Ending It All

 Another Christmas Holiday has come and gone.   I spent my holiday in Detroit and stayed with Trina and Donovan who are continuing to work through their issues.    Things seemed a bit better than my last visit.  Tasha came over on Christmas and Donovan bought his Mom over to spend time as well.   

While there Donovan bought up the question on whether you would still want to be living if you ended up terminally ill and not able to live a normal life.   Basically you are bed ridden and need to rely on other folks.   My sisters and I of course experienced it close hand with our parents needing to rely on us more and more.

Donovan proclaimed that he would rather be put out of his misery.   My sisters and I were of course on the fence.  Tasha and I didn't respond but rather contemplating the situation.   Trina said that if there was a chance for recovery she'd want to fight to live so that would include being bed ridden.    Donovan of course blurted that the three of us would probably want to remain bed ridden.

It's definitely a complex topic.   Our Catholic upbringing taught us that it's a sin to end your own life no matter the circumstances.   It is believed that life belongs to God and it's up to God when it's time for it to be over.   But it's a tough situation to be in where you're no longer able to do things for yourself and have to depend on other folks to take care of you.

I only need to look at Dom who used to enjoy walking and used to walk pretty quickly when navigating through the streets.    In the last year and a half I've witnessed him slowing down considerably.   He is able to walk though he occasionally needs his cane and has to take his time going up and down the stairs.  It makes him feel frustrated.   Thankfully though he can still function so he's not at the point of our discussion.

It does though give a taste of what else may come in the future.   Losing the ability to move around easily is depressing itself.   Imagine not being able to move or even use the bathroom on your own.   Imagine being in constant pain.  That has to be a horrible feeling.

I remember Mama feeling horrible during the initial parts of her hospice when she needed us to clean her porta potty.   To try and appease her I told her that she did it for my sisters and I when we were little so we were returning the favor.    She also resisted having a home care assistant come over but had to relent to that as well.   It is sad how we start out dependent on our parents to take care of us, then we become independent able to do things ourselves, only to have our lives end as we started.

I imagine I would feel the same way that Mama felt.   The question is just would I accept my fate and let nature take its course until I die or do I choose to end things sooner.   Whatever the answer is, it's a personal choice that all of us if we live long enough will have to make.   

It's a sad thought to end the year in.  It reminds me that I do need to appreciate the good and even the bad things that happen in life.   With each breath we have the chance to change the course of our lives hopefully for the better.   I do hope with the New Year soon coming that I continue to work on my personal goals of paying off our mortgage and becoming more financially independent.   I also hope that I continue to hang on to my job which has helped me in paying off my credit card debt and also making some investments that I pray will yield fruit.

I'll probably end the year hanging out with Eugene and his friend in downtown Chicago.   I wasn't able to do so the last couple years.   I will say that I would rather spend my New Year's Eve at home and not dealing with people.   I especially didn't feel up to it the year Mama died.    But in the end I'm glad Eugene convinced me to head out and it'll probably do me some good.   Actually his friend wound up moving to downtown Chicago so I need to make more of an effort to hang with him.    He and I bonded over discussing some of Eugene's less than stellar characteristics like his not wanting to admit being wrong about anything.   

The only thing stopping me is that I'm starting to get the same cold that Dom's been suffering with for a couple weeks.   I managed to fight it off before going to Detroit by gargling with salt water but since I've been back it's been coming full force.   I think the house is full of germs in the air.   I need to pick up a can of Lysol to spray around the house and try to kill some of these germs.   Fun times...LOL.

A Third Look

 Fate has a funny way of making things happen.    I remember it was the summer of 2005 and I connected with one of many guys on a social networking site.   One of them was a guy named Anthony that lived in the Hyde Park area of Chicago.   Anthony mentioned having some community social group for black gay men that he was facilitating and he wanted me to come by to meet him during one of the meetings.   

I, of course, was living in the west burbs of Chicago so the trek took a bit but I agreed to meet him.   It was on a Saturday afternoon and if you've ever been to Hyde Park, parking is next to impossible to find.   But I did manage to find a spot and then made my way to the community center.

Anthony and I exchanged hellos and I believe I stayed for the meeting.  I remember some of the other guys trying to hit on me but I was not interested.    I also really wasn't feeling Anthony.   His voice was a bit more feminine than I liked and while I liked bigger guys, he had an odd shape that didn't resonate with me.   Needless to say we never met again after that day.

Fast forward to the fall of 2021, over 16 years later, and I wind up meeting Anthony again.   I did not know it was him but we had chatted on another social networking site and agreed to meet at his place (now in the Southwest burbs of Illinois).   It was a Sunday evening and I was just coming home from a long day at Amazon.   I was obviously beat from my long day but I was horned up.   I needed to shower and freshen up.   Dom was fast asleep and I made sure not to disturb him.

It was a bit of an adventure getting to him.  Apparently his street continued into another burb and I wound up going to that burb by mistake and hitting a dead end and alerting a cop that was parked on the dead end.    The cop flashed his light in my car and asked me where I was going.    I quickly explained the address and he confirmed I was in the wrong part of town and gave me directions on where to go.

Anthony and I were exchanging messages and he gave me his phone number.  We started chatting and I didn't realize it was him but I remember not feeling his voice.   But I still made my way to his place.   When he opened the door I was surprised to see it was the Anthony from way back in 2005.   He gave no indication of remembering me.

He let me in.   We sat for a bit and I still wasn't sure I wanted to hook up with him.   But he made a point that since I was at his place, we might as well give it a go.   So we did.   And OMG I remember the sex was great.   He fucked the hell out of me and we were very passionate.   He was very nice offering me a water afterwards and we chatted for a minute before we eventually parted ways.

He wanted to meet with me again but since he knew I was with Dom, he wanted me to tell him about us.   That freaked me out and I told him we couldn't meet again.   I regretted that decision as I realized that he was right in that I needed to be honest with Dom.   Now Dom and I had talked about me being able to have extra-curricular activities when out of town but I didn't feel comfortable telling him about potential conquests.   So the thought of doing so was not something I wanted to do.

So two weeks ago I noticed Anthony was checking out my profile but not saying anything.   We did a bit of cat and mouse but we're chatting again.   So it's our third time around the block.    We decided we'd give it a go after the New Year.   I do plan on telling Dom about him this time.

I'm at the point now I just want to find a couple guys to have regular relations with and limit my interactions on the social sites which are full of fake folks.  I don't know how much time I have left and want to have a regular sex life before I lose it.

As far as who the other guys could be, the top of my list of course is Midas.   The only issue with Midas is that he lives on the Northside of Chicago so he would be a bit of a ride to get to him.   Plus I need to verify that he'd still want to hook up with me.   Our last time was on New Year's Day 2011.   We do have a playful banter but would it go beyond that.

I also recently reconnected with Doug.   I had blocked him last year sometime because he kept playing a game of cat and mouse.   He would suggest a meeting time and then pull a disappearing act on that day.   It got old so I distanced myself from him.   He had my cellphone number though so I hoped that he would text me but he never did.

In a moment of weakness I unblocked him on social media and we started chatting again.   I even suggested that he could come over to help Dom and I rearrange our kitchen area as a chance to meet Dom.   But when I suggested a possible date, he did not respond to me.   I thankfully did not tell Dom about the possible date.   He later pulled the same trick with suggesting a time to meet up for fun and then disappearing.  He later claimed that something happened with work.

It's so frustrating why he acts this way as we've met dozens of times before and we've had a great time.  He claims that he hasn't hooked up with anyone since me which I don't believe.   I would think that would be all the more reason to make an effort.    I feel like an imbecile wasting my time with him again.

I'm thankful that I'm not someone that needs lots of sex.   I would be okay with having regular "coitus" (thank you Big Bang Theory...LOL) once or twice a week.   I guess it's a good thing I don't need more since I imagine I would not be with Dom if that was the case.

Hemingway we'll see what happens.  To tide me over till Anthony and I plan a meet, I will be meeting a random hottie on route to visiting my sisters for the holiday weekend.    We'll see if it happens though.  Uggh...men, why do I still need them?  Can't live with them, can't live without them.   LOL!

