I'm going on almost month number 3 at my new gig. Things are ok but it's definitely getting more hectic. I'm getting assigned more and more cases and more days than not, I'm ending the day overwhelmed and anxious especially when I'm unable to solve an issue. There's a lot I still don't know yet I'm expected to have the answers by our clients. I can't help but feel like I don't belong. They have a term for it called "Imposter Syndrome". It's defined as the experience of feeling like a phony, as though any minute now, your cover will be blown and you'll be identified as a fraud.
I sometimes don't feel like I belong. However I mostly keep my feelings to myself. Well it gets harder to do that when Dom gets home from his job and sees me stressing by my laptop. I thank goodness that I work from home 95% of the time. I can't imagine how I would react if I'm around my teammates. The curse of course is by working at home, it's harder to reach out to folks when I need help.
I do have a mentor that I was assigned who's actually a mentor to many team members. I feel bad constantly having to ask him questions. He has repeatedly said that he's not judging or cursing to himself when I ask but would he say if he was. Needless to say I have a hard time asking for help but have been pushed in the corner where I need to ask.
Then I have newer folks that want to come for me for case shadowing. I was reluctant to do so since I am of the school that it's better to keep your mouth shut and make them think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. *LOL*. So I had to cave in and have a teammate shadow one of my calls this past Tuesday. Unfortunately the issue the customer had wasn't straightforward to solve and the customer left the call feeling extremely frustrated and I had egg on my face. Thankfully the teammate and I were able to talk afterwards and both share our struggles with supporting our large customer base and not having the wisdom of experience.
I feel like such a loser but I have to remind myself that I'm not. It's just that I'm not 100% familiar with a lot of things. It doesn't help that some people seem more natural at the job even with being new. There's a teammate that's constantly assisting others with the more challenging cases and he's sort of becoming the "superstar" of the team. I'm happy for him though I admit having a bit of envy wishing I could pick things up easily.
But I realize I have to give myself credit for how far I've come since I got laid off back in 2017. I did what I had to learn about cyber security and later on Salesforce while reporting to a menial job that I hated. I worked hard to get to where I am now and have to see it through (without getting fired...LOL*). I will say that I don't believe my current role is where I see myself working till retirement. However the company is exactly where I want to be. I just have to hustle again to find a role in the company I'm more suited for. Hopefully I can get things to click better in the coming weeks and months.
Oh and in the meantime I need to find time to study for at least two more certifications. Oh boy! LOL.
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