdays due to missing second half of shift by a minute.   Not realizing that I needed to deduct a minute of my vacation time to make the difference, the system instead automatically deducts an hour of unpaid.   I'm really praying a better job comes along.

But back to the story at hand.   The original plan was for Dom to drive both his parents and I to Bloomington.   Unfortunately though his Mom was experiencing leg pain and was suspecting a possible blood clot.    So not wanting to risk anything she opted to stay home.

So the 2 1/2 to 3 hour ride to Bloomington took almost 5 hours due to stopping at McDonald's for breakfast, Walgreens for last minute party favors. and some hole-in-the-wall truck diner for lunch that served the best fried mushrooms.    And then there was food at the party.

Driving back to his parents did take about 3 hours thankfully.    The trip to and from took the whole day which was draining even though Dom did all the driving.

So we left his parents for our own home on Sunday morning.   Dom and I wanted to stop at the Walmart near his parents to get a tower A/C unit like his folks had that blasted.   Then he wanted to meet an old college friend of his that currently is a den Mom for a school in Culver.    Finally we wanted to pick up dinner before getting home.

Everything went as planned.   We didn't find the exact unit but a close enough replica.   Dom and I both enjoyed hanging out with his friend and them catching up on their lives.  Dinner pick-up went ok even with the way overpriced chicken wings I got at Quaker Steak & Lube while he opted for a burrito at El Salto.   

Monday came and I wanted to get a card and a gift card for Tasha's 50th birthday.   (OMG we're getting old...*LOL*).    Dom was having issues with getting his metaformin refilled from the clinic that he goes to.   He was hoping to run to Costco and then the clinic to find out why they haven't responded to refilling his prescription for the last month.

I go out to the garage to get to my car.   I unlock the door and hear something scurrying somewhere inside.   I freak out wondering if it's a mouse or a rat.   I stand silent for a minute and then open the main garage door.  I walk up to my car and just when I'm about to open it, I hear a cry that sounds like a cat.   The only thing is I have no idea where he is.    

There's a bunch of branches and items on the floor near Dom's caravan and I don't want to spook it.    I try to call Dom and message him but he's not responding.   I finally run back to the house to find Dom asleep.   I tell him what's going on and he's a bit unfazed by the situation but I tell him that we need to find the cat.   At the same time I needed to get to the store so I could mail off Tasha's card before the mail pick-up.    

Confirming that the sounds were not coming from my car, I slowly back out and run my errands.   I get back and the cat is still crying.   I rack my brain trying to figure out where it's coming from.   I feel hot and the mosquitos are unfortunately in full force so I go back inside to cool off.    Dom in the meantime is napping totally unfazed...*LOL*.  

I return to the garage and I have the idea to go on Youtube via my horrible T-Mobile MotoG7 phone and play a video of kittens meowing.   I start to play it and then he starts meowing.    Something tells me that the cat is actually a kitten.   I begin to wonder if perhaps he hitchhiked his way back to our home underneath Dom's engine.

I look underneath Dom's caravan and do not see anything underneath.   But the crying persists.   It's a

 

bit frustrating since I can't seem to find the source of the sound.    I begin to think it's all in my head when it dawns on me to open up the hood of the caravan.   It takes me a few minutes to find the lever to push it open.   I finally do and then I get a glimpse of the little fella.   He's sitting snug as a rug inside of the engine crying out still.   I'm in a state of shock.   It's a relief to see him and know I wasn't going crazy.   I try to do everything I can to convince him to come out.   I try to reach for him but the engine is too tight to safely pull him out and he also backs away when I try to get him.

I take a break and go back inside.   I tell Dom about it and he's shocked.   I share my theory about the kitten hitching a ride.   Dom expresses disbelief that he could've been in the engine the whole time we traveled since we made several stops along the way and any hitchhiker would've hopped off as soon as the car stopped.   He believed the cat came in from the narrow opening of our garage doorway.

I go back outside later on to try and convince the kitten to come out.   This is to no avail.   I get frustrated because I unfortunately needed to retire soon.   I also felt like Dom wasn't taking the situation seriously at all.   I finally get Dom to come out to the garage to try his luck.   Unfortunately it didn't work and rather than continue to be bitten by mosquitos, we decide to retire for the night.

I wake up at 3:30 AM Tuesday morning to slowly get myself ready for work.    From the kitchen window I can hear the kitten crying out loud.    He's so loud in fact I wonder if he actually left the garage.   I step outside and since it's dark I use the flashlight from my phone to see if I can spot him.  I didn't see him so I went back inside to eat breakfast, try to relax, and then get ready for my early morning commute.