CGMC Again

 Dom and I had a date night in downtown Chicago last night.   We went to none other than the Chicago's Gay Men Chorus's annual Christmas show which has been a tradition of ours for almost the last decade.   Thankfully my work day was light after three stressful Sev1 days.   One of my cases the customer literally demanded wanting a meeting with the tech team because the resolution was not fast enough for them and they were losing millions.   I'm not thrilled with my new role dealing with Severity 1 cases but I'm hoping I can find a groove and make things better.   I have dusted off my old resume though and am in the process of finally updating it so I can be ready for new opportunities when they arise.

So back to our night in the city.   We started out by driving to the train station to catch the train that would whisk us to downtown.    It's the only way I prefer going to the city these days as I hate driving there.   The train car we were in was pretty full but we lucked out and found an open two seats together.   

Once downtown we took to the city sights.   Thankfully the weather was beautiful for a December evening.   Not too cold at all with just a light breeze.    It was in the mid-50's, a temperature I wish it would stay at all winter.

We had about 90 minutes to kill before the show started.   Some Facebook acquaintances were ranting and raving about this fast food place called Jolibee that serves what they call "comfort food" but with a Filipino twist.    They serve chicken, burgers, and even spaghetti & meatballs.   I was curious to try it but their location is a bit too far from the part of downtown that I work so the opportunity didn't arise.   But the theatre we were going to see the show was only a few blocks from their Michigan City location so I suggested it to Dom as a dining spot.

We quickly spied the place when seeing the distinctive bee mascot just outside the main entrance.   We went in and the space itself was open and inviting.   I did notice there were a lot of Asian folks dining so clearly it was a place they enjoyed.

Unfortunately that's where it ended.  The server we had was so preoccupied with her cell phone that it took five minutes before she finally looked up to place our order.   I saw that they had a spicy chicken sandwich and was immediately told they were out of it.   I opted instead to get a two piece chicken meal with fries.  I also ordered their peach mango pie since it was all the rave with my Facebook acquaintances.   Dom was expecting a more Asian theme meal so was disappointed at the onset.   He settled for 6 piece chicken tenders.   But the server said they were out of that too.   Finally the server relented that it would be a fifteen minute wait which we were fine with since we had some time to kill.   He also ordered the peach mango pie.

I was shocked to see that the chicken tenders were $16 when I reviewed the receipt after sitting down.  I went up to check to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me and confirmed that was the price.    When we finally got our meal the tenders were so tiny.   Dom had me try one and it tasted good but I felt they were way overpriced for what it actually was.

My two piece chicken and fries tasted fine.   It was half the price of Dom's dish and probably could've been two dollars less if I was nitpicking but compared to the tenders, it was a bargain.  LOL.   I had one drumstick and a small thigh.

We both hoped the peach mango pie at least would be the highlight of the meal.   The outside crust reminded me of the old school McDonald's apple and cherry pies with the fried crust they used to serve up until sometime in the late 90's when they went for the more baked type crust.   The pie itself was tiny and unfortunately it was probably sitting in the warmer area for a bit too long as they were not particularly hot.   Dom didn't like it because it didn't taste fruity enough.   I tasted the fruit a little bit but I wasn't impressed with it either.    To top it off they didn't serve napkins initially and when I went back to ask, they gave me only a few thin pieces of napkins.   It's like they were trying to hoard the napkins.

At least I got my curiosity out of the way.   I definitely won't be going out of my way to go back anytime soon.

It was a busy night in the city as we slowly made our way to the Auditorium Theatre.    It was both of our first times in the historic theatre.   We loved the outside architecture of the building and the inside theatre was a thing of beauty.    Dom needed to use the restroom and we immediately was told about one that unfortunately required going downstairs, something that is a challenge for Dom to do these days.     We initially had seats in the Front Balcony which there was an elevator that could be taken.   We then learned there was a restroom on that floor as well that would've been easier for Dom to get to.   Then as we were about to sit down, the usher was telling us about a "free upgrade" to the pit area since they did not sell all of the pit seats.   

Dom quickly said yes and I was okay with it too since I had thought our initial seats would have an open area to stretch.   So we went to the pit area and had two seats in the DDD row which was four row from the stage.   There was a young-ish twink guy that was sitting in the seat near me already.   Dom had an open seat next to him that he placed his coat in.   But another bearish gentleman wound up sitting there.   He was cute and I saw that Dom and he exchange pleasantries.   I couldn't help but stare at him from time to time.   The seating was a bit tight so all four of us kept brushing against each other.  Finally during intermission Dom discovered that the seats were all connected to each other and could be disconnected which gave us a little more breathing room.

We enjoyed the show and we got to see a gentleman that used to go to our Church performing as part of the choir.   Daniel really seems to be enjoying himself.   He's retired from working and pretty much CGMC is his life now.   Dom was thinking that it would be nice for Daniel to have someone in his life since he's been single for a long time.   But I reminded Dom that I'm sure Daniel is having some fun since he is in a gay men's chorus and I'm sure there are single guys among them.

Sadly the bearish guy next to Dom took off quickly by the end of the show.   He didn't even stick around to have small talk with during the break like the twink guy next to me did.   Twink guy next to me was pretty cool as he explained the rules for some side contest that went on before Act 2.   It's possible bearish guy saw Dom and I holding hands and he figured he didn't want to be in the middle of things.  Though it wasn't like anything was going to happen anyway.

We had an annoying loud lady sitting behind us.    Dom reminded me that no matter what show we go to, there'll always be some annoying person(s) around us.   In the grand scheme of things, she wasn't the worst we encountered but she's up there on the list.

We didn't get home until well after midnight.   I was tired but had some dishes and cleaning in kitchen that needed to be done before I went to sleep.   Well it could've waited but I don't like leaving dirty dishes overnight.

Future State

 Omg.  I was listening to this video on Youtube and commodities expert Simon Hunt made some dire predictions for 2024 and beyond.    The main summary from the video below is the G7 countries (Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, U.K. and United States) will experience a global economic catastrophe that will put the world in a potential depression for the next 7 years.

According to Investorpedia, a depression is a sustained and severe downturn in economic activity.   It is extreme recession that lasts more than three years.   The scary thing is that due to world wide conflicts in Taiwan, Ukraine, North Korea, and Russian, the threat of World War III may become reality before the early 2030's.

I've been really focusing on trying to pay off all of my current debt.   For the most part I've been doing great in that regards.   My only major debt is the mortgage and I've continued to pay off my cards every month w/o carrying over a balance month-to-month.    But I feel stressed from work especially with my new role of handling top severity cases.   These are the ones where the customer needs to be hand-held even more and the pressure is on to get the customer satisfied.  The stress from that alone is really getting to me and it's only my second day in the new role.

But if what the experts in that video says may pass in 2024 happens, I'm going to need to do all I can to prepare for the worst.   It truly is a scary time to be alive.   I am grateful to have been born when I was.  It may have been for the best that I didn't have any children.   I can't imagine being a young adult now trying to navigate through expensive rent and unattainable home ownership.  When I started living on my own, I was able to find a 1-bedroom in the Maryland-DC area for a little over $500 a month to rent.   A 1-bedroom today is almost three times as much.   And that is still the case even in a less than desirable neighborhood.   

When it was time for me to get a home, I was thankful to find something in the $130K range.   My same home today is Zestimated at around $260K.

The job market now is truly scary as well.  Luckily we were just coming off a recession when I graduated college back in 1994 and was able to secure my first job within two months.   I got to experience that job struggle several years back after I was laid off and my contract job ended.   I was very blessed I was able to navigate that to my current job that I'll soon be celebrating two years having.   My job is stressful but it helps to pay the bills and was part of how I was able to pay off my credit card debt.

But the fear of being laid off again always is in the air which is part of what's driving me to aggressively eliminate all my debt.   I can't help but wonder if things do become dire with the world, what will happen if I do lose my job again and it's not so easy to find another one and Blackberry stock still does not go where I hope it will.

I am also grateful that I found Dom.   Despite our differences in some philosophies, he has shown that he does truly love and care for me.   I feel the same way about him.   

While I can't control where the world economy is going, I can control my piece of it at least.   That is the plan of course.

Latchkey Besties

 Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.   I'm currently in the Detroit area visiting my sisters.   I'm staying with Trina and Donovan.    On the outside they seem to be back to normal after their drama.   We spent Thanksgiving at one of their friend's new home.     But when waking up early due to an unexpected two, I saw that Donovan was sleeping on the couch.   So no doubt they still are working through some issues.

I had originally planned to stay till Sunday but there's supposedly a wintry mess traveling through the area that plans to hit around that time.    So I'll opt to leave for Saturday instead.

I plan to visit Tasha before leaving.   She was expecting us to visit on Thanksgiving along with Abe's family.   But some of Abe's family can be a bit annoying so Trina and I weren't particularly looking forward to it.   I know the annoying elements of his family must've been bugging Tasha and probably were hounding her on why Trina and I weren't there.   The same one that annoyed Trina and I years back by repeatedly asking why our parents didn't attend Tasha and Abe's wedding.   Subsequently Tasha messaged us both separately wondering of our whereabouts.

I told her where I was and that I will see her sometime before I leave Saturday.

So Hemingway the reason for today's entry is related to two new-ish acquaintances that have come in my life.   Both ladies I met while participating in the Pathfinder program.   The first lady Ming is the kindest lady.   But there was a period where she would constantly text me to tell me about mundane things going on.   At the time I was thinking we really don't know each other like that.    She would send rapid fire texts, like four or five at a time.   I would then reply and then receive another round of texts.   I found it to be exhausting and to slow it down I would wait a few days before replying again.

We actually wound up meeting in person in early July when I last visited Detroit and she was there working for Rocket Mortgage as a Salesforce Intern.    She lives in San Francisco and did find a brief role work at Deloitte after completing the program but was let go less than six months into the job and was struggling to find a new role.   I totally get it and have been there.   I was so happy when she announced the internship and since she knew I was from Detroit, she wanted to meet me in person.

She really is a nice person.   She talked a mile a minute initially but we eventually found a groove.   We were going to have breakfast at a newer breakfast spot but the wait was going to be 30 minutes and she needed to be somewhere in another hour so didn't want to wait, which was understandable.   We both found out we love Indian food so opted to eat at a local Indian dive.    We were the only customers for a time until lunch time came and a few other folks (all Indian) came to eat.

We parted ways after the lunch and walking her back to her apartment which was at the Wayne State University campus.    She's been taking a lot of development classes and I do hope she soon finds a permanent role.    We haven't been texting as much lately which is fine with me.

The second lady Lupita started messaging me after we both participated in Deloitte's consultant program along with a third guy Leo in hopes of landing a role with Deloitte.    Leo got the offer along with a few other folks that included another Pathfinder but Lupita and I didn't which I kinda figured in my case wouldn't happen.   This of course was two months prior to landing my current role.

Lupita and I commiserated over being rejected.   Lupita confessed to being quite shy and not easily befriending people which made her talking to me all the more interesting.   Somehow I must've gotten past her normal defenses.   She too is a very nice person.   Her family originates from Africa and she relocated in Texas where she was working in a real estate job she hated until stumbling onto Pathfinder.

Thankfully she found her new role at a Salesforce Consulting firm as a Business Analyst about two weeks before I started my role.    But it's been a roller coaster ride for her dealing with the various projects going on.   She's been striving at it and was recently promoted to Senior Business Analyst.   But the company has been going through some recent turmoil, much like my job, and a number of folks, including her boss's boss were laid off.   

The one thing that irks me was that she keeps calling me her "bestie".   I'm thinking how could that be and how did she wind up latching onto me...*LOL*.   I don't like the word "bestie".   I do know the intention isn't bad when she uses it though.   Just like Ming, she really is a sweet lady.   She gotten to know me as well.    We continue to message regularly even asking me about Thanksgiving plans.   In fact she'll send a quick message if we haven't chatted in awhile.

It is funny how some folks come into your life when you least expect it.    I wasn't looking specifically for any connections but they found me.   That is refreshing actually since usually I'm the one that has to chase to try and befriend folks.   We shall see if Ming and Lupita continue to be in my life.

Your Perspective

 Dom has been making an extra effort to try and go in to work everyday this week and last week.   With everything that's been going on with him health-wise, he unfortunately has used up all his sick days again (same thing happened last school year) so he does not get paid when he doesn't make it in.    His last paycheck was only for 3 days of work so it was quite low.   Definitely not enough to keep up with his doll habit.   But that's another tale for another post.   

So after coming home from work today, he was complaining about how his kids never listen to what he says and how they are unruly constantly.    It is unfortunately true and it's been rougher for him since he's been dealing with his own health woes.   He complained of his ankle aching for almost two weeks.   In fact he may actually take a day off tomorrow to try and heal it up a bit.   Plus I have to travel to Indianapolis (ugh) tomorrow for work so he wanted to stay back in case some packages come through.

As he was complaining I was thinking about how I've complained about him not listening to my advice about trying to save more.   I continue to get frustrated with him since I pretty much am the responsible one for paying the majority of the household bills.    He does pay for groceries sometimes at least.    But I marvel how he is always on top of the latest doll stuff that comes on sale and he ignores his own personal bills (hospital and even owing on doll stuff).   With everything that's happened to him and his not working as much, I've been giving his doll enabler $100 a month to cover his $4000 bill that they were asking for, so far I've given $2400.    So I guess I'm paying for it after all.    But I know that we're married so his debt is our debt I guess.     I took a look at some of the hospital bills that he's ignored and so far it's added up to more than $2000 so I know at some point I may have to deal with that too.

But I was thinking of the irony of him complaining about the students not listening to him when I feel like he doesn't listen to me.   On the flipside he's complained that I don't listen to him either.    Sometimes he'll say something and I'll forget about it later when he brings it up again.

I guess it puts things in perspective.   Depending on the point of view, things can be seen in a different light.

Health Matters

 Dom is continuing to try and recover from all his health issues that have taken place this year.   The insulin has helped him manage his diabetes.    He's continuing to take blood thinners following his pulmonary embolism that was discovered a week after his prostate surgery.   His pee has been bloody but part of it is the side effects form the thinners.

Unfortunately Dom has been experiencing issues with his balance and lightheadedness that his doctors have been unable to diagnose.   He's done MRI and Cat Scans and even went to the ER once more to get to the bottom of things.   But the initial conclusion was that he was suffering from sinuses.

Dom and his primary doctor however does not believe the ER diagnosis and wants Dom to visit a neurologist and urologist to perform more tests.   He viewed the MRI results and was concerned about Dom's prostate once more and said that he had fatty liver and pancreas.    He is a candidate for cirrhosis of the liver which could be caused by viruses and even diabetes.   He has appointments set though one of them isn't until January 2024.

There is a fear that he could possibly have cancer which would be very devastating.   He's already said if it is cancer, he does not want chemotherapy or radiation.   There is a possible therapy for prostate cancer called Proton Therapy that he would be interested in.   The main benefit of proton therapy is that the treatment is tailored to target more of the bad cancer cells and less damage to the good cells.   The hope of course is that there is no cancer.   But we may not know anything till next year.   Gotta love modern medicine and how much they care for their patients.

So Dom's missed more work due to his symptoms and he's concerned that he may not finish the school year.   As a result we decided it would be best to add him to my insurance starting in 2024.   Of course doing so will put a hurting on my paycheck but I'm hoping since they typically use pre-tax dollars to deduct healthcare expenses that it may be a slightly less painful reduction.   I definitely need to get some kind of raise next year.  I pray too that I can hold on to my job because it'll also affect his health insurance if I lose it.   Time to kiss some butt...LOL.

Speaking of kissing butt, tomorrow is the Friendsgiving event at my job.  I am a bit nervous about going.   Also my plan to have the new person that was supposed to be in Chicago hang out with me has gone south.   I haven't seen the person online at all and he was a no-show on Tuesday.   I'm not expecting to see him tomorrow either.   So I have to attend the event alone.   I am hoping I can get over my nerves and try to chat with folks.