I get ready to leave and try to make sure that he's nowhere near my car.   After feeling sure that he's not in or near my car, I back it out of the garage.   I go inside to make sure that he's still around and after a minute, he does cry out.   So since he's there I proceed to head to work and send Dom a message letting him know that the kitten is still in the garage.

Dom tries his luck during the day to try and lure him out.    But similar to how he acted around me, he moved deeper into the engine area and kept crying.    Dom wanted to go to Costco but he's afraid to start the car with him inside.   He contemplates walking to the fire station (which is only a few blocks from us) to see if they could help get him out.    He also found out that there's a Humane Society not to far from us.    The rub was that they were closed on Tuesday and wouldn't reopen till tomorrow.

I got off my work shift at 3pm and I tried to see if there was another Humane Society open still.   There was one in Munster but they were only open till 4 and I knew I wouldn't get there in time.    So I started to think about where I could borrow an animal trap to catch him.   Unfortunately Snow (the name I finally gave him) was skittish around us and wouldn't let us touch or lift him without running back under the caravan.

When I got closer to home I first stopped at an Ace Hardware.   I asked if it was possible to rent an animal trap but they said they don't rent them but I could buy one.    A few doors down I saw there was a veterinary clinic.    I took a chance that maybe I could borrow a trap there.   Unfortunately they didn't have any either.   I was getting tired but decided I'd just have to buy a few pet items instead.   I went to Big Lots and purchased a couple cans of cat food, a small pet bed, litter, and a small toy.   I also purchased some catnip at Meijer's.

Before going in the house, I try to get Snow to come out from under the car.   But he doesn't budge.   I decide to place the cat mat along with an open can of cat food and some water.    I also put some cat litter nearby and then retreat inside.   I came out two hours later and I saw that he did eat some of the food and his little paw prints were in the litter box.     But he still doesn't come out.   I decide to call it a day and take back the cat food for the night so other vermin doesn't get in it.

Wednesday morning Dom calls the Humane Society to see if they have people that come over and take pets away.    They mentioned not doing that service but recommended a few animal control folks.   Dom proceeded to leave a message with one service but wasn't sure if they'd call back.    After not hearing back from them, I wonder if perhaps the Humane Society may have traps that we could borrow.    I called them and they said they had one available for a $40 charge which they pay back once you return the trap.    I go get the trap and after looking up some instructions on Youtube (yes you can find anything on Youtube it seems), I set it up just besides the caravan.

Just as I'm getting back in the house to tell Dom about the trap, we get a knock on the door from animal control.   I answer the door and tell the lady that I was able to obtain a trap and already have one set in the garage.   She asks me what I plan to do with Snow once I capture him and I tell her that I'll take him to the humane society.    She is okay with the answer and leaves.

In all honesty I was starting to catch feelings for Snow and wanted to keep him.   Dom wasn't feeling it but said he was willing to have Snow be an outdoor cat.   I wasn't keen on that idea but figured it was better than nothing.    But then Dom changed his mind and said once we catch Snow we should set him free into the neighborhood.   I objected to that idea as well.

It took a couple more hours but I waited patiently in the garage for Snow to come out from under the vehicle.    He kept crying throughout while staying hidden.    He finally slowly came out and I did my best to stay still as one slight move and he would run back under the car.    He walked around the outside of the trap, smelling the canned food I left in the corner.    Finally he made his way into the trap itself.   I hoped that his body weight would be enough to trigger the trap.   It was.

He was momentarily stunned and then began crying some more.   I moved him into another corner of the garage.    Dom and I were hungry for dinner and went out for a bit.   I had left my own car outside overnight but was able to bring it back in safely without having to worry about running over Snow.

I was finally able to send pictures of Snow to Dom's family to confirm identity.   Dom had finally convinced me that there was no way Snow could've been riding inside our engine the entire time.   But Dom's sister confirmed that it was indeed Snow, except she called him Flash because of the small patch of black on top of his head that she thought was shaped like a lightning bolt.    We were shocked.

His sister learned of our plans to take Flash to the Humane Society and immediately was against the idea, suspecting that they would put him to sleep.   She implored us to find someone that would take him.   I tried again to appeal to Dom once more thinking we could keep him in the laundry room.  But Dom pointed out how that wouldn't work in the winter since we kept the basement closed to keep the cold weather out.    He was thinking we'd have to build small trap doors for Flash to get through.   So that was out.