Apparently now I have to go to Indianapolis next Thursday to meet all four of the new hires that were placed under my wing and then take them to lunch.   I will say they seemed to hire some sharp folks.   There is a concern that they're hiring a lot of extra people and will there be enough work.   It may be a battle of the fittest to see who can hang on to their job in 2024.   My manager seems to like me even confiding in me about others she doesn't like (without naming names though I already suspect who).   But will that be enough to stay on.  Stay tuned.

Parking Garage Fun

 I wound up going to the Chicago office twice this week on Tuesday and Thursday.    My company had three new hires that were slated to do orientation training at the Chicago headquarters for the week before going back to their homebase in Indianapolis. 

So of course none of the folks that were supposed to be in Chicago showed up.   So it was a wasted trip to go on Tuesday.   Of course it chose Tuesday to have Chicagoland's first snow event.   It was also in the 20's temperature-wise so I needed to bundle up extra while catching the train.    The Halloween folks would have a rough day trick or treating.

I perused a social networking site looking for my own trick and found a guy that was less than 500 feet from me that was physically appealing.   I reached out to him and an hour later we chatted and exchanged photos.   We talked about possibly meeting after work for fun though where that would take place was the 100,000 question.   We both were in town for work and didn't have a hotel room.    The weather though was looking grim with the snow coming down fast (though in the end it wound up being less than an inch).    I was planning to be back in Chicago on Thursday so I told Bob maybe we could meet then.

I honestly was ready for Bob to not log in on Thursday or completely ignore me.    As I said my track record hasn't been great with trying to connect with guys.   But to my surprise he was online Thursday and he did reply to me.   We decided to meet outside the parking garage where his car was after 4pm.   We both liked what we saw but didn't know where to go so he suggested going to his car to fool around.

It was definitely risqué and of course I was worried about getting caught.    But what a fun way to end the work day.    He was a wonderful kisser as we pawed each other.    There was one person that went to their car on the opposite side.   But thankfully there weren't any other folks that came, including whoever was parked next to him.   Bob wound up sucking me off and it wasn't long before I had my release.   I felt a light pain in my lower abdomen as I ejaculated but I'm thinking it was due to being in the back seat of his car and not being in a comfortable position.  

 Interestingly enough that person who we saw go to the car was still parked in their car and hadn't left.  I'm hoping that person wasn't trying to get a show of his own.    I believe having sex in a public area and getting caught could get you fined.   Bob was nice enough to drive me to the train station as well after we were done.

My moment made me think about a story Sally shared with me many years ago when she was coming home one evening after a long work day and had parked her car in the outside lot near her home.   As she got out of her car, she heard a lady moaning "Oooh, papi!  Oooh, papi!" and the source of the sound came from a jeep that was also shaking.   It wasn't long before Sally realized that she caught two people in coitus.   When she closed her door, the party momentarily stopped.   She laughed as she walked away and moments later she heard the "Oooh, papi!" once more.

So my sex drought is officially over again.   I'd love to meet Bob again though we may have to figure something else out as it was rather bold to make out in his parking garage.  I don't know if doing it there is sustainable without risking being caught.   Though I guess that's part of the excitement as well.    I can now add parking garage to the list of crazy places I've had sex.   Super freak indeed.

The Shell Game

 My current company makes it a point to talk about equality and encouraging different opinions.   In fact equality is one of my company's core values.    They're not perfect on it but they do make sure to bring discussions up periodically.   As part of supporting equality, there are multiple "equality groups" where individuals with similar backgrounds, be they latino, asian, african-american, gay, or disabled can meet and hold various events throughout the year.

I will say that I've wanted to participate in some of the events, especially the african-american and gay events since I identify as both.    But I tend to be a wallflower and working mostly remote has encouraged those tendencies.   The groups do give the ability to attend meetings virtually but I haven't participated in any of them.   

I think as I get older I do find myself getting deeper in my shell.  I know though that I need to break out of it if I want to grow.   It's been something that's plagued me since growing up.   Mama told me once that I used to talk so much when I was a little kid.   I talked so much in fact that she used to sing a sweet little song to me called "You Talk Too Much"

I had to look up the song as I've never heard it other than when Mama sang it to me.   It's giving me goosebumps hearing it.

But then the pre-teen years came along and the former talkative kid went into a shell.   Being teased and harassed by bullies will change a person.   I shouldn't have let outside forces change me but there you go.   I've discussed the effects of that in various blog entries over the years.  I will say I'm glad that bullying and the effects of it are being talked about more these days instead of being brushed aside as "part of growing up" like it was when I was coming up.   I wonder how my life would've been had it been talked about back then.

Those experiences pretty much shaped my life.  My preference is to stay in the background even as my manager keeps forcing me to put myself out there.   I don't like attention being brought to myself even if it's positive.   

My manager was talking with me today on strategies on how to be up for a promotion in 2024.   It seems like too much butt kissing but we'll see where that goes.   As part of my growing responsibilities, I was part of a panel that interviewed perspective new employees.   It was something that I hated but I pushed through it.   I now am acting as a "mentor" to 4 of those new employees.   It's not something I enjoy but I guess it's part of pushing me out of my shell.

Getting back to the Equality groups, the African-American group is having a "Friendsgiving" type event next Thursday after work to provide fellowship and networking opportunities.   Every fiber of my being is not wanting to go but a small part of me is pushing me to at least try.   It just so happens that one of the four mentees is an African-American guy that I believe will be in the Chicago area for his orientation that week.   It may be a great opportunity for me to have him participate and then have a person I can pair up with.    We'll see how that goes.

I think I will participate.  I'll force myself to stay at least for thirty minutes.   Fingers crossed.

Back To Reality Yet Again

 My time-off at work ended just as fast as it began.  I barely got through my first day back but I pushed through it.

As far as my time off, I unfortunately wound up catching a bad cold right on my birthday.   I was still slated to go with Dom to see his Mom and his niece Ava.   We went back and forth on whether I should go or not.   Dom wasn't keen on driving alone and while I didn't feel like going, I did wind up going in the end.

I kept a mask on for most of Sunday while visiting.  We bought some Wendy's and later on Ava cooked a beef manhattan.   As the evening wore on I was feeling more congested.   I barely was able to sleep that night from being so stuffy.  Luckily I was able to find some original flavor Listerine and some small disposable cups and I mixed some Listerine with water and gargled.   That helped me to breathe better and I was able to sleep.

Unfortunately a few hours later I woke up with a bad sore throat.  I helped Dom go down his parent's basement to clear out some items that his Mom was looking to get rid of.    It was lunchtime afterwards and Ava made a chili for lunch.

As I sat down to eat I started to feel nauseous.  I went to the bathroom and stayed for a minute but it went away.   So I went back and took another bite and felt nauseous again.   This time I began to feel the motion of throwing up.   I ran towards the bathroom but I could not stop the sea of vomit that was coming out.

I felt embarrassed as Ava came with wipes and paper towel to help me in cleaning up the mess, which fell all over the bathroom floor and sink.   I tried to get to the toilet but the lid was closed.   After about ten minutes I was able to clean off most of the vomit.  I ate some saltines and pretzels later that day, not feeling hungry at all.

After a few more hours we left his Mom's and headed home, not before Dom assisted on stopping somewhere to eat.   I was worried about having a repeat vomit performance especially since I still wasn't feeling hungry but I did manage to eat some turkey chili of all things at Panera.   Dom wound up having some kind of asian broccoli dish.   He drank what he thought was lemonade but learned today that it was actually an energy drink with more caffeine that coffee.   He shared an article about a young lady who had a cardiac event hours after drinking the same drink and dying.   The family is suing Panera.   Scary stuff especially since Dom is not a fan of Panera though he was the one that suggested it due to them possibly having some soups.

He also was thinking I should probably not go to Milwaukee.   I slept on it and decided to go.  I felt better that morning and didn't have a sore throat.    Plus I didn't want to lose the money I spent on the hotel.   But it reminded me that I should occasionally consider paying for insurance in case I am not able to go so I don't have to worry about it.

I had a good time at Potawatomi.   The casino actually let me play for a bit.   At a couple points I was up almost $300.   But of course it was easy come, easy go.   That's the life of a gambler.   Thankfully I only lost $160.    Though that doesn't include the money I spent on breakfast/lunch or dinner.

As expected the guy I was supposed to meet was not able to meet me.   He was nice enough to chat a bit at least and I think he was telling the truth.   Knowing that we would likely not meet at all, I tried to hedge my bets while there and find another hookup.   That was no dice though.   The ones I wanted ignored me or took too long to respond.   There were a few that reached out that I wasn't interested in.  Murphy's Law as usual.  I tell you it's almost impossible these days to have a decent hook-up.   These guys play way too many games.    It doesn't matter the location, it's the same bullshit.

But I still had a good time overall.   It was just nice getting away from work for a bit.

I learned when I was heading back that Dom's Mom wound up catching my cold.   Of course I didn't want her to be sick though a part of me wondered if it was payback for obit-gate...LOL.    I did talk to her this past weekend and thankfully she's starting to feel better.   I do love his Mom despite everything and do not want anything bad to happen to her especially of my doing.

I am looking forward to Karaoke this Friday at our church.   I already have a few songs in mind, namely Madonna's Live To Tell, Pussycat Dolls Hush, Hush, and Ralph Tresvant's Do What I Gotta Do.   Maybe I'll do a few more if time permits.   

Milwaukee Cheese Trip

 I'll be turning 51 in a couple days.  Time continues to march to the beat of a fast drum.   I decided to take the next 6 days off from the job.   I spent part of my first day off going to catch the latest Saw movie Saw X.    The theatre I go to now has it where you can pick the seat you want to seat on.   I picked a corner seat in the theatre hoping it would be a quiet spot.   Unfortunately I failed to realize that a family would choose seats nearby.   It was a bit annoying especially with the Dad take kept yapping.   But thankfully they quieted down when the movie started.

I was falling asleep during part of the movie but it picked up once the protagonist started targeting a group of folks because they were scamming folks of money on snake oil treatments for cancer.   I was pleasantly surprised to see actor Michael Beach make a cameo.   The handsome brotha is almost 60 years old and still has a banging body which he showed off in the movie.   He's definitely aging like a fine wine.

Dom just so happened to have time off next week from school.  So he wants us to go see him Mom this weekend.   It'll be my first time seeing her since the obituary-gate incident.   I'll admit that while I wasn't as upset learning that his Mom didn't want me to be mentioned on the obituary, I still am feeling a certain way.   Dom forced me to chat with her briefly last week.   I was cordial of course but talking to her brought it back to the forefront.   I guess I'll be fine seeing her.   I just will have to try not to think about it.

Afterwards my plan is to do a staycation and travel to Milwaukee to stay two days at the Potawatomi Casino hotel.   I haven't been to Potawatomi since sometime in 2010 or 2011 when they used to allow smoking.   Thankfully since Cov-Id they have joined the list of casinos that ban smoking in the main casino hall.   So at least I won't have to worry about smelling like an ashtray.   It's actually part of the reason why I now avoid the Indiana casinos for the most part and stick to Four Winds in New Buffalo, MI.

There's an old family friend who happens to live in a town 30 minutes outside of Milwaukee.   She is a nun that used to tutor Tasha and I when we were in grade school.   She visited our old Church growing up but lived in a monastery in Wisconsin.    She used to write the family letters and I remember my Mom would force my sister and I write her back.  LOL.  Eventually we stopped writing each other.

I had reached out to her back in 2021 because I had thought about visiting the Milwaukee area and remembered that she lived there.   I was slightly offended when we finally chatted because the first thing she asked was if something had happened to my Mom or Dad.  I'm guessing my former Pastor may have mentioned something about my Mom passing away.   I just didn't like the way she asked and felt like if she knew about it, she could've led with being sorry to hear about my Mom passing.

But that was a minor hiccup.   We chatted for about 30 minutes catching up on our lives.  She mentioned having to care for an ailing older sister of hers.  I felt like she was being judgmental when I mentioned being with Dom who I wasn't married to just yet.    But I might've been projecting that.   Anyway I am going to see if I can visit her while there.  I believe she's in her late 80s though she won't tell her age.  I haven't talked to her since that time so I'm hoping she's still around though I haven't seen anything online about her passing so I'm assuming she still is.

I also chatted with this one guy on one of my social networking sites.   But my luck with meeting guys has been dismal so I'm not holding out on us meeting.   He already made some excuses about having to work late and needing to take care of his mother.   So we'll see.   Maybe I'll win a birthday jackpot.   That would be nice...LOL.

It is nice getting a break from work.  I won't lie though I still logged in today just to check out on some of my work I left behind.   But yes I know it'll still be there when I get back.

Happy Birthday to me!

Creatures Of Habit

 I've been commuting to the downtown Chicago area approximately once a week for work.    About 20 minutes of that commute currently is driving to the Southshore train station 20 minutes from my house.   I have a station that is about 1/2 mile from where I live but the Southshore currently is in the midst of a Doubletracking project that directly impacts that station.   So rather than wait for a bus to take me to the nearest viable station (since the bus schedule is unpredictable), I drive myself to the nearest major station where trains are operable.

So I usually arrive at the station about 20-30 minutes before the train arrives.   So I usually chill in the car for about 10 minutes before walking into the station and joining the crowd of folks that eventually hop into the train.   

I usually park further away from the station to avoid being near other cars.   This particular time while I was chilling in the car, I noticed this one car coming in and they decide to park near me.   In my mind I'm like "hell to the no", there's so many other parking spaces around me and you choose to park by me.   As I'm thinking this, the driver decides to back up and move the car to a different section of the lot.   I was thinking 'okay'.   So just when I think they're settling there, the person moves the car again to a different spot.   The lady briefly gets out of the car to go to the trunk before getting back in and then moving the car yet again to another spot.

By this time I'm thinking this lady is certifiable and I finally leave my car and head to the station waiting area.   Wouldn't you know it, ten minutes later that same lady decides to stand near me.   I'm looking at her like 'wow'.   Yes I recognize folks have a right to stand where they want to stand.   But witnessing her antics in the parking lot, I was thinking I don't want this potential nut case standing next to me.

I talked to Dom about it later that morning and as I was talking, I realized I should probably give the lady some kind of grace.   None of us knows what people are going through in their lives.   Maybe it was her first time at the station and she was overwhelmed.

So the next time I'm waiting at the station, I see the same lady again coming over to stand near me.   Then it happens the time after that and she even winds up sitting across from me on the train.  I start to think she must be a stalker till I realize that I've been pretty much standing in my same spot myself.  I park in the same corner spot at the train station away from people (though recently people have been parking closer to me I find when I get home...uggh...LOL).    But I remember pre-pandemic when that same parking lot would be extremely full and you'd be lucky to find a spot.   So ridership is still not back from those times.

It was then when I was reminded that we are indeed creatures of habit.   Even in the office where these days we do not have assigned seating, I find myself sitting in the same spot when I go in.    And I've seen others do the same.   It is funny how old habits die hard.

So Midas and I met for lunch yesterday (09/30).   We met halfway between our homes at an Italian eatery.   I'm not gonna lie.   Seeing Midas again stirred up old memories of when we used to hookup.    Midas of course is older and not in as good shape as he used to be, but damn if I wasn't wanting us to bump uglies even though it's been over 12 years since we last did so.   I was then reminded one reason why it didn't necessarily work out for us.   I suggested us hang out a little longer by him accompanying me on an errand.    He of course pushed back but I understand why.   We're not in a relationship so technically the last thing he wanted to do was something mundane like I was suggesting.

I'm not going to lie though.  On my way to my errand after our brunch, I drove past a park and I was thinking, damn it would've been nice if Midas and I went to that park and rekindled old passions.   I guess it doesn't help that the last time I had sex was back with Lansing Bae in March 2023.   Now had I suggested we go to the park, I think Midas would've been more receptive.   LOL

Yes, old habits die hard.