I tried looking at options online for homes for Flash but nothing panned out.   In the end Dom let me know he talked to the family and they agreed to meet at a halfway point to transfer Flash back to his home.   And that's just what we did.   Flash has quite the story to tell his posse once he gets over the trauma.  

The Apple Tree

 For some reason this past Fourth of July the fireworks in the neighborhood seemed to be extra loud.   It could've been because there wasn't much in terms of fireworks in 2020 due to COV-ID.    As Dom and I were settling in the living room for an evening of Mr. Selfridge, we couldn't help but be distracted by the explosive action happening just two doors down from us.    As an aside if you haven't watched Mr. Selfridge you're definitely in for a treat.    The series focuses on the life of the extravagant Mr. Selfridge as he works his way to opening his self-named London department store.   And it doesn't hurt that the man playing the title role is none other than hottie actor Jeremy Pivens whom I've had a crush on for years.   I even dated this guy years back for longer than I should've because at certain angles he resembled the actor.

But back to the issue at hand.   So it got to the point that as the fireworks progressed, we even saw flashes of light coming through our living room window.   At that point Dom had enough and ran up to our mud room to yell at the offenders (who were a bunch of preteen boys).   I ran up behind Dom trying to tell him not to make the situation worse.    From my vantage point it looked like the boys momentarily stood still when hearing Dom yell and I saw an adult emerge to seemingly direct the kids to back off.    But as I figured would happen, they were back at it within ten to fifteen minutes and it seemed to get worse before they finally stopped two hours later. 

As I thought more about the situation, I was realizing how my reactions mirrored how my Mom used to react in similar situations.    There were many times growing up where certain things people did would set my Dad off and my Mom was always trying to calm the situation much to the chagrin of my Dad.  The worst one I could remember was when our old neighborhood was in decline and drug dealers were pretty much taking over the street.   They would even leave their drugs under our front mats.   There were a couple of them that would decide to pee right by our side door.    My Dad decided to confront one of them directly.    My Mom and I were very nervous and she tried to stop my Dad but he wouldn't listen.    Thankfully nothing happened and for a New York minute, the peeing stopped but of course it resumed again.

I chuckled when realizing that Dom and I were playing the roles of my parents.   Dom himself is definitely not afraid to confront people when they're doing wrong whereas I prefer a more passive aggressive approach.

Unfortunately one thing I worry about is that I see myself getting overly worried about our house when we're both gone for several days.    Sadly we did get our home robbed in 2016.    We immediately suspected a no-good former Church member who I mistakenly invited to pick up an old dresser that I wanted to get rid of.    That person came over with the shadiest "friend" that looked like someone who did time in prison.   They wanted to get in the house but Dom wouldn't let them (since he found the friend suspicious as well) and we all just walked to the garage from outside where I had the dresser.   

A few days later Dom and I left home for a trip to Vegas.    We were gone for about 5 days and when we came back our home was robbed.    We immediately suspected the aforementioned former Church member and his shady friend.   Unfortunately we couldn't prove it and the Gary police department wouldn't even do their job.    The officer refused to go in our house to see what had happened and when we asked about fingerprints, they said they wouldn't do fingerprints unless a murder was committed.    Plus they didn't interrogate our neighbors like I thought they would to see if they saw something.   As a not so funny aside they labeled Dom and I as "roommates" on the official police report.

The one mistake I made was not talking to our next door neighbors myself.   The thieves gained entry way through our back door and often our neighbors would be outside in their yard and from their vantage point they could possibly see from their kitchen window who was going in and out.   Plus at the time they had a yippy dog who always used to bark whenever one of us came out in the yard.    I felt like they may have saw something but due to my personality, I didn't talk to them.

A potential opportunity came a day after the robbery when Dom and I were coming back from walking around the block.   I told Dom that while we were outside we should go up to the neighbor's door and see if we could talk to them.   He didn't want to so we didn't.   But hindsight being 50/50, I should've gone myself to do so.   If nothing else to let them know a robbery had occurred and to see if there was a history of that in the neighborhood.

Ever since that happened I've developed a complex about leaving the house empty even if it's for a few hours.    This was something my Mom used to do as well.   I remember always telling her that things would be okay and Dom tells me the same.    She would refuse to go anywhere and it got worse when she was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 1999.

Dom and I have gone on trips since that robbery and thankfully haven't had anything happen.    We also since have gotten "The Ring" installed around our property and have purchased a couple timers to plug our lamps to come on at different times of the evening.   Plus we use a security lock in the back.    But I still worry.   In fact we plan on being gone again for a few days in the near future.   I'm sure things will be okay.   But again I still worry.   I haven't gotten to the point where I'll refuse to go anywhere but I can't help but wonder if that may be my future as I get older.

You Picked A Prime Time

 I broke a cardinal rule a couple threads down in mentioning my current place of employment.   I normally keep specifics out but in this case I felt Amazon is a large enough conglomerate that I need not worry.   So Amazon had their Prime days on June 21 and 22 this year.    According to their news it was one of their most successful to date.    To handle all the extra volume, associates are required to work an extra hour during Prime.    So instead of 10 hour days it was 11 hours.    It definitely was extra tedious as always but I pushed through it.    Thankfully since I'm only working part-time, I only had one day of impact.   But while working there I'm on my feet a little over 9 1/2 hours of my 10 hour shift.    By the time I get home I ache all over and can barely move.   Dom makes dinner and I somehow manage to wash the dishes and have about 30 minutes downtime to surf or play games before I'm ready to crash.

It's the hard knock life for E these days.   But I do realize that things could always be worse.   No matter how bad it gets, it's better to make a tiny bit of income than none at all.    But I haven't given up on getting a better paying job.   Interviewing has been a bust so the next best option is to pick up new skills.

For years before I got laid off from my analyst position, I had been curious about cybersecurity.   I keep reading about how there's this shortage of professionals to combat the increasing threats of cyber criminals.   So after my second contract job ended I was thinking of going back to school to get a master degree in cybersecurity.   But then I had this nagging feeling about accumulating student loan debt (aside from unfortunately accumulating huge credit card debt...uggh).    At the time I was 46 years old and the thought of having to pay student loans well into my 50's and possibly 60's was not an appealing thought.   

I had thought about Western Governor's University.   At the time they were touting a lower cost alternative to the traditional college program.    They charge a flat rate every six months and during that time you can take as many courses (one at a time) in that time period.    The courses are related to the degree and it's a pass/fail system.

But I procrastinated and didn't go that route.   And then there was COV-ID.   I did have the Amazon job and didn't lose my job like lots of people did.   But those first few months not knowing much about COV-ID and suddenly being deemed an "essential worker" it was scary going into work.   Eventually we were given masks to wear on our faces.   And I pushed through it and still am.

I learned about this academy that had cyber security bootcamps.   At the time I was working with a caseworker from Indiana's Work One program.   Work One gave me help with resume building, interviewing skills, and job leads (though a lot of the jobs were ones I weren't necessarily interested in).   My caseworker mentioned the particular academy that I ultimately joined.   There was some funding that Work One would provide to help cover costs but I would have to cover some of the costs as well.   In the hopes of getting into the course, I completed some pre-work for the bootcamp and even attended an orientation.   Unfortunately Work One wasn't able to agree on funding and I was unable to participate in the program.

As it happens I learned about the Cares Act that was made law in 2020.    The academy mentioned that the Cares Act would cover $10000 in cost and unlike previous acts, it included a provision that folks who already had a college degree could still be covered.    I also had an additional credit for attending a free orientation.    In the end I would have to cover $2500.   I felt like it was a great opportunity and they mentioned providing support afterwards in seeking employment.

So the bootcamp was about 24 weeks.  It was a grueling experience and the goal was to obtain two certifications, Network+ and Security+.  I fell short on passing the Network+ exam and in order to get to the cyber lab portion and successfully complete the bootcamp, I needed to pass Security+.   It took a lot of studying but I did successfully pass and I did complete the bootcamp.

But getting the job was another story.   As I learned the reason they push Network+ as well is because for a lot of folks you don't get that cybersecurity job right up front.   You have to start in technical support apparently and maybe after a year or two, it may lead you to an entry level job.   It's disappointing having that reality especially when you keep hearing that there's this shortage.   But these companies want you to have all this experience beforehand which obviously you learn over time.

So I wound up taking a different path.   I saw an opportunity being advertised to learn Salesforce for free.   The program is being ran and sponsored by employees at both Salesforce and Deloitte.  I had heard about Salesforce before but I never had the chance to learn about it.   There was an online application that needed to be filled out in order to be considered for the program.    There were a few questions that were asked in the application.    Assuming my application caught their eye, the next step would be a 45 minute online interview with a Salesforce employee.