P.S. Happy 99th birthday to our 39th U.S. President Jimmy Carter who is continuing to defy the odds.    Here's to another year around the sun as you inch closer to your 100th!   Cheers!

Hobo-Sexual Season

 I never knew there was a term for a bum that floats from place to place, never having a place of their own.   I learned from Uncle Walter today that it's called being a hobo-sexual.

Apparently the fall season brings out the Hobo-sexuals who promise to pay some rent if you let them move in but most times they end up sleeping on your couch, eating your food, using your water, and not contributing to the rent.    Uncle Walter shared a hilarious story about a text he received from a hobo-sexual who he knows at the gym that needed a place to stay and promised rent.

Most hobo-sexuals use their looks to help get them through the door.    They make all these promises but fall through and then you have to jump through hoops to get them out of your home.   The closest I came to having a hobo living with me was that one guy I briefly dated sometime in 2010 or 2011 (I don't think I blogged about him) that I found out was living with a friend "temporarily" while looking for a job.

I should've ran away soon as I found out but he favored the comedian Kevin James who I had a crush on at that time so I stayed.   The friend he was living with got annoyed with KJ because he still hadn't found a job yet and I imagine the friend was probably annoyed that KJ met me and had me over his apartment.   He did find a job briefly in a sales role but wound up quitting it the next day because he had to take care of some emergency (can't remember what it was).   I remember when KJ told me that, he said "oh yeah, the guy told me I could come back anytime to work again."   I don't think even I believed that one.

The times we did go out I always wound up having to pay for dinner or lunch.   I remember one time we went out he did offer to pay since he said he felt bad I was always paying.    But when he presented the server with his card, the card came back declined.   That was embarrassing.   LOL.

A few weeks later I remembered getting a frantic call from KJ telling me that his friend kicked him out because he still didn't have a job and he asked if he could stay with me.   I have a hard time saying "no" to folks but I told him I'd have to think about it and let him know.   I was a bit torn because I wanted to help him but at the same time I didn't want to be caught in a messy situation.   What if he didn't find anything and then I have a difficult time throwing him out.

 I immediately called Sally first and then Eugene.    Both of them were adamant about me not letting him stay.  I think they would've killed me if I agreed.   That gave me the courage to call KJ and tell him that I couldn't honor his request.   He was disappointed but understood as he continued his journey back to his home state of Kentucky or Ohio.    He called me a few days later and said he was living with his mother and that she was taking care of his finances.   

As I'm reminiscing about my time with KJ, I do sincerely hope after all these years that he was able to get his life together.   Maybe he's a millionaire now and I totally missed out.  LOL.   Guess I'll never know.

Thankfully that was the only time I recall I found myself almost in a hobo-sexual situation.   Uncle Walter had me cracking up with how the hobo-sexual whether male or female, use their attractiveness to try and find shelter and never seem to have anything going for themselves other than their looks.   I could never imagine living my life that way.   Well my parents taught me early on to work on being self-sufficient and I took those lessons to heart.   The hobo-sexual either never got that lesson or chose to ignore it.

 Anyway let this post serve as a warning.   Watch out for the hobo-sexual.   Don't let him or her move in with you (even if they provide good sex).   You'll regret it later.    This ends the public service announcement.  LOL

Lose My Breath

 Dom had a transurethral resection of the prostate or TURP for short surgery on August 29th.  It's a surgical procedure that involves cutting away a section of the prostate.   It's done to relieve the blockage that has caused him to not be able to urinate.    

The surgery itself went well.   They kept him overnight and during that time they irrigated his bladder for several hours to make sure his urine came out clear which it did.   One of the other purposes of the irrigation was to help prevent any blood clots from forming in the bladder.  He was feeling pretty good and was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon.

He still had Fido (his nickname for the catheter he still had attached to his urethra) to contend with but the good news is that he would be able to finally get it removed on Tuesday the 5th.

That was the plan.   But you know how plans go...LOL.  

Friday night when heading up to bed, Dom felt dizzy and lightheaded.   He could barely move a few feet before feeling out of breath.   It took him several minutes before he could finally get into bed and initially he was so exhausted he had to lay flat across the bed for a few minutes more before he was able to adjust himself on the bed.   He then was breathing heavily for a few more minutes before he was able to finally catch his breath. 

He had the same experience Saturday morning heading back downstairs.   At that point we both wondered if he should go to the E.R.   But Dom wanted to wait to see if it continued plus he anticipated that the weekend would be crazy at the E.R. and we would be waiting a long time.

So the same symptoms occurred Saturday night and Sunday morning.   They even occurred when he moved around the house during the day.   Dom immediately suspected it could've been a pulmonary embolism.   I also was wondering if it was due to low blood sugar, low blood pressure, emphysema (even though that affects smokers which Dom and I aren't), lack of insulin, or B-12 deficiency.   But we would not know until we got a proper diagnosis.

So Sunday I go to mass and then make plans to visit my favorite casino that I haven't been to in a little over a month.   Prior to the casino I have to stop at Walmart to pick up a stupid item I bought just to use up all my gift card.   I had to get the Walmart app to set an appointment for pick up.   Fun...LOL.

I get to the casino which is about 45 minutes from home and after about 30 minutes I get a call from Dom.   He's experiencing the same symptoms and was not able to make it to the kitchen to fix a snack.   He was thinking of calling the ambulance to take him to St. Mary's.   I was at first thinking I should get home and take him but he made the point that he wasn't sure he'd be able to make it to the car.   He was telling me I should enjoy myself at the casino and he'll reach out once he's at the hospital.   Of course I couldn't enjoy myself knowing he was in agony so after talking to him, I headed home.

From our door bell camera, I was able to see the scene unfold at home as the EMS workers were coming to the house.   Dom himself was sitting on the steps and they slowly were trying to get him into the gurney bed.   Of course the flashing lights of the ambulance were streaming.  I wasn't able to see the fire truck that sometimes tags along for emergencies.   But it was our turn to give the neighbors a show no doubt.   They lingered for a bit in the driveway, no doubt trying to ascertain Dom's symptoms and treat him if possible.    Eventually they left and I got home about 30 minutes after they left.  

I called 911 to find out where they took Dom and the stupid operator said they couldn't give me that information and I would have to call all the local hospitals myself to figure out where they took him.   I did know that Dom was adamant about wanting to go to St. Mary's so I was hopeful they would take him there so that was the first place I called.   Thankfully I was able to confirm that he was there.

I get to the E.R. two hours later after calling myself trying to do some laundry to get some clean clothes for Dom.    When I get there I find out that they confirmed that Dom did indeed have a pulmonary embolism.   Basically he had multiple clots in his lungs that were causing the symptoms.   They started a heparin drip to help with breaking up the blood clots.   He was able to get a room where he's currently residing as of this post.

The plan today is that a cardiologist will meet with him to see if he would qualify for an angioplasty to try and break up the clots as well.   As a bonus if he winds up staying until Tuesday, they may be able to remove the catheter from the hospital instead of him going to another location to take it out.   We shall see what happens next.

We Plan, God Laughs

 I'm a long-time member and user of a social media, career site called Linkedin.   The primary purpose of the site is for jobseekers to have a place to organize their career experiences in the hopes of landing future roles with other companies.   I've of course had mixed success with the site but nonetheless I keep my profile there updated.   They've been a presence on the internet landscape since 2003 and I've been a member since May 8, 2008.   It was around that time when my first long-term company I worked for started laying off folks.   What I didn't know at the time was that I would wind up staying there a little more than 9 years later from that date before finally getting laid off from there myself.

One of the staple categories of posts seen are ones that can best be summarized as "Open To Work".   Linkedin even has a banner for it you can paste on your photo.   The struggle to find new roles whether one was laid off, fired, or looking for a change is real.   I've been part of that struggle as well for a spell.   I'm grateful that I have a decent paying job again though I am inching towards the "looking for a change" category.   In this present job market, the threat of being laid off is a constant presence.   So you always have to keep your Linkedin profile and resume (which you can attach on your Linkedin profile) updated in the event of that eventuality.  

So there was one post this morning that caught my attention.    It was from a person who was ceremoniously laid off from his position having been there for less than 60 days.   I've seen posts like that time and time again.   Some of the impacted are those who fell into the looking for a change category.  They job hopped to another role that sounded promising only to get the ax a short time later.   Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side until you get to the other side.

This particular person shared how he had just told his spouse that he was thinking of how he could grow in this new role and then he got laid off.    He shared a brief quote which I had never heard before so was sweet and concise and one that I wound up using in my title for this post.   The phrase was 'We Plan, God Laughs'.   In short we make all these plans thinking things will go from Point A to B.   But then life leads you to Point C or you get to Point B but wind up taking a different path to get there.   God already knows that's not in the cards but we don't realize it till later.

Life gives us plenty of 'We Plan, God Laughs' moments.  I only need to look at my old blog and refer to the various guys I encountered during that time that I just knew was going to advance to something more serious.   Or at least a regular fuck buddy.  But God knew none of those guys were right for me and they all revealed themselves one way or another to prove God right.   I think of all the jobs I applied for and got rejected or ghosted that I hoped would be the one.  Some of those rejections (umm redirections...LOL) and ghostings may have proven to be for the best.   For example a popular insurance company starting with the letter Z had absolutely no diversity in their staff (predominately Caucasian with a sprinkle of Indian).   Would I have really been happy working there?   I think not.  But I didn't realize it at the time until I thought about it further.  

My intentions this month were to try and keep my credit card purchases to $2000 or less.   But car insurance payments and an unplanned out of town work trip derailed that goal.   Last month it was a flat tire.    But I'll keep trying.  I'm hopeful that the planning will go off without a hitch one day...LOL.

It seems life is just a series of chess moves that we calculate hoping for one outcome but most of the time ending with another.   Until one day your time is up.    When, where, why, or how your time ends, we will never know.   But God does.   

But we'll continue to plan.  After all the alternative isn't all that great.

Speak On It Uncle Walter

Youtube can take you on quite a few rabbit holes when wandering from video to video.  I'm usually listening to 80's and 90's music.   One of the variations that I enjoy is the slowed down version of songs.   It brings new life to older songs and sometimes I prefer the slowed version over the original.   There's slow versions of songs from various artists like En Vogue, Brownstone, Toni Braxton, TLC, Joe, and even Whitney.   All the videos I linked were created by user Slowed Down RNB.   You should check out their videos and open yourself up to a new take on music.

Every so often I subscribe to random individuals who have post videos on different topics.   A few months back I started watching videos by a gentleman from the ATL area named Walter Lee Hampton.   He's actually been posting various videos for more than a decade.   He's a handsome older body builder type gay brother that I actually think of as my imaginary "gay uncle".   A gay uncle I'd like to fuck and fuck me.   Would that be a Unc-ILF?   LOL.    He's only a couple years older than me though.

But besides his physique I'm drawn to his no-nonsense approach that he has to various issues in life.  As I mentioned before he's based out of Atlanta and he speaks on the various aspects of living there.  Some of my favorite segments are his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts.   A lot of what he says is the truth.   In one of his "Welcome to NiggaVille" posts, he talks about how single black women with kids are responsible for the destruction of the black race.    Obviously it takes two to tango (a man and woman) but he points out how many of the single mothers have multiple baby daddies'.   A lot of the baby daddies' don't take care of their kids so the single moms have to juggle working to bring home the bacon along with caring for their multiple kids.   In the end the kids are raising themselves and there's no consequences if they get in trouble.

In another video from that same series, he talks about how his former brother-in-law plotted to rob him when he was in his early 20's.   It was only because his sister warned him about it and implored him to move to another apartment that he wasn't completely robbed.    He points out how jealous so-called friends get when they see that you're successful.    They smile in your face but all the time they're wanting to knock you down a peg.    It's so sad but true.  It's why I usually keep any successes to myself as well.

In my case there were times I would keep my success even from my sisters.   I was always afraid of them being jealous of what I accomplished.   It didn't help that my parents were vocal with how they favored me over Tasha and Trina.   The issues stemmed from that nearly tore us apart.   It wasn't until recent years that we've addressed it.   I do acknowledge that my parents did favor me (mostly because I was the only son).   So part of me didn't want to throw in my sisters faces that I went on this trip or that trip when they weren't able to afford doing so at the time.   

I've also had so-called friends that I trusted that I found out talked about me behind my back.   It's why I don't really have a lot of friends.   I definitely could relate to Uncle Walter's story.

In a more recent video, Uncle Walter talks about an Atlanta man who was charged with knowingly infecting his wife with HIV.    Sadly she died of complications from AIDS.   She suffered for years with cancer and was even briefly in remission.   The doctors though didn't realize that she had the HIV virus until it had advanced.   It truly is a sad story and I agreed with Walter that the hospital should share some liability for not testing her a lot sooner where medicines may have prevented her death.   

But in that same thread, I also disagreed with Walter on his point that we should always take our medicines and trust the doctors.   While doctors do have more knowledge (generally), it's important that we as patients do our own research as well when it comes to medications.    He doesn't understand why black folks are so against taking medication.   But you only have to go back in history to look at how the medical establishment mistreated black folks.    There's the Tuskegee Syphilis Study where black men were not given treatment for syphilis when it was learned that penicillin cured it.    In addition there's studies that show that black women are not believed by doctors when they try to describe symptoms.    Black folks in general aren't treated as well as their white counterparts.    Plus a lot of the medicines today have so many side effects.   Is it a wonder that blacks as a whole may not be as trusting?

One of Uncle Walter's first videos that I saw related to Tyler Perry and if he is a self-hating homosexual.   I didn't realize that Tyler and Walter ran in the same social circles back in the day before Tyler blew up.    And he became famous with some of the stupidest shows that truly reduce brain cells anytime you watch it.   As Uncle Walter pointed out, part of the reason Tyler has blown up is that there wasn't a lot of programming at the time that depicted black folks.   Unfortunately everything that Tyler presents depicts the worst stereotypes in our community.   Uncle Walter also couldn't believe how Tyler bragged about having no writers involved in all his scripts.   Wouldn't he want to hire other black folks or any writers really that could offer additional perspectives and perhaps improve the scripts?   But then again maybe he doesn't trust anyone and wants to keep it to himself.    But why brag about it?

I am definitely a fan of Uncle Walter.   He has a lot of wisdom that he shares on almost the daily.   He did mention at one point discontinuing the channel and focusing on health related videos.   But I'm hoping that he doesn't.    He has a lot of wisdom to offer and if nothing else he should leave his older videos so that future subscribers can appreciate him as well.   I look forward to watching more of his videos in the future and definitely wish him well in all his endeavors.

And Just Like That...

 

I remember being a late bloomer to HBO's Sex & The City (mainly because I didn't have HBO). Once I started watching the show, I immediately became hooked following the antics of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda as they navigated their way through their lives in New York City. One of the main catch phrases of the show that was often said near the end of each episode was..."And Just Like That". That catch phrase of course is bringing new life to 3/4 of the original characters (though they recently gave Kim Cattrall the world no doubt to reprise her role of Samantha on "And Just Like That" for a few seconds...and I'm not mad at her...LOL).   Unlike for Sex & The City, I do have access to HBO MAX now just MAX (stupid name change) thanks to my friend Sally adding me to her account.   So I'm able to watch "And Just Like That" which of course pales to the original though some episodes try to bring that old SATC magic back.   Plus it's nice to see Nicole Ari Parker get some work.   Loved her on Soul Food the TV series.

Life has had many "And Just Like That" moments.  The latest one has a major impact on Dom and to an extent myself.   I mentioned in a recent post how Dom has an enlarged prostate and has to wear a catheter in his uretha for relief.   Unfortunately he started to feel feverish and had zero energy or appetite.   He ended up having a serious bladder infection diagnosed when we went to the ER.   His ER doc was debating whether or not to admit him to a hospital bed and at first it was decided to send him home.   But the next evening we got a call from the doc saying that Dom needed to be admitted.   