My application passed successfully and I had that interview.   I had a great vibe with the interviewer and I did my best to express my excitement to learn about Salesforce and ideally find employment.   But I didn't think I did enough.   Interviewing is my Achilles' heel and apparently I've been falling short for the longest time.    It's just been frustrating to not find anyone willing to take a chance on someone who gave over 20 years of his time to one company and proved to be a loyal committed employee.   But that doesn't matter it seems these days.   In fact it seems like job hopping is the way to go.    But I'm not bitter.   Much.

Alas I did get that callback...finally.   I did get accepted into the Salesforce program.   That's where I am today.   So far I'm four weeks into the program and so far so good.   The best part is that it IS totally free including them covering the costs of 2 Salesforce certifications.   That's a good thing too since I'm still paying for the cyber bootcamp (last payment should be in December 2021).   I'm praying that I'm on the right path.   But I won't give up.

I will say that Dom has been my rock (LOL...not Rock for anyone who remembers him) through it all.   Even when I'm feeling negative he always has a positive spirit and tells me I can do it.    Or that I got the job even if it doesn't happen.  I guess he's the Winnie to my Eeyore.

So we'll see where things take me.

Open Sesame

Almost seven years ago I mentioned meeting a guy I nicknamed Dom.   I had met him around the tail end of some health issues I was dealing with at the time.   So fast forward to present day and wouldn't you know it, we're still together.   He's officially my longest relationship to date.

Sally and I had talked about it and she made the observation that Dom came at the right time.   She was my emergency contact and go-to-person for any issues I needed help with.   We were there for each other for over 20 years at that time.   She met Dom weeks before leaving Chicago permanently mid-November 2014.   She and Dom (and I) had great conversation and later she told me privately that she "approved of this union"...LOL.

With Sally leaving for Alabama I would no longer have her around.   She was hopeful that Dom would fill that void.   Dom of course won't take her place but he has proven himself time and time again.

It's been quite the road getting to where we are today.   If I'm being honest I came to visit him more times than he came to me at the beginning of our relationship..    I remember Eugene pointing that out to me a few times.   He's all about the 50/50 which definitely is the ideal way things should go.   But unfortunately it doesn't always go that way.

I did enjoy visiting him even though within hours of getting to his place, I would get the worst allergy.  I would have fits of sneezing and my nose would become very stuffed.  It would clear up once I got back home.   Despite that I liked the neighborhood that Dom was in.   The best part was that he was only a mile or two away from Lake Michigan.   

In contrast I was not happy where I was living.   I wasn't happy for a long time.   I would've moved years back but the housing market took a turn for the worst in 2008.    I was a double minority in a 99% Caucasian block.   I did have nice neighbors including an elderly couple that lived directly across from me.    But when I participated in a block party a year or two back (2012), I definitely was made to feel unwelcome by some on the block.   Sally actually came out to support me and I remember clearly she tried to introduce herself to one neighbor who proceeded to ignore her.   I was livid.   It reminded me that I needed to get out.    So it felt nice to get away from home temporarily as I was racking up the miles.

I didn't go every weekend though.   I stayed in my neck of the woods one or two weekends a month.   I could count on one hand the number of times Dom visited my place in the almost two years I remained there.   But that really didn't bother me.

As we got to know each other there were issues that tested whether we'd continue or not.   The first issue was kids or no kids.   At the time I had wanted to have a couple kids but I didn't relish the thought of doing it alone.    Dom was (and still is obviously) eight years older than me and stated he had no desire to have children.   He was a school teacher and felt that was the closest he wanted to be to being around kids.   Basically he physically felt too old at 50 years old to be caring for a newborn.   It was fair.    I had to decide whether or not that would be a deal breaker.   

One of the things I felt guilty about was my parents not having any grandchildren from my sisters and I.   Neither of my sisters were able to (or wanted in Trina's case) have kids.   I felt like I was the last hope to keep our line of the family alive.   But I didn't really have a strong desire for kids.   Just thinking of all the crazy things kids had to deal with at that time turned me off.    It was more of a nice to have.    At the end of the day I had to realize that I shouldn't have a kid because I felt guilty (which actually I still do feel guilty about it to this day...but it's not as bad as I felt years back).    So at the end of day I accepted that Dom and I would just be Dom and I.   Incidentally he has a nephew and several nieces by his sisters so at least he got to be the cool gay Uncle (though he lamented that he didn't get to spend as much time with them as he could've since he was in the military and lived overseas during their formative years).