I dropped Dom off around midnight after a brief debate on whether to go that night or wait till morning.   Dom literally had no energy and was sleeping over half the day in his LazyBoy.   I repeatedly begged for him to get up so he could go to the ER but he couldn't move.   I know he wanted to but his energy wasn't there.   Plus the catheter was bringing him intense pain whether he sat still or moved.    It was several hours before he finally found that inner strength to slowly get up, each slight movement bringing him unbearable pain.   He had to slowly make his way to my car crying in pain.

He insisted I go back home and get some rest, both of us knowing he'd be at the ER for a long time before a room opened up.   I felt bad but I knew he was right.   He was thankfully attended to once I left but he was still in the waiting room once I met him there around 7:30 AM the next morning.   I did feel hopeful though when he asked me to bring a sausage McMuffin, hash browns, and unsweetened iced tea from McDonald's.    At least he had a little bit of an appetite.

The ER of course was filled with patients that were also waiting to be admitted to a room.   We were ushered to the triage area of the ER where Dom could at least lie on a bed.   Even sitting felt like a discomfort to him with the pressure the prostate felt.   That was a little after 9AM.   He did start getting antibiotic treatment when he first arrived after midnight and he continued to get treatment while in bed.   Finally just after noon (over 12 hours after he arrived at the ER), a room finally opened up that we were moved into.

Dom wound up staying there for 6 days where he continued to receive antibiotics.   He unfortunately also had an enlarged testicle which started to flare up Day 4 of his visit.   The first couple days he also went back and forth between having energy and feeling feverish again.

As Dom's sole caretaker it was a bit of hell on me as well (though mine pales in comparison to Dom's).   I needed to commute back and forth to the hospital, which of course I didn't mind since I do love him.   But the hardest part is needing to help Dom change his clothes since he isn't able to bend down and do it for himself.   I also had to wait several hours for his prescriptions to be ready at a different Walgreens because the one we normally go to decided to close their pharmacy for the weekend.   He also needs to go to the hospital once a day to continue to receive antibiotics.   It hurts for me to even move still so I've been taking him.   He wants to do it himself tomorrow since I'm working but I'm praying that he is able to make it okay on his own.

It's been a grueling experience so far.   It's almost reminding me of everything I had to do with my parents in their later years though in that case at least Trina and Tasha were there as well.   But it's part of life.  It's amazing how things are going okay and just like that, life throws a lot of shit your way that you need to navigate.   He just lost his Dad and younger sister and now he's dealing with his own health shit.   Life is a trip but we just have to keep on pushing.

Waiting On You

 En Vogue - Waitin' On You

Verse 1:

It's ten O' clock and I'm still alone
Waitin' by the phone
It makes me think you won't be back again
And I'm feeling so intense, oh baby

Refrain:
I can't keep wastin' my time, waitin' on you
To come home, to come home now
I can't keep wastin' my time, waitin' on you
To come home, to come home now

Verse 2:
I fantasize of makin' love
It's such a lonely feeling without you
But I would not have to dream
If you would just be there to share my loves desire

Bridge:
I should not be alone
Just waitin' for a man who claims he loves me so
I have more patience than I can believe
It's such a shame, I can't believe I'm still alone

Repeat Refrain 6 Times

This song used to be my jam back in my young adult years.   I was 17 going on 18 when this song came out as part of En Vogue's Born To Sing album which was released April 3, 1990.   I remember being captivated by the vocals of the original 4.    Waitin' On You was never released as a single but it wound up being one of my favorites from the album.    The story behind it was that each lady (minus Terry maybe since she was late and almost didn't make the group) had the opportunity to sing the song and make it their own.   The producers then would decide which lady's version of the song would make it to the album.    In the end they chose Dawn's rendition which was a very good choice.   I couldn't imagine any of the other ladies pulling off this particular song.   

Anyway the song tells the tale of a woman scorned after her lover stands her up one too many times.  She's tired of waiting around for him and pours out her heart in this song.

The song came to mind today when Midas shared a video of a song by a singer I never heard of named Tyler Childers.    The song literally came out less than a week ago (as of the time of my publishing this entry).   It's titled "In Your Love" and it tells the tale of an older gentlemen who recalls a love from his past that is set during the 50s or 60s.   His love was male and of course during that time it was dangerous to be out and proclaim yourself as gay.   It all stems from a four-leaf clover that he finds when tending the farmland.   It later is shared that the two lovers found a four-leaf clover as well.   The man recalls the ups and downs of their relationship and how one day he lost his love.   He sings that he will "wait for you till the sun turns into ashes and bows down to the moon".   

The waiting expressed in the song is much different than the waiting that Dawn sang about in their smoky quiet-storm ballad.  Tyler's song itself was so beautiful.   It sounded a bit country and isn't one I would normally listen to.   But I'm so glad Midas shared it with me.    When he texted me the song, he added the words "You should watch this!"  A small part of me was wondering if I was reading too much into his words.   I don't know if the song was his way of telling me that he would "wait for me".   I have said before that I felt like Midas was the one that got away.   I always felt like my love for him was one-sided though.   But at the same time Midas never did "let me go" completely.   He always periodically kept in touch with me over the years even when I tried to forget him.   He had this funny knack of reaching out to me sometimes after I would have a random date.   I remember telling Sally about one of his calls and Sally joked that Midas must have some kind of radar for knowing if I'm seeing someone.    But I also recognize that there is a chance that we might not be together today had we pursued something more serious back in the day.   I will always hold a special place in my heart for Midas and am grateful that we are still in each other's lives after all these years.

Rotor Rooter Time

 

So excited.   I officially paid off my main credit card today.   It was due Saturday but I decided to just send it today.   It feels a bit surreal seeing the $0 balance on my statement.   I will take this win since it is a goal that I've been wanting to achieve since 2017.   I know that balance won't last since I will still need to use my card but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to pay off the balance every month assuming no emergencies shoot it higher than I can afford.   I already know that our car insurance bills are due next month and I will be getting some hospital bills from my colonoscopy procedure that I completed earlier today.   I am hoping my insurance covers most of it though.   But my plan now is to aggressively pay down our mortgage as well as slowly rebuild my savings with the difference left from next month's payment.  

Dom's been dealing with some tough health issues lately that may affect his employment and also affect me financially but I'm hoping to push through whatever happens.   He unfortunately has an enlarged prostate and for the last week has to wear a catheter in his penis.   It's very uncomfortable for him no matter whether he's standing or sitting.   So he likely won't be able to teach until he's able to remove the prostate.

My colonoscopy went okay.   We arrived an hour early thinking we could get the prep done sooner but other than sign a couple documents, I wound up having to wait a little over an hour before I was called.   They found two polyps, one of which was in my rectum, that they removed.   I was a little freaked out to hear I have diverticulosis of the large intestine though they say it's without perforation or abscess without bleeding.  I hope that means that it's not an immediate concern.    They also found I had non-bleeding hemorrhoids that were rated Grade 1, meaning internal hemorrhoids that do not prolapse.   I'll have to wait for the biopsy results to see what happens next.

Trina is dealing with some drama unfortunately.   When visiting Detroit over the 4th of July holiday, I found out that her husband Donovan was cheating on her for the last six years with a personal trainer that they both had used in the past.    At the time the affair begin, this person was 19 years old.   So freaking crazy.   Trina suspected his infidelity but only found out because Donovan was hysterically crying after finding out that he got the girl pregnant.    I feel bad for Trina especially when she mentioned confronting the lady at a local Walgreens and almost getting herself arrested.   I'm definitely disappointed but not surprised by Donovan's actions.   She wants to try and work things out though and thankfully they were able to make the girl get an abortion.

But homegirl is straight up stalking Donovan now.   Trina said that the girl drives by their home several times a day and keeps calling via burner phones.    It's a very scary situation.   I'm definitely keeping Trina in my prayers as she deals with this.

In happy news, today is Dom and my 1st wedding anniversary.   We overall are happy with each other.   We have our issues like every other marriage but we both sincerely care for each other and are there for one another.    As Dom would say, he's there until a "natural" death do us part...LOL.