As an aside I remember when I was dating Rock, he and I having that same conversation about kids.    I believe he was 42 at the time and he was adamant about not having kids and that it was too late for him.   I tried to convince him otherwise but he wasn't going for it.    I wanted to tell him just because his Mom had him at 19 doesn't mean that he's late.    But I don't think that would've went well...*LOL*.   I was almost thinking had our relationship survived its other issues and a kid was in the picture, he or she would be at least 10 years old.    But with everything that happened to me jobwise in recent years, it's probably for the best I don't have any extra mouths to feed.

So back to Dom.   Another issue that crept up from time to time was our difference in finances.    At the time I was making over twice as much income as he did.   As an aside it's a shame that teachers are paid so low in this country.    The difference in income made Dom feel insecure.   There were occasions where he would blurt out that I should be dating another friend of his because he makes more money than he does.  I really didn't know how to respond to that one.  He also would tell me that he's not taking advantage of me.   I never felt he did.   In fact he always would push back on going to expensive restaurants.    One interesting thing is the few times we went to pricier places, the wait staff would always present the check to him.    I don't know if it was an age or race thing (yes he's white...*LOL*).   There were even some occasions where I notice the wait staff would address him only and ignore me.  Needless to say those wait staff got reduced tips at the end of the evening.

So because Dom didn't make a lot of money it irked me how Dom would spend his money.   Issue #3.  He's an avid doll collector that is constantly buying dolls and clothes and other accessories for them.   In fact when we first dated, I was introduced to his doll room which literally was filled with wall to wall dolls (with lots more in boxes).   He also had dolls in other parts of the house.   It was scary and honestly I almost decided not to pursue him because of it.   On the flip side, he never really thought about saving money.   He didn't even contribute to a retirement plan at work.    He complained of course that he wasn't making a lot and almost all of it was going to his "hobby".   I was trying to encourage him to save but he blasted me saying it was easy for me to do because I made way more money than him.   But I told him it doesn't matter what you make, it's what you keep.   He is right that it's definitely harder to save when you're not making a lot (I can really relate now...*LOL*) but even if he could save $5 a week in a savings account, in a year that would be $260.   And yes that's not a lot when you think of all the emergencies that could happen but it's better than nothing.    Thankfully he's gotten better over the years and we even have a tiny savings account funded from his paycheck.   Plus he's finally contributing to a retirement account.   Thankfully he got a bit of a raise moving to another school which has helped as well.    The doll thing is still ugggh but even that has been a little less.   Could go down more...*LOL*.

So I mentioned earlier that I could count on my one hand the number of times Dom visited me at my old place.   That's because I officially sold my house in late 2016 and moved to Gary to live with Dom in a bigger house.    There was no way I could live in his old place since there would be no room for my stuff.   Not to mention the allergies that would flair up every time I stayed there.    So we've been living together for over 5 years now.   How time flies.

So another issue came into play less than a year after we moved in together.   Dom was diagnosed with diabetes.   Also he lost his desire to have sex.   It was at this time he decided to mention that his Dad lost interest in sex around the same age as he did.  I admit that I felt a bit resentful as I never imagined being in a sexless relationship.   I figured the sex would diminish over time but didn't expect it to completely stop.   Since I still have desires, we decided to have an open relationship though pretty much it's only open on my end.    If you had told me ten years ago that I'd end up in an open relationship, I would've not believed it.

I do love Dom though and can't imagine my life without him.   In all honesty I don't really need a lot of sex these days myself.    Once or twice a week would do me fine.   Dom and I are still very affectionate with each other which is a good thing.   If that was gone as well I would definitely have to reconsider the relationship.

Unfortunately for me though since I have a desire for sex, I still frequent the social networking sites trying to find compatible people.    It seems even more challenging then it was when I first was exploring my sexual attraction to guys in 2002.   Maybe another time I'll be inclined to share more.

Interestingly enough I still talk to Midas.   We are definitely more friends now.   We periodically text and chat.   He too recently was laid off from his job and has been trying to figure out his next move. The last time we had sex was in 2011 so yeah it's been nearly ten years.   I'm not going to lie though.   I've thought of hooking up with him again but I don't necessarily want to go back down that road again.    Midas of course is a bit older but it doesn't seem like his horndog ways have slowed down.   Well at least he talks a good game.

This COV-ID mess has definitely put a damper on things sexually though I have still had some meetups.   But it would be great to find one or two guys I can have a regular thing with that understands that I'm not leaving Dom.   Hemingway, that's all I have for now.